Are you prepared to be disgusted with my creative writing??? In all seriousness, My creative writing sucks, and it always has sucked. It is the area which drops me from 86-87% down to an 80-81%. I think my best mark
ever has been a 9/15 :/ I've always struggled with it, as I'm never too sure how on earth to improve it (teachers are limited)
In my creative writing, I have added multiple
"italics" as shown in my comments and questions throughout the writing.
Creative WITH my comments Spoiler
I swung around in my chair and leapt towards the door, today was the day."Is this a good way to start a creative writing? It doesn't really "grab" the attention of the reader" I lurched out of the room and inhaled the fresh, innocent morning air and watched the light of the world wake up from it’s slumber as I situated my panama hat "I wanted a hat to be placed on, but the word panama doesn't seem to roll off properly, but I didn't want to just call it a hat"to hide myself from its influence. I walked calmly down the street, trying to not draw attention to the salvaged emotion bubbling inside of me. My legs were trembling as if they’d never walked this stride before but I kept my pace; fast but steady, the weight of anticipation urged me to reach the airport as soon as possible. I knew this was excessive, pointless; the plane had a set time of arrival. Yet I couldn’t help being anxious, excited, itching for that time to be now. I had waited so long"Does this last part seem cliche?".
I smirked as I watched the trees majestically sway and dance in rhythm, distracting me of what’s the come, the arrival of the person who I would see so very soon"Again, I feel like this sentence is poorly written; too "lovey dovey" is that makes sense". The birds sang in harmony, praising and celebrating as if they were in my presence"I want birds to be apart of this, but this "as if they were in my presence" doesn't seem like the best of wording, how could I improve this?". Lost in my own vacant thoughts, I looked up to realise the airport upon the horizon. "Is this too sudden, seems forced to me"I enter the pristine, white, sunlit area, filled with people dashing around with a passion and a determination to explore the world around them. I pull out a crumpled, brown piece of paper and read “23” scrawled onto it, knowing that this was where I needed to be. As I walked, the bold red numbers on the billboards began to rise; 1, 2, 3 … "Is this proper writing? Am I allowed? If it effective?"As I continued, the hall began to fill, becoming congested until I was constantly brushing shoulders with society until I reached hallway 23, then everyone seemed to vanish."Again, is feel abrupt, and not well thought out, everyone did not "vanish" it was more meant to show his concentration on the situation, again, I don't know how to effectively portray this"
I stood in the middle of the corridor, my hands faced together as a horde of passengers began to slowly flood towards me. My eyes darted person to person, desperately looking for her, her glowing orange hair while not moving a muscle. "Is the description here needed?" The crowd began to wash over me"here I'm trying to portray society as symbolic, especially with water and the random nature of it, I know; I'm poor at conveying it", but I kept my confidence, watching like an eagle, silent as a grave,"these similies seem too generic, is this fine?" hoping for any indication. The crowd began to grunt and push at my presence, but I did not care, I could not care. However their presence vanished as fast as they approached, the corridor was once again….. Empty? "is this allowed?"I was confused, baffled, concerned. I attempted to call her, but she did not pick up. I concluded that I had forgotten the time of arrival, so I continued to stand, waiting. Wave after wave of other passengers washed a little more hope away from my tight grasp, my legs screamed to give up, but my mind was determined, I continued to hope. "The whole last two sentences seem to be rushed, do you get that vibe? If so, how do I improve it?"
But she did not arrive. "I thought this was actually good?........ is it?"
The room began to darken and my head fell heavily, all hope had been lost. I turned back to exit the building, once full of emotions, now barren, I'm trying to link society as a whole to him, as he felt more "human", he'd be literally and metaphorically closer to society, again, was this ineffective?"the walls greyed, hiding their once found beauty. The sun hid its influence, The world lost its enchantment. I exited the airport and was greeted by a chilling gust of wind mocking my vulnerability as I inhaled sharply trying to expel my disappointments. The trees began to mock me as their leaves whispered about my demise while the birds, did not dare mutter a word as my shoulders hung low with the burden as the final ray of life left my world."I was trying to give light, this symbol that represented his emotions? Heh, I might be shallow in the analysis here"I lurched towards my door and slumped back into my chair. Many thoughts and questions flashed through my mind as I fell my head into my hands. What went wrong? I pulled out my phone and scrolled through our texts, the glorious texts and I remembered the good times, "This seems like filler to me, even though it wasn't"but this only filled me with more hopelessness. I sunk down, dejected and defeated, tomorrow is now just another day."This ending seems too sudden :/"
Creative WITHOUT my comments Spoiler
I swung around in my chair and leapt towards the door, today was the day. I lurched out of the room and inhaled the fresh, innocent morning air and watched the light of the world wake up from its slumber as I situated my panama hat to hide myself from its influence. I walked calmly down the street, trying to not draw attention to the salvaged emotion bubbling inside of me. My legs were trembling as if they’d never walked this stride before but I kept my pace; fast but steady, the weight of anticipation urged me to reach the airport as soon as possible. I knew this was excessive, pointless; the plane had a set time of arrival. Yet I couldn’t help being anxious, excited, itching for that time to be now. I had waited so long.
I smirked as I watched the trees majestically sway and dance in rhythm, distracting me of what’s the come, the arrival of the person who I would see so very soon. The birds sang in harmony, praising and celebrating as if they were in my presence. Lost in my own vacant thoughts, I looked up to realise the airport upon the horizon. I enter the pristine, white, sunlit area, filled with people dashing around with a passion and a determination to explore the world around them. I pull out a crumpled, brown piece of paper and read “23” scrawled onto it, knowing that this was where I needed to be. As I walked, the bold red numbers on the billboards began to rise; 1, 2, 3 … As I continued, the hall began to fill, becoming congested until I was constantly brushing shoulders with society until I reached hallway 23, then everyone seemed to vanish.
I stood in the middle of the corridor, my hands viced together as a horde of passengers began to slowly flood towards me. My eyes darted person to person, desperately looking for her, her glowing orange hair while not moving a muscle. The crowd began to wash over me, but I kept my confidence, watching like an eagle, silent as a grave, hoping for any indication. The crowd began to grunt and push at my presence, but I did not care, I could not care. However their presence vanished as fast as they approached, the corridor was once again….. Empty? I was confused, baffled, concerned. I attempted to call her, but she did not pick up. I concluded that I had forgotten the time of arrival, so I continued to stand, waiting. Wave after wave of other passengers washed a little more hope away from my tight grasp, my legs screamed to give up, but my mind was determined, I continued to hope.
But she did not arrive.
The room began to darken and my head fell heavily, all hope had been lost. I turned back to exit the building, once full of emotions, now barren, the walls greyed, hiding their once found beauty. The sun hid its influence, The world lost its enchantment. I exited the airport and was greeted by a chilling gust of wind mocking my vulnerability as I inhaled sharply trying to expel my disappointments. The trees began to mock me as their leaves whispered about my demise while the birds, did not dare mutter a word as my shoulders hung low with the burden as the final ray of life left my world.I lurched towards my door and slumped back into my chair. Many thoughts and questions flashed through my mind as I fell my head into my hands. What went wrong? I pulled out my phone and scrolled through our texts, the glorious texts and I remembered the good times, but this only filled me with more hopelessness. I sunk down, dejected and defeated, tomorrow is now just another day.
Overall, I attempted to give symbols and motifs, but they might be too shallow.
Also, My storyline as a whole, nothing really progressess, its a story that just shows a discovery of the presence of nothing, and then his reaction to it, how drastic will my marks drop due to this.
Also, my Creative currently is very short, what are some things I could add to bring up this word count?
Finally, I feel like there is no "resolution" and I've been told that marks can be lost, is my ending really that bad?
Also my writing as a whole, how is it? how
Poorly am I communicating current events? Is my style right?
Thank you so much