Modern History Essay Marking

[imtrying]

Hey:)
This is an essay for 2008 Personality section:" Describe the personal background and historical context of the personality you have studied." Its a bit different from the usual significant events/rise to prominence stuff, so just wanting to know if I'm on the right track.
Thanks!

[jakesilove]

Hey:)
This is an essay for 2008 Personality section:" Describe the personal background and historical context of the personality you have studied." Its a bit different from the usual significant events/rise to prominence stuff, so just wanting to know if I'm on the right track.
Thanks!

Hey!

See my comments below

Original essay

Spoiler

Describe the personal background and the historical context of the personality you have studied.
Leni (Helene) Riefenstahl was a German dancer, actress and filmmaker whose long career brought her into both great success and condemnation for the role she played in developing innovative film techniques in productions which would ultimately be deemed propaganda in aid of the Nazis. Born in 1902, Riefenstahl’s life spanned several momentous historical events such as the years of the Weimar government, Hitler’s rise to power and the process of denazification, all of which joined the nature of her own personal background to play a role in determining the events of her life and career.
Riefenstahl was born on 22nd August 1902 to a middle class Berlin family, allowing her to attend school, where she excelled in the pursuits of sports, especially gymnastics. Becoming interested in dance, Riefenstahl began taking lessons and in 1922, with the help of funding from her lover Harry Sokal, a Jewish banker, Riefenstahl began her dance career. After performing regularly from October 1923 to June 1924, a knee injury ended her dancing career. This however, along with the assistance of further funds from Sokal, became a stepping stone into a career in film. Riefenstahl acted her first significant role in Dr Arnold Franck’s Berg genre film The Holy Mountain in 1926, and continued acting in films directed by Franck up until 1933.  The techniques learned and experience received by Riefenstahl on the set of Franck’s films would stand her in good stead when the time came for Riefenstahl to embark on directing films of her own.
The historical context in which Riefenstahl forged her career had significant impact on the path it took. During the years of the Weimar government, the German film industry flourished, spurred on by a stream of investors under the belief in the stability of the economy. Circumstances were so favourable that the Ufa, the largest German film studios of the time, were producing a major film each week, with cast and directors becoming internationally recognised. Such films, typical of the expressionist and alpine genre, likely attracted Riefenstahl to both the artistic opportunity and fame they offered, whilst the huge size of the industry at that time allowed her to pursue this.
By the time Riefenstahl was involved in acting and filmmaking, Hitler and the Nazis had made their rise to power. This regime, though oppressive, would create opportunities for some. In Riefenstahl’s case, it was as a result of Hitler’s recognition of the power of film in propaganda. As a result, Riefenstahl was commissioned by Hitler to direct several films, notably of the Nazi rallies at Nuremburg. Riefenstahl would also be given the task of creating a film documenting the 1936 Olympic Games, yet another opportunity for Hitler to inspire support for and to showcase his Third Reich.
Riefenstahl too would be implicated in the process of denazification following the war. As part of an Allied attempt to bring to justice those identified as playing a role within the Nazi regime, Riefenstahl was arrested in 1945 and interrogated before being released with no charges laid. Riefenstahl was to be involved in four such tribunals between 1948 and 1952.

Essay with comments

Spoiler

Describe the personal background and the historical context of the personality you have studied.

Leni (Helene) Riefenstahl was a German dancer, actress and filmmaker whose long career brought her into both great success and condemnation for the role she played in developing innovative film techniques in productions which would ultimately be deemed propaganda in aid of the Nazis. Freaking incredible first sentence Born in 1902 Where?, Riefenstahl’s life spanned several momentous historical events such as the years of the Weimar government, Hitler’s rise to power and the process of denazification, all of which joined the nature of her own personal background to play a role in determining the events of her life and career.

Riefenstahl was born on 22nd August 1902 to a middle class Berlin family, allowing her to attend school, where she excelled in the pursuits of sports, especially gymnastics. Becoming interested in dance, Riefenstahl began taking lessons and in 1922, with the help of funding from her lover Harry Sokal, a Jewish banker, Riefenstahl began her dance career. After performing regularly from October 1923 to June 1924, a knee injury ended her dancing career. This however, along with the assistance of further funds from Sokal, became a stepping stone into a career in film. Riefenstahl acted her first significant role in Dr Arnold Franck’s Berg genre film The Holy Mountain in 1926, and continued acting in films directed by Franck up until 1933.  The techniques learned and experience received by Riefenstahl on the set of Franck’s films would stand her in good stead when the time came for Riefenstahl to embark on directing films of her own. Great. Really no comments to make here; this section only really requires you to list facts in chronological order, which you've clearly done.

The historical context in which Riefenstahl forged her career had significant impact on the path it took. During the years of the Weimar government, the German film industry flourished, spurred on by a stream of investors under the belief in the stability of the economy. I need to stats here; there are great ones about the number of TVs, Radios etc. Circumstances were so favourable that the Ufa, the largest German film studios of the time, were producing a major film each week, with cast and directors becoming internationally recognised. How many in total? How does that compare to prior to Weimar? Such films, typical of the expressionist and alpine genre, likely attracted Riefenstahl to both the artistic opportunity and fame they offered, whilst the huge size of the industry at that time allowed her to pursue this. Get more specific in your use of examples here, but great narrative

By the time Riefenstahl was involved in acting and filmmaking, Hitler and the Nazis had made their rise to power. This regime, though oppressive, would create opportunities for some. In Riefenstahl’s case, it was as a result of Hitler’s recognition of the power of film in propaganda. How did he recognise this? Why? Goebbels etc. etc.; be specific. As a result, Riefenstahl was commissioned by Hitler to direct several films, notably of the Nazi rallies at Nuremburg. Riefenstahl would also be given the task of creating a film documenting the 1936 Olympic Games, yet another opportunity for Hitler to inspire support for and to showcase his Third Reich. Give me more random statistics; this is obviously a band 6 response, but you can easily get full marks in this section by just out-statisticsing every other student. How many people were at the rallies? The Olympics?

Riefenstahl too would be implicated in the process of denazification following the war. As part of an Allied attempt to bring to justice those identified as playing a role within the Nazi regime, Riefenstahl was arrested in 1945 and interrogated before being released with no charges laid. Riefenstahl was to be involved in four such tribunals between 1948 and 1952.

Obviously a fantastic response, and I have very little to comment on. Part A is always just listing facts, which you've done really really well. Make sure to add a billion statistics in this section; really, every sentence should have one or two. If you can 10/10, why wouldn't you? Additonally, go into slightly more depth re: context so that your answer is evenly balanced (as the question required). However, overall, I have extremely little to comment on, because it's a brilliant response.

[jamonwindeyer]

Hi everyone! So exams are right around the corner, and unsurprisingly, there are a HEAP of people wanting feedback on essays. Given that demand is really high, it is only natural that we will need to increase the post requirement for the coming days, to make sure that our feedback remains of the highest possible quality. Thus, for all essays posted between now (this post) and this time next week, you will need 30 posts for every essay you would like marked. Note that this does not apply to essays before this point, meaning no one is in post debt. It just means that essays 'cost more' for the next week. We appreciate your understanding


Note: We will be very harsh on our posting rules over the coming days. Posting in old threads, multi-posting, shit-posting and spamming (etc) to access essay marking won't work. Immediate 48 hour posting bans will be applied in all circumstances

[atar27]

Hey, I was just wondering with modern history part A (world war 1) how can we study for that? Because whenever I have tried to upload a HSC exam it does not show me all sources needed to answer the question.

[sudodds]

Hey, I was just wondering with modern history part A (world war 1) how can we study for that? Because whenever I have tried to upload a HSC exam it does not show me all sources needed to answer the question.

hey! Here is a link to a PDF that has all the HSC sources from 2008 to 2013 (I can't find any 2014/15 ones sorry ) It sucks that the HSC can't retain copyright on their past papers, it took me forever to find this but when I did it was a god send haha.

https://smcc12modhist-conflictineurope.wikispaces.com/file/view/2008-13+mh+hsc+sources.pdf

Good luck xx

[jakesilove]

Hey, I was just wondering with modern history part A (world war 1) how can we study for that? Because whenever I have tried to upload a HSC exam it does not show me all sources needed to answer the question.

Sudodds beat me to it, which is pretty standard when it comes to Modern History because buddy you are an absolute gun. Give those a go! Other than that, just learn your statistics, and practice any source analysis that you completed in past assessments

[atar27]

Thank you so much!!! You guys are the best!!

[atar27]

Hey, I'm not quite sure how to study for the usefulness and reliability questions in section 1 other than doing past papers?

[sudodds]

Hey, I'm not quite sure how to study for the usefulness and reliability questions in section 1 other than doing past papers?

Past papers is probably the best way to go now (especially if you can get them checked over!)
However something that might help would be to create a sort of "short cut sheet" for the perspective and reliability stuff. There are lots of ways to assess the reliability of a source (you should probably aim for 2-3 tests within your response for each source), some of which present themselves very easily depending upon what type of source they are, and can pretty much be used whenever you encounter this source type.

For example, If you are given an extract of a historians work, these tests for reliability will almost always be valid:
The source is HIGHLY (remember these buzzwords) reliable because it is:
- The product of extensive research
- peer reviewed
- neutral/academic perspective (I know, if you do history extension that this is painful to write, but for modern its okay)
However the limitation of the source is that it is:
- Incomplete by nature as an extract

Another example: A diary entry of someone at the time.
The source is HIGHLY reliable because it:
- was created within close proximity to the time by someone who was (potentially if indicated by the sources) involved within the events discussed.
- was not written to be published ie. why would someone lie to themselves? (again this has issues, but they're not expecting you to be amazing historiographers in modern)

etc. etc.

See? Of course it would be perfectly fine to discuss other stuff, particularly if within the extract something else really jumped out to you that impacts upon reliability, but if you have these little cheat sheets, where you know that pretty much whatever source they throw you you will have a response will make you feel a lot more confident going into an exam. Just think of all the different types of sources they can give you, and try to create these short little note tables on each of them.

You can also do this with perspective.

For example, if the source is a diary entry or a letter, we can say that it presents a "deeply personal perspective".
Historian extract: "neutral, academic perspective"
Poster: "propaganda, thus presents and ideologically/politically motivated perspective"

If the source was written by someone/something that occupies a high-ranking position, eg. Lloyd George, mention that! Even though the "British perspective" doesn't really exist because everyone experience of the War was different, if it was from a high-ranking individual, you can say that they are presenting the "externally recognised perspective of the British" in that that was what other nations perceived to be the British perspective (If that makes sense. I'm still looking for a better phrase than "externally recognised perspective" if anyone has any ideas haha)
etc. etc.

So yeah, if you're getting bored just going over your notes and doing past papers, this would probably be a pretty good way to study instead, and will definitely help you feel more confident going into the exam, because pretty much no matter what type of source is given and no matter how complicated the contents of it may be, you'll still have something to write about.

Hope this helps and good luck! It'll all be over soon haha

*omg just realised how much I wrote sorry haha, a lot of this is probably just word vomit, a lot of me repeating myself, and stuff you probably know already, but hopefully somewhere along the way is something useful

[atar27]

Thank you so much sudodds! You are a legend! Your so good at this! and no worries about the long message it actually helped heaps!!!

[sudodds]

Thank you so much sudodds! You are a legend! Your so good at this! and no worries about the long message it actually helped heaps!!!

Awesome! Glad it helped Good luck!

[tennis1]

Hi ATAR notes,

I'm from WA and the curriculum is different so we're studying Cold War and Russia
If anyone knows anything about these topics^, could I email essays for feedback??

thanks so much

[jakesilove]

Hi ATAR notes,

I'm from WA and the curriculum is different so we're studying Cold War and Russia
If anyone knows anything about these topics^, could I email essays for feedback??

thanks so much

Unfortunately, I didn't do anything related to those topics. However, if you make the post count (check the rule above, in Jamon's post) I would be happy to take a look for a more structural analysis!

[sudodds]

Hi ATAR notes,

I'm from WA and the curriculum is different so we're studying Cold War and Russia
If anyone knows anything about these topics^, could I email essays for feedback??

thanks so much

Hey I don't mind having a look, though I can't guarantee the quality of the feedback since I'm still a student and don't have much experience marking essays. But I do both of those topics (the HSC syllabus though so I don't know if that is very different to WA) and might be able to help a bit

It'll be good study for me as well haha

[imtrying]

This is a practise essay for Evaluate the significance of the personality you have studied to his/her period of national and/or international history. Just hoping someone could read through it and give me any suggestions? Also, its a little over 700 words, wondering if that's okay for a part b) response.
Thanks:)