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Author Topic: Maus - Essay Draft (Help me with my essay)  (Read 9967 times)  Share 

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Stewart98

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Maus - Essay Draft (Help me with my essay)
« on: February 27, 2016, 11:13:37 pm »
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Hey Guys, I've written up an essay draft on 'The Complete Maus', i'm not too good with English, so can you guys hit me up with some tips, and edits. Thanks.



Intro:
Through Art’s interpretations of Vladek’s story we see that The Complete Maus extensively explores the trauma suffered by Vladek during the war and the trauma Art continues to experience as a second-generations survivor of the holocaust. The text is a journey of survival for both Vladek and Art, portraying the various circumstances and actions they had to undertake to struggle for life. Through the on-going trauma of survivor’s guilt for Art and Vladek’s horrendous experience during the holocaust, both father and son suffer tremendously through the repercussions of the war.

Para 1:
Having both parents merely survive the holocaust, and a ‘ghost brother’ who did not, Art suffers continuously from the trauma as he is obliged to carry the survivor guilt. Art, being born after the war and the holocaust, ‘wishes he had been in Auschwitz with his parents so he could really know what they lived through’ after having had an ‘easier life than they did’. This sense of guilt is a burden he has to carry, after having escaped the catastrophe which was the cause to approximately 6 million Jews including his brother which he could never ‘compete against’. Similarly, Art also suffers from the trauma caused by the guilt of Anja’s death. Such an example is seen as Art is portrayed in a regretful and remorseful manner within the ‘Prisoner on the hell planet’ comic book, and is depicted saying ‘Agh!’ which expresses the frustration caused by Anja. Thus, the graphic novel explores Art’s traumas caused wholly by the holocaust, yet also delves into Vladeks ordeals.

Para 2:
After barely surviving the holocaust, Vladek suffers the permanent traumas that are explored through his experience throughout the time-frame of the story. He struggles through the horrific circumstances he has to face in order for him to survive during the war. Vladek is deeply upset when he hears about his Son’s death, as he had the chance to send him off with Ilzecki’s child somewhere safe earlier on in the story, which could have been his survival. Vladek describes his deceased son as a ‘beautiful boy when he died’, highlighting the distress caused by the tragedy and loss. Also, Vladek is not only affected through the death of his loved ones, yet he is also distressed due to the memories of both his passed on wife and son. In every conversation Vladek has with Art, memories of Anja’s death hovers over them, ‘Every-where I look I see Anja… always I’m thinking on Anja”. Thus, Art’s story expresses the constant and various traumas that Vladek undergoes as a result of his experiences in the holocaust, however, both father and son suffer from the long-term effects of the trauma. Within the graphic novel, both Art and
Para 3:
Vladek and Art are filled with agony due to the everlasting effects of the holocaust. Whilst Vladek struggles to endure through the epidemic horror, he faces the many occasions of betrayal, leaving him with an enormous problem on being able to trust others well ahead. This is portrayed in the scene where Vladek focuses on counting his pills, telling Art that ‘for my condition I must fight to save myself. Doctors they only give me ‘Junk food’”, revealing that Vladek has no trust in authority. Similarly, Vladek is also betrayed by a Jew who he stumbles upon whilst leaving his bunker in search of food. Vladek and his family ‘took on him pity’ and let him go, however the Jew was an informer and ‘the gestapo came that afternoon’. What is more, Art distances himself from his father as he views Vladek as a typical Jewish father who knows best. Vladek has a poor relationship with his son, as Art does not live up to Vladeks expectations.  Vladek ridicules Art after breaking a plate, after implying that he will ‘do the dishes now’, Vladek responds abruptly saying ‘No. you can defrost out the turkey legs…you only would break me the rest of my plates”. Hence, throughout the graphic novel, both Art and Vladek go through endless hardships and pain.

Conclusion:
Thus, the Complete Maus, extensively explores the endless trauma that both Vladek and Art undergo, during war, and as a second-generation survivor. Art expresses the suffering of the survivors’ guilt he goes through, the relationship with his father and the guilt he carries for his mother’s death. Also, Vladek also endures the agony that he comes up against during the holocaust, for instance; when he hears about his son’s death, losing his wife, and being betrayed in war. Above all, the after effects of the horrendous holocaust deteriorates relationships, brings out the worst in people, and physically and mentally the human nature.

-   "Through God all things are possible" Matthew 19:26    -

2016: Methods, Physics, Business, English and Software.

Stewart98

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Re: Maus - Essay Draft (Help me with my essay)
« Reply #1 on: February 27, 2016, 11:16:43 pm »
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Just realized I've forgotten to finish up one of my Link's LOL.
-   "Through God all things are possible" Matthew 19:26    -

2016: Methods, Physics, Business, English and Software.

MoonMan

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Re: Maus - Essay Draft (Help me with my essay)
« Reply #2 on: February 28, 2016, 04:19:12 pm »
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Mikho?

literally lauren

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Re: Maus - Essay Draft (Help me with my essay)
« Reply #3 on: February 28, 2016, 11:15:16 pm »
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Note that because I don't know what the prompt is, I can't give any specific advice as to how relevant your contention is, but based on your intro, I'll assume it's got something to do with the way Art portrays his father's trauma or something like that.
Through Art’s interpretations of Vladek’s story we see that The Complete Maus extensively explores the trauma suffered by Vladek during the war and the trauma Art continues to experience as a second-generations survivor of the holocaust. The text is a journey of survival for both Vladek and Art, portraying the various circumstances and actions they had to undertake to struggle for life as in, 'throughout their life' or 'for the sake of their lives?' Both would be suitable, but specifying what you're talking about is preferred. Through the on-going trauma of survivor’s guilt for Art and Vladek’s horrendous experience during the holocaust, both father and son suffer tremendously through the repercussions of the war. Good intro. Saying something about what Spiegelman is saying overall would add to this too. Consider what his message is in terms of survival/war/family/ whatever the relevant key words in this prompt were. Ending this with a 'Thus Spiegelman suggests...' type of sentence would really help clarify your argument.

Having both parents merely survive are you implying they 'barely survive,' or that they 'only survive?' I'm not sure what the function the 'merely' has in this sentence the holocaust, and a ‘ghost brother’ who did not, Art suffers continuously from the trauma as he is obliged to carry the survivor guilt but Vladek and Anja survive to, and here it sounds like you're saying 'Having his parents survive the war and his brother dying means that Artie has survivors guilt,' which sounds a bit odd. Art, being born after the war and the holocaust, ‘wishes he had been in Auschwitz with his parents so he could really know what they lived through’ after having had an ‘easier life than they did’. This sense of guilt is a burden he has to carry, after having escaped the catastrophe which was the cause to approximately 6 million Jews including his brother which he could never ‘compete against’. Similarly, Art also suffers from the trauma caused by the guilt of Anja’s death. Such an example is seen as Art is portrayed in a regretful and remorseful manner within the ‘Prisoner on the hell planet’ comic book I know you're talking about the book within the book here, but 'graphic novel' is still the preferred term., and is depicted saying ‘Agh!’ which expresses the frustration caused by Anja. Thus, the graphic novel explores Art’s traumas caused wholly by the holocaust, yet also delves into Vladeks ordeals. I think there's waaaay more you could do with this bit of evidence. You've ended this paragraph quite abruptly, and you haven't done any analysis of visual features, which is kind of a requirement for Maus. Consider some of the graphics within the prison section - -the overwhelming darkness, the close-up lines on their faces, even the whole metaphor of an emotional prison that Artie feels trapped in because of his guilt surrounding his mother's death - there's so much to unpack, and the only thing you've looked at is the 'agh!' quote :P It's a good start, but there are some missed opportunities here for better analysis.

After barely surviving okay, but what do you mean by this? What's the difference between surviving and barely surviving? the holocaust, Vladek suffers the permanent traumas that are explored through his experience throughout the time-frame of the story. He struggles through the horrific circumstances he has to face in order for him to survive during the war. Vladek is deeply upset when he hears about his Son’s no capitalisation needed death, as he had the chance to send him off with Ilzecki’s child somewhere safe earlier on in the story, which could have been his survival. Vladek describes his deceased son as a ‘beautiful boy when he died’, highlighting the distress caused by the tragedy and loss. how does this evidence demonstrate this idea? Also, Vladek is not only affected through the death of his loved ones, yet he is also distressed due to the memories of both his passed on wife and son. In every conversation Vladek has with Art, memories of Anja’s death hovers over them, ‘Every-where I look I see Anja… always I’m thinking on Anja”. try to integrate this quote within your sentence - at the moment it doesn't really fit. Thus, Art’s story expresses the constant and various traumas that Vladek undergoes as a result of his experiences in the holocaust, however, both father and son suffer from the long-term effects of the trauma. Within the graphic novel, both Art and ...this would be the incomplete link, I'm assuming :P

Vladek and Art are filled with agony due to the everlasting effects of the holocaust. Whilst Vladek struggles to endure through the epidemic horror, he faces the many occasions of betrayal be more specific here - what evidence are you talking about?, leaving him with an enormous problem on with being able to trust others well ahead. This is portrayed in the scene where Vladek focuses on counting his pills, telling Art that ‘for my condition I must fight to save myself. Doctors they only give me ‘Junk food’”, firstly, keep your quotations consistent - either use "double" or 'single' marks - don't alternate. Secondly, what part of this evidence is demonstrating your point? You shouldn't have to quote more than five or six words to get your point across revealing that Vladek has no trust in authority. Similarly, Vladek is also betrayed by a Jew who he stumbles upon whilst leaving his bunker in search of food. Vladek and his family ‘took on him pity’ and let him go, however the Jew was an informer and ‘the gestapo came that afternoon’. What is more, Art distances himself from his father as he views Vladek as a typical Jewish father who knows best. Vladek has a poor relationship with his son, as Art does not live up to Vladek's expectations.  Vladek ridicules Art after breaking a plate, after implying that he will ‘do the dishes now’, Vladek responds abruptly saying ‘No. you can defrost out the turkey legs…you only would break me the rest of my plates”. You need to do a bit more explaining here. If you want to suggest that Vladek and Artie have a fraught relationship, you'll need more than one instance of them disagreeing about something.Hence, throughout the graphic novel, both Art and Vladek go through endless hardships and pain.

Thus, the Complete Maus, no comma here extensively explores the endless trauma that both Vladek and Art undergo, during war, and as a second-generation survivor. this is a bit too similar to that sentence in your introduction; try not to repeat yourself. Art expresses the suffering of the survivors’ guilt he goes through, the relationship with his father and the guilt he carries for his mother’s death. Also, Vladek also endures the agony that he comes up against during the holocaust, for instance; when he hears about his son’s death, losing his wife, and being betrayed in war. don't bring up evidence in the conclusion, even if it's just to recap things. Above all, the after effects of the horrendous holocaust deteriorates relationships, brings out the worst in people, and physically and mentally the human nature. your sentence structure falls apart a bit at the end here - I like that you're zooming out and considering what the text is saying overall, but you need to make your ideas clear.

Your discussion is definitely headed in the right direction, though it's hard to say for sure without knowing what the prompt was. You definitely need to make more of an effort to analyse the visual aspects of the text though - it's not enough to just talk about quotes and plot events for Maus. You're studying a graphic novel, and you should make the most of that opportunity, so try to comment on how the graphics and the quotes work in tandem to communicate certain ideas. A lot of the sample prompts on this text relate to the importance of the chosen genre, or take the form of structural questions about the message of the text (eg. 'TCM is a story that could only be told in the graphic novel format. Discuss.') so perhaps trying one of those next would be a good way to force yourself to use more of this kind of evidence.

You should also try to spell out the link between your evidence and your ideas. There were a few moments where I couldn't tell what the connection was, or rather, when I could kind of see what you were getting at, but you hadn't made things clear. It's not enough to just say 'this evidence demonstrates this idea' - you have to explain how you got from A to B.

Other than that, just keep an eye on your expression and sentence structure :)

Let me know if you have questions about any of these comments.

Stewart98

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Re: Maus - Essay Draft (Help me with my essay)
« Reply #4 on: February 29, 2016, 07:09:48 pm »
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Mikho?
Yup, who's this aha?

Note that because I don't know what the prompt is, I can't give any specific advice as to how relevant your contention is, but based on your intro, I'll assume it's got something to do with the way Art portrays his father's trauma or something like that.
Your discussion is definitely headed in the right direction, though it's hard to say for sure without knowing what the prompt was. You definitely need to make more of an effort to analyse the visual aspects of the text though - it's not enough to just talk about quotes and plot events for Maus. You're studying a graphic novel, and you should make the most of that opportunity, so try to comment on how the graphics and the quotes work in tandem to communicate certain ideas. A lot of the sample prompts on this text relate to the importance of the chosen genre, or take the form of structural questions about the message of the text (eg. 'TCM is a story that could only be told in the graphic novel format. Discuss.') so perhaps trying one of those next would be a good way to force yourself to use more of this kind of evidence.

You should also try to spell out the link between your evidence and your ideas. There were a few moments where I couldn't tell what the connection was, or rather, when I could kind of see what you were getting at, but you hadn't made things clear. It's not enough to just say 'this evidence demonstrates this idea' - you have to explain how you got from A to B.

Other than that, just keep an eye on your expression and sentence structure :)

Let me know if you have questions about any of these comments.
sorry about that, i Just realised, the prompt is ‘‘The complete Maus’ explores the trauma of both father and son’ Discuss. And thanks for the feedback, how can make the  more clear and discuss it more thoroughly. Also, I'm not good at remembering graphic symbols,  motifs, and so on. Do you know any good sites that show some good graphic evidence? Thanks heaps! :)
-   "Through God all things are possible" Matthew 19:26    -

2016: Methods, Physics, Business, English and Software.

literally lauren

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Re: Maus - Essay Draft (Help me with my essay)
« Reply #5 on: March 02, 2016, 06:01:00 pm »
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Yup, who's this aha?
sorry about that, i Just realised, the prompt is ‘‘The complete Maus’ explores the trauma of both father and son’ Discuss. And thanks for the feedback, how can make the  more clear and discuss it more thoroughly. Also, I'm not good at remembering graphic symbols,  motifs, and so on. Do you know any good sites that show some good graphic evidence? Thanks heaps! :)
All good, I kind of guessed it was something along those lines based on the intro, so that's no big deal.

Regarding graphic details, there are a bunch of links here that'll contain some info on that, and they go through a lot of other key themes and discussion points which you might find helpful. Lit Charts is your best bet, but TCM has acquired a fair few resources online now that it's been on the list for a few years and more schools have chosen it, so it couldn't hurt to browse some of the other content listed there just to help prepare you for assessment :)