[English]- Macbeth Text Response (introduction)

[Photon]

Hey guys,

I have my first English SAC about Macbeth on Tuesday so it would be great if someone could give me some feedback on this introduction. Thanks 


In what senses does Macbeth murder himself when he murders the King?

"Does Macbeth murder himself in William Shakespeare’s play? Macbeth is a play that depicts a man who instigates his own downfall by committing treason against his own country. The play harmonises the idea of a man who destroys himself over his own greed for power. Due to Shakespeare’s ambiguous use of language, the play illustrates the different ways Macbeth was murdered. By murdering King Duncan Macbeth has murdered himself. This could be taken literally as Macbeth could have triggered a chain of unpleasant events that caused his own murder. He could have murdered his own sanity or he could have even murdered his previous traits that made him a respected thane. Although there is a substantial amount of evidence to support all the arguments, ultimately Shakespeare wanted to convey the consequences of treason by having Macbeth cause his own downfall."

[MathMethdz99-R]

"Does Macbeth murder himself in William Shakespeare’s play? Macbeth is a play that depicts a man who instigates his own downfall by committing treason against his own country. The play harmonises the idea of a man who destroys himself over his own greed for power. Due to Shakespeare’s ambiguous use of language, the play illustrates the different ways Macbeth was murdered. By murdering King Duncan Macbeth has murdered himself. This could be taken literally as Macbeth could have triggered a chain of unpleasant events that caused his own murder. He could have murdered his own sanity or he could have even murdered his previous traits that made him a respected thane. Although there is a substantial amount of evidence to support all the arguments, ultimately Shakespeare wanted to convey the consequences of treason by having Macbeth cause his own downfall."

First of all, good job on your introduction. You seem to have some solid points that could make for a good discussion in later paragraphs and have skimmed over the main points well. However, there are a few points you could improve on.

Your first sentence of the piece should address the prompt clearly and state an intrepretation. You have mentioned Macbeth and the concept of him murdering himself in the play, but have not mentioned the relation to the King. A better way to phrase your topic sentence might be.. In William Shakespeare's play 'Macbeth', the main protagonist, Macbeth, is portrayed to be consuming himself in the struggle for power when he assassinates King Duncan. Or something along those lines in your own words.

One other issue with your introduction is your writing seems to lack confidence when stating ideas. This is just a small thing to rectify, i.e. not using the word 'could' and mentioning the different ways Macbeth is affected by his murder of King Duncan, rather than saying 'this could be taken literally', rather say something like 'In a practical sense, Macbeth triggers a chain reaction which...' so on and so forth.

Final issue I have identified is your way of identifying the main points. You have covered everything, which is great. However, you seem to be using the word 'or' alot, and this conveys that instead of Macbeth changing in multiple ways, it is either one or the other. I feel to give a more complete analysis of the ways Macbeth change, you just need to state the various ways he changes, so that it doesn't seem like you are unsure about the character and just prove that you have a more complex understanding of character development, key events, etc.

Please don't be put off by this constructive criticism. You definitely have the potential to write a great text response, but for the sake of marks and meeting the criteria, implementing these small adjustments would allow you to demonstrate more proficiency in your essays.

[Photon]

"Does Macbeth murder himself in William Shakespeare’s play? Macbeth is a play that depicts a man who instigates his own downfall by committing treason against his own country. The play harmonises the idea of a man who destroys himself over his own greed for power. Due to Shakespeare’s ambiguous use of language, the play illustrates the different ways Macbeth was murdered. By murdering King Duncan Macbeth has murdered himself. This could be taken literally as Macbeth could have triggered a chain of unpleasant events that caused his own murder. He could have murdered his own sanity or he could have even murdered his previous traits that made him a respected thane. Although there is a substantial amount of evidence to support all the arguments, ultimately Shakespeare wanted to convey the consequences of treason by having Macbeth cause his own downfall."

First of all, good job on your introduction. You seem to have some solid points that could make for a good discussion in later paragraphs and have skimmed over the main points well. However, there are a few points you could improve on.

Your first sentence of the piece should address the prompt clearly and state an intrepretation. You have mentioned Macbeth and the concept of him murdering himself in the play, but have not mentioned the relation to the King. A better way to phrase your topic sentence might be.. In William Shakespeare's play 'Macbeth', the main protagonist, Macbeth, is portrayed to be consuming himself in the struggle for power when he assassinates King Duncan. Or something along those lines in your own words.

One other issue with your introduction is your writing seems to lack confidence when stating ideas. This is just a small thing to rectify, i.e. not using the word 'could' and mentioning the different ways Macbeth is affected by his murder of King Duncan, rather than saying 'this could be taken literally', rather say something like 'In a practical sense, Macbeth triggers a chain reaction which...' so on and so forth.

Final issue I have identified is your way of identifying the main points. You have covered everything, which is great. However, you seem to be using the word 'or' alot, and this conveys that instead of Macbeth changing in multiple ways, it is either one or the other. I feel to give a more complete analysis of the ways Macbeth change, you just need to state the various ways he changes, so that it doesn't seem like you are unsure about the character and just prove that you have a more complex understanding of character development, key events, etc.

Please don't be put off by this constructive criticism. You definitely have the potential to write a great text response, but for the sake of marks and meeting the criteria, implementing these small adjustments would allow you to demonstrate more proficiency in your essays.

Thank you so much! I will make sure that I reflect back to these points when writing my next intro.