Thesis statement feedback and discussion thread

[Iminschool]

Ok so here's my situation.
For an assignment, my class was assigned to write an essay on 'how 'Away' by Michael Gow and your related text explore the concept of discovery', and i have chosen the picture book 'Tales from Outer Suburbia' by Shaun Tan as my related text. Post analysis, i find my self in a difficult situation to construct a cohesive yet effective thesis based off of both texts. Both texts are set in suburban Australia where in 'Away'  we look into the differing families, their individual problems and contrasting socio economic class. On the other hand, 'Tales from Outer Suburbia' consists of 15 tales (all of different suburban houses/families) which explores the lack of individuality or social indifferences and  the absurdity of society. Haha, sorry that i ahve to explain XD

Anyways, i am looking to make a thesis based off of starting a starting statement such as:
'Without self control, even the greatest minds will find difficulty in making a discovery'
Or something in general which discusses the importance of self discovery and a sense of individuality or purpose.

Thanks for your time in advance and i appreciate all feedback

Cheers

[jamonwindeyer]

Ok so here's my situation.
For an assignment, my class was assigned to write an essay on 'how 'Away' by Michael Gow and your related text explore the concept of discovery', and i have chosen the picture book 'Tales from Outer Suburbia' by Shaun Tan as my related text. Post analysis, i find my self in a difficult situation to construct a cohesive yet effective thesis based off of both texts. Both texts are set in suburban Australia where in 'Away'  we look into the differing families, their individual problems and contrasting socio economic class. On the other hand, 'Tales from Outer Suburbia' consists of 15 tales (all of different suburban houses/families) which explores the lack of individuality or social indifferences and  the absurdity of society. Haha, sorry that i ahve to explain XD

Anyways, i am looking to make a thesis based off of starting a starting statement such as:
'Without self control, even the greatest minds will find difficulty in making a discovery'
Or something in general which discusses the importance of self discovery and a sense of individuality or purpose.

Thanks for your time in advance and i appreciate all feedback

Cheers

I think it will be beneficial for you to step away from trying to come up with a Thesis statement, since it sounds like you are still a little unsure about what your actual idea will be. Like, a Thesis is a single sentence statement of your idea. The idea needs to be clear first. Right now it sounds like you've got ideas on self control, societal class, individuality/conformity, purpose... I'm not sensing a clear direction yet. Which of course is part of the issue you are having, but I think you will make it easier for yourself by stepping away from actually writing the essay for a bit. Forget the Thesis!

Try just grabbing a friend (even us, though typing is harder than talking) and just saying, "Yo, this is what I want to talk about." Record yourself doing it, literally ramble about it for 5 minutes into a recorder. Then listen back and try and grab snippets - Key words and phrases - See if they help you piece together exactly what your idea will be. It might be an idea that takes you 5 sentences to explain, but you need that version of your Thesis first. Idea before Thesis

Does this help at all? I do want to help you construct a nicely cohesive and effective Thesis. But you've got a lot of ideas floating around up there - I think you need to filter them a little

[Iminschool]

I think it will be beneficial for you to step away from trying to come up with a Thesis statement, since it sounds like you are still a little unsure about what your actual idea will be. Like, a Thesis is a single sentence statement of your idea. The idea needs to be clear first. Right now it sounds like you've got ideas on self control, societal class, individuality/conformity, purpose... I'm not sensing a clear direction yet. Which of course is part of the issue you are having, but I think you will make it easier for yourself by stepping away from actually writing the essay for a bit. Forget the Thesis!

Try just grabbing a friend (even us, though typing is harder than talking) and just saying, "Yo, this is what I want to talk about." Record yourself doing it, literally ramble about it for 5 minutes into a recorder. Then listen back and try and grab snippets - Key words and phrases - See if they help you piece together exactly what your idea will be. It might be an idea that takes you 5 sentences to explain, but you need that version of your Thesis first. Idea before Thesis

Does this help at all? I do want to help you construct a nicely cohesive and effective Thesis. But you've got a lot of ideas floating around up there - I think you need to filter them a little

Thanks for your feedback, you definetely had some good points. In response to your statement about how i need to filter my ideas, i wish to construct a thesis on ONE of them, and they are the options i have that my thesis will revolve around.

[jamonwindeyer]

Thanks for your feedback, you definetely had some good points. In response to your statement about how i need to filter my ideas, i wish to construct a thesis on ONE of them, and they are the options i have that my thesis will revolve around.

Cool! Well, having not studied 'Away,' or your ORT, I can't really make a suggestion about which one of them will work best. Your question for your task is super broad, you can discuss pretty much anything. So in terms of picking one/a combination of those ideas, you are fairly unrestricted! It becomes purely about (in your view) what works the best with text(s) in front of you. Based on your quick description I reckon it will have something, even loosely, to do with the role of society! It seems like social class is at the forefront of both texts. But you have gone down the road of 'self control,'  - Is this something you can easily analyse and interpret within your texts?

In making a decision, you should think about how well the concept works for past HSC questions. For 2016, for example, the question asked about emotional and intellectual discoveries. If you did 'self control,' for example, how would you personally link it to that question? This should help you narrow your focus a little and choose a Thesis (if you are gunning for something you can reuse at least).

You might want to give this article a read! It was written by Elyse and contains a bit of a guide on creating a good Thesis and introduction to an AoS essay

[asd987]

Hi, I was wondering if there was a specific technique for a hand held camera on the spot interview like in Go Back

[sudodds]

Hi, I was wondering if there was a specific technique for a hand held camera on the spot interview like in Go Back

I'm not 100% sure if this is correct, but I did the documentary An Idiot Abroad as a related text and I referred to this situation as "Actuality". This means the use of raw, unedited footage, which is what I'm getting from your description of an on the spot interview (interview in it's self i'd assume would be considered a technique also).

[elysepopplewell]

I'm not 100% sure if this is correct, but I did the documentary An Idiot Abroad as a related text and I referred to this situation as "Actuality". This means the use of raw, unedited footage, which is what I'm getting from your description of an on the spot interview (interview in it's self i'd assume would be considered a technique also).

Actuality footage definitely works here

Hi, I was wondering if there was a specific technique for a hand held camera on the spot interview like in Go Back

Actuality footage works wonderfully, but don't forget that at any given time in Go Back, there's a million things at play. In the Malaysian Night Raids scene, there's cinema verite, handheld camera, militaristic music, and so on. So when you talk about actuality footage, you can double it by talking about the tone of the dialogue within that, if you like

[strawberriesarekewl]

I get quite confused with thesis statements and topic sentences. Say the essay Question was "curiosity is a catalyst for discovery". Is basically a thesis statement, "why" curiosity is a catalyst for discovery and is a topic sentence basically the consequences of curiosity as a catalyst for discovery? Im sort of confused....

[bowiemily]

I get quite confused with thesis statements and topic sentences. Say the essay Question was "curiosity is a catalyst for discovery". Is basically a thesis statement, "why" curiosity is a catalyst for discovery and is a topic sentence basically the consequences of curiosity as a catalyst for discovery? Im sort of confused....

Yes, thats it! I would then specify the 'consequences' with other dot points from the discovery rubric. This way, you are always appealing to the module focus.

[strawberriesarekewl]

Yes, thats it! I would then specify the 'consequences' with other dot points from the discovery rubric. This way, you are always appealing to the module focus.

Thanks

Is it the exact same for Module A, B and C

[jamonwindeyer]

Thanks

Is it the exact same for Module A, B and C

Pretty much! Establish your idea then address the module focus (For Advanced Module A - That's differences in context, for example)

[strawberriesarekewl]

Pretty much! Establish your idea then address the module focus (For Advanced Module A - That's differences in context, for example)

Thank you again, I really appreciate all this help

how do i make a thesis if the essay question is a question such as How do the texts you have studied represent the ways the experience of
discovery often reveals hidden or concealed aspects of self-identity? or a "to what extent question" such as "The context of individuals significantly shapes their process of discovery and the discoveries themselves.’ To what extent does your prescribed text and at least ONE text of your own choosing support this view?"

I cant really really say "why" this is the case since they are questions which are open to interpretation so...

[jamonwindeyer]

Thank you again, I really appreciate all this help

how do i make a thesis if the essay question is a question such as How do the texts you have studied represent the ways the experience of
discovery often reveals hidden or concealed aspects of self-identity? or a "to what extent question" such as "The context of individuals significantly shapes their process of discovery and the discoveries themselves.’ To what extent does your prescribed text and at least ONE text of your own choosing support this view?"

I cant really really say "why" this is the case since they are questions which are open to interpretation so...

Despite the slightly trickier wording of those sorts of questions, they are in essence the same, with little twists. "How do the texts" just demands techniques - Which you would use anyway. "To what extent" demands evaluation - A judgement on your part. But the core ideas you will present will be unaffected by those sorts of little twists

[SSSS]

Hey guys! For 'moral depravity', i was told in my essay that that would be considered too extreme to describe the chaarcters moral. What should I write instead to show this but in a lighter way? Thanks

[elysepopplewell]

Hey guys! For 'moral depravity', i was told in my essay that that would be considered too extreme to describe the chaarcters moral. What should I write instead to show this but in a lighter way? Thanks

Hey there! Moral depravity doesn't actually make perfect sense in itself, because depravity means moral corruption. So "moral depravity" is somewhat tautologous because it says "moral moral depravity" - not to fear!

Here are some words I suggest instead of depravity: moral corruption, moral perversion, immorality. Do you think these would work for your character? "Turner's immorality...Turner's moral perversion...Turner's moral corruption..."