Hey, I wrote a LA piece and I would really appreciate any feedback comments. It was my first time writing under timed conditions so its a bit rough and I went a bit longer than I would've liked (65mins + 15 mins reading time) and would also love any advice on how to cut down etc.
If possible, an overall mark would also be good !
The article is from the 2014 VCAA exam
http://www.vcaa.vic.edu.au/Documents/exams/english/2014/2014english-w.pdfDiscovery and exploration has been something which has always fascinated people for thousands of years. However, government and public funding for space exploration has always been a highly debated and controversial issue. In an opinion piece by Yvette Yergon entitled ‘Exploring our Dreams’, she contends in an optimistic and hopeful tone that space discovery and investment is crucial as it will reap unknown and insurmountable benefits for the future and urges nations to collaborate for peace. Accompanying her piece are two images. In response to Yergon’s piece, Dr. Peter Laikis wrote a letter to the editor entitled ‘Off the Planet’ asserting in a condemnatory and sarcastic tone that rather than focusing on ambiguous and unknown future discoveries which will only benefit the rich, we should urge governments to take action to help solve problems affecting the planet we currently inhabit.
Yergon employs an enthusiastic tone as she highlights the awe-inspiring work achieved by the people who dared to take risks. She describes the individuals who have been involved in exploration as ‘influential’, ‘great’ and ‘brav[e]’. These adjectives have positive connotations associated with role models thus aiming to position reader to want to aspire to emulate their thoughts and actions. Moreover, the repetition of the verb ‘inspiring’ may encourage readers to feel galvanised or motivated by the work these sailors and astronauts has achieved and hence may exert pressure on government officials to invest more in new technology for discovery. Moreover, the anecdote of Christopher Columbus sailing on a ‘wooden ship powered by nothing’ is reinforced by the image of the archaic ship set against the backdrop of a full moon. Through this, the writer encourages the reader to see how much has been achieved with such little resources yet with all the technology we have available to us now, this means the possibilities are endless. Moreover, the image of the moon is proportionally larger than the ship thus endeavouring to make readers see how vast and large and the infinite possibilities which are available from exploration. In addition, the writer repeats the term ‘next generation’ thus making readers see that exploration is a long term investment and hence may urge governments to invest now in order to reap results in the future.
Moreover, Yergon highlights the numerous benefits of exploration. She states that there are ‘virtually unlimited resources’ hence aiming to encourage readers to see that the possibilities are infinite and beyond our imagination hence to not support discovery would be limiting one’s future and possibilities significantly. This is further compounded as she demonstrates that ‘research associated with space programs’ has bought ‘benefits nobody predicted at the time’. Reinforcing this is the image of an astronaut and various images of technology that has arisen as a consequence including solar panels or medical imagining. The discovery of such technology, due to space exploration research, which has the potential to improve the environment, life expectancy and livin standards may position readers to see that indeed space investment has been worth it as it has bought real tangible benefits to society that decades ago we would have never dreamed of thus readers may be inclined to exert pressure on governments to increase investment. Moreover, Yergon appeals to people’s desire to become wealthy, stating one ‘lifeless rock’ alone may be worth ’10,000 tons of gold’ and ‘a trillion dollars’ The magnitude of wealth and profit opportunities in one rock is significant let alone in the entire galaxy hence readers may be positioned to support space exploration as it can make them extremely wealthy.
In contrast, Dr Peter Laikis employs sarcasm and criticises the lack of focus on issues currently plaguing the earth. He juxtaposes space exploration as the ‘next big thing’ whilst sarcastically describing hunger, disease and environmental damage as ‘little things’. The inverted comma around ‘next big thing’ suggests that space discovery is not the next big thing but rather an ‘illusion’ and that we have greater issues to deal with thus positioning readers to feel that space exploration may not be the most pertinent issue currently facing humankind. Moreover, the writer instructs Yvette to ‘wake up’ hence implying that she has been oblivious and blind to the real problems and instead of being realistic she is merely deluded with dreams, as Yvette so often draws parallels between space discovery and ‘dreams about what’s beyond the world we know’. Through this, readers may be positioned to disagree with Yvette and instead agree with Laikis as he is considering the issue from a more pragmatic perspective. Moreover, unlike Yvette who described Columbus as a ‘great explorer’, Laikis depicts him as ‘powered…by greed’ hence aiming to make readers feel disgusted that exploration is not for the idealistic peace espoused by Yvette but rather to line the pockets of the wealthy making them even wealthier. In addition, he uses the slogans ‘one by one’ and ‘step by step’ to highlight the ease for governments together to make progress which currently affect us and all they need to do is start working to solve problems affecting the present rather than expending all their energy focusing on the future and space exploration.
Both writers employ different techniques and approaches regarding the issue of investment of space exploration. Yergon encourages readers to look at the past and see how far we have come due to exploration and thus imagine all the future possibilities whereas Laikis disagrees with Yergon and suggests we should focus on saving our own planet before concerning ourselves with others. The variety of opinions regarding the issue demonstrate that indeed is it a contentious issue.
Thanks in advance
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