Business Studies Essay Marking

[isaacdelatorre]

If you'd like your essay marked, you won't be able to post it until you make an ATAR Notes account here. Once you've done that, a little 'reply' button will come up when you're viewing threads, and you'll be able to copy and paste your essay and post it up here for us to mark!

Hey everyone!! Welcome to the Business Studies Marking Thread. This thread is here for you to get feedback on your essays. This resource exists to help you guys make huge improvements on your essay writing... Too often, teachers just write "good" or "needs explaining" or "expand". SUPER. FRUSTRATING. This is a place to properly improve

Before posting, please read the essay marking rules/rationale here.

I hope this thread becomes a useful resource throughout your HSC Year. Happy study!

[diesxel]

If i post an asesssment draft here, should I add criteria? I don't think my answers will make sense to anyone marking without the marking criteria

[isaacdelatorre]

If i post an asesssment draft here, should I add criteria? I don't think my answers will make sense to anyone marking without the marking criteria

Hey Diesxel,

If you could add the criteria that would be extremely helpful to whoever is marking it as we will have a better idea of whether or not you are doing what is asked of you and answering the question

[diesxel]

Task: Students will be allocated a syllabus point and must research a contemporary business example related to that syllabus point.

My assigned syllabus dotpoint was Supply Chain Management-Logistics, and I chose an article from Forbes on IKEA.

Marking Criteria:
Cast Study chosen allows the student to answer all of the questions extensively /4
All BOS verbs have been addressed accurately, answers are concise and in detail, statistics used are relevant /4
No obvious mistakes /3
Clear Link to the Syllabus /3
A contemporary and interesting case study has been selected /2
Case Study has been selected from a highly credible source /2

----

Name of Article/Resource: Logistics by IKEA, on forbes.com. Published: 09/29/2005 at 10:00am. 
Source: http://www.forbes.com/2005/09/28/logistics-ikea-retail-cx_rm_0929ikea.html

Summary of the article:
The article titled “Logistics by IKEA” comprises of information related to IKEA’s Operation Strategies in regards to Supply Chain Management through Logistics. IKEA has pioneered many innovative approaches to Logistics which allow the company to minimise costs and smoothly manage it’s flow of supplies to outputs that best meet the needs of it’s customer base. These unconventional approaches include IKEA’s innovation of flat-packs, application of costs-per-touch strategy and operation of retail outlets simultaneously as warehouses.

How is your article linked to your syllabus point?
My syllabus point encompasses two overall headings, Supply Chain Management (SCM) and Logistics. My article about displays that IKEA combines it’s supply chain operations with logistical inventory management techniques (outlined below) to create a system that operates effortlessly from it’s manufacturing base to distribution centres, and then retail outlets, delivering the fastest supply chain route as possible.

Describe the action(s) taken by managers
   Costs-per-touch Strategy: IKEA has engaged a costs-per-touch strategy to satisfactorily manage all inventory, which means “the more hands touch the product, the more costs are associated with it.”¹ Every time the product is shipped, moved, and loaded, it incurs costs. The fewer times someone moves or touches the item, the fewer costs are associated with it. To reduce the amount of “touches”, and therefore “costs” associated with transportation, IKEA allows customers to directly purchase and retrieve products from it’s warehouses, which simultaneously serve as retail outlets. (see dot point below). In doing so, IKEA reduces the transportation required of the product to the customer, instead encouraging self-service and reducing costs incurred. The less the product is transported through various modes, the faster it arrives to the customer, allowing for the shortest, and therefore fastest supply chain combination. Overall, this tactical logistics strategy manages inventory and reduces costs, while ensuring a fast and effective supply chain
   IKEA utilises it’s warehouses as simultaneous retail outlets. This allows customers to come into warehouses and purchase items directly, instead of having a demonstration room which incurs more costs. Goods are transported directly from distribution centres via rail to warehouses, and then are purchased by the customers. This logistics tactic encourages self-service, as customers are able to choose and buy products directly from IKEA’s diverse, stocked, warehouse, leading to a fast supply chain that produces outputs suited to the customer’s needs.
   Through it’s initially unorthodox innovation of flat-packaging by founder Ingvar Kamprad in 1943, IKEA is able to package it’s products into disassembled parts in flat boxes, or flat-packs. IKEA follows an “Air out, product in” ²  method. As a result, IKEA’s packages take up a significantly reduced amount of space compared to fully assembled goods, and consequently curtails space being occupied in warehouse bins and transportation trucks. This minimizes overall transport cost, as maximum amount of items are being transported in one truck and thus reduces costs such as fuel, stocking costs, paying the driver, security, etc. IKEA’s unique packaging strategy has allowed for faster transportation of goods from the manufacturing plants to distribution centres and then to warehouses and customers, effectively facilitating the speed of the supply chain to rapid levels, while consecutively reducing costs to a minimum.

Did the strategies work? Why or why not?
Yes, the strategies have been successful becauseIKEA has been able to manage it’s inventory in a logistically strategic manner which enables it to reduce wastage of time and resources, and hasten the supply chain to allow for the best outputs to reach it’s customer base efficiently and effectively.

Demonstrate statistics, which support your point/idea?
One of Forbes’ World’s Most Valuable Brands³, IKEA has consistently demonstrated increasing and positive statistics in all areas of it’s business. IKEA’s brand value as of May 2016 is 18 Billion Euros, and it’s annual revenue increased from 10.9 Billion Euros in 2001 to 29.3 Billion Euros in 2014⁴. This demonstrates that IKEA’s strategies are effective and adequate in the business’s purpose, as it has achieved high levels of sustained profit over an extensive period of time while implementing these strategies.

Explain how your case study is interdependent with one other key business functions?
Marketing is the process of planning and executing the conception, pricing, promotion and distribution of ideas, goods and services to create exchanges that satisfy individual and organisational objectives⁵. IKEA’s logistical strategies under Supply Chain Management allow for customers to receive outputs efficiently and effectively, as outlined above, at minimised costs. This is also interdependent with the key business function of marketing, as the final result of these logistical strategies is the satisfaction of customers, and the retainment of an existing customer base, while also enticing potential customers to purchase IKEA’s products, which are low of cost and readily available in local IKEA retail outlets/warehouses.




I'm mostly worried about statistics and clear link to syllabus, but every bit of feedback is thoroughly appreciated! Thank you in advance to anyone who gives any form of criticism/feedback!!

[isaacdelatorre]

Task: Students will be allocated a syllabus point and must research a contemporary business example related to that syllabus point.

My assigned syllabus dotpoint was Supply Chain Management-Logistics, and I chose an article from Forbes on IKEA.

Hey diesxel, sorry this took a little longer than expected. Comments are in bold in the spoiler

Spoiler

Name of Article/Resource: Logistics by IKEA, on forbes.com. Published: 09/29/2005 at 10:00am.  The date of this stands out to me as not exactly contemporary given that it was published almost 12 years ago
Source: http://www.forbes.com/2005/09/28/logistics-ikea-retail-cx_rm_0929ikea.html

Summary of the article:
The article titled “Logistics by IKEA” comprises of information the language here seems a little bit forced and formal, try to say things a bit more naturally, flowy and succinctly related to IKEA’s Operation Strategies in regards to Supply Chain Management through Logistics. IKEA has pioneered many innovative approaches to Logistics which allow the company to minimise costs and smoothly manage it’s flow of supplies to outputs that best meet the needs of it’s customer base. These unconventional approaches include IKEA’s innovation try to think of another word for innovation - it's good but I am afraid you will repeat it a lot of flat-packs, application of costs-per-touch strategy and operation of retail outlets simultaneously as warehouses. This is good But I know that you have probably been inundated with English introductions as this sort of reminds me of one. Don't be afraid to chuck in some statistics to back up what you are saying especially to show the increase in efficiency, quality, speed (this would be a great way to link it to performance objectives from the strategies dot point. Some of these sentences are too general, sweeping statements introducing what you will be talking about

How "How" is sort of a hybrid BOS directive verb which really means explain - therefore you should show a cause and effect as well as draw out the relationships. Not sure if you totally did this within the paragraph is your article linked to your syllabus point? You know what would be great, if you have a definition of what SCM and logistics are so that you could have a more concrete link to Ikea and the syllabus!
My syllabus point encompasses two overall headings, Supply Chain Management (SCM) and Logistics. My article about displays that IKEA combines it’s supply chain operations with logistical inventory management techniques (outlined below) to create a system that operates effortlessly from it’s manufacturing base to distribution centres, and then retail outlets, delivering the fastest supply chain route as possible. I would like to see a bit more drawing out the relationship between Ikea's strategies and logistics - why do they do it? what specific areas do they focus on? benefits? drawbacks? etc.

Describe characteristics and features should be provided to answer this directive verb the action(s) taken by managers
   Costs-per-touch Strategy: IKEA has engaged a costs-per-touch strategy to satisfactorily manage all inventory, which means “the more hands touch the product, the more costs are associated with it.”¹ Every time the product is shipped, moved, and loaded, it incurs costs. The fewer times someone moves or touches the item, the fewer costs are associated with it. To reduce the amount of “touches”, and therefore “costs” associated with transportation, IKEA allows customers to directly purchase and retrieve products from it’s warehouses, which simultaneously serve as retail outlets. (see dot point below). In doing so, IKEA reduces the transportation required of the product to the customer, instead encouraging self-service and reducing costs incurred. The less the product is transported through various modes, the faster it arrives to the customer, allowing for the shortest, and therefore fastest supply chain combination. Overall, this tactical logistics strategy manages inventory and reduces costs, while ensuring a fast and effective supply chain This is a lot of retelling of what they do but not so much relating it back to the syllabus and showing the relationship between Ikea's actions/strategies and SCM/logistics
   IKEA utilises it’s warehouses as simultaneous retail outlets.This sort of short sentence - whilst I get that you are using it as the title of the strategy - seems a little awkward and out of place ... maybe you could combine the first two sentences (stylistic thing though, feel free to ignore) This allows customers to come into warehouses and purchase items directly, instead of having a demonstration room which incurs more costs. It would be cool if you could elaborate on the drawbacks as well Goods are transported directly from distribution centres via rail to warehouses, and then are purchased by the customers. This logistics tactic encourages self-service, as customers are able to choose and buy products directly from IKEA’s diverse, stocked, warehouse, leading to a fast efficient supply chain that produces outputs suited to the customer’s needs. I'm not totally sure that the fact that the warehouse is the retail outlet directly "produces outputs suited to the customers needs" since that is a function of production and not SCM or logistics - instead you should focus on having an efficient supply chain and the benefits of that
   Through it’s initially unorthodox innovation of flat-packaging by founder Ingvar Kamprad in 1943,This sort of retell is unnecessary IKEA is able to package it’s products into disassembled parts in flat boxes, or flat-packs. IKEA follows an “Air out, product in” ²  methodNot sure what this quote means, could you perhaps elaborate a little bit. As a result, IKEA’s packages take up a significantly reduced amount of space compared to fully assembled goods, and consequently curtails space being occupied in warehouse bins and transportation trucks. This minimizes overall transport cost, as maximum amount of items are being transported in one truck and thus reduces costs such as fuel, stocking costs, paying the driver, security, etc. IKEA’s unique packaging strategy has allowed for faster How exactly is it faster? It might be more efficient and able to transport larger quantities ... but transporting larger quantities could slow down the truck/plain/train transportation of goods from the manufacturing plants to distribution centres and then to warehouses and customers, effectively facilitating the speed of the supply chain to rapid levels, while consecutively reducing costs to a minimum.

It's great that you are hitting efficiency and the benefits of efficient proccedures as well as strategies to create efficiency - but you should try to integrate other objectives and goals such as profit, business performance, reputation --> these sort of things will show that you know your syllabus and have a more thorough and extensive case study report
Did the strategies work? Why or why not?
Yes, the strategies have been successful becauseIKEA has been able to manage it’s inventory in a logistically strategic manner which enables it to reduce wastage of time and resources, and hasten the supply chain to allow for the best outputs to reach it’s customer base efficiently and effectively. I'd like to see a bit more elaboration for this including a few more statistics,

Demonstrate statistics, which support your point/idea?
One of Forbes’ World’s Most Valuable Brands³, IKEA has consistently demonstrated increasing and positive statistics in all areas of it’s business. IKEA’s brand value as of May 2016 is 18 Billion Euros, and it’s annual revenue increased from 10.9 Billion Euros in 2001 to 29.3 Billion Euros in 2014⁴. This demonstrates that IKEA’s strategies are effective and adequate in the business’s purpose, as it has achieved high levels of sustained profit over an extensive period of time while implementing these strategies. Revnue and profit are good indicators but you're not really demonstrating the effectiveness of these strategies - you could show how their expenses compare to business like theirs (since you are saying their strategies help Ikea to minimise waste and decrease expenses much more than other businesses) you could also use statistics, quotes or case studies to describe the nature and relationship of Ikea's Supply Chain

Explain how your case study is interdependent with one other key business functions?
Marketing is the process of planning and executing the conception, pricing, promotion and distribution of ideas, goods and services to create exchanges that satisfy individual and organisational objectives⁵. Good definition IKEA’s logistical strategies under Supply Chain Management allow for customers to receive outputs efficiently and effectively, as outlined above, at minimised costs. This is also interdependent with the key business function of marketing, as the final result of these logistical strategies is the satisfaction of customers, and the retainment of an existing customer base, while also enticing potential customers to purchase IKEA’s products, which are low of cost and readily available in local IKEA retail outlets/warehouses. I'm not sure that you are totally showing the relationship between these two dot points - further than a brief overview of what these two dot points are. You should try to find and elaborate on the links between logistics/scm and marketing - e.g. who the suppliers are and the relationship between them can be used for marketing purposes (such as food places advertising free range, organic etc...


Marking Criteria:
Cast Study chosen allows the student to answer all of the questions extensively /4 - Really good on describing what the strategies are but the evaluation is a little weak
All BOS verbs have been addressed accurately, answers are concise and in detail, statistics used are relevant /4 - some higher order verbs need a little more elaboration - and maybe less retell at times, but overall good understanding of the directive verbs
No obvious mistakes /3 - none that I can see with a quick skim over
Clear Link to the Syllabus /3 - links to the syllabus could be highlighted more and talked about further
A contemporary and interesting case study has been selected /2 - highly subjective in my opinion. Who's to say what is interesting and what isn't
Case Study has been selected from a highly credible source /2 - Forbes - you should be fine

Overall - I would try to elaborate on parts of the syllabus as I think that you are just giving a brief overview when you could relate the case study so much more. I would say that it's too late to change the case study but you could work on integrating the case study a little more into your answers showing clear links between the syllabus, the case study. Also the evaluation of the strategies could be dealt with a bit deeper and more extensively rather than just the revenue of the business.

Sorry these were sort of negative comments, just when you are pushed for time (due today) I am just pointing out things that can be improved quickly before the due date. However, these are all my opinions and there are many ways to answer those questions so please feel free to leave out or ignore any of the comments I made

[Kekemato_BAP]

Can someone mark my exec summary ? I need it done by tomorrow and i want to know if i done it right for stimulus section

This report aims to assist Fly Easy Airlines Ltd in successfully expand globally into the Asian market to ensure the business achieves a sustainable competitive advantage. This would be achieved through the conduction of market research which is critical in identifying the target market of the Asian markets which would allow the development of marketing strategies that the business can adopt to successfully enter the market.
Management at Fly Easy Airlines must:
1. Undergo situational analysis
2. Conduct market research
3. Establish marketing objectives
4. Identify target markets
Ultimately, the marketing objectives of Fly Easy Airlines is crucial in recognising the different needs of the Asian market in which the operations management must easily adapt their processes to suit the foreign market and its differences to Australian culture and law.

[jamonwindeyer]

Can someone mark my exec summary ? I need it done by tomorrow and i want to know if i done it right for stimulus section

Isaac might not be able to take a look that quickly unfortunately Kekemato, but a few grammatical fixes, just in case that helps?


This report aims to assist Fly Easy Airlines Ltd in successfully expand globally into the Asian market, to ensure the business achieves a sustainable competitive advantage. This would be achieved through the conduction of market research, which is critical in identifying the target market of the Asian markets, which wouldthus allowing the development of marketing strategies that the business can adopt to successfully enter the market.
Management at Fly Easy Airlines must:
1. Undergo situational analysis
2. Conduct market research
3. Establish marketing objectives
4. Identify target markets
Ultimately, the marketing objectives of Fly Easy Airlines isare crucial in recognising the different needs of the Asian market, in which the operations management must easily adapt their processes to suit the foreign market and its differences to Australian culture and law.

[rodero]

Can someone mark my exec summary ? I need it done by tomorrow and i want to know if i done it right for stimulus section

This report aims to assist Fly Easy Airlines Ltd in successfully expand globally into the Asian market to ensure the business achieves a sustainable competitive advantage. This would be achieved through the conduction of market research which is critical in identifying the target market of the Asian markets which would allow the development of marketing strategies that the business can adopt to successfully enter the market.
Management at Fly Easy Airlines must:
1. Undergo situational analysis
2. Conduct market research
3. Establish marketing objectives
4. Identify target markets
Ultimately, the marketing objectives of Fly Easy Airlines is crucial in recognising the different needs of the Asian market in which the operations management must easily adapt their processes to suit the foreign market and its differences to Australian culture and law.

Hey kekemato,
Just to add to the feedback that Jamon gave, I really think you should mention the operations strategies in your executive summary. Sorry that I was a bit delayed and only just replied to your question in the other thread, but definitely have a look if its not too late

Overall, I think it's a great start when tackling the business' need to 'ensure their product is relevant to the needs of potential customers in the Asian market', however, try to delve deeper into the second part that the report is asking for; That is, how can the business 'use operations strategies to gain a sustainable competitive advantage'.

[isaacdelatorre]

Can someone mark my exec summary ? I need it done by tomorrow and i want to know if i done it right for stimulus section

This report aims to assist Fly Easy Airlines Ltd in successfully expand globally into the Asian market to ensure the business achieves a sustainable competitive advantage. This would be achieved through the conduction of market research which is critical in identifying the target market of the Asian markets which would allow the development of marketing strategies that the business can adopt to successfully enter the market.
Management at Fly Easy Airlines must:
1. Undergo situational analysis
2. Conduct market research
3. Establish marketing objectives
4. Identify target markets
Ultimately, the marketing objectives of Fly Easy Airlines is crucial in recognising the different needs of the Asian market in which the operations management must easily adapt their processes to suit the foreign market and its differences to Australian culture and law.

Hey Kekemato,

Firstly, sorry to everyone that I've been incredibly inactive, I am currently falling behind in my degree - but I haven't forgotten about all of you, would try to be more active after mid sems.

Now, its really  important that you understand what your role is as a consultant writing a business report - you are the expert and you are analysing the business and recommending strategies on how they can improve --> try to keep this mindset as you write the report.

I usually wrote my exec summaries in this format:

The purpose of this report is to .... (state the areas you will talk about - I even used bullet points from the question to get my point across succinctly and clearly) - making sure to mention the exact strategies I would recommend. Remember, this is a summary of your whole report, to a busy CEO who doesnt have time to read everything and wants to see what you will be talking about later.
Then I had a 1-2 sentence summary of the business and it's position in the market and the issue it's facing.
Then have one concluding sentence summing up what you will be talking about and linking it to improvement/success/competitve advantage etc.

Rodero is completley correct, "recommend" is a much higher order directive verb than explain and so the bulk of your report will deal with the strategies you are recommending - so to reflect this it would be good to include the ones you are going to be recommending and linking them to sustainable competetitve advantage/business improvement.

Also I dont think it's completely necessary to be recommending situational analysis, market research in your executive summary - this is mainly because the question asks you to explain how market research can be used to adapt their product to the needs of the new market. Instead of talking about the process of market research, I would spend a bit more time explaining how this would better the business and lead to their success in the new market - if you look at the first dot point, this is what they want to achieve, so you have to explain how market research helps achieve that.

It would also be good to mention that you will be explaining the interdependence between between marketing and operations and also explain why this is important to the business to show a higher level of thinking.

Overall, you have a great start, you just have to fine tune it a little bit.
Good luck on your report tomorrow

[jamonwindeyer]

Firstly, sorry to everyone that I've been incredibly inactive, I am currently falling behind in my degree - but I haven't forgotten about all of you, would try to be more active after mid sems.

You don't have to apologise to anyone my friend - We appreciate everything you have done and will do don't stress, I know plenty of people there, so I know how hard your degree gets in the middle of the semester hope all is going well!!

[issyys]

Im about half way through as essay and was wondering if I make up something to do with an apple case study??

Here's my paragraph:

"A warranty is a promise to repair or replace faulty products. In April of this year, Apple was taken to court by the ACCC over alleged consumer warranty misrepresentations in which consumers with faulty products were not entitled to a free remedy if the Apple device had previously been repaired by an unauthorised third party. The ACCC alleged breaches of the law relating to 275 customers, with each breach carrying a maximum penalty of $1.1 million. Although Apple only received a $500,000 fine...... (ill finish that sentence and the impact the fine had on costs and reputation etc)"

But that court case hasn't actually finished yet? So will the marker know that I made the $500,000 fine up? Also there was a few stats I made up about Apple e.g. market share going increasing by 4%. Is that bad to do that?

Thankyou!!!

[rodero]

Im about half way through as essay and was wondering if I make up something to do with an apple case study??

Here's my paragraph:

"A warranty is a promise to repair or replace faulty products. In April of this year, Apple was taken to court by the ACCC over alleged consumer warranty misrepresentations in which consumers with faulty products were not entitled to a free remedy if the Apple device had previously been repaired by an unauthorised third party. The ACCC alleged breaches of the law relating to 275 customers, with each breach carrying a maximum penalty of $1.1 million. Although Apple only received a $500,000 fine...... (ill finish that sentence and the impact the fine had on costs and reputation etc)"

But that court case hasn't actually finished yet? So will the marker know that I made the $500,000 fine up? Also there was a few stats I made up about Apple e.g. market share going increasing by 4%. Is that bad to do that?

Thankyou!!!

I don't study Apple myself so I can't give you a detailed answer, but I will say this. From what I know, Apple is one of the most used case studies in all of Business Studies. For this reason, the HSC markers are going to be seeing the exact same facts over and over again. If for instance, they've been reading a 9% increase in market share for the past 3 days, and then you come along claiming it to be 4%, then they'll know you're in the wrong. If you know you're somewhere on the money, then you could potentially get away with 'approximately _____'. However, if you have no clue then it's better that you don't include it at all.

On with your court case, it would honestly be a matter of luck here. The marker might see that fine and think it's a great stat, or you might get a marker that knows Apple inside and out, and knows that court case hasn't been resolved yet. If anything, it would be safer to say:
"Apple has been taken to court for .... blah blah blah....Although the case is still in progress, it has had negative ramifications on Apple's reputation."

Hope that helps Feel free to leave any other questions in the Question Thread

[BradMate]

I am unsure whether to define the items I include in my paragraphs for both Section 3 and 4.

E.g. Looking at Q26 from last year:
-
The potential new partner has asked you to write a business report in which you:
• explain possible limitations of the financial reports
• recommend appropriate working capital management strategies for the business
• evaluate a pricing strategy the business could use.
-

Would I spend maybe a sentence per paragraph defining limitations of fin. reports, WC, and pricing strategies, orrr would I be better off just getting straight into my analysis and applying this to the relevant business? I understand if there was an "outline" I'd absolutely break the concept down, but are definitions still important with any other term.

Similarly, in my my introduction would I bother broadly defining what Ops Strats. and Influences are, or should I just get straight to the point and link up my strategies with influences (through processes)?

Thanks for the help!

[fantasticbeasts3]

I am unsure whether to define the items I include in my paragraphs for both Section 3 and 4.

E.g. Looking at Q26 from last year:
-
The potential new partner has asked you to write a business report in which you:
• explain possible limitations of the financial reports
• recommend appropriate working capital management strategies for the business
• evaluate a pricing strategy the business could use.
-

Would I spend maybe a sentence per paragraph defining limitations of fin. reports, WC, and pricing strategies, orrr would I be better off just getting straight into my analysis and applying this to the relevant business? I understand if there was an "outline" I'd absolutely break the concept down, but are definitions still important with any other term.

Similarly, in my my introduction would I bother broadly defining what Ops Strats. and Influences are, or should I just get straight to the point and link up my strategies with influences (through processes)?

Thanks for the help!

yep, define everything before you start each paragraph :-) i know in other subjects, you don't have to define everything, but in business, pretend the marker doesn't know anything. and yea, a quick sentence at the beginning of each paragraph should do. sure, in your introduction you can definitely define strategies, influences, etc but make sure it's super concise, because you're going to be talking about them in your essay anyway.

also, any questions you have for business can be asked in this link!

best of luck with your hsc,
fantasticbeasts