Hi Susie, could you mark my essay please?

Also, I know you didn't study my topic, but for the 'roles' part in para 3, would I have to go into specific details or is what I'm doing still ok?
Explain the formation, role and breakdown of the First Triumvirate.
At a time when Rome was in political upheaval, three most ambitious men joined together in a political alliance with aims to overthrow the Senate. In 60BC, Julius Caesar, Gnaeus Pompey and Marcus Licinius Crassus were fuelled by the desire to further their own personal successes that had become stagnant due to the Senate’s rejection of their requests. While their initial successes came from collective support and trust in one another, later tensions and jealousy between the men brought the First Triumvirate to an inevitable end.
The formation of The First Triumvirate was primarily due to the Senate’s disagreement with Caesar, Pompey and Crassus. Roman historian Titus Livy described the coalition as “conspiracy against the state,” where the three men were united by their common hatred towards the Senate for preventing them from further political success. Pompey’s rejected requests were according to Appian, due to the senators’ jealousy which was perhaps brought about by Pompey’s unconventional escalation to power, in particular his position as consul of 70BC despite his young age. As Pompey was a highly ambitious man who constantly desired more power, the senatorial conflict compelled him to join the triumvirate in order to overturn their decision. Similarly, Crassus’ supporters had been impacted by the Mithridatic Wars and in order for him to regain their respect, the Senate needed to grant compensation to these tax collectors. However Crassus’ request was also denied, causing him to turn to Caesar for help in fulfilling his promises to the people. The Senate, however had not only become extremely wary of Caesar’s popularity with the people, but also as Suetonius suggests, “he was suspected of having made a conspiracy with Crassus,” hence making it increasingly difficult for him to be elected consul of 59BC. Thus, the formation of the First Triumvirate was the three men’s collective reaction to the Senate’s rejection of their various commands.
The three men’s inclusion in the First Triumvirate was largely due to Caesar’s strategically built alliance whereby he combined Pompey and Crassus’s wealth and prestige to further his career and subsequently, theirs. Crassus was not only a friend of Caesar’s who had financially supported him in his previous position as Pontifex Maximus, but according to Sallust, “Tarquinius named Crassus, a noble of great wealth and of the highest rank.” Caesar clearly saw the benefit of inviting such a man into the alliance as he himself, had no wealth to gain him the power to the extent that he desired. Pompey on the other hand, was the most successful military general as verified by Appian in “gave him command of all forces...never been given to any one general before.” It is likely that Caesar saw that Pompey’s loyal veterans could ignite fear in the Senate – forcing them to abide by the three men’s wishes – hence he was also invited into the liaison. Hence it is evident that Caesar knew “without the aid of both...he could never come to any great power” (Cassius Duo). As such, Caesar extended the invitation to Pompey and Crassus to support him in his consulship in return for passing their rejected requests, and granting them commands over promising provinces.
It was largely due to Caesar’s later role as sole consul of Rome which aimed to surpass the power of the Senate to maximise the political careers of each man. Caesar’s strategic and power-hungry nature enabled him to push for illegal reforms that benefitted the members of the triumvirate. Yet the people’s approval of his bills was a result of his threatening actions as noted by Plutarch in “[Pompey] filled the city with his soldiers,” hence suggesting that the men used unconstitutional force to ensure that their laws were passed. This further confirmed the powerful role individuals played when they were backed by military strength, allowing them to force the Senate into inactivity. While this abuse of power contributed towards the men’s attainment of increasing military commands, it also interfered with Rome’s political climate. This is supported by modern historian Matthias Gelzer who argues that the men only considered “personal interests without regard for the organs provided by the constitution.” As a result, it is evident that the combined strengths of the men and their dynamic personalities enabled the First Triumvirate to become significant for its role to challenge and overturn the Roman constitution.
Although Crassus’ and Caesar’s daughter’s deaths were two reasons for the breakdown of the first triumvirate, ultimately it was due to the uneven strength of the three men which caused irrevocable political tensions. Caesar’s victories in Gaul created jealousy among the two other powerful men, hence threatening the unity of the coalition. It is also highly likely that Caesar’s method of passing Pompey’s previous agrarian law which according to Plutarch, “brought Pompey out openly in front of the people,” led the tribunes to believe that Pompey was hostile. This in turn, provoked Pompey’s resentment towards Caesar as he began to lose the people’s respect. Modern historian Christina Boggs similarly argues that the “insatiable thirst for power” suggests that while the political alliance was a mutual agreement, each man sought to achieve more popularity and power than the other without regard for their initial political agreement. This is reiterated by Suetonius who commented “he [Caesar] did very much as he pleased,” hence contributing to the rivalry between himself and Pompey. As a result of the arising jealousy, the later events of Julia’s and Crassus’ death cemented the end of the alliance. Plutarch confirms this in “could not satisfy the ambition of two men...they who were only two.” Since Julia served as the glue that forced Pompey and Caesar into a civil relationship, her death served as a catalyst for the inevitable collapse of the First Triumvirate.
Ultimately, the formation of the First Triumvirate was due to the Senate’s disagreement with Caesar, Pompey and Crassus which fuelled their desire to surpass their laws, and the Roman constitution itself. However, what once was a collective desire for success and power, was outweighed by each member’s personal interests to further their own reputation in the political arena. As such, jealousy towards another man’s popularity sought to break up the ‘triumvirates’.