Does love cause intimacy, or does intimacy cause love?

[brenden]

Realistically, you only  get to intimately know a person - like deep deep -  you're in a relationship with.

Would you love anyone you were truly emotionally intimate with, by virtue of the power of emotional intimacy, or are we only emotionally intimate with the people we love? And can that true emotional intimacy even precede love? Is love just arbitrary, at the end of the day?

#maybe #maybenot

Moderator action Split from random thought thread 'coz I felt like it deserved its own thread.

[Joseph41]

Realistically, you only  get to intimately know a person - like deep deep -  you're in a relationship with.

Would you love anyone you were truly emotionally intimate with, by virtue of the power of emotional intimacy, or are we only emotionally intimate with the people we love? And can that true emotional intimacy even precede love? Is love just arbitrary, at the end of the day?

#maybe #maybenot

What are you meaning by intimately, here? Like, how close do you need to be to be intimate? Can you be intimate but not in a relationship?

Also, me when reading that second part of your post:

[brenden]

What are you meaning by intimately, here? Like, how close do you need to be to be intimate? Can you be intimate but not in a relationship?

Also, me when reading that second part of your post:

Like, the way I'm using the word 'intimate'... I was referring specifically to the intimacy you get in relationships, with I think is pretty solely reserved for your partner (or potentially should be if we're all good little emotional monogamists).

Can 100% be intimate with other people, but I think there's a unique type of intimacy with the person you're in a relationship with. But what comes first, the chicken or the egg?

I WISH I COULD STOP BUT I CAN'T

[Joseph41]

Like, the way I'm using the word 'intimate'... I was referring specifically to the intimacy you get in relationships, with I think is pretty solely reserved for your partner (or potentially should be if we're all good little emotional monogamists).

Can 100% be intimate with other people, but I think there's a unique type of intimacy with the person you're in a relationship with. But what comes first, the chicken or the egg?

I WISH I COULD STOP BUT I CAN'T

Okay, understanding a little more now haha.

Definitely an interesting question. I wonder if there are only certain people with whom we can develop such an intimacy.

[EEEEEEP]

Okay, understanding a little more now haha.

Definitely an interesting question. I wonder if there are only certain people with whom we can develop such an intimacy.

Definitely.

To be intimate, you need to be physically and emotionally in sync with someone.

Intimacy, is a strong feeling, that is more than just being good friends, close friends etc.

[Joseph41]

Definitely.

To be intimate, you need to be physically and emotionally in sync with someone.

Intimacy, is a strong feeling, that is more than just being good friends, close friends etc.

Physically in sync in what sense?

[EEEEEEP]

Physically in sync in what sense?

Touchy feely,sorta feeling

[Joseph41]

Touchy feely,sorta feeling

You don't reckon you can be intimate without that? I think you most certainly can!

P.S. Might be worth splitting this thread soon! Weeeeee!

[EEEEEEP]

You don't reckon you can be intimate without that? I think you most certainly can!

P.S. Might be worth splitting this thread soon! Weeeeee!

Depends on your definition of intimacy me thinks

[Wales]

Realistically, you only  get to intimately know a person - like deep deep -  you're in a relationship with.

Would you love anyone you were truly emotionally intimate with, by virtue of the power of emotional intimacy, or are we only emotionally intimate with the people we love? And can that true emotional intimacy even precede love? Is love just arbitrary, at the end of the day?

#maybe #maybenot

I think love is not purely an emotion. It's the one's WILL and DESIRE to develop another persons emotional intelligence. I feel that many people today mistake love for an emotion whilst it's far more than just that. True emotional intimacy is something that is established and grown with and by love.

In my opinion anyway.

[brenden]

I've updated the title of this topic after it was split from the other thread, to "does love cause intimacy, or does intimacy cause love?", which I think is the thought at the heart of my post.

To explain this a little bit more...

Picture this - Person A is at a point in their life where they feel like connecting with someone, and so is Person B. Person A and B happen to meet and, by way of mutual circumstance, have many a deep discussion and so on. If they continue talking, they might even begin a relationship, continue to talk and increase their intimacy and 'fall in love'. But like how many other people have you ever been that intimate with? Not many. So how do you know it isn't just the intimacy that creates love? We like to think of relationships as really special and unique and in terms of 'the one' and all that jazz but like... what if 'the one' is more just "one of the millions that potentially could have been".

Like, what if you COULD fall in love with any of millions of people? I think this is likely. Generally, I think the better you get to know someone, the more you break down your 'idea' of them and get to know who they actually are, you realise that so many people are actually fucking great, and have good points and bad points about them. But you never find out. Because you're never that intimate with them. But if you were that intimate with them, would you just, love them?

Like, maybe we're so starved of true intimacy we'll be overwhelmingly likely to love whoever we get there with?

Disclaimer -
That is the most nonsensical and baseless prose I've ever written, and not even I have any fucking idea what I'm saying.

[Wales]

I've updated the title of this topic after it was split from the other thread, to "does love cause intimacy, or does intimacy cause love?", which I think is the thought at the heart of my post.

To explain this a little bit more...

Picture this - Person A is at a point in their life where they feel like connecting with someone, and so is Person B. Person A and B happen to meet and, by way of mutual circumstance, have many a deep discussion and so on. If they continue talking, they might even begin a relationship, continue to talk and increase their intimacy and 'fall in love'. But like how many other people have you ever been that intimate with? Not many. So how do you know it isn't just the intimacy that creates love? We like to think of relationships as really special and unique and in terms of 'the one' and all that jazz but like... what if 'the one' is more just "one of the millions that potentially could have been".

Like, what if you COULD fall in love with any of millions of people? I think this is likely. Generally, I think the better you get to know someone, the more you break down your 'idea' of them and get to know who they actually are, you realise that so many people are actually fucking great, and have good points and bad points about them. But you never find out. Because you're never that intimate with them. But if you were that intimate with them, would you just, love them?

Like, maybe we're so starved of true intimacy we'll be overwhelmingly likely to love whoever we get there with?

Disclaimer -
That is the most nonsensical and baseless prose I've ever written, and not even I have any fucking idea what I'm saying.

I think we can love a large amount of people. It's so often we don't realise truly how some people are, how deep, how chill, how fucked. whatever. It's through this connection and intimacy we begin to know them. If I had the chance to "fall in love" with all my friends I would. Except I've only got a select few which fit your definition of love.

[heids]

I get what you're saying, Brenden, and I 100% agree; love is based a lot on situation and timing, more than "we're eternal predestined soulmates". Others could have been potential mates if you hadn't first met X, and because person X fills your requirement for intimacy and you spend lots of time with them, you don't get to know Y as well or fall in love with them.

Is that what you're saying?

[brenden]

I think we can love a large amount of people. It's so often we don't realise truly how some people are, how deep, how chill, how fucked. whatever. It's through this connection and intimacy we begin to know them. If I had the chance to "fall in love" with all my friends I would. Except I've only got a select few which fit your definition of love.

I get what you're saying, Brenden, and I 100% agree; love is based a lot on situation and timing, more than "we're eternal predestined soulmates". Others could have been potential mates if you hadn't first met X, and because person X fills your requirement for intimacy and you spend lots of time with them, you don't get to know Y as well or fall in love with them.

Is that what you're saying?

Yeah pretty much. Maybe intimacy is more difficult than love!

[Joseph41]

Yeah pretty much. Maybe intimacy is more difficult than love!

I certainly love a lot more people than the number with whom I'm intimate.