Comparative Into the Wild and Tracks Introduction - Please mark

[BlinkieBill]

Hey y'all, I have been having a hard time thinking about a way to respond to this topic:
“There is nothing as real as having to think about survival.”(Tracks) Compare the way the two texts explore the idea of surviving in harsh environments.
This is my introduction. I would appreciate some feedback on my response to the topic and the structure of the intro. thanksssss

The transformative nature of solo experience in the natural environment is explored within Robyn Davidson’s memoir Tracks and Sean Penn’s biopic Into the Wild. In both texts, isolation in the wilderness is portrayed as unpredictable and damaging due to the harsh aspects of nature. While Penn’s portrayal of Chris’ naïve exuberance and tragic death depicts that nature can be merciless, Davidson depicts her journey as transformative and fulfilling. Other than the unforgiving nature of the wilderness, Penn and Davidson also illustrate the detrimental aspects of familial relations and urban life as the harsh environments that Chris and Robyn attempt to escape.

[rnrn]

The transformative nature of solo experience in the natural environment is explored within Robyn Davidson’s memoir Tracks and Sean Penn’s biopic Informal. Just say 'biographical film' instead. Into the Wild.This first sentence is vague and not needed. In both texts, isolation in the wilderness is portrayed as unpredictable and damaging due to the harsh aspects of nature. While Penn’s portrayal of Chris’ naïve exuberance and tragic death depicts that nature can be merciless This is a superficial interpretation of the film - does Penn celebrate nothing about Chris' journey? , Davidson depicts her journey as transformative and fulfilling. Other than the unforgiving nature of the wilderness, Penn and Davidson also illustrate the detrimental aspects of familial relations and urban life as the harsh environments You're side-stepping from the topic here. that Chris and Robyn attempt to escape.

Solid introduction. Good job. 

[clarke54321]

Hey y'all, I have been having a hard time thinking about a way to respond to this topic:
“There is nothing as real as having to think about survival.”(Tracks) Compare the way the two texts explore the idea of surviving in harsh environments.
This is my introduction. I would appreciate some feedback on my response to the topic and the structure of the intro. thanksssss

The transformative nature of solo experience in the natural environment is explored within Robyn Davidson’s memoir Tracks and Sean Penn’s biopic Into the Wild. In both texts, isolation in the wilderness is portrayed as unpredictable and damaging due to the harsh aspects of natureI'm finding it difficult to reconcile the jump between this sentence and the last. Transformative (something empowering) to isolation (which you've implied is dangerous).. While Penn’s portrayal of Chris’ naïve exuberanceI'm not sure this is the right adjective. Perhaps naive enchantment with nature would work better. and tragic death depicts that this phrasing is a bit awkward. Try a verb like suggests/indicates/stressesnature can be merciless, Davidson depicts her journey as transformative and fulfilling so here is the link to the first opening sentence. From your signposting, I'd suggest that you rework this sentence. It seems as though it only resonates with Tracks. Other than the unforgiving nature of the wilderness, Penn and Davidson also illustrate the detrimental aspects of familial relations and urban life as the harsh environments that Chris and Robyn attempt to escape this is a great take on environment.

For the most part, this introduction flows nicely. I'm just still wondering whether the survival part of the prompt has been adequately addressed. You've shed light on what these harsh environments are, but I think there could be some more emphasis on how the characters learn to persevere within these environments (especially if you are describing their journey as something transformative).  Hopefully this makes sense

[BlinkieBill]

thanks for the feedback!

I am still not sure how to address the survival aspect for Chris??

[rnrn]

thanks for the feedback!

I am still not sure how to address the survival aspect for Chris??

His death - what does that suggest about survival in the wilderness? Before he arrives in the Alaskan wilderness, how does he prepare to survive there? And when he's actually in the wilderness, what does he do to survive?