Creative: English AOS

[AlanMate]

Hello! First timer here. Could someone please review my creative? Cheers!

Q: "The process of discovery is unexpected"

[dermite]

Hi there,

A few comments...
-> The intro is a little bit clichéd; its in a few school marking guidelines, i.e. "Intro/Ending is not clichéd", but waking up and rubbing eyes is a little bit

-> if the stimulus/qn was "discovery is unexpected", then you aren't accurately showing that, as she is looking for the picture that sparks it, hence negating the qn

take what you want from that, but other than that its a pretty cool story.

[jamonwindeyer]

Thanks for the feedback. What ways could I improve my plot to relate more to discovery without changing my story line?

I think it definitely relates to Discovery as is, it's just the unexpected bit. You focus quite a lot on the aftermath of the "aha" moment, the moment itself is quite rushed and so you don't get a chance to show the audience, "Wow, this Discovery was unexpected wasn't it, imagine that!" Instead it's sort of just, yep, here it is and away you go. This narrative would more suit a stimulus like, "Discoveries ultimately fail to change the self unless they are truly receptive," or something like that!

That said, I really like your creative. I think you are over-describing and being overly verbose at times, sometimes it's good to just get to the point quite quickly and save the techniques for when you need the impact

[Opengangs]

Oh alright I might just change my creative completely then!

Heya!
I haven't read your creative yet; will get around to it later! But I don't think you need to change it completely. I think having multiple creatives is a really good approach, because it allows you to expand on your ideas as you begin redrafting all of your older ones. I suggest keeping a copy of this creative, but have some ideas in your head for the different types of discoveries you could employ.

The point of this is to be really comfortable with just an outline of your main ideas, characters, and setting by the time you do sit the HSC, and then to have it completely moulded by the question. You can do so much with a fully fleshed out idea, and by practicing it now, you'll only get better at making it up on the spot for when you do sit the HSC.

But if you're not, at this stage, stick with having your main ideas still fresh and having an A-range response ready up your sleeves. Overtime, you'll get better at it!

[jamonwindeyer]

Agree with OG, no need to change completely, maybe try taking the same character and the issues they are tackling and bring them into a new scenario? In any case, keep a copy - A handful of creatives with the same character is what I personally took into my HSC and it worked really nicely for me