Finding people to walk around uni with

[tinagranger]

Hi there!

After a week at Unimelb I am feeling a bit overwhelmed, because it is such a ginormous university and there are soo many people. It seems to me like everyone has different starting and ending times for lectures/tutes/practicals/workshops, so I don't get how there are so many people walking/chilling together (I know there are a lot of people alone as well, but at least 50% are with people/groups)! When you guys have a break and want to socialise, do you just text each of your friends and ask if they are free? Or do you ask for your friends' timetables so you know which ones are free when you are? I am always walking alone around uni and feel so lost when it seems so many people are with groups of people! When I see people I know, I just have a quick chat with them on the spot and ask them if they have a break, but they are always rushing to their next class. Also, how often would you guys say you catch up/walk with friends during the uni day (this is excluding clubs and stuff)?

Do you normally go everywhere alone and leave socialising to club meetings/night time and weekends, or if not, how do you find people to hang out with when you have breaks/lunch? The big one is lunchtime..I always feel self-conscious eating alone, but none of my friends ever seem to be free  Sorry about all the random questions but thanks in advance!

[Joseph41]

Hi there!

After a week at Unimelb I am feeling a bit overwhelmed, because it is such a ginormous university and there are soo many people. It seems to me like everyone has different starting and ending times for lectures/tutes/practicals/workshops, so I don't get how there are so many people walking/chilling together (I know there are a lot of people alone as well, but at least 50% are with people/groups)! When you guys have a break and want to socialise, do you just text each of your friends and ask if they are free? Or do you ask for your friends' timetables so you know which ones are free when you are? I am always walking alone around uni and feel so lost when it seems so many people are with groups of people! When I see people I know, I just have a quick chat with them on the spot and ask them if they have a break, but they are always rushing to their next class. Also, how often would you guys say you catch up/walk with friends during the uni day (this is excluding clubs and stuff)?

Do you normally go everywhere alone and leave socialising to club meetings/night time and weekends, or if not, how do you find people to hang out with when you have breaks/lunch? The big one is lunchtime..I always feel self-conscious eating alone, but none of my friends ever seem to be free  Sorry about all the random questions but thanks in advance!

Hey. I practically always ate lunch alone for a few reasons:

1. As you've alluded to, it's difficult to get timetables that line up with people you already know.
2. I honestly just found it easier, because like, I'd usually have stuff to do (readings, catch up on lectures, assignments, whatever the case may be).
3. To be honest, I never really found socialising at uni that enjoyable. This might just be me, but socialising after uni or on weekends or whatever with my friends was just way more relaxing, because I wasn't kinda thinking about uni the whole time.

But I empathise with the whole being self-conscious about it thing. It's probably natural, because like, at school, you usually have your own group of friends or whatever that you've developed over several years. I think the thing to remember is that literally nobody will judge you - I'd be surprised if people even noticed! There are heaps of people milling around and I think it's pretty commonly accepted that people at uni just do whatever they like. If they want to eat with 100 other people, awesome. If they want to eat alone in a corner with nobody else in a 30 metre radius, awesome.

Now, that's not to say that you want to be alone - and that's not how your post came across. So to answer your question of actually finding people at the relevant times, I think the advice above is good (Facebook group or whatever with your friends). Or if you're looking to make new friends to chill out with, lots of clubs and so on have lunch-time activities and events - that could be a good option. Otherwise, it might just be a case of metaphorically putting out your feelers, and starting up a conversation with somebody who you think looks equally lost!

But yeah, note that you're certainly not alone, and even if it seems like everybody knows everybody and you don't, that's just not the case at all.

P.S. ATAR Notes is a great place to organise meeting up with people. Case in point is the post above this one.

[The Special One]

First year was ok but it gets harder and harder to be able to link up with friend.

I'm totally alone for the first time in my life for second year

[zofromuxo]

"What you see isn't always the true picture".
We all know those imgur or facebook posts of reality vs expectations about "amazing" photos being taken or the behind the scenes look of shows we love.
And we all feel or think "woah, that's amazing" or "that took a lot of effort to do" etc something along these lines. This is just like all when you see people have friends and you don't.

"so I don't get how there are so many people walking/chilling together (I know there are a lot of people alone as well, but at least 50% are with people/groups)! "
How? Simple. Common interests, friends of friends, talking/connecting with one, parts or all of the members, tagging along, etc. You don't actually know how this happens many things come into play with this statement.

The point i'm making is that walking with a group of people isn't as difficult as it looks. Which means you can also do that yourself, if you so wish (More on this later). I just wanted to clear up that walking with a large group of people isn't something mythical or just godlike and that you can't do that. Anyone can, if you know how. Which is both easy to replicate and do yourself.

"When you guys have a break and want to socialise, do you just text each of your friends and ask if they are free? Or do you ask for your friends' timetables so you know which ones are free when you are?"
I'm assuming your a 1st year student, but most of not all of you share the same timetable. Which means you have the same lecture, tutorials, labs, practicals, etc. Which means you can just ask someone from your course: if you can hang out with them....But zofro, that means people will think your creepy and I don't want to be creepy!. Your not being creepy. Its called how to make friends. Friends and hanging out with people isn't made by mind communication (I wish though, I really do). So you have to talk and connect with people. No this doesn't have to be only used in your course, ask people around the campus. Ask if they are a first year looking for someone to hang out with. Ask about them. I can't count on my fingers the amount of "lonely" people I just talked to and ended up walking with. Its not hard, its only hard because a) your not used to it and b) you have all these thoughts & anxieties telling you not to.

Lets say however you have friend in other unis like RMIT or Monash (Parkville). You can either use Timeweave or just text them if there free. If they are, Great set a place and time to meet up. Then chill or hang out or whatever you want to do. You can ask for their timetables and look for when your both free and set up meetups as well. It isn't too hard and difficult.

Also, how often would you guys say you catch up/walk with friends during the uni day (this is excluding clubs and stuff)? I don't really. Since I'm in 2nd year, most of my friends have different classes to me. So we talk during our breaks, walk to the same class or walk till we have to go our separate ways. But not often, which is fine with me. I like having lots of alone time to do other things like being on ATARNotes and helping users out like you. Some students take trains/buses and even carpool together, but thats up to you and your friends.

Do you normally go everywhere alone and leave socialising to club meetings/night time and weekends, or if not, how do you find people to hang out with when you have breaks/lunch?
That depends. As I said in the answer above, it varies on our timetables and whether we see each other or not as well. Sometimes, I'll see my friend somewhere and talk for a little bit. As for clubs, you can certainly socialise during club meetings and socialise outside of clubs, if you create a connection or friendship.
For the second part, you ask. If no one in your circle is free, then you go around the campus and if you see someone alone. You strike up conversations. Yes. Talk to random strangers. Which is what your doing anyone when you get to university. Try and look for something to talk about though.
Eg: Someone is reading a book. Ask if the book is any good. ask what the author has made, genre and/or similar books to it.
Eg: Someone listening to music. Ask what they are listening to. What genre it is?
-> Go with the flow. The first question is usually the awkward part, but be calm about it. Your not invading someone's life. If they don't want to talk: THEY WILL TELL YOU. You aren't be a creep, ass, weirdo, PUAing (aka picking up guys or girls), etc. Your just having a conversation.

If however these don't work then well. Get used to being alone. I know you feel self-conscious about it. We all do at points in our lives. I still do. But sometimes you need time alone. Pick up a hobby like journaling, sketching aka drawing aka doodling, painting, reading or my favorite people watching. Heck you can even meditate during these times.
I'm guess your alone majority of the time, which yes sucks, but really you just have to put yourself out there.

"It's often the case that people want to help you or work with you. But they can't if you insist on holding on to tight control". Chris Anderson, Curator of TED Talks
I was like this in high school. I was really picky who I hang out with, which left me with no one. Then university happened. I knew no one. My friends went to Monash or Deakin or some far away university. I was back to square one. So I just removed my standards and just talked to people. I tried to make connections and wasn't thinking about myself. I thought about what I can offer to them: A friendship. A year later, I have a decent amount of people I can hang out with and chill with. It wasn't easy and no everything went well. Sometimes I'm still alone. But you can definitely find people to walk around with.

Also FYI you go University of Melbourne. Just set up an ATARNotes Meetup at UOM, ask people to come and they'll come because they could just be like you. You already have a few common interests: Going to UOM and you hang out on this site. Talk with those that come, introduce yourself, get contact details. Boom you have people you can hang out with. You just do the usual friends stuff and your set.

sdfg has offered to help you out. I would take that opportunity as well. It takes one to start movement. In your case, it takes one to have someone to walk around uni with.

[The Special One]

"What you see isn't always the true picture".
We all know those imgur or facebook posts of reality vs expectations about "amazing" photos being taken or the behind the scenes look of shows we love.
And we all feel or think "woah, that's amazing" or "that took a lot of effort to do" etc something along these lines. This is just like all when you see people have friends and you don't.

"so I don't get how there are so many people walking/chilling together (I know there are a lot of people alone as well, but at least 50% are with people/groups)! "
How? Simple. Common interests, friends of friends, talking/connecting with one, parts or all of the members, tagging along, etc. You don't actually know how this happens many things come into play with this statement.

The point i'm making is that walking with a group of people isn't as difficult as it looks. Which means you can also do that yourself, if you so wish (More on this later). I just wanted to clear up that walking with a large group of people isn't something mythical or just godlike and that you can't do that. Anyone can, if you know how. Which is both easy to replicate and do yourself.

"When you guys have a break and want to socialise, do you just text each of your friends and ask if they are free? Or do you ask for your friends' timetables so you know which ones are free when you are?"
I'm assuming your a 1st year student, but most of not all of you share the same timetable. Which means you have the same lecture, tutorials, labs, practicals, etc. Which means you can just ask someone from your course: if you can hang out with them....But zofro, that means people will think your creepy and I don't want to be creepy!. Your not being creepy. Its called how to make friends. Friends and hanging out with people isn't made by mind communication (I wish though, I really do). So you have to talk and connect with people. No this doesn't have to be only used in your course, ask people around the campus. Ask if they are a first year looking for someone to hang out with. Ask about them. I can't count on my fingers the amount of "lonely" people I just talked to and ended up walking with. Its not hard, its only hard because a) your not used to it and b) you have all these thoughts & anxieties telling you not to.

Lets say however you have friend in other unis like RMIT or Monash (Parkville). You can either use Timeweave or just text them if there free. If they are, Great set a place and time to meet up. Then chill or hang out or whatever you want to do. You can ask for their timetables and look for when your both free and set up meetups as well. It isn't too hard and difficult.

Also, how often would you guys say you catch up/walk with friends during the uni day (this is excluding clubs and stuff)? I don't really. Since I'm in 2nd year, most of my friends have different classes to me. So we talk during our breaks, walk to the same class or walk till we have to go our separate ways. But not often, which is fine with me. I like having lots of alone time to do other things like being on ATARNotes and helping users out like you. Some students take trains/buses and even carpool together, but thats up to you and your friends.

Do you normally go everywhere alone and leave socialising to club meetings/night time and weekends, or if not, how do you find people to hang out with when you have breaks/lunch?
That depends. As I said in the answer above, it varies on our timetables and whether we see each other or not as well. Sometimes, I'll see my friend somewhere and talk for a little bit. As for clubs, you can certainly socialise during club meetings and socialise outside of clubs, if you create a connection or friendship.
For the second part, you ask. If no one in your circle is free, then you go around the campus and if you see someone alone. You strike up conversations. Yes. Talk to random strangers. Which is what your doing anyone when you get to university. Try and look for something to talk about though.
Eg: Someone is reading a book. Ask if the book is any good. ask what the author has made, genre and/or similar books to it.
Eg: Someone listening to music. Ask what they are listening to. What genre it is?
-> Go with the flow. The first question is usually the awkward part, but be calm about it. Your not invading someone's life. If they don't want to talk: THEY WILL TELL YOU. You aren't be a creep, ass, weirdo, PUAing (aka picking up guys or girls), etc. Your just having a conversation.

If however these don't work then well. Get used to being alone. I know you feel self-conscious about it. We all do at points in our lives. I still do. But sometimes you need time alone. Pick up a hobby like journaling, sketching aka drawing aka doodling, painting, reading or my favorite people watching. Heck you can even meditate during these times.
I'm guess your alone majority of the time, which yes sucks, but really you just have to put yourself out there.

"It's often the case that people want to help you or work with you. But they can't if you insist on holding on to tight control". Chris Anderson, Curator of TED Talks
I was like this in high school. I was really picky who I hang out with, which left me with no one. Then university happened. I knew no one. My friends went to Monash or Deakin or some far away university. I was back to square one. So I just removed my standards and just talked to people. I tried to make connections and wasn't thinking about myself. I thought about what I can offer to them: A friendship. A year later, I have a decent amount of people I can hang out with and chill with. It wasn't easy and no everything went well. Sometimes I'm still alone. But you can definitely find people to walk around with.

Also FYI you go University of Melbourne. Just set up an ATARNotes Meetup at UOM, ask people to come and they'll come because they could just be like you. You already have a few common interests: Going to UOM and you hang out on this site. Talk with those that come, introduce yourself, get contact details. Boom you have people you can hang out with. You just do the usual friends stuff and your set.

sdfg has offered to help you out. I would take that opportunity as well. It takes one to start movement. In your case, it takes one to have someone to walk around uni with.

It's kinda awkward talking to people out of the blue don't you think?

[clarke54321]

Honestly though, i would love to meet you, and we can work out our free times if you want

I second this! I'd love to meet with some of you, as I'm also in a very similar position (not knowing many people attending UoM)

[EragusTrenzalore]

In regards to the people, who have "time to socialise on campus", are mainly those who live on the campus, so don't worry about it too much (you'll make plenty of friends in the future ie. your work place)

P.S. I am going through the same transition, and it's nothing worry about. It's only our second week, and I can assure you it will get better soon.


Honestly though, i would love to meet you, and we can work out our free times if you want

Hey, do you want to meet up as well. I’m doing Biomed as well.

[Shadowxo]

Hey
The posts above have already covered most of it but it is a big change between school and uni. You might find yourself eating lunch alone a lot more frequently (a lot of people do!) or you can just ask if anyone's free.
In school you'd normally have a small group of friends but I found at uni you become friends with people, and meet their friends, and end up with knowing a lot of people. I typically find it easiest to make friends in tutorials / pracs etc. You end up not walking with the same people between classes but rather different people depending on what your previous class was.
Don't worry if you don't have many friends, especially at the start of uni. It's common to do a lot of uni things alone (I found lunches, and sometimes lectures) although I'd definitely recommend becoming friends with people in tutes. If you can carry these over to lectures and lunchtimes, great! But if you do sit alone don't worry. I'd recommend getting the facebook of people you meet / work with in tutes etc, both so you can ask them questions if needed or see if they're free.

PS I know I'm not a first year but happy to join the meetup
PPS sorry for the poor answer structure haha

[spectroscopy]

what me and my friends did is we inadvertently had a space in uni where everyone would go in their breaks or whenever they were at uni with nothing else to do and eat there  (it was the MSD collab space for u melb uni students). So whenever I had a break in between classes I'd just go there and bump into someone from my school cool 90% of the time, and the rest of the time I'd just sit there anyway and someone else would eventually walk in. this is probably a very difficult thing to replicate unless you came from a high school which has heaps of kids from hs go to that uni. something like 80 kids from my year 12 cohort went to melb uni so it was a distinct advantage, but yea. if you and your group of friends can find a space you guys like and always go there in your breaks then it might naturally become a meeting spot

[zofromuxo]

It's kinda awkward talking to people out of the blue don't you think?

It isn't if you find something relevant to talk about.

Here's a few examples and scenarios of me talking to people that actually happened to me.

1. I went to a networking event way above my paygrade like lawyers, entrepreneurs (that actually had made successful products) to people from the MCG, Swisse, Smiling Mind (an Australian mindfulness app). It was like a corporate networking event. I was none of those things. I was a 1st year university student who didn't even study something "elitist" at all. I wasn't studying medicine, business, law, politics, etc. I had "wasted" my time and money for this event. At the end of it, I talked to ~10 out of the 40 people there and even got a network connection. How did I did it? I thought about them and not about me.
By that I mean, the connection I made worked at a Clean Energy policy agency that worked for the Australian Federal Government. I thought what would be interesting to learn from this person? Oh Elon Musk and South Australia. I asked them that we went for 10 minutes discussing about it. Their thoughts, their issues with it, how they would approach it, could they use it to influence Clean Energy initiatives being taken up by the Federal government, etc. It was awkward at the start when we introducing each others since I had no place there. But I made it about them, I wanted to learn from them. I mean it isn't everyday you get a chance to talk to someone who can affect government policy on Energy. As for the rest of the night, that's what I did. I asked them things about their professions, advice for me and thoughts on the event. Yes I felt awkward, yes I was nervous, yes I had no place there. But I made it work because I looked for ways to not make it awkward.

2. I was on the bus and we got stucked in traffic on the freeway. This Year 12 high school girl was looking at her dead phone. So I jokingly asked her: "If you like looking at a black screen so much, why not make it your wallpaper?". She laughed and said she was trying to restart her phone. I replied to let me give it a try and alas her phone died. We spent the rest of the trip until she got off her stop talking about Year 12. Me giving her advice on it and listening to her vent about Year 12 stuff.

3. We had a guest speaker from Australia Post. She worked in the GIS department in the past. Now I've always wonder after Ahmed Fahour took over the company, they managed to make a huge profit turnover. (You can google this, their are stories about him improving the company in his tenure. Its actually amazing considering how much money Australia Post was losing before he took the reins). After her talk, I straight up asked her what the GIS department under his tenure did. As one of the big factors on improving the Australia Post was the delivery of packages. This is heavily reliant on an accurate GIS database, so I was curious what he did. She actually didn't know. But alas, we had a short conversation on her long work history and for advice on getting start in coding.

4. There was an earthquake the day before when I was in Japan. So in the morning when I was in the lift, an old man was asking me about it in Japanese. It was awkward since I couldn't reply to him about it, but I knew what he was talking about. I felt bad about it. But for him it wasn't awkward, it was just discussing with someone about something relevant that happened.

In all of these scenarios, it was awkward for me to this. I had to make myself look like an idiot and be vulnerable. I suspect that maybe you find this awkward because a) you don't want to look stupid, b) you can't find something relevant to talk about with them, c) coming off awkward.

Look I'm not saying go and talk to everyone. Sometimes you can't break in a conversation and that's fine. But you'll be surprised how many conversations you can start just by observing what you can ask people.

[The Special One]

Cheers for the insight, has to be C in my case, and honestly l not something I can get over. Kudos to you for being able to do this