Language Analysis - I'm a Little Stuck?

[Poet]

Hey people!
Okay, so... I've been trying to write a decent LA for a few weeks now and I know it's meant to be one of the easiest things to do because it's so 'formulaic', but I've been struggling. Here's what I've got so far (I know, it's sad) so some feedback and tips as to how I can get myself unstuck would be very much appreciated. <3

The New South Wales treasurer Dominic Perrottet’s passionate article “Only one certainty if we make assisted suicide legal” (2017) addresses the moral, psychological and cultural issues with assisted suicide. Using inclusive and emotive language, Perrottet attempts to sway his audience by questioning the Victorian and NSW assisted dying bills and appealing to an audience that may be adversely affected by the bill’s legalisation.

Beginning the article with a reference to helplines for suicide prevention, this statement places emphasis on the later juxtaposition the author highlights in “former Prime Minister Paul Keating’s observation that, if we make assisted suicide legal, ‘there will be people whose lives we honour and those we believe are better off dead’.” The author uses a confronting and expressive tone, utilising emotive language such as “dark, stark dissonance” and provoking rhetorical questions that sway the audience towards his outlook that the effects of the bill’s passing may be deleterious.

Perrottet lambasts the legislation and questions the ‘“safeguards”’ involved in the current Bill presented. The author’s use of quotation marks around the word ‘safeguards’ indicates his disbelieve and negative outlook towards the word when applied to the assisted dying bill. An underlying tone of sarcasm...

Aaand that all I've got. Here's the link to the article I'm writing on. I've got it printed out and annotated, but I'm struggling still.

Thanks, lovely ANers!

P.S. Feel free to be absolutely brutal. Tear it to shreds. I'll thank you for it!

[VeryJuicyLemon]

Hey people!
Okay, so... I've been trying to write a decent LA for a few weeks now and I know it's meant to be one of the easiest things to do because it's so 'formulaic', but I've been struggling. Here's what I've got so far (I know, it's sad) so some feedback and tips as to how I can get myself unstuck would be very much appreciated. <3

The New South Wales treasurer Dominic Perrottet’s passionate article “Only one certainty if we make assisted suicide legal” (2017) addresses the moral, psychological and cultural issues with assisted suicide. Using inclusive and emotive language, Perrottet attempts to sway his audience by questioning the Victorian and NSW assisted dying bills and appealing to an audience that may be adversely affected by the bill’s legalisation.

Beginning the article with a reference to helplines for suicide prevention, this statement places emphasis on the later juxtaposition the author highlights in “former Prime Minister Paul Keating’s observation that, if we make assisted suicide legal, ‘there will be people whose lives we honour and those we believe are better off dead’.” The author uses a confronting and expressive tone, utilising emotive language such as “dark, stark dissonance” and provoking rhetorical questions that sway the audience towards his outlook that the effects of the bill’s passing may be deleterious.

Perrottet lambasts the legislation and questions the ‘“safeguards”’ involved in the current Bill presented. The author’s use of quotation marks around the word ‘safeguards’ indicates his disbelieve and negative outlook towards the word when applied to the assisted dying bill. An underlying tone of sarcasm...

Aaand that all I've got. Here's the link to the article I'm writing on. I've got it printed out and annotated, but I'm struggling still.

Thanks, lovely ANers!

P.S. Feel free to be absolutely brutal. Tear it to shreds. I'll thank you for it!

1. Instead of using "the author" I would suggest using the authors last name
2. "The author uses a confronting and expressive tone, utilising emotive language such as “dark, stark dissonance” and provoking rhetorical questions that sway the audience towards his outlook that the effects of the bill’s passing may be deleterious." - this is a bit...too much? Try to expand it more and analysis it individually, explaining how does each ___ effect the audience and why did the author utilise ___... OR you can select the most prominent and analyse it in depth, then you add something like: this notion is further supported by....
3. "Perrottet lambasts the legislation and questions the ‘“safeguards”’ involved in the current Bill presented. The author’s use of quotation marks around the word ‘safeguards’ indicates his disbelieve and negative outlook towards the word when applied to the assisted dying bill. An underlying tone of sarcasm..." - How did the audience react? Why is the authors perception of "safeguard" indicated his disbelieve and something that is seen as negative?

Try to make the piece flow and expand on your ideas more instead of outlining it (too brief). Remember: Don't just  identify persuasive techniques but to show its effects and why did the author utilise it.

When talking about tone, expand it, how did it made the reader feel and why etc.

Also mention its structure!!!

Try to use this structure: What, How and Why.

(I'm also a VCE student doing english!)

[OZLexico]

The material you've written is okay ... so far but ... You haven't given enough focus to the three main arguments.  These are the challenges facing the  assistance hotlines, the decision-makers and legislators and the people who are in need of "assisted dying".  Working on these three aspects should help you to see the structure of Perrottet's arguments more clearly - look at the persuasive techniques (including tone and changes of tone) attached to each argument.  Also - you will need to consider the photographs and the contribution they make to each of the arguments.  It is a good idea to integrate your comments on these into your analysis.  Consider where they are placed in the text and how they support or oppose the surrounding written content.