Tomorrow's iGeneration

[billz1508]

Hi has anyone compelted this prac piece. i am having difficulty completed a fully written piece. i had only introduction and opening body paragraph. Just failing to find a technique which is used more effectively than others.
And TBH my english is probly my worst subject, language is so bad and yeah, as u can probly tell alrdy lol.



------------------------------

What i have so far.. im trying to get a study score of 35ish, maybe 34.. sacs arnt the best.. B+ (low) unit 3, and roughly and A (mid-low) unit 4

Samantha stone's featured article, “Tomorrow's iGeneration” in the opinion column contends the point of view that children are not to blame for the 'gloom and doom' which exists within our world. Ms Stone being the daily news writer has expressed her views clearly by using a firm and concerned tone, and by doing so she persuaded parents whom are reading the article that the younger generation are not to blame. A number of links to environmental factors have been made during this opinion piece by use of a visual and hard evidence as well as the use of rhetorical questions. By using these links Samantha has precisely indicated that children are not to be blamed for all the ‘gloom and doom’ in this world despite them being so attached to these, “iGadget” devices.
 
Samantha immediately addresses the issue of parents shifting the blame of the ‘gloom and doom’ existing in this world to the young in her opening, by using technique, appealing to common sense which positions the reader to think rationally as she explained how all of life’s main problem are caused by parents. Addressing the issues such as, higher interest rates, and peaking petrol prices, Samantha was able to justify by referring to common sense that these issues can not be attacked or caused by the younger generation therefore making the audience question who is really to blame.

[lynt.br]

Samantha stone's featured article, “Tomorrow's iGeneration” in the opinion column If it appeared in the opinion column, its likely an opinion piece. Make sure you get the text type correct. contends the point of view that children are not to blame for the 'gloom and doom' which exists within our world how about society? 'Our world' sounds dodgy. Ms Stone being the daily news writer has expressed her views clearlyDodgy expression and not necessary in analysis by using a Stone employs a firm and concerned tone, and by doing so Try to minimise coordinating conjunctions such as 'and'she persuaded parents Your talking in past tense and in absolutes. Also try to keep the focus on the reader rather than the writer. 'Readers are encouraged to share Stone's perception that...' etc. whom are reading the article I would just say 'Parental readers'. This also makes it clear that you have identified the specific audience groups the text targets.that the younger generation are not to blame.Dodgy expression. Not to blame for what? I also don't see how the articles tone has this persuasive effect. A number of links to environmental factors have been made during this opinion piece You called it a feature article in your first line. Without reading the article I predict it is an opinion piece so stay consistent.by use of a visual and hard evidence emprical evidence?as well as the use of rhetorical questions. I would avoid this 'listing' approach of the persuasive techniques. By using these links Samantha has precisely indicatedcontends that children are not to be blamed for all the ‘gloom and doom’ in this world despite them being so attached to these, “iGadget” devices.

This needs to be condensed a lot. You seem to needlessly repeat the contention a number of different ways. I also argue that you do not need to mention the persuasive techniques in your introduction. Language analysis is not about finding techniques. It is about analysis purpose and intended effect on specific audience groups.

Your intro should basically be:
Brief background into the issue - one short simple sentence.
Author name, text name, text type, publication name etc.
Authors contention and the way it is argued (tone).
Target audience. Who would the arguments in the text be directed towards?

This can be done in 3-5 sentences and sets up the rest of your analysis rather nicely.


Samantha immediately addresses the issue of parents shifting the blame of the ‘gloom and doom’ existing in this world to the young in her opening,Read this aloud to yourself. You should hear what is wrong with it. by using technique, appealing to common sense I hate this 'treasure-hunt' approach to language analysis. Try to avoid sounding like your just looking through the text for techniques on one of those 'technique lists' so many schools give out (Which in my opinion encourage a completely incorrect approach to language analysis).which positions the reader'encourages readers' - 'positions the reader' is wooden and overused. to think rationally as she explained how all of life’s main problem are caused by parents Where in the text does she appeal to common sense? How does she do it? Why? What are readers inclined to feel? Put the focus on the reader, not the writer. Examiners don't care that the writer 'explained how yada yada', they want to know its intended effect on the reader.. Addressing the issues such as, higher interest rates, and peaking petrol prices, Samantha was able to justify watch grammarby referring to common sense that these issues can not be attackedpoor word choice or caused by the younger generation therefore making the audience question who is really to blame. You finally make mention of the audience but your discussion is so cursory that you've failed to acknowledge the entire point of language analysis - the reader.

Your body paragraphs should follow the basic outline of:
What does the author do? This is basically the technique/persuasive device. Don't limit this to just the techniques given on those stupid list sheets. Think on your feet. Almost anything can be a persuasive device.
How does the text show this? Where in text does an example occur?
Why is the technique used? This is the big one. You need to focus on its intended effect upon readers. The best responses will explain why this effective is likely to occur, particularly in specific audience groups.

You should pretty much repeat this process for every 'technique' that you want to talk about. When reading the article, try to organise your points according to the 'why's' so each paragraph covers a specific purpose of the text. Repeat the What, How, Why structure about 2-3 times per paragraph and you'll find your writing becomes much tighter and to the point while still covering a range of persuasive devices and more importantly, their effects on the audience.

[billz1508]

jeez ur good lol.. thankyou so much

[billz1508]

and soprry botu double post, but with the not lsiting persuasive techniques, am i being taught wrong. because my teachers (all 3 english teachers at my school say to include this in the introduction) but when i talk to other students from other schools, they say it is no neccasary, and that my introductions are always to long, but the teachers seem to encourage long introduction aslong as it mentions what is needed. so im a bit confused :S