My creative piece

[Mada438]

Hey guys so this is my discovery creative. Any feedback you could give would be appreciated!
Especially for the italicised middle part, like its not bad but it doesn't feel that good either.
Also, for memorisation should i just keep rewriting it, or keep speaking it as a memorisation technique?

I love you

How did it come to this? I stare at the blank wall in front of me, the rusty springs of the bed squeak as I shift my weight. To think that after the events of the past 4 months, this would become a home to me for the next decade. No, not a home. A cage. Of the mind, of the body and the spirit.

I look down at my shaking hands. The urge to weep overwhelms me but the tears refuse to fall.The rhythmic drip drip of the basin in the corner fills my ears as I stare at my shaking hands. Memories tremble in my torn psyche but I stop them. I want to remember, but I’m afraid of the darkness. The bottomless abyss.

“What was she like?” Says a voice at the other end of the cell, a figure hidden by the shadowy fluorescent lights. The only visible feature is a gnarled hand, a rollie dangling from its forefingers.

My hands continue to shake as I take the Polaroid out of my pocket, the one thing they allowed me to keep. Was it kindness? Or torture, to leave me with this reminder? My hands quiver as I look at the tiny picture.

“She was beautiful, small for her age but with the biggest heart and soul. Her face never ceased to make me happy. That smile was the cutest thing. She was rugged up against the cold Katoomba winds, but she couldn’t have looked happier with that multi-coloured beanie with its orange pom-pom on top.”

The figure shuffles closer, “Why don’t you tell me what happened?” it says.
I close my eyes and grip the photo tightly as the memories cascade over the dam wall and swirl through my mind.  It all started with the alcohol…

***The memories begin…***
I run my hand through my brown hair and look at myself in the mirror. I slip my shirt on and walk out of the bathroom. As I stride back towards my bedroom, I catch sight of the photo on the mantle. The one that shows me with Max, standing in front of the public garden. I haven’t seen him in a long time, so I’m looking forward to catching up tonight. I grab my keys and walk downstairs. My hand grips the door knob when I hear “Dad, can you please stay in tonight? I haven’t been able to spend time with you for a while.”

“Sorry Dani, but I’m going to catch up with Max tonight, I haven’t seen him in ages.” I reply.

Dani takes another step towards me “Please dad? Max is going to be in town for a few more days, why don’t you just see him tomorrow?”

“Because he’s busy right up until when he leaves, this is my only chance to catch up with him, I’ll spend time with you tomorrow, I promise.”

“But that’s what you said last night! And the night before that! But every time you just end up going out and drinking!”

I kiss her forehead and step outside. “I know, but this time I really mean it. I won’t be out too late, I love you” and I close the door.


The hours flew by in a drunken haze…


The music is so loud that I can barely hear the sound of the engine roaring in my ears. I can’t stop laughing, I’m laughing at nothing in particular but I’m so intoxicated that it doesn’t matter. I swerve to avoid a car and renew my laughing fit. I turn into my street, how I remembered where to go, I don’t know.

The next thing I see is the face of a scared girl fully illuminated in my headlights. There is a sickening crunch.

I slam on the brakes and pull over, my heart with its rapid, thundering beats threatening to break free of my chest. 

I get out of the car and see a young girl, motionless, with a pool of blood forming around her head. Then I see it. The beanie. That multi-coloured beanie, with its stupid orange pom-pom.

My hands start quivering uncontrollably, I’m hit with a sudden wave of nausea and feel as if I am about to pass out. The last thing I see before I collapse is my daughter’s blank empty eyes staring through me.

***

I hide my trembling hands in my armpits, unable to look at them anymore. They are the hands of a man who has murdered his own daughter. They are the hands of a monster. A killer.

There’s no reply from the voice in the shadows. A heavy silence fills the air. The figure turns to face me and I see Dani’s face staring back.With a shake of his head he returns to the shadows and I am once again alone.

The words ‘I love you’ were uttered so flippantly but they were the last words I ever said to her. I hadn’t known at the time how important it wasbut now I understood. The lights finally switch off and the shaking subsides a little. My eyes close and I dream of sleep but the darkness provides no peace. .