penelope's (attempt at a) VCE journal

[dedformed]

Hello beans,

I was a bit sick today so I'm at home. I should probably use this time wisely and for good use but I'll take a break and add a mini Biology update before my exam on Friday.

As I write this, the year 12s are sitting their English exam. So proud of Class of 2020 - their experiences are one of a kind and if you're one of them, I congratulate you. You deserve to be proud of yourselves after such an overwhelming year.

Biology

I did do my last year's checklist. I haven't managed to get a single exam with all the MCQ right even though I've done about 20 practice exams. It's just annoying because I keep making silly mistakes like saying CO2 is an input for light dependent photosynthesis or saying ATP is an input for Electron Transport Chain. Dumb mistakes, but they're gonna cost me a lot.

I feel like company papers are either too difficult or too easy compared to VCAA's standard. I did all Insight exams for this study design and found them quite challenging (at first it made me realise how behind I was lol). I have a friend and we basically swap an exam a week (now an exam a day) to cross mark. It helps heaps to get a different perspective, and although I mark my own exams really harshly it's still quite hard to eliminate the bias in my own work. Anyway, I digress. I found VCAA exams HEAPS easier than Insight's papers. On the other hand, I sat some Access exams and found them relatively laid back. I don't know what kind of energy I should have right now: should I boost my confidence and gain some momentum or go through some speed bumps so that I can drive carefully through my exam? I didn't do VCAA 2017 sample since I didn't find answers but my Bio teacher agreed to mark them for me so I'll do that today. 

Biology to do list for this week

- Tuesday (today): Do VCAA sample exam (full), Neap 2020
- Wednesday: Do Access 2020 (I've only done 2019) and Edrolo 2020
- Thursday: Chill a bit and go over mistakes from my practice papers. Get an early sleep for Friday's exam.

Getting there, peeps. It's finally hitting me that Biology will affect my ATAR what the hell I'm so old already. I should consider names for my grandchildren. Abcde?

[The Cat In The Hat]

Hello beans,

I was a bit sick today so I'm at home. I should probably use this time wisely and for good use but I'll take a break and add a mini Biology update before my exam on Friday.

As I write this, the year 12s are sitting their English exam. So proud of Class of 2020 - their experiences are one of a kind and if you're one of them, I congratulate you. You deserve to be proud of yourselves after such an overwhelming year.

Biology

I did do my last year's checklist. I haven't managed to get a single exam with all the MCQ right even though I've done about 20 practice exams. It's just annoying because I keep making silly mistakes like saying CO2 is an input for light dependent photosynthesis or saying ATP is an input for Electron Transport Chain. Dumb mistakes, but they're gonna cost me a lot.

I feel like company papers are either too difficult or too easy compared to VCAA's standard. I did all Insight exams for this study design and found them quite challenging (at first it made me realise how behind I was lol). I have a friend and we basically swap an exam a week (now an exam a day) to cross mark. It helps heaps to get a different perspective, and although I mark my own exams really harshly it's still quite hard to eliminate the bias in my own work. Anyway, I digress. I found VCAA exams HEAPS easier than Insight's papers. On the other hand, I sat some Access exams and found them relatively laid back. I don't know what kind of energy I should have right now: should I boost my confidence and gain some momentum or go through some speed bumps so that I can drive carefully through my exam? I didn't do VCAA 2017 sample since I didn't find answers but my Bio teacher agreed to mark them for me so I'll do that today. 

Biology to do list for this week

- Tuesday (today): Do VCAA sample exam (full), Neap 2020
- Wednesday: Do Access 2020 (I've only done 2019) and Edrolo 2020
- Thursday: Chill a bit and go over mistakes from my practice papers. Get an early sleep for Friday's exam.

Getting there, peeps. It's finally hitting me that Biology will affect my ATAR what the hell I'm so old already. I should consider names for my grandchildren. Abcde?

Good luck for your exam on Friday!!
And as I write this, the year 12s have finished our English exam.

[Chocolatemilkshake]

Hi Penelope,
I don't think I've popped into your journal to say hi yet so hello Awesome journal and it's super cool that you've finished EI! I have no idea how this subject works at all but it sounds like one that really pushes you to think outside the box. So congratulations!

I did do my last year's checklist. I haven't managed to get a single exam with all the MCQ right even though I've done about 20 practice exams. It's just annoying because I keep making silly mistakes like saying CO2 is an input for light dependent photosynthesis or saying ATP is an input for Electron Transport Chain. Dumb mistakes, but they're gonna cost me a lot.

Sounds like you've put in a lot of work so be confident in yourself when walking into that exam room! I totally understand the frustration of making stupid mistakes within the exam and it's great that you're trying to minimise them. Just remember that you can lose a LOT of marks in biology (comparatively to other subjects) and still receive an amazing study score (I feel like a lot of times people don't realise that you can drop 10 marks and still get high forties, but you can because it's so hard to full mark a bio exam).

Anyway keep up the hard work, it's sounds like you're on a roll and getting other people to mark your exams is a super good way to improve  Good luck and enjoy the wave of relief at midday on Friday - you've got this 

[dedformed]

some replies:

Good luck for your exam on Friday!!
And as I write this, the year 12s have finished our English exam.

Thanks! I'm sure your effort will pay off! Keep pushing through guys. You can do this (and I can do Bio lol)!

I don't think I've popped into your journal to say hi yet so hello

heloooooooooooooooo
I've seen your posts around and probably binge read your journal lol, but I'm a relatively ghost-ly person here sooo hi.

lol idk im so energetic today fsr.

Also, I'm trying not to be too hard on myself. I started this year desperate for a 50 but it's okay. I know I've done my best (or maybe not lol) so I won't let the number undermine the amount of effort that went in.

Awesome journal and it's super cool that you've finished EI! I have no idea how this subject works at all but it sounds like one that really pushes you to think outside the box. So congratulations!

EI in a nutshell, if you're interested

EI is amazing! In a nutshell  (drumroll please):
U3: You decide a research question to pursue and there's SACs based on writing small components of it (mine were submitting the question and discussing significance, a literature review and an oral presentation of the proposed method).
U4: Entirely based on external assessment. Lots of self regulated research; you execute the method you proposed, analyse the results and write an overall 4000 word report (3500 this year lol idk why they thought that was a good idea). You also do a 20 min oral presentation to VCAA assessors (10 minutes content, 10 minutes questions) and this computer based external exam called Critical Thinking Test which just makes you write arguments about random questions.

So yeah, VCAA should pay me for this advertisement I'm doing but I recommend EI 10/10. 5 stars. The scaling is crap and since only about 200 kids in the state do it less than 20 manage 40+ but it's worth it since it's such a unique experience to have a solid report on the table at the end of the day. It's like a mini thesis. A brain child. You literally work 9 months on it. 

[dedformed]

A small pre-exam though scatter. Some things I want to remind my future self after I walk out of that exam room tomorrow.

A lot of people took a day off because of the exam tomorrow (like half my cohort does 3/4 Biology lol). I walked my usual commute, the air was really nice this morning. The crows sounded like they were discussing exam results. My face was warm from my breath under the mask, and my glasses were slightly foggy.

I was calm.

I can do this. I talked to my bio teacher. I asked him "Have I done enough?"

But I didn't need him to answer me. This is my first go at this. It's been a tough year. I've fallen, but I've picked myself up. There were garbage times but there were also not-so garbage times.

Tomorrow, when I'm in the hall, it's going to be me and my thoughts. I know what's going to be the exam, I've studied it all year. It's going to be a remix of the study design.

I've done over twenty five practice exams, studied for this more than I have for anything in my life. If I get a poor score, I will accept it with minimal regret. I know I slacked off a little bit sometimes, but I think overall I did hit some goals. And this was a learning opportunity. I'll go in tomorrow, and I probably wont full mark the exam, but when I walk out, I need to remind myself that how I feel after the exam doesn't really reflect anything about what score I'm going to get. If it's an easy exam, everyone found it easy and vice versa.

I'll go in tomorrow, I'll remember to breathe. I've done this a hundred times. How many exams have I sat since I started high school? SACs? Breathe in, breathe out. I need to overcome that initial pushing, the momentum after that will take care of itself. I need to remember to read each question twice, and one more time after I finish writing. I need to remember that leaving the exam early isn't an accomplishment and if others finish before me it means absolutely nothing and there's no need to panic. I need to remind myself to stay for the whole 2 hours and 30 mins, and maybe take a mini bathroom break to look at it through fresh eyes. I can do this.

I am calm. It's not about getting a 50, it's about putting all my effort. It doesn't matter if I don't get a 45+ or even a 50 (lol though ngl that would be super nice).

Good luck to everyone doing Biology! If I feel like it, I might post a post-exam reflection or something later.

[dedformed]

Okay so edit after 2 hours:

When I wrote this post I was still bawling my eyes out so it's very spontaneous. I feel slightly better after I emailed my teacher and he said it was normal to feel that way and to focus on my other work instead of overthinking it. My dad forced me to do gardening and at first I was fussy but it actually helped.

I know it sucks if I wont get my score but I need to pick myself up and move on. I can cry a few more buckets when I get my score back but I have my 1/2 s to worry about for now.

Here's my entry

This entry is going to sound so broken because I'm still getting myself together after yesterday.

The biology exam. So.

I was half an hour early to the venue, sitting outside. There was a lot of chatter and nervous anxiety in the room, but every now and then I could hear a "it's going to be over" and "we'll be so relieved". And to be frank, I felt the same. To anyone that was nervous, I told them to think about the relief that would flood them after so much intense work when they walked out of the hall. The sense of accomplishment they would feel after they put the final icing on this cake they'd been meticulously putting together for a whole year.

I avoided people that were too nervous, and sat outside until 8:50. I felt a ball in my stomach, but I soothed it telling it I was fine. I even wrote the entry the day before, how bad could it be? I was calm, and I was prepared, right?

I went through the exam, SA first. I smiled at a few questions because they looked really familiar. They seemed easy, just write write write. It was almost automated, once in a while my exam bubble would break and I would think "this is it, it's the exam, the real thing" or  think about how my performance then would affect my atar. I pushed the thoughts away, and kept working at it.

It took me longer than I expected, but I finished SA with enough time for Multiple Choice. I rolled through some questions, but second guessed myself. Heaps.

And before I knew it, an assessor was telling me to put my pen down. I did. I finished.

How do you feel Penelope, I asked myself?

But my chest was heavy.

I walked out, went out with my friends for a walk. Didn't talk much about bio but the stuff I discussed I knew I all got wrong.  I changed some questions last minute but it turns out my first go was right. I cringed at myself but I remained quiet. I'd told myself it was over.

I got home around five. My dad asked how I did, and I said "meh" and smiled. I felt hazy. I've had a hayfever for a while (I mentioned this in one of my previous entries, calm down it's not coronavirus I tested negative lol) so that didn't help either. I walked into my room, the same place I'd been in the morning. I was exhausted - I'd woken at 3:30am because I couldn't sleep. I hadn't eaten since breakfast at 4am. I felt like a dead person.

I sat on my bed and bawled my eyes out.

And I cried and cried, and could not stop. "It was easy" everyone said, and that's how I thought when I finished reading time, but every time I think back to the exam, I remember something I wrote wrong.

It's so unfair isn't it, how 2.5 hours of panic dictate all my effort? I thought I worked hard but I didn't. I thought I'd get a 45+ but now I'm questioning a 40, or even the high 30s. I have disappointed myself and all those people that believed in me. All those people that told me I would do well, my biology teacher, my parents, my friends who scolded me when I told them I cant get a 50.

I was supposed to be good at bio, right? It was meant to be my top fours subject. I loved the content, had hours of pun wars about it, nucleotried so hard, activated my action potential. I memorised the study design. And now I'm crying again lol.

When I walked out, I didn't feel relieved or happy. I felt helpless. I felt helpless and stupid and incapable because I tried so hard and still disappointed myself. I kept telling myself I did enough but I kept lying. I know this is hypocritical considering my last entry was all flowery, but until I walked into the exam, I was really positive about it. I have six more exams from year 11 next week  that I've neglected this whole time and I cant find myself doing any work because I'm stuck in an emotional slump.

Yes, that's the end of this rant for now.

[Geoo]

It's 100% okay to feel like that. Honestly you brought me back to my own bio days when I walked out of that exam room feeling like I was an idiot, and just upset that I couldn't achieve what I set out to do. If there is one thing to be proud of, is that you did put in so much effort. As you said, you put in those hours, memorised that study designed and walked in there and did the best you could on the day. It sucks to feel like all the effort is for nothing, and unfortunately with our atar system, it has to come down to 2.5 hours. You worked so hard, and at the end of the day, that is what you should be proud of.

Don't beat yourself up too much, you never really know till the day with what you'll get. Hopefully you can get some rest now without having to do crazy amounts of study, and I hope you start feeling better soon. Go do some things you enjoy, and enjoy the break from exams

[dedformed]

Hello beans,

Welcome to my update. This one will cover a lot of stuff because I want to procrastinate for my Spesh 1/2 exam tomorrow.

for everyone that replied to me

It's 100% okay to feel like that.

Don't beat yourself up too much, you never really know till the day with what you'll get. Hopefully you can get some rest now without having to do crazy amounts of study, and I hope you start feeling better soon. Go do some things you enjoy, and enjoy the break from exams

Thank you so much, everyone that pmed me and shared their experiences with me were really helpful. I was a bit of a mess after that exam, but now, I've accepted things as they are and am trying to focus on things that I can control. It's okay if I messed up, I have five more subjects to carry me.

I wasted so much time on ATAR calculator, looking at a range between 106/120 to 113/120. I literally redid the exam at home and compared my answers to some other people that shared responses on ATARnotes and reddit. It's ridiculous how much time I wasted obsessing over my score, which may not be anything close to what I'm expecting.

For what?

It's just an exam. I know it has value, it would be wrong to say it doesn't mean anything, but it's also not equal to my worth as a person. I was in a really bad mental state last week and I don't think it's healthy to ruminate over something that I can't change. I need to work on myself to face forward and move on. Next year, I'll have many SACs where I won't do well, but that doesn't mean I'll spend my whole year obsessing over them. I need to value my learning but without compromising my mental health.

Some reflections on Biology

I learnt a lot from doing Biology. Hopefully I'll do a more thorough reflection when I get my score back (I'm probably going to ask for the mark breakdown).

I realised that I wasn't working on quality of work as much as I should have. At the start I was quite organised but eventually it became more of a quest to thicken my stack of practice exams. I was repeating silly (didn't read the question properly kind of) mistakes and neglected them, thinking I'd proof read during my exam. I knew all the content, but I wasn't emulating reading time and proof reading during my practice exams. Yes, it seems more meticulous, but it cost me so much not to read questions properly. In the exam there was a question asking which two "species" of fish were most closely related, and I read it as "which two pairs of species", ended up writing extra info that might cost me the whole 3 marks. I do the same thing in maths, forgetting "dx" during integrals, writing 3³=9, dragging my grade from high 90s into the 80s. If I want to maximise my marks, I'll need to get into a habit of fixing silly mistakes and attempting to full mark my practice exams. If I do ten exams full timed, with reading time and sit the whole two hours to fix my answers, I reckon it's more effective than doing twenty that I just cringe at about my mistakes.

Once I get into a habit of "is this correct?" , "have I answered the question?" and reread my answers, it'll become intuition. Some people tell me I might be too clumsy to be a doctor (not to offend me or anything, just talking facts), and I don't want that to be my reality.

subjects for next year and UMEP

Sooo
I read half of the Lieutenant, fell in love, had this midnight temptation to email my coordinator the night before subjects were due.

Guess who might be doing two Englishes in Year 12 (hehe)

Which makes next year look like:
English Language
Methods
Specialist
Chemistry
Health English or UMEP

Wait... UMEP?

I somehow found myself interested in University of Melbourne's History and Philosophy of Science. It's about, um, the history and philosophy of science (what a surprise). Super interesting course, and most of it is online! Who doesn't love learning about how science has shaped society through time. Also, the assessments are all essays, which I love because it's like doing EI again (I love, love, love writing - the only reason why I didn't want to do English was that my last year's grades were complete outliers from my past experiences.). So I applied for it, but I'm not sure how getting in works, so it's not confirmed.

If I get into UMEP, I'll drop English (otherwise I'll end up with a total of 8 3/4s, which is a big flex but my muscles will explode).

Either way, I know I love writing. I won't regret my choice even if my English/ UMEP score is slightly low, I want to improve on them, and I'll give it my best go. I'll enjoy it and thus be more likely to put effort. Health just felt too underwhelming and unstimulating to me.

procrastisaurus, a bit of a ranty confession

I was expecting to come home from Biology last week with rainbows in my nose, riding a unicorn of joy on my way back. I was expecting to revise for all my 1/2s and study for them properly so I wouldn't fail my exam on the 20th.

I expected wrong.

I was so drained by that exam I didn't study anything. ANYTHING.

I didn't do bad on English language and Chemistry exams though, I knew all the content and I'd done all the classwork so I don't think I failed, just that my grades won't be really high.  Also somehow I spent some time out of class asking my teacher for help with a random question. Somehow that conversation increased my knowledge by at least ten marks on the exam (the first two pages were somehow exactly what I asked my Chemistry teacher).

I let myself slack off a little I guess, knowing I've already passed everything (the exams are just tokenistic formalities) and that I'll never be able to slack off again for a while. I've never not studied for an exam, but for some reason I'm finding myself quite complacent with my 1/2s. I know I'll scrape 70 percent (maybe 80?) + for everything (not that I should be happy with doing the bare minimum) but I do want to give my brain a break.

Also my teachers seem not to want us to drop marks either, one of the questions on my English language exam looked something like this:

A dialect is
a. Broken English
b. Just another variant of English
c. All of the above
d. None of the above.

Like it seems like they didn't even try.

A point to take away for next year is that I must not leave anything to study after my first exam. I'm going to be too dead. I'm so grateful my 1/2 teachers held lots of revision sessions in class that I was able to use. I've done two or three practice exams for everything, so it's not like I'm completely unprepared.

Yeeing my haws,
Penelope

[The Cat In The Hat]

The way you were like after Bio is exactly what I've found with exams, to my surprise (doing practise exams wasn't as draining, even though I replicated the conditions). I left a lot of study until between exams; for Methods, where I had a week-long break from Wednesday to the next Tuesday, I only really started studying properly on the Friday. And I did not have that time to waste (had massive amounts of content to learn). Similar length of reaction after Methods, as well (I have another exam soon).

However, if you're feeling exhausted, don't undervalue simply reading textbook/notes! I had two consecutive exams and between them all I did was reread my notes (and took time off, but for actual study, all I did was read notes). It was very helpful.

Enjoy your Spec exam tomorrow!

[Bri MT]

hello,

It's nice to hear that you've been able to pull some learning out of this and that you're feeling better.  It's also worth remembering that - especially given your future study and career goals - learning and appreciating biology has more value than just the study score.

As painful as this time was, I hope it does help you in your future exam prep.

Love the honesty about procrastinating for spec; I've got my last uni exam on Wednesday (it's a bio one) and I did a bit of revision for it yesterday but I lowkey don't want to study for it.

Good luck for spec!

[homeworkisapotato]

Hey! I have no idea why I haven't commented on your journal and this is such a late reply but CONGRATULATIONS! The Bio exam was a bit funky so I'm happy we finally moved past it into Year 12.

8 3/4's is SUCH a flex but so is 7 BAHAHA!

Looking forward to the next update and hope the 1/2s went well <3

[dedformed]

Hello peeps,

I know I just poster a few days ago but I felt like setting some goals for the holidays. I only have a methods cas 1/2 exam tomorrow and I'm not really stressed about it because I'm repeating Methods 1/2 (I moved schools this year and my new school didn't accept that I'd done 1/2 because I "wasn't from macrob".

Before that,

replies

However, if you're feeling exhausted, don't undervalue simply reading textbook/notes! I had two consecutive exams and between them all I did was reread my notes (and took time off, but for actual study, all I did was read notes). It was very helpful.

Enjoy your Spec exam tomorrow!

Thanks for that advice, Cat In The Hat! It makes sense to do something instead of completely backing off from work.

Ahahah I bigtime took that advice to enjoy the spesh exam. It was hilarious because I noticed three mistakes in the last minute that I fixed. The supervisor said "pens down" and I was still racing my shaky hands and scribbling over my incorrect work. And I thought I didn't care.
I really don't know how to fix my clumsiness.

hello,

It's nice to hear that you've been able to pull some learning out of this and that you're feeling better.  It's also worth remembering that - especially given your future study and career goals - learning and appreciating biology has more value than just the study score.

As painful as this time was, I hope it does help you in your future exam prep.

Love the honesty about procrastinating for spec; I've got my last uni exam on Wednesday (it's a bio one) and I did a bit of revision for it yesterday but I lowkey don't want to study for it.

Good luck for spec!

Hahah hope you enjoy that Bio exam tomorrow! I'm trying to work on reflections and try not to repeat the mistakes from this year.

Hey! I have no idea why I haven't commented on your journal and this is such a late reply but CONGRATULATIONS! The Bio exam was a bit funky so I'm happy we finally moved past it into Year 12.

8 3/4's is SUCH a flex but so is 7 BAHAHA!

Looking forward to the next update and hope the 1/2s went well <3

It's so weird because I'm so familiarised with your posts/ journal entries that I couldn't believe we haven't interacted here before, lol. The best part of having a journal is that there's this sweet little niche where I get to tell myself: this is all normal and everyone goes through this. I'm not being dramatic when I say I have this strange connection with everyone that journals here.

Okay so onto actual goals, in no particular order.

I want to make something of my holidays. These are the mega VCE pre 3/4 holidays and a very busy year will ensue once they're over so I must not waste my time. So here's some goals I've set for myself. It's a small list, but I want to make it achievable.

1. Do UCAT prep. I've bought a whole UCAT textbook and only completed about 1/3rd of it so far. I want to spend at least 1 hour everyday in the holidays to finish this book so I can move on to the legitimate UCAT website practice exams.

2. Do more art. I love painting and drawing and I want to get better at sketching things from weird perspectives. I suck at creating depth, so I'm gonna try focussing on that. Maybe I could add a little art to my journal.

3. Do more course research. Obviously I must strive for med like my life depends on it but also, there's good chances I'll disappoint myself. I want to have a proper backup plan. Also in terms of med, I want to have a clear cut idea of my application (even get started on some) so I'm not worrying about that later in the year, when I should be worshipping exams.

4. Not watch more than 1 kdrama episode a weekday and 2 on weekends. This one is going to be hard. I don't want to take away the freedom of entertaining myself completely, but I need to be able to control myself to do that without failing.

5. Work more on my little self research project (I'm doing a little research thing on the place where I'm from so I know more about the history of my culture (it's so sad that I know so little and the information is quite hard to find)).

6. Work on a podcast. Two of my friend circles want me to collaborate with them on a podcast. It's not gonna be huge but I think it's cool stuff. Maybe it's not going to happen at all but I can try.

7. Run at least once a week. I do not exaggerate when I say I get short of breath walking to the  fridge to get my mac n cheese. Not good enough. I'm the least sportiest person on the planet and I must fix that.

8. Increase my Indigenous awareness. As someone who's from another country where land was taken forcefully and our language removed from curriculum, I understand the importance of understanding the value of traditional custodians of a place. I'm a migrant to Australia and that means I must put in at least some effort to improve my awareness of Indigenous Australian issues. Less importantly, if I apply to James Cook University I might need that knowledge anyway since it's going to involve working in rural and Aboriginal communities.

9. Work a little bit on U3 AOS 1 content of subjects (at least familiarise myself with the topics).

10. Start doing English Language practice exams. I know it's a bit early but I LOVE linguistics, so I could put that love to good use. I could incorporate so much metalanguage into my research project.

I won't stress too much on U3/4 academic stuff. I have next year to worry about that, but I do want to make myself a more disciplined and organised person as I step into year 12. Obviously I'll finish the holiday homework but I only really skimmed over Biology in the holidays and still did quite well in U3 and 4 (minus the exam, of course).

Yeah so watch me do none of that. I must try, at least.

[whys]

Okay, I seriously contest that you’re the least sporty person. I take one step and I already want to go back to bed and stuff my face with donuts. Really good that you’re planning to exercise, it’s good to keep healthy and it’s also what I’m doing these holidays too!

I’d love to see some of your art on the journal to spice it up . Whenever I hear someone else also likes drawing and painting I can’t help but get super excited - it’s an amazing way to unleash creative freedom and it’s honestly really fun.

It’s really great to hear you’re wanting to increase your awareness of Indigenous Australians and your own culture, and taking proactive steps to achieve this. Wanting to learn more and admitting you don’t know much about something isn’t done as often as it should, and it makes me happy to hear!!

Don’t stress tooooo much about academics and med but definitely try get a head start. Most importantly, rest up and enjoy the calm before the storm.

Have a great break (once 1/2 exams are over of course!!)

[homeworkisapotato]

It's so weird because I'm so familiarised with your posts/ journal entries that I couldn't believe we haven't interacted here before, lol. The best part of having a journal is that there's this sweet little niche where I get to tell myself: this is all normal and everyone goes through this. I'm not being dramatic when I say I have this strange connection with everyone that journals here.

This is very VERY true!

First of all, I am the least sporty person ever! I get tired after jogging to the kitchen literally!
I second what whys said- it's great that you're prioritising your health which I should also do.
It sounds like you have a great plan for the holidays so I hope you have a fantastic break <3

[dedformed]

Hello beans,

I thought to do an update since it's THAT day. I was gonna write a long ass entry building up the suspense for my scores but honestly when I saw the email I was really underwhelmed and can no longer muster up the motivation. My arms had been shaking and this was it? Okay?

I'm satisfied with my scores, although I could have worked harder. I got what I expected though and I'm very grateful.

Biology - A+ A+ A+  42
Extended Investigation -  A+ A+ A+ 43

(haha stalk me now with that small EI cohort). No, I'm not wealthy so if you rob me you'll probably feel bad. Yes, I'm a bit overweight so you can't kidnap me. Don't even think about it.

I'm still processing my Bio score. Some of my friends that were doing so much better (and deserved a higher mark because they were working harder than me) somehow got a lower scores than me. I don't know how that works but I felt really mad because there's such a long process to request the grades of the exam and ask for feedback. It's so explicit that it's more about the competition than learning and improvement and it makes me mad.

For EI, I really wanted 45+ but I'm still very satisfied with my score. I didn't expect to score higher in EI than Biology but somehow that happened and now I'm just here like 0_0 I have nothing to wait for anymore. I literally had a timer on my phone for the past week counting down to this moment and my arms are still hyper aware (yes, my arms exhibit consciousness) because of my nerves.

I got really crap (I think?) GAT scores? I don't understand what 'scaled' and 'raw' scores mean though. One thing I do know is if I'd used my hayfever as an excuse to not attend the Bio exam I would have received a lot lower.

Hopefully I'll write a proper journal entry soon. Good luck to everyone else with their university offers!

Cheers,
Penelope