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October 07, 2025, 07:55:52 pm

Author Topic: Warming up my essay writing for the coming year  (Read 3999 times)  Share 

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lakersfan_10

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Re: Warming up my essay writing for the coming year
« Reply #30 on: January 17, 2010, 10:01:50 pm »
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Mostly in the body paragraphs. I find it especially hard when analyzing the one big article,  do i analyze one argument in each paragraph or do i analyze the persuasive techniques common to each argument.

Sorry if its a bit hard to understand
« Last Edit: January 17, 2010, 10:15:46 pm by lakersfan_10 »

brightsky

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Re: Warming up my essay writing for the coming year
« Reply #31 on: January 17, 2010, 10:14:42 pm »
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This is what my teacher told me to do:

1. When reading an article, highlight words/phrases that demonstrate how the writer uses language to persuade people, i.e. different devices or literacy techniques that are employed.

2. SELECT. Do not write everything. Select some (each demonstrating a different technique) to use/quote in your piece.

3. Start writing:

Para 1: Introduce the article, very generally, using only a few if not only one sentence. Be sure to include: What does the writer use/What techniques are evident? Who is the audience (this can be conveyed indirectly too, up to you)? What is the writer aiming to do, i.e. what is the purpose of the writing? Overall contention of the writer.

(Remember that all of this is very general, because it is the intro)

Para 2 - whatever: Now it starts to get detailed. You can separate the paragraphs in whichever way you wish, but I prefer to allocate each technique to one paragraph, if not two. A rough guide would be: 1. State what technique she is using. 2. Give a quote of some sort from the article. (This is where your highlighting at the start becomes crucial, as well as your ability to select). 3. What does the technique position the reader to feel, react, etc. etc.? 4. How does it do it?

Conclusion: Reiteration of the introduction. But in a more general and conclusive style. Do not introduce anything new. State general techniques used, the writer's contention, what it positions readers to feel, react, etc., and then a conclusive statement (often very broad and not directly related to the article, but the ideas discussed in the article.

Remember to pay as much attention to written material as with visual material. Don't neglect the visual material (as a lot of students do).

Hope this helps. :)

Be sure not to make the language analysis personal. Don't put in your opinions, but discuss the opinions of the writer (and how he/she conveys it) and how it effects you as a reader.
« Last Edit: January 17, 2010, 10:16:36 pm by brightsky »
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lakersfan_10

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Re: Warming up my essay writing for the coming year
« Reply #32 on: January 17, 2010, 10:23:09 pm »
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Para 2 - whatever: Now it starts to get detailed. You can separate the paragraphs in whichever way you wish, but I prefer to allocate each technique to one paragraph, if not two. A rough guide would be: 1. State what technique she is using. 2. Give a quote of some sort from the article. (This is where your highlighting at the start becomes crucial, as well as your ability to select). 3. What does the technique position the reader to feel, react, etc. etc.? 4. How does it do it?


so each paragraph should be about a technique and its effects? What about if the same technique is used again in a different context, should that also be included in the same paragraph, or in a separate one?
Also does the visual content get its own paragraph or where reaffirms the the affect on the reader, just include it eg. The adjacent image also affects the reader in a similar way by....

brightsky

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Re: Warming up my essay writing for the coming year
« Reply #33 on: January 17, 2010, 10:27:23 pm »
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Para 2 - whatever: Now it starts to get detailed. You can separate the paragraphs in whichever way you wish, but I prefer to allocate each technique to one paragraph, if not two. A rough guide would be: 1. State what technique she is using. 2. Give a quote of some sort from the article. (This is where your highlighting at the start becomes crucial, as well as your ability to select). 3. What does the technique position the reader to feel, react, etc. etc.? 4. How does it do it?


so each paragraph should be about a technique and its effects? What about if the same technique is used again in a different context, should that also be included in the same paragraph, or in a separate one?
Also does the visual content get its own paragraph or where reaffirms the the affect on the reader, just include it eg. The adjacent image also affects the reader in a similar way by....

That is up to you. There is no real formula for writing, just need to develop your own taste.

And putting one technique in each paragraph is only a preference that many have. It might suit you better to separate paragraphs another way. Just need to keep on writing and see what you like the most and what you find most comfortable. :)

Generally speaking, visual content gets assigned its own paragraph, instead of getting amalgamated into other paragraphs. Again, a preference thing. You write on the visual material in the same way as you do the written, only difference is, you are not analysing specific literacy technique/device/word use/tone, but you are analysing specifics in an image, such as colours, details, moods, etc.

Some images also represent a metaphor. So you can discuss that too.
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lakersfan_10

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Re: Warming up my essay writing for the coming year
« Reply #34 on: January 17, 2010, 10:33:28 pm »
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Thanks, you've been alot of help

Akirus

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Re: Warming up my essay writing for the coming year
« Reply #35 on: January 26, 2010, 08:14:01 am »
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Well, I finally had enough trouble sleeping that I completed a second draft. Pretty much adjusted the original piece with advice from everyone and added in more substance and justification. Also tried some different wordings, I'd like to know which parts aren't clear so I can fix it for next time.

Quote from: Akirus - Knowledge is power, second draft

Knowledge, otherwise defined as the familiarity with facts, truths or principles, is the currency of the mind and has always been a powerful commodity in human history. Education has proven of an innumerable count in many facets of society, be it political, social or economical ad infinitum, its capacity to overturn and outweigh other factors, however massive or diverse. Regardless of the context, those with knowledge have never been disadvantaged; there is little of the past wherein the scholarly were not held in high regard, nor does the future forecast the coming of such a time. Indeed, it is no understatement to say that the accumulation and possession of bountiful knowledge is tantamount to success in any endeavor. However, this being said, it is not unprecedented for those of considerable wisdom to be starved and impotent in the matters of power. Just as often as we have been shown the potency of information and understanding in victory, so have we been well acquainted to entities or purposes that are availed nothing by it. This is evident through simple empirical observation of reality, whether it is now or three thousand years prior; it is not uncommon for the blissfully ignorant or fortunate to stand atop the well-learned and at particular times this becomes glaringly apparent. It can then thus be derived this summary: it is not the possession of knowledge but the skillful and appropriate application of such that results in the culmination of substantial power. It must also be noted, though that those deficient in intellectual merit have generally shown themselves incapable of maintaining the semblance of their supremacy. History seldom bears witness to individuals capable of blindly stumbling through life with any degree of prosperity in the highest echelons of society; this again testifies to the import of repletive knowledge.

On no account should the power of information and superior understanding ever be dismissed or neglected. Knowledge is the essence upon which all contemplation is founded and it is an established aphorism that “what enables the wise sovereign and good general to strike and conquer, and achieve things beyond the reach of ordinary men, is FOREKNOWLEDGE”. “That is,” as is commonly inferred, the “knowledge of the enemy’s dispositions, and what he means to do”. Despite being written in a military context, this principle has broad parallels across which it can be applied. While it cannot be said to be absolute, a wealth of knowledge in capable hands is an asset sufficient to surpass any mortal difficulty. There is no shortage of historic examples to this assertion. One such event occurred in the late Han Dynasty: the combined strategic victory of Zhou Yu and Zhuge Liang at the famous Battle of Red Cliffs that resulted in the rout of Cao Cao’s numerically superior army is a prime example of the brilliance that can be accomplished through ingenious use of acquired knowledge. The coalition forces attained a high ground in the affairs of strategy and subsequently an ultimate victory by employing a fundamental principle in the art of war: it is said that “in making tactical dispositions, the highest pitch you can attain is to conceal them”. Zhou Yu utilized a “converted spy” scheme designed with a two-fold effect that served the purpose of undermining the enemy’s intelligence and bulking their own. The result of this struggle was determined not by prevailing circumstances or fortune but by the trafficking and manipulation of knowledge, a direct exemplification of the vitality of information. This is epitomized by the famous words of Master Sun Tzu: “If you know the enemy and know yourself, your victory will not stand in doubt; if you know Heaven and know Earth, you may make your victory complete.”

Yet, be it as it may that knowledge is an imperative to any fruitful enterprise, it cannot be said that it is in itself an affirmation of undisputable triumph. Even in the modern era where intellect is undoubtedly weighted more heftily than physical prowess, this statement holds true. Whilst it is essentially certain that one will never be at a loss to be educated, it has never been a guarantee to power. This is demonstrated in all ages over the millennia. It is far from a rarity for doctorial holders to be inadequately employed and insignificant. To quote a certain academic, “I’ve two Ph.Ds and the current Prime Minister of Australia doesn’t even have a degree. How is this fair?” Similarly, in past times the wise were often poorly lived, with decrepit conditions in rural villages and were even outright prosecuted in such cases as those of the Catholic Church and Galileo. As if to provide a stark contrast, it has so happened that presidencies of powerful first world democracies have been occupied by college drop-outs and massive dynasties and empires have been headed by incompetent, even mentally disabled or child emperors through the inheritance of lineage. This discrepancy is prevalent throughout all of recorded history and any considerations that fail to recognize this fact may be considered highly erroneous.

However, it is nigh-impossible for good fortune alone to sustain one in power. This fact has also been made obvious by humanity’s many failings. How often is it that inept leadership leads to the collapse of the state, no matter how formerly powerful or vibrant? The powerless emperors of the late Han Dynasty led the kingdom to collapse by allowing corruption to seep into its structure and the relentless expansion of the Mongol Empire came to a swift closure due to the incompetence of Ghengis Khan’s later descendants. Even the expansive Roman Empire was no exception; despite exercising dominant control over the greater part of the known world, it yields no advantage if there is not the proper knowledge to capitalize on it. Like the flanks of an army, knowledge and power must succor one another if there is to be the sight of any great object. “Making no mistakes is what establishes the certainty of victory” and this cannot possibly be accomplished without any formidable background of knowledge. Prudence must be paid to this point in deliberations over the effect of knowledge in the matter of power.

If the larger picture is observed, it becomes apparent that only in the proper use of secured knowledge does it carry substantial bearing. It can be likened to the ownership of a powerful weapon without the apparatus or means to operate it; if it cannot be used in any practical affair, then its potential will remain untouched. The wise understand this disparity. Colonel Henderson has to say of this, "The rules of strategy are few and simple. They may be learned in a week. They may be taught by familiar illustrations or a dozen diagrams. But such knowledge will no more teach a man to lead an army like Napoleon than a knowledge of grammar will teach him to write like Gibbon." Not only is effort expended in the acquisition of information, but many hours are spent on the deliberation of its use ere a prolific venture is launched, as “many calculations lead to victory, and few calculations to defeat”. The Art of War dwells not on set maneuvers but rather the variation of tactics using knowledge to adjust to the circumstance: “He who can modify his tactics in relation to his opponent and thereby succeed in winning, may be called a heaven-born captain”. This principle is highly transferrable to all aspects of being. “Knowledge is power” is inaccurate; it is in the correct augmentation of it that it becomes a lethal tool.
   
Without doubt, even at a glance we can see the immediate merit of knowledge, but only in its proper usage can the full extent of its usefulness be extracted. Never since the ancient civilizations of the world has this fact been altered and it is shown to us repeatedly over the long span of years. The Art of War was written three millennia ago, but its theories that stress the dire nature of knowledge and its variable use have prevailed to this day against the test of time. Talk not then of the power of knowledge; speak instead of he who utilizes it to its full effect.

brightsky

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Re: Warming up my essay writing for the coming year
« Reply #36 on: January 26, 2010, 11:45:58 am »
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Knowledge, otherwise defined as the familiarity with facts, truths or principles, is the currency of the mind and has always been a powerful commodity in human history. Education has proven of an innumerable count in many facets of society, be it political, social or economical ad infinitum, its capacity to overturn and outweigh other factors, however massive or diverse. Personally, I'd prefer something along the lines of: "Education has proven to be significant in many facets of society; be it political...." Your first sentence here still doesn't sound right to me. Regardless of the context, those with knowledge have never been disadvantaged; there is little of the past wherein the scholarly were not held in high regard, nor does the future forecast the coming of such a time. Indeed, it is no understatement to say that the accumulation and possession of bountiful knowledge is tantamount to success in any endeavour. However, this being said, it is not unprecedented for those of considerable wisdom to be starved and impotent in the matters of power. Just as often as we have been shown the potency of information and understanding in victory, so have we been well acquainted to entities or purposes that are availed nothing by it. This is evident through simple empirical observation of reality, whether it is now or three thousand years prior Excellent! Subtle but imperative!; it is not uncommon for the blissfully ignorant or fortunate to stand atop the well-learned and at particular times this becomes glaringly apparent. It can then thus be derived this summary: it is not the possession of knowledge but the skillful and appropriate application of such that results in the culmination of substantial power. It must also be noted, though, that those deficient in intellectual merit have generally shown themselves incapable of maintaining the semblance of their supremacy. History seldom bears witness to individuals capable of blindly stumbling through life with any degree of prosperity in the highest echelons of society; this again testifies to the import of repletive Pretty sure this isn't a word. Try something like: "abundant" or "abounding" knowledge.

On no account should the power of information and superior understanding ever be dismissed or neglected. Knowledge is the essence upon which all contemplation Try another word, doesn't sound entirely right here. is founded and it is an established aphorism that “what enables the wise sovereign and good general to strike and conquer, and achieve things beyond the reach of ordinary men, is FOREKNOWLEDGE”. “That is,” as is commonly inferred, the “knowledge of the enemy’s dispositions, and what he means to do”. Despite being written in a military context, this principle has broad parallels across which it can be applied. While it cannot be said to be absolute, a wealth of knowledge in capable hands is an asset sufficient to surpass any mortal difficulty. There is no shortage of historic examples to this assertion. One such event occurred in the late Han Dynasty: the combined strategic victory of Zhou Yu and Zhuge Liang at the famous Battle of Red Cliffs that resulted in the rout of Cao Cao’s numerically superior army is a prime example of the brilliance that can be accomplished through ingenious use of acquired knowledge. The coalition forces attained a high ground in the affairs of strategy and subsequently an ultimate victory by employing a fundamental principle in the art of war: it is said that “in making tactical dispositions, the highest pitch you can attain is to conceal them”. Zhou Yu utilized a “converted spy” scheme designed with a two-fold effect that served the purpose of undermining the enemy’s intelligence and bulking their own. The result of this struggle was determined not by prevailing circumstances or fortune but by the trafficking and manipulation of knowledge, a direct exemplification of the vitality of information. This is epitomized by the famous words of Master Sun Tzu: “If you know the enemy and know yourself, your victory will not stand in doubt; if you know Heaven and know Earth, you may make your victory complete.” Brilliant.

Yet, be it as it may that knowledge is an imperative to any fruitful enterprise, it cannot be said that it is in itself an affirmation of undisputable triumph. Even in the modern era where intellect is undoubtedly weighted more heftily than physical prowess, this statement holds true. Whilst it is essentially certain that one will never be at a loss to be educated, it has never been a guarantee to power. This is demonstrated in all ages over the millennia. It is far from a rarity for doctorial "Doctoral" is probably the term more frequently used. holders to be inadequately employed and insignificant. To quote a certain academic, “I’ve two Ph.Ds and the current Prime Minister of Australia doesn’t even have a degree. How is this fair?” Lol! I think this alludes to a good point. The knowledge in which one possesses must be congruous and applicable to the context of the "power" that the individual seeks to attain. For instance, if you were to fight for a position of power in the field of law, it would logically follow that you need to possess the knowledge applicable in THAT field and THAT position, and not something like a PhD in Veterinary Science. Similarly, in past times the wise were often poorly lived, with decrepit conditions in rural villages and were even outright prosecuted in such cases as those of the Catholic Church and Galileo. As if to provide a stark contrast, it has so happened that presidencies of powerful first world democracies have been occupied by college drop-outs and massive dynasties and empires have been headed by incompetent, even mentally disabled or child emperors through the inheritance of lineage. Good. Luck plays a huge part in the attainment of power. This discrepancy is prevalent throughout all of recorded history and any considerations that fail to recognize this fact may be considered highly erroneous.

However, it is nigh-impossible for good fortune alone to sustain one in power. This fact has also been made obvious by humanity’s many failings. How often is it that inept leadership leads to the collapse of the state, no matter how formerly powerful or vibrant? The powerless emperors of the late Han Dynasty led the kingdom to collapse by allowing corruption to seep into its structure and the relentless expansion of the Mongol Empire came to a swift closure due to the incompetence of Ghengis Khan’s later descendants. Even the expansive Roman Empire was no exception; despite exercising dominant control over the greater part of the known world, it yields no advantage if there is not the proper knowledge to capitalize on it. Like the flanks of an army, knowledge and power must succor one another if there is to be the sight of any great object. “Making no mistakes is what establishes the certainty of victory” and this cannot possibly be accomplished without any formidable background of knowledge. Prudence must be paid to this point in deliberations over the effect of knowledge in the matter of power.

If the larger picture is observed, it becomes apparent that only in the proper use of secured knowledge does it carry substantial bearing. It can be likened to the ownership of a powerful weapon without the apparatus or means to operate it; if it cannot be used in any practical affair, then its potential will remain untouched. The wise understand this disparity. Colonel Henderson has to say of this, "The rules of strategy are few and simple. They may be learned in a week. They may be taught by familiar illustrations or a dozen diagrams. But such knowledge will no more teach a man to lead an army like Napoleon than a knowledge of grammar will teach him to write like Gibbon." Not only is effort expended in the acquisition of information, but many hours are spent on the deliberation of its use ere a prolific venture is launched, as “many calculations lead to victory, and few calculations to defeat”. The Art of War dwells not on set maneuvers but rather the variation of tactics using knowledge to adjust to the circumstance: “He who can modify his tactics in relation to his opponent and thereby succeed in winning, may be called a heaven-born captain”. This principle is highly transferrable to all aspects of being. “Knowledge is power” is inaccurate; it is in the correct augmentation of it that it becomes a lethal tool. I like! I like!
   
Without doubt, even at a glance we can see the immediate merit of knowledge, but only in its proper usage can the full extent of its usefulness be extracted. Never since the ancient civilizations of the world has this fact been altered and it is shown to us repeatedly over the long span of years. The Art of War was written three millennia ago, but its theories that stress the dire nature of knowledge and its variable use have prevailed to this day against the test of time. Talk more about the points/ideas you have raised throughout the essay in a more concise nature, instead of reiterating that your contention has been proven repetitively throughout history. Talk not then of the power of knowledge; speak instead of he who utilizes it to its full effect. Nice conclusive statement.

This is much better than your initial essay. Your essay is complicated without being convoluted, and your language is more controlled. Kudos to you! :)
2020 - 2021: Master of Public Health, The University of Sydney
2017 - 2020: Doctor of Medicine, The University of Melbourne
2014 - 2016: Bachelor of Biomedicine, The University of Melbourne
2013 ATAR: 99.95

Currently selling copies of the VCE Chinese Exam Revision Book and UMEP Maths Exam Revision Book, and accepting students for Maths Methods and Specialist Maths Tutoring in 2020!

Akirus

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Re: Warming up my essay writing for the coming year
« Reply #37 on: January 26, 2010, 02:41:20 pm »
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Pretty good attempt at a 7am re-write with no sleep, right?

I'll address a few things you mentioned.

"...innumerable count...": I think I agree with you here, it worked with the initial convoluted wording but rearranged like this, it lost the zing...

Repletive: http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/repletive

Doctoral: yeah, that definitely sounds better

I believe adding apparatus makes the metaphor more complete. Often weapons have an accompanying component, such as projectile weapons (eg. guns, bows). That said, now that you mention it, "apparatus" doesn't seem too fitting.

Good advice for the conclusion, too. I was also thinking it was lacking (if the short length is any indicator) but a bit brain-dead as to how I should expand it (still dead tired... didn't sleep all night and only just had 2-3 hours).

By the way, if you guys have time, I'd like to see an essay of yours on the topic as well, it'd be interesting to compare and cross-review.