the dangers of TEEL

[darkphoenix]

I don't even write according to a set structure anymore, I just write how I feel like writing, whereas previously I used the cycle of "Point --> Evidence --> Expansion of Point." I looked at an old essay where I followed this structure and it made me cringe at how mechanical and lacking of depth it was.

Yeah same i just write however i feel so that it flows.

EDIT: Just realised 1000 posts! Woo! 

[LachieEvans]

The other thing that can help to hide the teel is seamless incorporation of quotes. If a quote is built up to, or used not as part of a sentence then it stands out and this makes the essay look uber structured, and having little or no flow. By using a quote as though it is your own words, and in such a way that the sentence is not disturbed at all means that although it is clear that you have quoted the text, it doesn't look like you just stuck a quote in because you needed one.

I agree, when i write i try to avoid the " X supports this view when he says Y ". By incorporating the quotes into your writing you are essentially placing the Evidence section into the Explain section which adds to the fluency and also coherence.

To answer the initial question Other than reading high level essays (which I think is the best), perhaps attempt to incorporate the evidence into the explain part and go through how you did this?

[wildareal]

TEEL is a really important thing to use until you're confident enough to move past it. I have no idea what level your cousin is at, but in year 11 I was still using the TEEL model. Eventually you tend to be able to write in a more expansive and fluid style but the only way to get there is with practice and exposure to high level essays/concepts. So if you make her aware of this and explain that following the TEEL structure limits her to a midrange essay, she can try to delve into a certain line of argument and explore that in more depth. If she can synthesize quotes into her sentences then it's much easier to do this and not look as if you're following a rehearsed pattern.

(that said, english is extremely formulaic and sadly enough getting a 50 is mostly just rewriting a memorized essay)

Untrue.  I would argue that most top-tier students would see little merit in memorising an essay.  It's certainly true of the 50-scoring students I've encountered.

A lot of top-tier students don't necessarily memorise essays, but rather good quotes and golden lines of expression and solid ideas/themes.

[Andiio]

Is it just a text response essay? Or for, say language analysis?