[English] "Don’t blame me, blame Julia Gillard" language analysis

[ech_93]

 

Texts: A Christmas Carol, On the Waterfront.
Context: The imaginative landscape - Tirra Lirra by the river, Island.
SS Aim: 35+ :/

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** you will be required to provide internal hyperlinks to your essays on this post - see my thread to see what I mean **

January essays:
Week 3: Language analysis
Week 4: Language analysis - this will need to be hyperlinked

[ech_93]

Language analysis

Over the past few years more and more refugees, also known as ‘boat people’, have died in an attempt to flee to Christmas Island. After the recent accident where a boat crashed into cliffs and took many lives, Andrew Bolt wrote an opinion piece titled ‘Don’t blame me, blame Julia Gillard’.  In this piece, written on the 17th of December and found in the Herald Sun, Bolt contends that these tragic losses are a result of Gillard’s lenient laws. Bolt maintains an irritated tone throughout the article, whilst using a photograph, statistics and emotive languages as his main persuasive techniques.

The main persuasive technique used is a colour photograph. This photograph is firstly used to draw the reader’s attention to the article. Waves crashing down around a small and poorly-built boat are pictured which causes the reader worry and curiosity to what is in the article. Bolt’s opinion piece is nicely complimented by the dramatic photograph because the real-life footage adds legitimacy to the issue that ‘boat people’ are in danger.

Throughout the article Bolt adds statistics as another form of evidence. He uses statistics to shock the reader and prove that Gillard is to blame for the deaths of the refugees. Bolt explains that after Gillard made law reforms the amount of boats have climbed “from three a year...to almost 200 this year alone.” This statistic alone is horrifying. He then adds that “the death toll since Labor's changes had reached 25.”  The reader is now more likely to accept the Bolt’s contention because he leaves the audience feeling worried by the seriousness of Gillard weakening the ‘boat people’ laws.
Another persuasive technique used is attacks. These attacks are used to position the reader to agree with Bolt, and oppose Gillard’s opinions and thoughts. “They certainly weren't fleeing a war, as Gillard deceitfully implied,” Bolt uses this to make Gillard’s arguments less genuine. This technique is successful in persuading as attacks on Gillard leave the reader questioning the validity of her side.

Bolt uses a variety of smaller techniques to emphasise the irritated tone of his piece. The first technique used is rhetorical questions, which engage the reader and force them to consider the author’s proposition. The author asks “Before the next boat sinks, or after?” Secondly, Bolt uses an anecdote of a refugee, “The (Australian) Government has changed now. It's good for refugees there.” This shows that even the refugees know that the laws are not as strict. Thirdly, the article uses emotive language when Bolt describes the people who “drown[ed] were lured to their deaths...by [the] government.” This language makes the situation more graphic. The combined effect of these techniques makes the reader consider the issue as a whole and add importance to the issue of weakening refugee laws.

By using a photograph, statistics and other persuasive techniques the author is able to persuade the audience to adopt his contention. By presenting this article in the ways described above Bolt successfully argues that Gillard’s weakened laws are doing more harm than good to the refugees.


Sorry for my lateness, any feedback will be much appreciated!
And, how do we do the hyperlinking ? :/

[azngirl456]

I'm going to go through in dot points what you can improve on in each paragraph

1) introduction: it's good to see that you've contextualised the issue, provided background information, contention and tone. But I think you could:
-elaborate on the contention a bit more. Yes, bolt is blaming Julia Gillard for the disaster but he also wants something to be done about the laws
-do not list persuasive language techniques. You are rewarded marks for explaining how these language techniques work together to create reader effect.
-you mentioned that refugees are also known as boat people. This isn't entirely true seeing as refugees can also arrive in Australia by plane. A refugee is someone who is seeking refuge or asylum from their own country due to unbearable circumstances which have impacted on their quality of life.
-you should also mention the target audience

Body Paragraph 1
You need to go into much more detail into how the photo is positioning the readers to feel a certain way.
-I think you meant 'complemented' instead of 'complimented'
-there are a few sentences which could be reworded so that they can become more concise and fluent
Body Paragraphs 2&3
-don't evaluate the effectiveness of a technique or argument. Eg. Don't say that statistics are a successful technique in your essay
-avoid using phrases such as 'smaller technique', 'first technique' and 'language techniques' I've made the same mistake in my essays and I've been told they're generic

I suggest you read the essays other people have posted to observe style and the way people have explained how bolt has persuaded readers to agree with his opinion. You will get better the more you practice

[ech_93]

Thankyou for the feedback!
I dunno how to analyse photos/images. My teacher just said that we must always add something about them in to our language analysis. How are photos a technique? And in what ways do they position the reader to agree? :/

This probably sounds stupid, but who is the target audience in this particular article? I always struggle trying to work it out.

[pi]

I would also suggest that you increase the word length by at least 200 words. Try rewriting this, using some of the feedback from azngirl456 and after reading a few 7+/10 responses, and try to get up to that 750-850 target word limit.

[azngirl456]

You're welcome your teacher is right, you need to analyze the visuals that accompany an article as well. Usually photos come with captions or in this case, it was a pull out quote. You can explain that the photo encapsulated the extend of whole tragic situation and has therefore left the reader feeling concerned and astonished. Then you can say that the reader is directed to the pull out quote or caption for answers and clarification. The pull out quote or caption usually provides a hint as to what the writer's contentioon is. That's the way i analyse photos but others just go into detail was the the emotions that a elicited by a visual.

The target audience can be people who are interested in the rights of refugees, refugee laws or politics revolving around faults of the Gillard government. Try to be as specific as you can.

[azngirl456]

Oh, and another thing to add about target audience. There isn't really a right or wrong answer. Just as long as the audience you've mentioned  is plausible and reasonable. Like you would not say that the target audiences for bolt's article are just dairy milk farmers.

I also try to stay clear of just saying 'low income earners' or 'high school students'. It's better to be specific and say 'low income earners who are struggling to repay debt' or 'high school students who are concerned about their academic performance'. Sometimes it's just really tempting to assume the examiners know the type of stereotypes your talking about which is something you also shouldnt do.

[ech_93]

Okay, thanks.
I will attempt to rewrite it. But, as you can see i kind of suck at english so it might not be much better.

It will be up soon.

[ech_93]

Okay, I attempted to fix it. It still isn't in the 'target word limit', but it is at least 150 words longer.


Over the past few years more and more refugees who travel by boat, also known as ‘boat people’, have died in an attempt to flee to Christmas Island. After the recent accident where a boat crashed into cliffs and took many lives, Andrew Bolt wrote an opinion piece titled ‘Don’t blame me, blame Julia Gillard’.  In this piece, written on the 17th of December and found in the Herald Sun, Bolt contends that these tragic losses are a result of Gillard’s lenient laws. He writes to his intended audience of people who are interested in the rights of asylum seekers whilst maintaining an irritated tone throughout the article. The author claims that although people are resisting to accept it, Gillard’s laws are to blame for the deaths. A photograph, statistics and attacks are all used to position the reader to agree that the laws need to change.

The reader’s attention is firstly drawn to the article by its accompanying photograph. Waves crashing down around a small and poorly-built boat is what the colour photograph shows. This dramatic image causes the reader worry and curiosity as to what is in the article. The photograph summarizes the tragic situation before the reader has even begun the article.The reader’s attention is then moved to the large quote across the photograph. The quote emphasises Bolt’s contention; that “It’s never been the right time to point out the Government was encouraging boat people”. Bolt’s opinion piece is nicely complemented by the dramatic photograph and straight-forward quote. The real-life footage adds legitimacy to the issue that ‘boat people’ are in danger.

Throughout the article Bolt adds statistics as another form of evidence. He uses statistics to shock the reader and prove that Gillard is to blame for the deaths of the refugees. Bolt explains that after Gillard made law reforms the amount of boats have climbed “from three a year...to almost 200 this year alone.” This statistic alone is horrifying. He then adds that “the death toll since Labor's changes had reached 25.”  The reader is now influenced to accept Bolt’s contention as he leaves them feeling worried by the seriousness of Gillard weakening the ‘boat people’ laws.

Another persuasive technique used is attacks. These attacks are used to position the reader to agree with Bolt, and oppose Gillard’s opinions and thoughts. Bolt puts down her actions and overall discourages the reader to take her side. “They certainly weren't fleeing a war, as Gillard deceitfully implied,” Bolt uses this to make Gillard’s arguments less genuine. This strategy of attacks on Gillard leaves the reader questioning the validity of her side.

With a series of rhetorical questions, the author engages the reader and forces them to consider his proposition. The author wonders when Gillard will look at a change in the laws by asking “But why? And if not now, when? Before the next boat sinks, or after?”Bolt is not looking for an answer, but rather for the reader to consider when the laws should be changed. This highlights that it is not certain if and when Gillard will modify these immoral laws.

 Bolt couples an anecdote and emotive language to further persuade the reader. The anecdote of a refugee reads, “The (Australian) Government has changed now. It's good for refugees there.” This shows that even the refugees know that the laws are not as strict. By adding a sense of reality, Bolt is able to justify his contention. He then moves on to using emotive language when Bolt describes the people who “drown[ed] were lured to their deaths...by [the] government.” This language makes the situation more graphic. The combined effect of these techniques adds importance to the issue of weakening refugee laws.

By using a photograph, statistics and other persuasive tactics the author is able to persuade the audience to adopt his contention. By presenting this article in the ways described above Bolt successfully argues that Gillard’s weakened laws are doing more harm than good to the refugees.

Just a few comments on this would be great, pleaseeee!

[tea.squaredd]

Just some small things as i skimmed your post:

Try find more sophisticated techniques and not use rhetorical questions. These are easy, anyone can get them, thus come exam time, the lower end of the state uses this technique a lot. You gotta stand out if you want a high score.

Also, include an analysis of the picture!

The more pro-er LA ive seen, dont actually label. By this i mean you dont say, 'Another persuasive technique used is.."
You just integrate it. Same for your quotes, dont say something then just slap on a quote on the end.

Hope this small piece of advice helps!

[ech_93]

What would be classified as more 'sophisticated techniques?'

There was analysis of the picture in there... :/

Thanks for the advice tea.towel!

[azngirl456]

The 2nd draft you've written is a better version

@tea.towel, her analysis of the picture was in the second paragraph...yeh I know you said you skimmed, but just pointing it out

I think what tea.towel meant sohisticated techniques was stuff like perforative language, negatively connotated words, lack of euphemisms, anaphora, repetition etc that are present in bolt's article.

Oh and I didn't critique the conclusion because I'm good at writing them. However slumdawg posted a general outline in my essay thread

[ech_93]

Thanks azngirl456.
I don't know what half of those techniques even mean :/ haha. I will look them up though.
No worries, i will have a look in your thread.
 

[HERculina]

Hey, I was half-way critiquing your 1st essay, wen my internet stuffed up. And wen it finally did worked again, I realized you wrote up a 2nd copy. But here it is anyway, in case it mite help you

Language analysis

Over the past few years more and more better word could be used here, or just write one "more" not two, as it sounds a bit informal refugees, also known as ‘boat people’ why are you telling us this? irrelevant., have died in an attempt to flee to Christmas Island. After the recent accident where a boat crashed into cliffs and took many lives, Andrew Bolt wrote an opinion piece titled ‘Don’t blame me, blame Julia Gillard’.  In this piece, written on the 17th of December and found in the Herald Sun you should include this information in the previous sentence instead rather than this one: "Andrew Bolt wrote an opinion piece published on the 17th of December in the Herald Sun titled..." [well something like that] , Bolt contends that these tragic losses are a result of Gillard’s lenient laws good.. Bolt maintains an irritated tone throughout the article, whilst using a photograph, statistics and emotive languages as his main persuasive techniques.

The main persuasive technique used is a colour photograph.it sounds like your writing this because you're being asked to find techniques. Maybe extend the topic sentence and write a general comment on the way this technique influences the audience This photograph is firstly used to draw the reader’s attention to the article why? how?. Waves crashing down around a small and poorly-built boat are pictured which causes the reader worry and curiosity to what is in the article yay,you explained it here. Bolt’s opinion piece is nicely complimented by the dramatic photograph because the real-life footage adds legitimacy to the issue that write something like: , emphasizing that the ‘boat people’ are in danger.

Throughout the article Bolt adds statistics as another form of evidence wah? wat was the other evidence. You can always refer to statistics as statistical evidence btw. He uses statistics to shock the reader and prove that Gillard is to blame for the deaths of the refugees. Bolt explains he doesnt really explain it. He 'reveals' or 'demonstrates'that after Gillard made law reforms the amount of boats have climbed “from three a year...to almost 200 this year alone.” This statistic alone is horrifying how does this affect the readers?. He then adds that “the death toll since Labor's changes had reached 25.”  The reader is now more likely to accept the Bolt’s contention because he leaves the audience feeling worried by the seriousness of Gillard weakening the ‘boat people’ laws.
make this another paragraphAnother persuasive technique used is attacks. These attacks are used to position the reader to agree with Bolt, and oppose Gillard’s opinions and thoughts. “They certainly weren't fleeing a war, as Gillard deceitfully implied,” Bolt uses this to make Gillard’s arguments less genuine sentence structuring a bit confusing. Maybe write 'Bolt uses' before you write the quote. This technique is successful in persuading dont say that he is successful with the technique as it is your own opinionas attacks on Gillard leave the reader questioning the validity of her side.

Bolt uses a variety of smaller techniques to emphasise the irritated tone of his piece. The first technique used is rhetorical questions, which engage the reader and force them to consider the author’s proposition. The author asks “Before the next boat sinks, or after?” and..? Secondly, Bolt uses an anecdote of a refugee, “The (Australian) Government has changed now. It's good for refugees there.” This shows that even the refugees know that the laws are not as strict. Thirdly, the article uses emotive language when Bolt describes the people who “drown[ed] were lured to their deaths...by [the] government.” This language makes the situation more graphic. The combined effect of these techniques makes the reader consider the issue as a whole and add importance to the issue of weakening refugee laws.

Say something before this reminding us of the contentionBy using a photograph, statistics and other persuasive techniques the author is able to persuade the audience to adopt his contention. By presenting this article in the ways described above Bolt successfully argues that Gillard’s weakened laws are doing more harm than good to the refugees.


Sorry for my lateness, any feedback will be much appreciated!
And, how do we do the hyperlinking ? :/

Good job ech_93.
Your essay seemed quite formulated. You explained some of the techniques well but sometimes you obviously didnt . Work on your topic sentences as they give the marker an impression on whether your paragraph is a good one or a bad one. Your introduction also needs improvement.

But overall, 5.5/10! [this is for your 1st one]
Skimming through your second one, I'd give it a 6.5/10!