Expository Help:

[Water]

Hey guys, so there's this prompt

What people remember shapes their understanding of themselves and other people

I wrote a paragraph, for body, and I was wondering if this is the correct way of tackling it. I was delving more into the text, and worried if it was splitting between text response or not, cause I was reading some sample bought expositiory, and they delved into the text. This is for an upcoming sac, which requires to use Sharknet as a main source for my expository writing.


Those who are able to recall the memories of their past with people that they have encountered or have/had strong connections with, and are able to analyze their actions and underlying motives; overall, can be a mentally wounding experience.  At times, even dangerous to our emotional stability. This is explored in the memoir “Shark Net,” by Robert Drewe, capturing the life of Dorothy, wife of Royce, whose life in marriage appears to be filled with sadness and a battle of perseverance.  It is his lacerating actions, both past and present, of adultery and her awareness of this that shapes Dorothy to become disconsolate. Dorothy’s ability to remember, to recollect her experiences, therefore can be noted to be one that is wistful and this renders her incapable of understanding herself. This illustrated by her two different dispositions of “Doth” and “Dorothy,” to shadow her truer however sadder self from society’s narrow judgments and to fit with its conventions. By assuming two contrasting characters, she exemplifies her heightened awareness of other’s perceptions as she attempts to accommodate with what society deems as appropriate. However at the same time, by assuming a façade, she highlights her inability to understand herself and her needs. She is unable to resolve the problems within her household, and because of this, she feels trapped and constrained and merely hopes for brighter future for her children. These thoughts and her awareness are the accumulations of her experiences of the past and she illustrates that a combination of memory and intellectual awareness can at times be damaging and woefully painful, even if we become more understanding of others or of ourselves.

[shinny]

You're cutting close to being a bit too text response-y. Keep in mind that unlike in text response, you're assuming that the examiner doesn't know the text. Well they do, but you're not writing for the examiner in context - you're writing for your audience whoever that may be. So you need to story tell a bit more (despite this being a crime in text response) because otherwise the audience won't know what you're talking about. For example, you never actually said that Dot was Drewe's mother throughout that entire paragraph. Instead, you said she was the wife of Royce. Who the hell's Royce? Later on, I'd also try to use some other sources to mix it up a bit. It's also probably in your best interests to put your work into some sort of context (feature article/book discussion in a weekend magazine?), especially for a SAC, to avoid it being just a generic essay (teachers tend to hate this).

Anyway, free essay time!

Prompt: ‘What people remember shapes their understanding of themselves and their world’

   ‘Memory is deceptive because it is coloured by today’s events’. Renowned physicist Albert Einstein’s musing clearly explicates the notion that our memories change according to the context in which we recall them. As such, it would be remiss to say that our memories are the ultimate factor in deciding how we understand ourselves and the world around us. By considering literature such as Robert Drewe’s memoir The Shark Net, as well as a variety of other sources, we are given insight into the multitude of facets that constitute what we understand about ourselves and the world around us.
   
Indeed, it does seem that our childhood memories contribute significantly to our understanding of the world and ourselves. Consider the case of Drewe throughout The Shark Net in the manner that he generalises the environment of Perth into a desert of ‘sand dunes’ and ‘sand people’. It can be seen that ultimately, Drewe’s understanding of Perth stems just from these motifs of the sand which are ingrained in his memory from his childhood. Furthermore, through his memoir, it is these memories of Drewe’s childhood in Perth that he uses to ‘try to make sense of this time and place’ as well as his ‘own childhood and adolescence’ – evidently showing that Drewe’s memories of childhood are his primary source of his understanding of himself and Perth. Thus, it can be seen that typically, our childhood memories will contribute significantly to what we understand about ourselves and the world.

The effects of memory are even more pronounced when considering the impacts of memory degradation on our understanding of the world and ourselves. As Drewe describes The Shark Net as a ‘book of memory’, then his statement that ‘memory may falter’ is indicative of the notion that our ultimate understanding of ourselves may invariably be skewed by such memory degradation. Such a notion is paralleled in Salvador Dali’s famous painting The Persistence of Memory which depicts a landscape in which clocks are melting. Dali’s work seems to express the idea that through time, memory may ‘melt’ and deteriorate, and thus distort how an individual remembers a moment in reality. As our understanding of ourselves and the world around us seems to stem only from the memories which we can recall, then in essence, it appears that what we remember forms our understanding of the world and ourselves.
   
   However, it is important to make a distinction between memory and the act of remembering, as it is ultimately what we remember in a particular context that will shape what we understand of ourselves and the world. For example, elements of James Frey’s memoir A Million Little Pieces have been accused of being significantly fabricated – a claim to which Frey conceded that ‘my mistake is writing about the person I created in my mind, and not the person who went through the experience’. Hence, it can be seen that Frey’s understanding of himself has been distorted by his attempts at constructing a work of literature. Additionally, a study by Cornell University involved researchers telling a group of people a story about a man who walked out on a restaurant bill. A week later, those who were then told that the man performed such an act because he liked to steal recalled the bill at a significantly higher amount. In contrast, those two were told that the man did so because he received an emergency phone call recalled the bill to be at a lower amount. Ultimately, it appears that at times it is the act of remembering that forms our understanding of the world, not just what is stored in our memories.

Furthermore, sometimes it is not our own memories that determine how we understand the world and ourselves, but the memories of others’. For example, in The Shark Net, it is unlikely that Drewe could have remembered such minor details from his childhood himself, and thus would have obtained help from others. In the author’s note, Drewe even specifically mentions that he thanks various people for their ‘time, patience and memories’. Furthermore, take into consideration studies by Maastricht University which show that others’ memories can impact on the behaviour of individuals. The researchers falsely told participants that they had once become ill after eating egg salad in their childhood, and as a result, they had severely changed their attitudes towards this food as compared to the control group – giving this food worse evaluations and avoiding egg sandwiches up to four months later. As such, it is evident that at times, the memories of others can shape our understanding of ourselves and the world around us.
   
   Whilst there are a plethora of factors that contribute to an individual’s understanding of themselves and the world in which they reside, it can be seen that it is ultimately what we remember and what is in our memories that eventually forms this understanding. By dwelling on such an idea, it can be seen that perhaps at times, our understanding of the world may not indeed be the truth – a notion explicated by American writer Barbara Kingsolver in ‘Memory is a complicated thing, a relative to truth, but not its twin’.

NOTE: This is by no means something that I'd hand in for a SAC. Was just something I quickly did half way through the year as practice. Generally for SACs, I'd advise being a far more creative as teachers usually hate the plain essay approach. The evidence is also a tiny bit irrelevant since I couldn't be bothered finding new ones. Still, the ideas might help you.

[Water]

Thanks a bunch shinny , appreciated... xD

[EvangelionZeta]

Agreed with what shinny said to an extent - you want to pretend you're writing your context piece to some random person who has no idea, so explain everything, instead of assuming the marker's knowledge.

I'd challenge the assumption that you need to put it into some sort of context to avoid markers hating on you though.  Whilst it's true that they will probably "hate you" to some extent, the best schools tend to enforce a fairly generic "expository essay" style response sans any real context, and so I'd just guess that to an extent, it's easier to be successful when your ideas aren't constrained by the form of your piece.

[shinny]

Agreed with what shinny said to an extent - you want to pretend you're writing your context piece to some random person who has no idea, so explain everything, instead of assuming the marker's knowledge.

I'd challenge the assumption that you need to put it into some sort of context to avoid markers hating on you though.  Whilst it's true that they will probably "hate you" to some extent, the best schools tend to enforce a fairly generic "expository essay" style response sans any real context, and so I'd just guess that to an extent, it's easier to be successful when your ideas aren't constrained by the form of your piece.

Yeh, a generic essay style tends to work for exams, but I'm just basing that assumption off what I've seen from the teachers of multiple students I've taught - majority of whom don't come from these elite schools. The general rule of testing the waters by handing in practice essays applies I guess. See what your teacher likes and cater for that.

[cltf]

Just curious, if you use a supplementary source, can we put it before the primary text in the body paragraph, or is it recommended that it comes after the primary text?

Eg.
Racisim
Racisim leads to a lot of violence. (topic sentence + explain idea)
Colonial Australia was ..... (supplementary source)
this notion is also reflect by (Author) in the (primary text)
Linking back to topic.

[Ghost!]

Just curious, if you use a supplementary source, can we put it before the primary text in the body paragraph, or is it recommended that it comes after the primary text?

Eg.
Racisim
Racisim leads to a lot of violence. (topic sentence + explain idea)
Colonial Australia was ..... (supplementary source)
this notion is also reflect by (Author) in the (primary text)
Linking back to topic.

By nature the evidence is 'supplementary' and adds to your paragraph/contention. Primary evidence is used to establish your contention, through the use of a topic sentence and full exploration of your topic, so I would say that you always begin with your Primary evidence, and then add a little more support with the the supplementary.

[cltf]

Hmmmm, here's an example of what I mean, because some how it doesn't flow as well when I put the supplementary source after..

Conflict is impossible to avoid

...Moreover, individual attitudes and desires often lead people to exacerbate conflict for their own personal gain. Every person has their own needs and it is not uncommon for them to reflect it in their actions, and decision-making. Whilst, it is not always the case that personal gain is the objective, as some by choose to do so in order to create uproar and raise awareness for a particular issue, often it is for greed. Charlie Perkins an Aboriginal affairs activist, grew up in a heavily racial community, this in turn fueled his ambitions for a less discrimination against aboriginals in Australia, with greater recognition of aboriginal affairs and rights. In order to do so, it was necessary for Perkins to be an activist and protest in government, spreading and gaining much media attention. Ultimately, resulting in much heated debate, and the 1967 referendum to remove discriminatory regulates towards indigenous Australians. Whilst Perkins was successful in using conflict to promote a healthy change, this notion is contrasted in Kate Grenville’s novel through Will Thornhill and his personal struggle to fulfil his desires, as influenced by his past. William being a lower class man, that was low on “life’s ladder” in London, suddenly finds himself in delight by the idea that Aborigines were “lower in the order of things” than he was. As a result of this superiority, he exacerbates conflict for financial gain – possession of land – as he partakes in the massacre, because of the aspirations to ensure a future of freedom and lavishness. Conflict is inevitable, when individual desires come into play, as every person has such attitudes and may attempt to fulfil them by whatever means necessary.