Tempestuously cruising through the HSC

[Lumenoria]

for sure. can definitely relate (really though, who can't?). it's a lot harder to stay motivated as well.

sounds lame, but worked for me, is listening to classical music during frees as soon as you go in. any classical playlist on spotify is good. :-) classical isn't everyone's cup of tea (it wasn't mine, although i've played classical piano for a while), i encourage you to try it out. :-)

God, apologies for not responding, I genuinely didn't see this post until I was about to update this journal just now haha! And yeah, I agree, having sad piano music personally makes me really productive somehow HAHAHAH

[Lumenoria]

Hi everyone!!
Hope you're all doing well, studying hard... and all that good stuff. God, I feel like I haven't updated this in awhile. Anyways, so I've been somewhat productive recently, but I can't help but feel like it's not enough. I'm working on my major work portfolio for Multimedia currently and it's absolutely hellish - not that it's particularly difficult per se, but just the time-consuming nature of it all in general makes it so agonising to work on. In the past week or so, I've edited 5 or so seconds of my video (which is pretty good for motion graphics - it literally takes me 9 hours to complete half a second satisfactorily lol) and so in total, I've done 14.5 seconds. I'm aiming for 30 or 40 in total, so I'm quite happy with that. But the theory component of it. My god. It's so fucking debilitating, and I feel like I'll never get it done because it's just so excessive for what it's worth!! I actually hate it so much, because it's entirely self-driven, and needless to say, I have ZERO self-drive. Everytime I edit, I have to document the entirety of the process and it just completely and utterly ruins the flow of my work. Plus, I've been looking at band 6 portfolios from previous cohorts and my one looks exponentially different, so I feel like I've done it all wrong and UGHH. I just want to start all over. I've been editing in After Effects for a LONG LONG time now recreationally, so skills wise, I'm literally more than fine, but THE THEORY IS DRIVING ME INSANE OMG. The level of effects that I've executed are quite complex (up to 100+ layers/comp), which means half a second of editing equates to roughly 4 pages of full blown elaborations and explanations and the like. It's like, half the shit I can't actually articulate into words, I've been editing for so long that it's become second nature to me and I just do it because it's what I do, you know? Plus, I'm beginning to enter the dreaded abyss of editor's block - a complete lack of creative inspiration - and it's killing me. I literally just have this urge to bomb the entire major project because of this overwhelming frustration, but at the same time, I know it must count towards my ATAR. And because it scales so shit, I want above 95 atleast in it. I'm ranked first at the moment, and also ranked first in prelims with a mark of 93, so I know I am capable of achieving it provided I expend the effort into it, but I seriously don't have the mental energy to. The only reason I've persistently topped the class is because I used to be part of an online community that animated and edited motion graphics as a hobby, and so I've literally only used knowledge gained from that experience for all my exams, without ever doing any study beyond it. Hasn't failed me yet, but I know it will soon. I'm seriously so stressed out about it to the point where I hate myself for dropping English Extension - because atleast if I bombed out on my major project for multimedia, only half of it would actually impact my ATAR as I definitely wouldn't have felt this way towards English Ext. The person coming 2nd is only 2 marks behind, so it's close too. I want to make it to 20 seconds before the end of the month, but not sure if that's realistic.

I worked 15 hours this week - Friday, Saturday and Sunday night. It was pretty full on, but I've been going to the library before work on weekends to study so that I will have made the most of the day before I go to bed. However, I dislike having the obligation of either work or school every single day of the week - it's a tad exhausting, so I've n/a'ed for every Sunday as of now. I also feel like I'm not being that productive during my study sessions because although I am doing work, I don't think I'm challenging my pre-existing knowledge enough, rather, I am just taking measures to affirm it. I've been dedicating so much more time towards legal than need be and have been doing quite an extensive amount of reading for it based on past HSC curveball extended response questions. However, I honestly need to be shifting my focus more towards economics and mathematics, where I feel the weakest in, but a lack of interest means that I have no real inclination to do so. So, this weekend, I'm going to make myself just do 3 random essay questions for economics.

We got our notification for the Advanced English half-yearly assessment, and my god, it's a fucking speech for Mod A. I'm actually so worried, because speeches are literally the bane of my existence - the anxiety seriously pierces through my soul and I never do too well in them. Atleast it's only worth 15% I suppose. I'm ranked 2nd in Advanced English so far, so this will definitely bring me down in that regard, but what's even worse is that there is a possibility of the other Advanced class's teacher marking our class's speeches instead of my teacher because she may be away on the date (the date of assessment hasn't been confirmed yet, we just know it's either in week 10 or 11). In a way, I suppose it may be better because I have no real connection with the other teacher so there's less to lose (if that makes sense) - and I basically never have to see them again if I completely humiliate myself, but ugh. It's still nervewracking as shit. Plus, it'll mean there'll be less of a disparity in marking standards, as the other Advanced teacher tends to mark substantially easier than mine. (last year, the average in my class for the speech was 13 and theirs was 17 or something ridiculous lol) My teacher wants us to write it as an essay and then condense it to speech form, which I often find way more difficult than the other way around. Ugh. Our draft is due this upcoming Monday.

Wow, this took ages to write out lol. Hope you all have a great week!!
 

[Lumenoria]

Omfg. The stress has gotten to me for sure, and I hate it. I'm literally getting major, persistent surges of anxiety to the point where I've lost my appetite, and it's so difficult to push through. Not only is it school, but also my job. I keep making mistakes at work because I'm under so much pressure, which is terrible for me because my manager thinks I'm one of the most competent workers to a point where he trusts me to shift-supervise in his absence. I basically NEVER make mistakes at work, I'm notorious for my "clean record" - if you will - but I've been so unfocused as of late. But the thing is, although I'm stressed, I always - without a doubt - put in my 100% when I'm at work, I double check everything - especially recently because I know I'm more inclined to mess up - but somehow I am always bound to making a stupid mistake. I just don't get how I could be so fucking stupid, when I literally always adhere to the protocols and have been working here without executing these mistakes for MONTHS. And I know people are like "everyone makes mistakes", but this isn't just one, or two. I used to make a mistake maybe once every 3 months, now it's more like ONCE a WEEK. Which never used to happen for me. These are literally rookie mistakes, that I used to teach new people how to AVOID - but now I somehow am making them more than ever. And the fact that my manager places me in charge all the time, places me on edge all the time because if someone else makes a mistake, it's on me. I work about 14-16 hours per week, and I don't mind it, but I think it's better off for both me and my manager if I reduce my hours. Hope everyone else has been well.

[Lumenoria]

So stressed, yet I'm so unmotivated to do anything to relieve that stress. Half yearlies are in a week and I'm so unprepared. I think I'm going to ruin my rankings horribly in this set of assessments and it's freaking me out beyond belief.

[jamonwindeyer]

So stressed, yet I'm so unmotivated to do anything to relieve that stress. Half yearlies are in a week and I'm so unprepared. I think I'm going to ruin my rankings horribly in this set of assessments and it's freaking me out beyond belief.

Really bummed catching up on your last few entires Lumenoria, sounds like things have gotten to you a bit!!

I won't repeat all the "Everyone makes mistakes" stuff because you've heard it a lot, even though its true. However, you need to look after yourself, and you don't seem to be in a good state of mind right now. Please take steps to fix that, as a way way way higher priority than marks, or work, or pretty much anything. Marks at this stage are worth like nothing, and your job isn't worth creating an unhealthy level of stress over. As soon as your health is negatively impacted, be it your appetite or anything else, that's a serious problem and you need to take steps to immediately get yourself away from whatever is causing it. Glad you are thinking of cutting hours, I think that's a great call. If you are still having significant issues after that step, alert your school (perhaps even do that now) in case it impacts your ability to perform 100% in your exams. It doesn't mean you'll actually do anything or that anything will be done by them, necessarily, but the school needs to be aware you are struggling!

I bet you are more prepared and way more ready for the exams than you probably give yourself credit for. And look, speaking mathematically, half yearlies mean very little. So like, if they don't go as well as you plan - Eh. No biggie. I came second last in my MX1 Half Yearly and still topped the class and still got a Band E4 - So it is absolutely not worth any significant stress whatsoever.

Be sure to reach out if we can help at all, and again, do reach out to your support networks. They exist for a reason

[Lumenoria]

Really bummed catching up on your last few entires Lumenoria, sounds like things have gotten to you a bit!!

I won't repeat all the "Everyone makes mistakes" stuff because you've heard it a lot, even though its true. However, you need to look after yourself, and you don't seem to be in a good state of mind right now. Please take steps to fix that, as a way way way higher priority than marks, or work, or pretty much anything. Marks at this stage are worth like nothing, and your job isn't worth creating an unhealthy level of stress over. As soon as your health is negatively impacted, be it your appetite or anything else, that's a serious problem and you need to take steps to immediately get yourself away from whatever is causing it. Glad you are thinking of cutting hours, I think that's a great call. If you are still having significant issues after that step, alert your school (perhaps even do that now) in case it impacts your ability to perform 100% in your exams. It doesn't mean you'll actually do anything or that anything will be done by them, necessarily, but the school needs to be aware you are struggling!

I bet you are more prepared and way more ready for the exams than you probably give yourself credit for. And look, speaking mathematically, half yearlies mean very little. So like, if they don't go as well as you plan - Eh. No biggie. I came second last in my MX1 Half Yearly and still topped the class and still got a Band E4 - So it is absolutely not worth any significant stress whatsoever.

Be sure to reach out if we can help at all, and again, do reach out to your support networks. They exist for a reason

Aw thankyou Jamon, it has gotten to me quite a bit yes, but I've taken roughly 2 weeks off work for exams, which will hopefully relieve my stress in the meanwhile!! Really appreciate your concern.

[Lumenoria]

Hey guys!!
So tomorrow, is my first exam for the half-yearly block - maths. Honestly, I'm not that stressed because I've done a multitude of past papers, which has helped immensely in my prep. Right now, I'm not even studying for maths - I'm doing some legal exam prep, which is on Wednesday. I'm pretty sure I'll be able to get 85+ in my exam tomorrow, maybe 90, but for legal. Man, I'm so paranoid I'm going to bomb out on the crime essay. I'm really hoping for criminal trial process or discretion or any of the themes and challenges question, but god, if it ends up being international crime... I might actually die. I've got quite a few LCMID up my sleeve if that does come to fruition, but I feel like I'll be panicking so much in the exam that it won't even come to my mind. I'm mainly worried because I've never felt so unprepared for legal in my life, and this exam has major potential to cost me my ranking atm (1st). UGHHH.

[Lumenoria]

Okay, so the maths exam was alright in terms of difficulty - albeit harder than I had anticipated - but man, it was SO long. I legitimately thought I wouldn't finish. There were 30 minutes remaining and I still had fucking 7 pages to go!! I reckon I just missed 90, but I'm probably being a tad optimistic here. I'm really paranoid because I fucking didn't realise we had to put our multiple choice answers on a separate sheet and the teacher wouldn't let me transfer them upon collection - he just said "they'll see it later". I'm still not reassured though - omg what if I lose 20 marks because of that??!! I also am annoyed at myself because I skipped 3 multiple choice questions and completely forgot to come back to them ahh!

Anyways, so legal is tomorrow and I'm freaking out. I know all my content already because I've been studying since day 1 of this term, but the nerves are seriously getting to me. Especially that essay omg. I'm so worried it's going to be on sentencing and punishment because I'm the least prepared for that. Praying to god it isn't.

[fantasticbeasts3]

Hey,

Chill out a bit about the MC in your maths exam hahaha, the teacher always realises. My friend didn’t realise she did the same thing as you in one of her 3U exams last year, and her marks from there were counted. Don’t worry too much about it – it’s over, so you focus on the next thing up. :-)

Best of luck for Legal tomorrow!

[Lumenoria]

Hey,

Chill out a bit about the MC in your maths exam hahaha, the teacher always realises. My friend didn’t realise she did the same thing as you in one of her 3U exams last year, and her marks from there were counted. Don’t worry too much about it – it’s over, so you focus on the next thing up. :-)

Best of luck for Legal tomorrow!

HAHAHA thanks, I think the stress of exams is just making me overthinking literally everything!! I really hope it goes well, thanks again

[Lumenoria]

Okay, so I just finished my legal exam, and honestly,  I'm not sure how I feel about it. I was thrown off by a lot of the short answers because I prepared way more for the essay component, which by extension, caused me to neglect human rights. Also, my responses to the more heavily weighted short answers were legitimately so bad. I think I got really anxious so I was just spewing bullshit out of my brain, instead of writing a coherent, well thought out response. By no means do I think I did badly, there are just a LOT of parts that I could've improved on, had I just chilled out a bit. I'm annoyed because I studied so many exterior components that I could've added an extra layer of sophistication to my human rights responses, but I kept doubting myself in the moment so I decided to stick to the more mainstream, conventional stuff. The crime essay though, my god. The question in itself wasn't so bad, I just wasn't expecting it at all. I didn't have time to read over my response after I finished writing it, but I know for a fact that my structure suffered from mostly improvising it on the spot. My topic sentences and linking sentences rarely corresponded with eachother, because I kept deviating away from my original point. I also feel like I was rambling a bit, because my essay ended up being 10 pages long LOL. I don't even know if I made my judgement clear enough ugh. OMG and the multiple choice. That was seriously the most frustrating part of this entire exam. There were SO SO many questions where two of the options were just as correct as eachother, so I feel like I did really shitty in that section. I already know I got two wrong because they were past HSC questions and I searched the marking guidelines up after, but I swear one of the them was NOT clear at all. The question was, "Who issues an arrest warrant"? The options were - police; judicial officer; Attorney General and something else that I forgot. Upon initial glance at this question, I thought to myself judicial officer, but then again I was unsure because it doesn't mention if it means in the first place and what not? So I ended up changing my answer to police - clearly I was overthinking it. But in retrospect, couldn't theoretically a police officer issue a warrant to a criminal (after getting it from a judge), just as much as a judicial officer could to the police? Where in the question is this distinction specified? Am I missing something here? Other than that, I thought it was okay. I really fucking hope I can scrape a 90, but I'm not too sure if that's realistic - the max I can get atm is 96, but surely I would've made more errors than just those 2 questions. FMLLL.

Anyways, moving on, my economics exam is on Friday - woo. I'm worried because I haven't touched the subject in awhile. So, I'm going to start refreshing my memory now!! See you guys, hope exams have served you well

[Lumenoria]

Okay so just finished my economics exam, which was this morning, and it honestly could not have gone better. I'm saying this because I felt so unprepared for it and crammed for it the day before, where I spent 10 hours straight studying in the library lol. I wrote WAY over the lines for some of the questions and am a bit unsure about my graphs for the short answers, but I think that, for the most part, I'll be okay. I'm really pissed off at myself though for. once again, a multiple choice error. I literally wrote the answer, which I knew was correct, but in the last 5 minutes I changed it to another one because I kept psyching myself out. I talked to my teacher about that question and ofc my initial answer was correct. The fact that I took all the time to white it out and shit just for it to be wrong is honestly infuriating and lowkey eating away at my sanity lmao. Otherwise, I think there is a good chance of me attaining 90+, although I'm a bit contentious about the quality of my extended response. I had done a few practice essays, but the question wasn't quite what I was expecting. I ended up writing 8 pages for it, but idk if I was rambling too much. Anyway, overall I think it may be my most confident exam yet - which is strange because economics is never quite my strong point.

My friend and I were talking to our legal studies teacher today to ask about something and she was asking us how we found the exams and stuff like that. She was teaching her year 11 class, and as the "top students of her best year 12 legal studies" class, made us give a "pep talk" to them HAHAHA. I was literally so fucking awkward because I'm socially inept when speaking in front of masses of people. We were just giving them study tips and advice and the like, and I just said "start making your notes early" but in hindsight, I could've given them many more better tips hahaha. I just couldn't think of them in the moment lmao.

I keep feeling as though my exams are over, even though I still have 2 more. For Multimedia on Monday, it's a theory exam - which I could probably bludge and still top - and for English, which is on Friday, we have a fucking speech. It's on Module A, but man, I am so freaking worried. I've handed in multiple drafts, but the time limit for the speech is a mere 4 minutes. I have an essay for it that has been assured an A range by my teacher, but condensing it down to an infinitesimal 600 word speech WHILST RETAINING ITS QUALITY AND COHESIVENESS is a skill that cannot be overlooked. That shit is so much more difficult than you expect, because every argument seems to be important oh my god. I got my second draft back today from my teacher (for the speech), and she suggested some additions but I legitimately cannot fit them in without compromising something else, and everything is ALREADY at its bare minimum right now. I can't hand in anymore drafts because my teacher will be away next week, but at this point, I'm just worried about my presentation. I'm so bad at speaking in front of people, it's actually so terrifying for me - I just shake to a point beyond redemption lol. Also, because my teacher will be away next week, she won't be marking it. The other Advanced teacher will be, with another teacher. Everyone in my Advanced class reckons that the other Advanced class has an advantage because they've actually had their drafts looked at by someone who is ACTUALLY marking the assessment. So basically, we're worried the standards between mine and the other class won't be the same - "good" for my teacher may not be "good" for the other, you know? But then again, my teacher is notorious for her harsh feedback so it might not be as bad. Also, I'm SO freaking paranoid because the other marker (along with the other Advanced teacher) is a teacher that I've been quite close to in the past, and idk I get thrown off when people I know on a personal level are listening to my speeches HAHAH. Like, I'd prefer to do it in front of complete strangers. I also am unsure as to whether I should change my timeslot to 3rd period, as opposed to 5th as I currently am in.

Generally, I'm actually quite content with how my exams have gone thus far. I reckon there's a chance I got 90+ for all of them, besides maybe legal. They were all worth over 30% in weighting, so that's honestly a relief. I keep beating myself over legal, because I feel like I definitely should've studied more, even though I feel like I studied SO much in the lead up to the exam. I'm 99% sure my friend's going to take my 1st ranking and I'll drop 30 ranks as a result of my poor performance UGHHH. Though I feel like it's a bit hard to say at the moment, I don't know if my answers were inherently bad or if I'm just blowing it out of proportion because I know I could've improved on them. Anyway, I'm just really worried about English at this point, because I know it has major potential to destroy my ranking. Atleast it only has a weighting of 15% I suppose. Hope all of you have been working hard and doing well in your own exams!!

[jamonwindeyer]

My friend and I were talking to our legal studies teacher today to ask about something and she was asking us how we found the exams and stuff like that. She was teaching her year 11 class, and as the "top students of her best year 12 legal studies" class, made us give a "pep talk" to them HAHAHA. I was literally so fucking awkward because I'm socially inept when speaking in front of masses of people. We were just giving them study tips and advice and the like, and I just said "start making your notes early" but in hindsight, I could've given them many more better tips hahaha. I just couldn't think of them in the moment lmao.

It's like a diet AN lecture!! The lecturers always think of the best advice after everyone has left, aha

Generally, I'm actually quite content with how my exams have gone thus far. I reckon there's a chance I got 90+ for all of them, besides maybe legal. They were all worth over 30% in weighting, so that's honestly a relief. I keep beating myself over legal, because I feel like I definitely should've studied more, even though I feel like I studied SO much in the lead up to the exam. I'm 99% sure my friend's going to take my 1st ranking and I'll drop 30 ranks as a result of my poor performance UGHHH. Though I feel like it's a bit hard to say at the moment, I don't know if my answers were inherently bad or if I'm just blowing it out of proportion because I know I could've improved on them. Anyway, I'm just really worried about English at this point, because I know it has major potential to destroy my ranking. Atleast it only has a weighting of 15% I suppose. Hope all of you have been working hard and doing well in your own exams!!

Glad that you are taking happiness in your results so far. I bet the ones you are concerned about won't be as bad as you think they will. Good luck for Multimedia and English! Elyse wrote this guide on speeches, can't remember if I've shown you it but it could be worth a read!!

[Lumenoria]

It's like a diet AN lecture!! The lecturers always think of the best advice after everyone has left, aha

Glad that you are taking happiness in your results so far. I bet the ones you are concerned about won't be as bad as you think they will. Good luck for Multimedia and English! Elyse wrote this guide on speeches, can't remember if I've shown you it but it could be worth a read!!

I KNOW OMG, I'm legit bursting at the seams with advice but of course the one thing I told them was the most basic advice out of all HAHAHHAA

And thankyou!!

[Lumenoria]

My Multimedia exam was today and I think it went okay, though I'm a bit contentious about whether I exceeded 90. There was one question that made no sense at all - I was doing the mathematical applications 4 times in a row and none of the answers matched, so I chose whatever seemed the most appropriate. I'm 99% sure that's the school's fault, because I definitely did not get the formula wrong. All of my friends noticed this aswell. In addition, I know for a fact that I fucked up 2 multiple choice questions (AGAIN Omg), so I think the most I can get is 37-38/40 at this point. I'll be able to live with an 85+, given that I literally did not study for this exam whatsoever but not if that comes at the expense of my 1st ranking. All of the students in this subject's cohort are dropkicks, so I definitely do not want to be dropping ranks at this point. Anyway, I'm just SO relieved all my half yearly exams are done - besides English, which is on Friday. It's a speech though, so I just have to go over it heaps and I'll hopefully be good! Ugh