Help with context essay. Opinions are needed!

[pas0005]

Can you guys give me some feedback on my essay. it isn't necessarily my strongest writing but I have chosen it specifically as it is very philosophy and psychology based.

Thanks.


"People's memories shape their understanding of themselves, their world and others"


Who are we without memory? Scientific investigation has led us to conclude that memory can be defined in physical terms as chemical matter held within the brain’s synapses. The continual firing of the neurons results in the subsequent increase in strength of that specific memory which can be retained for the vast majority of an individual’s life. This is known as long-term memory which relies upon the systematic organisation of information, stemming from the proliferation of synapses and dendrites of the brain’s neurons. However, despite scientific belief, not all factors of the working memory can currently be defined in purely physico-chemical terms as there are internal happenings such as introspection (either known as the phonological loop) and qualia(the subjective qualities of conscious experience) which cannot currently be proved based on empirical evidence, yet we still know it exists. This is where science reaches an impasse and the nature of the mind and memory as the driver for personal identity becomes quite ambiguous.

If for instance we were to lose our memories or part of our memory, then can we be conclusively regarded as the same person? Many philosophers have tried to define whether memory constitutes an individual’s personal identity, such as John Locke who regarded memory as a persistent fact of consciousness as devised in his theory on constitutive reductionism. As such a person may be distinct from body, thoughts and experiences, but the person’s existence consists in them. In this sense it appears as though memory does in fact define an individual as they are reliant upon experience, thought and physical states which form the mind and brain. In cases where an individual has lost their memory due to the damage of the hippocampus or medial temporal lobes, then an individual may lose sight of who they are having no recollection of their name, address, friends or enemies. This is shown by the case study of Henry Molaison, who, having his hippocampus and medial temporal lobes removed to reduce his epilepsy, became incapable of forming long-term memories. For Molaison, memory and experience seemed to define who he was and what he knew.

However, whilst it seems important for us to recall who and what we are, what about forced memories? If we have the propensity to memorise things then we have the propensity to memorise falsities based on desires or illusion. This is how memory can prove deceptive and seems to warp an individual’s identity as it falsifies what they know and what they have experienced. This was explored by Sigmund Freud as a defence mechanism against mental harm which occurs on a subconscious level. Freud believed that individuals who have experienced significant trauma in their past (such as rape, physical or emotional abuse, murder) will shield their egos by supressing or repressing harmful memories from entering the conscious mind. This seems to be a common scapegoat for many individuals who quickly forget things in order to be rid of any harmful memories which may impact on their lives. This is shown by Blanche Dubois in Williams’ “A Streetcar Named Desire”, whose social downfall causes her to conceal her dishonourable past with illusion. With the suicide of her latent homosexual husband Allen Gray, her indiscreet sexual behaviour and loss of esteem and fortune, Blanche is pushed into social oblivion as her dainty nature is tarnished by the impurities of her past and her present treatment by her brother in law, Stanley Kowalski.  As such Blanche creates a faux chivalric Southern gentlemen saviour (Shep Huntleigh) in order to deal with her impurities and overcome her maltreatment by Stanley. Such “illusion” and need for “magic” ultimately defines Blanche as an individual as her search for self and security results in the fabrication of reality after she is raped by Stanley which robs her of any remaining mental esteem. Her memory of such events leads her away from reality as she is blindly shepherded away from the Kowalski’s home by the psychiatric doctor in search of the “kindness of strangers”.

Whilst it can be acknowledge that the brain in part is responsible for our perception of the physical and non-physical world (as is the case with Blanche whose mental illness manipulates her view of reality), there must be more that defines us as humans. For Blanche this involved her social status, her family name and upbringing, whilst for others it may involve their marital status, their career or their friends. One entity all humans have in common which seems to define who they are is the fact that they have a human body. If, hypothetically speaking, we were able to transfer an individual’s functioning brain into a healthy body in place of a vegetative brain, then will the resulting person be defined by the brain or the body, or will they be considered two separate entities? Most would argue that the brain is centre of the being as it holds the individual’s memories and controls their sensations and movements, but what about muscle memory or reflexes stored In the spinal cord?, or appearance, fingerprints or retinal imaging which is often documented by the government to represent an individual’s identity? If identity is based purely on the physical states of the brain and one’s ability to memorise facts, then passports, driving licenses and other forms of photo identification which are based on appearance (not states of the brain), will be rendered obsolete.

Thus, it appears as though memory isn’t always the defining factor of the sentient human being. There seems to be many factors which constitute the self-including lifestyle factors, physical factors and the common views held by populace. As in the case of the brain occupying the body of a vegetative person, it appears as though convention and semantics determines who and what we consider the remaining person to be. However, memory and the constituents of memory seem to be primarily responsible for our ability to understand and define ourselves and the world around us. If we don’t know what we look like, what our names are, where we live or where we currently are, then what do we have left?

[VivaTequila]

Can you guys give me some feedback on my essay. it isn't necessarily my strongest writing but I have chosen it specifically as it is very philosophy and psychology based.

Thanks.


"People's memories shape their understanding of themselves, their world and others"


Who are we without memory? Scientific investigation has led us to conclude that memory can be defined in physical terms as chemical matter held within the brain’s synapses. The continual firing of the neurons results in the subsequent increase in strength of that specific memory which can be retained for the vast majority of an individual’s life. This is known as long-term memory which relies upon the systematic organisation of information, stemming from the proliferation of synapses and dendrites of the brain’s neurons. However, despite scientific belief, not all factors of the working memory can currently be defined in purely physico-chemical terms as there are internal happenings such as introspection (either known as the phonological loop) and qualia(the subjective qualities of conscious experience) which cannot currently be proved based on empirical evidence, yet we still know it exists. This is where science reaches an impasse and the nature of the mind and memory as the driver for personal identity becomes quite ambiguous.

If for instance we were to lose our memories or part of our memory, then can we be conclusively regarded as the same person? Many philosophers have tried to define whether memory constitutes an individual’s personal identity, such as John Locke who regarded memory as a persistent fact of consciousness as devised in his theory on constitutive reductionism. As such a person may be distinct from body, thoughts and experiences, but the person’s existence consists in them. In this sense it appears as though memory does in fact define an individual as they are reliant upon experience, thought and physical states which form the mind and brain. In cases where an individual has lost their memory due to the damage of the hippocampus or medial temporal lobes, then an individual may lose sight of who they are having no recollection of their name, address, friends or enemies. This is shown by the case study of Henry Molaison, who, having his hippocampus and medial temporal lobes removed to reduce his epilepsy, became incapable of forming long-term memories. For Molaison, memory and experience seemed to define who he was and what he knew.

However, whilst it seems important for us to recall who and what we are, what about forced memories? If we have the propensity to memorise things then we have the propensity to memorise falsities based on desires or illusion. This is how memory can prove deceptive and seems to warp an individual’s identity as it falsifies what they know and what they have experienced. This was explored by Sigmund Freud as a defence mechanism against mental harm which occurs on a subconscious level. Freud believed that individuals who have experienced significant trauma in their past (such as rape, physical or emotional abuse, murder) will shield their egos by supressing or repressing harmful memories from entering the conscious mind. This seems to be a common scapegoat for many individuals who quickly forget things in order to be rid of any harmful memories which may impact on their lives. This is shown by Blanche Dubois in Williams’ “A Streetcar Named Desire”, whose social downfall causes her to conceal her dishonourable past with illusion. With the suicide of her latent homosexual husband Allen Gray, her indiscreet sexual behaviour and loss of esteem and fortune, Blanche is pushed into social oblivion as her dainty nature is tarnished by the impurities of her past and her present treatment by her brother in law, Stanley Kowalski.  As such Blanche creates a faux chivalric Southern gentlemen saviour (Shep Huntleigh) in order to deal with her impurities and overcome her maltreatment by Stanley. Such “illusion” and need for “magic” ultimately defines Blanche as an individual as her search for self and security results in the fabrication of reality after she is raped by Stanley which robs her of any remaining mental esteem. Her memory of such events leads her away from reality as she is blindly shepherded away from the Kowalski’s home by the psychiatric doctor in search of the “kindness of strangers”.

Whilst it can be acknowledge that the brain in part is responsible for our perception of the physical and non-physical world (as is the case with Blanche whose mental illness manipulates her view of reality), there must be more that defines us as humans. For Blanche this involved her social status, her family name and upbringing, whilst for others it may involve their marital status, their career or their friends. One entity all humans have in common which seems to define who they are is the fact that they have a human body. If, hypothetically speaking, we were able to transfer an individual’s functioning brain into a healthy body in place of a vegetative brain, then will the resulting person be defined by the brain or the body, or will they be considered two separate entities? Most would argue that the brain is centre of the being as it holds the individual’s memories and controls their sensations and movements, but what about muscle memory or reflexes stored In the spinal cord?, or appearance, fingerprints or retinal imaging which is often documented by the government to represent an individual’s identity? If identity is based purely on the physical states of the brain and one’s ability to memorise facts, then passports, driving licenses and other forms of photo identification which are based on appearance (not states of the brain), will be rendered obsolete.

Thus, it appears as though memory isn’t always the defining factor of the sentient human being. There seems to be many factors which constitute the self-including lifestyle factors, physical factors and the common views held by populace. As in the case of the brain occupying the body of a vegetative person, it appears as though convention and semantics determines who and what we consider the remaining person to be. However, memory and the constituents of memory seem to be primarily responsible for our ability to understand and define ourselves and the world around us. If we don’t know what we look like, what our names are, where we live or where we currently are, then what do we have left?

THIS JUST SCREAMS 3/4 PHILOSOPHY ARRRRRGH.

That's not a bad thing, so long as you treat it as an ENGLISH ESSAY!

If someone casually walked up to you in the street and said to you "Qualia is the subjective qualities with conscious experience", you'd be like wtf does that even mean if you didn't study philosophy 3/4. What is conscious experience? What kind of subjective qualities? Some examples here would go a LONG way in explaining what you mean.

Same goes for the Phonological Loop. If you are going to use it, explain in WAY MORE DEPTH what the hell you're talking about, because just saying "oh you know, introspection aka phonological loop" doesn't mean anything in an English essay.

Simply because your introduction is subsequently vague, you'll lose marks.

Not to mention, your first sentence has a grammatical mistake, which is not going to bode well with examiners. It should read as Who are we without memory? Scientific investigation has led us to conclude that memory can be defined in physical terms as the chemical matter held within the brain’s synapses. It's also just generally not wise to cite this as a fact without justifying it. It comes across bearing the same effect as "Everybody knows that 97% of statistics are made up on the spot."

I've never read anything more vague than the second paragraph, and there were quite a few grammatical errors in it too. For instance your sentence As such a person may be distinct from body, thoughts and experiences, but the person’s existence consists in them.

I'll stop going into cases of specific mistakes and critique the thing as a whole in the interest of time and marking anybody's who still hasn't got replies.

Had to stop reading to comment - why does every philosophy student use the word "faux" god damnit, it's so frustrating.

I really didn't like the philosophical angle that you took here. You're wayyyy to stuck down in your philosophy. What does "Whose Reality?" have to do with being "defined as humans". That's PURELY from Philosophy - it has nothing to do with Streetcar, the Context, or the Prompt. Case in point? Look at the topic sentence of your 2nd last paragraph.

Your arguments aren't particularly compelling for a philosophical essay, as for the most part, they're poorly argued, explained, and have little relevance.

I'd give this no more than a 13/20 because you're literally going through everything you've learned in Philosophy 3/4 and discussing so many things that are so irrelevant, and believe me, the examiners are going to get one of these essays every so often from a Philosophy student, and they're going to be carefully critiquing everything your saying.