Practising Language Analysis

[dinosaur93]

can someone help me mark this out of 30, thank you

feedback would be appreciated

[danielgb123]

Hey Elvin,

I'd personally like to direct you to a PDF which will detail how to the structure of a L.A right:
http://www.tickingmind.com.au/uploads/40084/ufiles/Revision/Language_Analysis_-_Study_Notes.pdf

Also refer to the stickies on this forum about writing an effective L.A.

I recommend this as you don't have the structure down-pat, just yet, but there is still time! Primarily, you need to work on the introduction; which needs to include:
- Title
- Author
- Publication
- Tone
- Audience
- Contention
- Brief introduction to issues surrounding contention

From your piece:
"Michael Grey also suggests that parents are not only encouraging young individuals due to the associated "publicity"..." - Whilst you've identified the basic requirements of a language analysis in describing what the author is trying to say; you're missing core aspects such as - audience effect, WHAT/HOW the author uses the elected wordage to elicit/evoke a reaction in the audience.

I'd strongly suggest you read through some submissions of other student's pieces, understand the format and areas they are developing and incorporate those into your piece.

[dinosaur93]

ah, sorry! I forgot to mention that Im doing ESL, hence, I dont need to have an introduction and conclusion, just 3 main body paragraph analysis 3 main issues of the text....

[danielgb123]

ah, sorry! I forgot to mention that Im doing ESL, hence, I dont need to have an introduction and conclusion, just 3 main body paragraph analysis 3 main issues of the text....

My apologies!

I can't help you too much there, albeit best of luck!

[Jenny_2108]

ah, sorry! I forgot to mention that Im doing ESL, hence, I dont need to have an introduction and conclusion, just 3 main body paragraph analysis 3 main issues of the text....

Yeah, thats true. In ESL, we don't need to write intro and conclusion.

For your note-summary form
It is really good and you use lots of symbols so its very easy to read. However, I don't know why one side you wrote "irresponsible" and the other one you didn't write anything, you just list the examples and evidences. I think the examiners wanna see 3-5 main ideas in the summary so you need to make it clear.
Btw, you can't use abbreviations such as asap, yr, yo. They are not qualified as "standard"
Overall, I think 12+/15

For your language analysis
You don't have to write intro but at least, you still have to mention the name of article, the intended audiences (if possible), tone is optional. So many repetition of "suggest", try other words such as assert, claim, sway, manipulate, position readers, etc,...
There are lots of good Eng students here so they may give you more useful advices about your language analysis essay. I've never marked any essays though so dunno how to give marks for you