1) The false lure...
The issue here is that although Physics does seemingly go and explore things such as explosions and black holes, an understanding of the fundamentals of motion is required before being able to go into those areas. Bringing up black holes and explosions and fire...etc. - they are very specific areas of physics and I don't think that a VCE course is designed to give you in-depth knowledge of a very specific and detailed knowledge of what is essentially a very special field - i.e. there are people who have dedicated their lives to studying things such as black holes (Stephen Hawking).
It's similar to how I don't expect VCE chemistry to cover the nooks and crannies of pericyclic reactions. Physics at VCE is very similar to chemistry at VCE in that it is designed to give a good foundation of concepts which will help students gain a good foundation for further studies into physics. It's just like how chemistry goes through fundamentals such as industrial chem, electrochemistry, analytical chemistry and organic chemistry. To say that VCE physics should focus on explosions and black holes without any foundations is to say we should jump straight in and discuss pericyclic reactions in chemistry without first looking at the basics of organic chemistry.
Summary - this is because we are asking physics at VCE to be something that it is not - i.e. a specialised field of study which you can spend your life poring over.
2) The fabled cheat cheat
I agree with you, get rid of the cheat sheet
3) Physics has loads of maths... Right..? >.>
Again, it's an issue, but we have to make the decision whether to make Methods/Spesh a requirement for doing Physics. If yes, then that's another debate. If no, then there's not much we can do about it.
4) Units 1 and 2 will surely be helpful for Units 3 and 4, that's the way VCE works right?
Hmm good point, though I do think that Unit 1/2 provides a good foundation for Unit 3/4.
5) The "plug and play" nature of the subject
That's because of the cheat sheet.
6) The textbooks are huge, surely they're good quality?
That's the fault of textbook authors, not VCE physics, there are some good VCE physics authors out there, like, you know, I'm just gonna stand here and like, you know, point to my AN Physics book and all, cause yeah, it's cool

My main gripes with the course include:
1) The cheat sheet - get rid of it
2) Detailed Studies - get rid of them