Feedback For My Essay?

[Gaspitschami]

Hey Everyone!

I was wondering if someone could look at my close analysis essay on poetry and give me detailed feedback on how I can improve. I'm a formulaic person, which lit is not. So if anyone could suggest a formula for writing Lit essays and putting forward an Idea with sentence structure then that would be great! Also, am i doing the right thing? If this how Lit essays are supposed to answered? If you do give feedback, could you also tell me what mark I should get for this type of piece on the exam. I just really don't know how to improve my essay writing technique.

Here we go:

With limited didactic regard towards acceptable morality, Dorothy Porter assigns a speaker who aspires to console her own audacious adulations through risk taking conduct while being aware of the dark side of morality.  The speakers alertness to their wishes is evident in the poem, “The Bee Hut,” through their capacity to comprehend that they are near “danger” and their “bare hand wants to plunge through the hole,” of the bee hive despite the impetuous mannerism their arm immediately desires. They are powerless to restrain their requirement of danger, however neither ethically disgraces it by shunning their want and instead acknowledges it’s power over them. The alluring atmosphere that accentuates their  admiration is shown through the repetition of “I love,” in stanza five and six in due with the “bee hut.” This also parallels with the “pain hungry prince hacking through… dragon teeth to the heart’s most longed for …princess,” who in turn moves forth due to desire, as conveyed in the poem “Blackberries”. The speaker in both these poems have fallen into “thralldom,” with the subject of peril, which explores Porter’s view that danger can be alluring. Structured as a single sentence per stanza, “Blackberries” and “The Bee Hut” are presented as a string of thoughts with haphazard protrusions that emphasis the erratic nature of risk taking.


“The Bee Hut” and “Blackberries” deal with the noteworthy aspect that the speaker’s own “hand” assumes it’s own mentality in pursuit of it’s objective in acceptance of self inflicting injury, mentally and physically.  In the former poem, the speaker’s “bare hand” plunges forward before them in search of danger, while in the latter, the hand holds the personified “greedy, bleeding pen,” which has already imposed numbed grief for the narrator and can be considered the consequence of the former poem.  A view of Porter’s that recurringly emerges in many of her poems such as “The Silver Bracelet,”is that “life is a mystery,” which can be interpreted through the concealing effect  (due to the danger objects) of the hand lines which can be considered as the map of ones life. The speaker’s obsession with observation or consideration of life is evident in “A Walk to Kensington Garden,” in which the speaker views the life of nature with “sweet” admiration. “ The tall grey heron,” has entranced the speaker in which they are witnessing life. While in blackberries, the speakers own life is a “mystery,” to them in a way that it is “taunting.”

The capriciousness and power of writing is one of the struggles Porter deals with throughout her poetic work. A Walk in Kensington Garden predisposes nature as an allegory for writing in which both adopt a therapeutic role and provide an alliterate “soothing static” tranquillity for the speaker.  Conversely, “happy/Ticking over” expresses the limited region in which the speakers bliss can be upheld as this expression echoes time’s continual forward progression and explores the idea that happiness, which is creative flowing ideas for the speaker, is finite. The “tall green heron/stomping down its reed nest/ that’s sprouting everywhere,” is the culmination as the naturalistic world, metaphoric for her writing, cannot be tamed and acts fickle as if in one moment ideas are “ticking over” on a typewriter or the use of a simile to describe it running up her “arms like squirrels”. In the next moment, it has deserted the speaker in a personified “ghost town pub,” which is “empty,” and “creaking with a terrifying/ ancient thirst,” in order to thrive from the poem Blackberries. The speaker’s war with words is displayed through her struggle for “Rhythm and lyrics” and the obdurate, “dancing skeleton tune,” which taunts her and demands exertion as the “greedy, bleeding/pen/ that has always/ gorged itself,“ “slashes ahead,” before her. The speaker lives among the world where they are flooded with ideas and then deserted all at once.

[achre]

With limited didactic regard towards acceptable morality, Dorothy Porter assigns a speaker who aspires to console her own audacious adulations through risk taking conduct while being aware of the dark side of morality. (If I were an assessor I'd be hoping that the whole essay wasn't going to be as clunky as this. I feel like there should be a "by" somewhere in the middle of or at the end of that sentence. Try not to overuse the ten-dollar words)  The speakers (apostrophe) alertness to their wishes is evident in the poem, “The Bee Hut,” (comma stays inside the inverted commas only if it's dialogue) through their capacity to comprehend that they are near “danger” and their “bare hand wants to plunge through the hole,” of the bee hive despite the impetuous mannerism their arm immediately desires (Firstly, this is a much better use of vocab, and secondly, try not to quote for the sake of quoting. I haven't done english but I'm told that's more of an English thing to do - the assessor's read the poem as well, they know what's happened, only quote to complement your analysis. I should add that you're not doing that here, outlining the danger as part of the language of the passage is exactly what you're meant to do, but you do it later and I already had this typed up by the time I realised this was good.. They are powerless to restrain their requirement of danger, however neither ethically disgraces it by shunning their want and instead acknowledges it’s (wrong its) power over them. (It's likely because I don't have the passage or poem in front of me, but I didn't really understand what you were trying to say there at first. And there's a chance an assessor might be as dumb as me. Communicating this particular thought is important to your next few lines and I feel like simpler, but not mindless, language would have helped.) The alluring atmosphere that accentuates their  admiration is shown through the repetition of “I love,” in stanza five and six in due with the “bee hut.” This also parallels with the “pain hungry prince hacking through… dragon teeth to the heart’s most longed for …princess,” who in turn moves forth due to desire, as conveyed in the poem “Blackberries”. The speaker in both these poems have fallen into “thralldom,” with the subject of peril, which explores Porter’s view that danger can be alluring. Structured as a single sentence per stanza, “Blackberries” and “The Bee Hut” are presented as a string of thoughts with haphazard protrusions that emphasis the erratic nature of risk taking. (Last three sentences are perfect. Maybe clean up the prose closer to the end a bit.)

“The Bee Hut” and “Blackberries” deal with the noteworthy aspect that the speaker’s own “hand” assumes it’s (its w/out apostrophe is possessive, it's with an apostrophe is short for 'it is' or 'it has'. I'm sure you know that,  but typos on short words like that can happen even when writing by hand, so try to fix that) own mentality in pursuit of it’s objective in acceptance of self inflicting injury, mentally and physically.  In the former poem, the speaker’s “bare hand” (if his hand being bare isn't important to where you're going, you don't need to quote it) plunges forward before them in search of danger, while in the latter, the hand holds the personified “greedy, bleeding pen,” which has already imposed numbed grief for the narrator and can be considered the consequence of the former poem.  A view of Porter’s that recurringly emerges in many of her poems such as “The Silver Bracelet,”is that “life is a mystery,” which can be interpreted through the concealing effect  (due to the danger objects (Dangerous? I don't know what this means.)) of the hand lines which can be considered as the map of ones life. (Good) The speaker’s obsession with observation or consideration of life is evident in “A Walk to Kensington Garden,” in which the speaker views the life of nature with “sweet” admiration. “ The tall grey heron,” has entranced the speaker in which they are witnessing life. While in blackberries, the speakers own life is a “mystery,” to them in a way that it is “taunting.” (Yeah, this was what I was saying above about quoting for the sake of quoting. It shouldn't take marks away from you, but it's unnecessary and a waste of time. Good paragraph, but it could have benefited from being split into maybe two smaller paragraphs.)

The capriciousness and power of writing is one of the struggles Porter deals with throughout her poetic work. A Walk in Kensington Garden predisposes nature as an allegory for writing in which both adopt a therapeutic role and provide an alliterate “soothing static” tranquillity for the speaker. (This is really, really good stuff)  Conversely, “happy/Ticking over” expresses the limited region in which the speakers (apostrophe needed) bliss can be upheld as this expression echoes time’s continual forward progression and explores the idea that happiness, which is creative flowing ideas for the speaker, is finite. The “tall green heron/stomping down its reed nest/ that’s sprouting everywhere,” is the culmination as the naturalistic world, metaphoric for her writing, cannot be tamed and acts fickle as if in one moment ideas are “ticking over” on a typewriter or the use of a simile to describe it running up her “arms like squirrels”. In the next moment, it has deserted the speaker in a personified “ghost town pub,” which is “empty,” and “creaking with a terrifying/ ancient thirst,” in order to thrive from the poem Blackberries. The speaker’s war with words is displayed through her struggle for “Rhythm and lyrics” and the obdurate, “dancing skeleton tune,” which taunts her and demands exertion as the “greedy, bleeding/pen/ that has always/ gorged itself,“ “slashes ahead,” before her. The speaker lives among the world where they are flooded with ideas and then deserted all at once. (This is a very strong, A+ sort of paragraph. Really well done. It's not a conclusion though!)

There's not really a single accepted formula for lit, as I think you already know. There's nothing wrong at all with using the conventional English text response format with intro-body paragraphs- TEEL and everything, if you're comfortable with that - it's only said that there's no formula because most lit students enjoy the freedom of writing their essay however they feel works best for the particular task.
On the exam I reckon you'd probably get a B, pushing a B+, but there's a lot of small things you can do to improve that will boost your score significantly, and you'll pick up on a lot of that in class. The three big things are length (a bit on the short side, but not by a lot, if you segmented your paragraphs a bit more it would be near perfect length), vocabulary (sophisticated expression is very important, but a lot of students try to overcompensate) and the unanalysed quotes, which can be often hard to avoid with poetry. Two smaller things are punctuation, which I think are just typos (but you'll be writing fast in SACs and the exam anyway, these might be tricky to avoid but shouldn't hurt your mark too much) and the no proper conclusion thing. Conclusion's aren't exactly vital to lit, but they really do help. Whereas you can not write an intro and launch straight into language analysis, even just a single broad statement on the three passages can go a long way.

[kandinsky]

Hey Everyone!

I was wondering if someone could look at my close analysis essay on poetry and give me detailed feedback on how I can improve. I'm a formulaic person, which lit is not. So if anyone could suggest a formula for writing Lit essays and putting forward an Idea with sentence structure then that would be great! Also, am i doing the right thing? If this how Lit essays are supposed to answered? If you do give feedback, could you also tell me what mark I should get for this type of piece on the exam. I just really don't know how to improve my essay writing technique.

Here we go:

With limited didactic regard towards acceptable morality, Dorothy Porter assigns a speaker who aspires to console her own audacious adulations through risk taking conduct while being aware of the dark side of morality.  The speakers alertness to their wishes is evident in the poem, “The Bee Hut,” through their capacity to comprehend that they are near “danger” and their “bare hand wants to plunge through the hole,” of the bee hive despite the impetuous mannerism their arm immediately desires. They are powerless to restrain their requirement of danger, however neither ethically disgraces it by shunning their want and instead acknowledges it’s power over them. The alluring atmosphere that accentuates their  admiration is shown through the repetition of “I love,” in stanza five and six in due with the “bee hut.” This also parallels with the “pain hungry prince hacking through… dragon teeth to the heart’s most longed for …princess,” who in turn moves forth due to desire, as conveyed in the poem “Blackberries”. The speaker in both these poems have fallen into “thralldom,” with the subject of peril, which explores Porter’s view that danger can be alluring. Structured as a single sentence per stanza, “Blackberries” and “The Bee Hut” are presented as a string of thoughts with haphazard protrusions that emphasis the erratic nature of risk taking.


“The Bee Hut” and “Blackberries” deal with the noteworthy aspect that the speaker’s own “hand” assumes it’s own mentality in pursuit of it’s objective in acceptance of self inflicting injury, mentally and physically.  In the former poem, the speaker’s “bare hand” plunges forward before them in search of danger, while in the latter, the hand holds the personified “greedy, bleeding pen,” which has already imposed numbed grief for the narrator and can be considered the consequence of the former poem.  A view of Porter’s that recurringly emerges in many of her poems such as “The Silver Bracelet,”is that “life is a mystery,” which can be interpreted through the concealing effect  (due to the danger objects) of the hand lines which can be considered as the map of ones life. The speaker’s obsession with observation or consideration of life is evident in “A Walk to Kensington Garden,” in which the speaker views the life of nature with “sweet” admiration. “ The tall grey heron,” has entranced the speaker in which they are witnessing life. While in blackberries, the speakers own life is a “mystery,” to them in a way that it is “taunting.”

The capriciousness and power of writing is one of the struggles Porter deals with throughout her poetic work. A Walk in Kensington Garden predisposes nature as an allegory for writing in which both adopt a therapeutic role and provide an alliterate “soothing static” tranquillity for the speaker.  Conversely, “happy/Ticking over” expresses the limited region in which the speakers bliss can be upheld as this expression echoes time’s continual forward progression and explores the idea that happiness, which is creative flowing ideas for the speaker, is finite. The “tall green heron/stomping down its reed nest/ that’s sprouting everywhere,” is the culmination as the naturalistic world, metaphoric for her writing, cannot be tamed and acts fickle as if in one moment ideas are “ticking over” on a typewriter or the use of a simile to describe it running up her “arms like squirrels”. In the next moment, it has deserted the speaker in a personified “ghost town pub,” which is “empty,” and “creaking with a terrifying/ ancient thirst,” in order to thrive from the poem Blackberries. The speaker’s war with words is displayed through her struggle for “Rhythm and lyrics” and the obdurate, “dancing skeleton tune,” which taunts her and demands exertion as the “greedy, bleeding/pen/ that has always/ gorged itself,“ “slashes ahead,” before her. The speaker lives among the world where they are flooded with ideas and then deserted all at once.

There is one thing you are doing in the essay that would be deemed a serious mistake by examiners. Although it is great that you have many references to the passages with small quotations, you unfortunately quote for content (i.e summary quote) and not for language. You need to talk about how language reveals the broader ideas of the novel. You can do this by using something close to a formula whereby you talk about authorial construction of a sentence (e.g. use of imagery/setting/alliteration) which creates an effect. This effect adds to the idea in a particular kind of way. Examiners like to see you engage with the language as a reader. Try to show your personal engagement with the passage, hopefully by providing both startlingly original/beautiful/relevant ideas and highly perspicacious analytical skills.

People usually say that Lit is so hard to prepare for / there is no way to know you will do well. But that is not really true. You just need to find/learn a method that allows you to use language in an individual way to provide a few interpretations of the text. As long as you substantiate your individual 'readings' of the text (these are the ideas you form about the text) with language in a conclusive/convincing fashion (e.g the examiner doesn't find it tenuous), then you can't really go wrong.

[cute]

With limited didactic regard towards acceptable morality, Dorothy Porter assigns a speaker who aspires to console her own audacious adulations through risk taking conduct while being aware of the dark side of morality.  The speakers alertness to their wishes is evident in the poem, “The Bee Hut,” through their capacity to comprehend that they are near “danger” and their “bare hand wants to plunge through the hole,” of the bee hive despite the impetuous mannerism their arm immediately desires. They are powerless to restrain their requirement of danger, however neither ethically disgraces it by shunning their want and instead acknowledges it’s power over them. The alluring atmosphere that accentuates their  admiration is shown through the repetition of “I love,” in stanza five and six in due with the “bee hut.” This also parallels with the “pain hungry prince hacking through… dragon teeth to the heart’s most longed for …princess,” who in turn moves forth due to desire, as conveyed in the poem “Blackberries”. The speaker in both these poems have fallen into “thralldom,” with the subject of peril, which explores Porter’s view that danger can be alluring. Structured as a single sentence per stanza, “Blackberries” and “The Bee Hut” are presented as a string of thoughts with haphazard protrusions that emphasis the erratic nature of risk taking.


“The Bee Hut” and “Blackberries” deal with the noteworthy aspect that the speaker’s own “hand” assumes it’s own mentality in pursuit of it’s objective in acceptance of self inflicting injury, mentally and physically.  In the former poem, the speaker’s “bare hand” plunges forward before them in search of danger, while in the latter, the hand holds the personified “greedy, bleeding pen,” which has already imposed numbed grief for the narrator and can be considered the consequence of the former poem.  A view of Porter’s that recurringly emerges in many of her poems such as “The Silver Bracelet,”is that “life is a mystery,” which can be interpreted through the concealing effect  (due to the danger objects) of the hand lines which can be considered as the map of ones life. The speaker’s obsession with observation or consideration of life is evident in “A Walk to Kensington Garden,” in which the speaker views the life of nature with “sweet” admiration. “ The tall grey heron,” has entranced the speaker in which they are witnessing life. While in blackberries, the speakers own life is a “mystery,” to them in a way that it is “taunting.”

The capriciousness and power of writing is one of the struggles Porter deals with throughout her poetic work. A Walk in Kensington Garden predisposes nature as an allegory for writing in which both adopt a therapeutic role and provide an alliterate “soothing static” tranquillity for the speaker.  Conversely, “happy/Ticking over” expresses the limited region in which the speakers bliss can be upheld as this expression echoes time’s continual forward progression and explores the idea that happiness, which is creative flowing ideas for the speaker, is finite. The “tall green heron/stomping down its reed nest/ that’s sprouting everywhere,” is the culmination as the naturalistic world, metaphoric for her writing, cannot be tamed and acts fickle as if in one moment ideas are “ticking over” on a typewriter or the use of a simile to describe it running up her “arms like squirrels”. In the next moment, it has deserted the speaker in a personified “ghost town pub,” which is “empty,” and “creaking with a terrifying/ ancient thirst,” in order to thrive from the poem Blackberries. The speaker’s war with words is displayed through her struggle for “Rhythm and lyrics” and the obdurate, “dancing skeleton tune,” which taunts her and demands exertion as the “greedy, bleeding/pen/ that has always/ gorged itself,“ “slashes ahead,” before her. The speaker lives among the world where they are flooded with ideas and then deserted all at once.

A little short. You should try making language the focus of your analyses rather than inserting quotes for the sake of having evidence.
The other replies in this thread really covered all of the other points I wanted to make. I'd say this would get about a B.