Do your parents still yell at you?

[Furbob]

was originally going to post this in the anonymous board but I dont mind speaking out I guess

this might just be me being a little ranty but just wondering how you guys deal with parents that yell to reinforce rules in the house by instilling fear or to have things their way

I very recently turned 21 and the other night my (asian) mum exploded over not washing a pot properly. She always rewashes every dish I was since she can always find the tiniest bit of grease usually from butter I didnt see properly so I feel like I can never have a 10/10 dish wash effort :\ but when she exploded I just went "man I feel too old to be yelled at, I'd rather be talked to like a human and she could've just said "you missed this spot" instead of turning it into a drama"

My aunties tend to be pretty explosive with their yelling as well and I always just think the situation is handled so much better with just simple communication at around my age but I guess it's easy to be get frustrated as a mum o.o

Anyway, what do your parents still yell at you? how do you feel about being yelled at at your age/is it appropriate to yell?

I just cant see myself as a parent yelling "BECAUSE I SAID SO" when kids are much older and can use logic and reasoning instead of being flat out naughty as a child where other tactics would have to be used

[Furbob]

Also out of curiosity, why did you have to mention your mum was Asian?

mentioned it to give the image of the stereotypical "crazy asian mother" but on hindsight probably wasn't necessary as it seems every race has a "crazy strict mum" in it

I used to get the wooden spoon but it was only a light smack or enough to make a 5-year-old-me cry

[brenden]

I actually can't remember the last time I was yelled at. Literally. Must have been when I was 14 and woke my dad up playing Runescape.
Totally inappropriate for your mum to be yelling. It's not because of you. It's because of her not having any better ways to deal with what she's dealing with. That's why I don't rally see yelling as discipline; it's just to make whoever is yelling feel a but of relief from their anger (which is probably unreasonable too).
If my dad yelled at me I'd probably pmsl. Mum communicates too well to need to yell.
Might sound a bit hippy but I'd just accept that it's her issue and not yours. Just breathe her out (or divide her by zero, as pi would say).
Hope you're ok

Love from Brenden and his Gliscor

[thushan]

Parents are human, and occasionally they will yell at their kids if their kids drive them mad. BUT:

Using yelling systematically as a means of instilling fear and control is not on though. Some parents mistake 'fear' for 'respect', or see the two as one and the same. It also really damages the child as well.

The child will most likely be extremely unassertive and is afraid to assert their needs. More severely, they don't know what their needs are because they've long suppressed their needs, and they get confused as to what they 'should' need and what they genuinely need. They end up turning into someone who anyone can easily manipulate and control.

That said - this is only one potential effect.

Source: Personal experience.

[Furbob]

Hope you're ok

Love from Brenden and his Gliscor

oh god not Gliscor.

I'm quite fine. I was just wondering at this age whether your parents still treat you as their child or try to be your mate and communicate with you as they would with their friends, colleagues etc. I guess I just wanted to feel reassured whether others felt this sentiment and experience my feels at home

Love from Nikki and TM13
 

[Professor Polonsky]

I'm mostly with Thushan on this. I think that yelling can be a normal and healthy part of human discourse. Anything systemic or one-sided in a relationship between adults though probably isn't the best.