Whose Reality Feedback

[Jono_CP]

Anyone know how I can implement photos for my written pieces for criticism? These are written by hand and my hand-writing is a little scrawly sometimes. Nevertheless, if it is possible that anyone is interested in having a look at these essays through photos that would be great. And if so, how I could possibly do this e.g. iPhone and then how to attach it to the computer or something, I don't know.

My teachers have complemented me highly about the style and fluidity of my writing, but not necessarily the amount of ideas I have. E.g. I may have 10 ideas from various essays. My teachers have recommended me to focus on about 3 or 4... Hard to explain without the essays I know, essentially I am writing philosophically (e.g. different models and theories) and tying this back into the physical reality in which we inhabit. Since I am writing for a sophisticated adult audience, my teachers have pointed out that sometimes I can take this for granted and think that my audience knows all the complexities of my arguments. E.g. for instance I mentioned a psychologist named Myers and outlined a significant quote, but didn't really outline his significance as the audience is unlikely to have heard of him. I was also criticised for not having a clear publication for my piece of writing. I said a magazine report, but not a specific publication. Any recommendations?

My lowest mark was 24/30, and this was from the head of English at my school who said that she did this on purpose to give me areas of improvement. Conversely, students in my class and the teacher have been giving me 28+/30.

This is quite a weird unit for me - not sure if anyone feels the same way. I haven't necessarily done these under very strict 'timed conditions' but I am confident if I prepare everything well I can write about a lot of topics. Apparently, this can be my downfall (quantity) according to the teachers for which I totally agree. I am confident, but at the same time not really confident.

I would appreciate any comments of clarity and ways to improve my writing based on the above comments ^. If anyone would like to actually read these, just tell me and the process of doing this and I will attempt to upload them.

Thank you!

[TheStudySpace]

Hey Jono_CP.  It's hard to give good feedback without having seen the essays but I will do my best to give you some helpful hints from my experience as a VCE English teacher.

My teachers have complemented me highly about the style and fluidity of my writing, but not necessarily the amount of ideas I have. E.g. I may have 10 ideas from various essays. My teachers have recommended me to focus on about 3 or 4...

I would suggest grouping prompts together in to similar groups – you will find there are generally only about 5 different main prompts you could be given in the exam.  Focussing in on up to 5 ideas rather than 10 allows you to really practice and build these ideas and get feedback so that when you go in to the exam you have some really great ideas and some depth to them.  I think if you are working on so many different ideas it is hard to do them all justice.

Hard to explain without the essays I know, essentially I am writing philosophically (e.g. different models and theories) and tying this back into the physical reality in which we inhabit. Since I am writing for a sophisticated adult audience, my teachers have pointed out that sometimes I can take this for granted and think that my audience knows all the complexities of my arguments. E.g. for instance I mentioned a psychologist named Myers and outlined a significant quote, but didn't really outline his significance as the audience is unlikely to have heard of him.

My advice here would agree with your teachers.  If you are writing philosophically there is a great danger that you will just write your own opinion without supporting it with real evidence and with interesting facts and quotes that you have researched and can include to support what you are doing.  With your Myers quote it seems like you are doing this so that is a great way to flesh out your ideas. Even though you are writing for a sophisticated adult audience you need to give them context – remember in the exam you don’t get to write a statement of intention so your piece really needs to stand on its own.  My advice would be to add something like “renowned social psychologist (David?) Myers, from Michigan University argues/asserts/believes etc”  This way you are giving them the info they need to fully appreciate what you are saying.



I was also criticised for not having a clear publication for my piece of writing. I said a magazine report, but not a specific publication. Any recommendations?

It’s hard to help you with this one without actually reading the pieces.  There are heaps of actual journals or publications that you could fit your ideas in to for example the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology.  

This is quite a weird unit for me - not sure if anyone feels the same way. I haven't necessarily done these under very strict 'timed conditions' but I am confident if I prepare everything well I can write about a lot of topics. Apparently, this can be my downfall (quantity) according to the teachers for which I totally agree. I am confident, but at the same time not really confident.

Most students find this AOS one of the hardest as it is way too open with too many possibilities! My recommendation would be to start writing to time as soon as possible.  Many of my best students have avoided writing in the one hour because they were focussed on perfecting the piece, but there is not point perfecting a piece of writing that you have no hope of writing in one hour.  It would be so disappointing to have an amazing piece of writing but to only get half way through it in the exam.  I would say the earlier you start timing yourself every time you write a practice essay, the better your exam prep will be.

I would appreciate any comments of clarity and ways to improve my writing based on the above comments ^. If anyone would like to actually read these, just tell me and the process of doing this and I will attempt to upload them.

I am happy to give you detailed essay feedback but unfortunately I charge for this!  ($15 an essay or $60 for 5)  If you are interested you could just email me pics of your essays from a smartphone or camera and I give detailed written feedback and will also send you an audio file of me discussing your essay too so you get extra detail. For more info visit http://www.thestudyspace.com.au/essay-feedback or give me a call.
Either way good luck! It seems like you have some great ideas and want to keep improving which is the best way to get ahead!
Caitlin

[Jono_CP]

Hi Caitlin,

Thanks for the detailed feedback, it clarified a few things about structure and the elaboration of ideas. And yes I was referring to David Myers.

I think in hindsight I have enough feedback for my essays I can work upon, but thanks anyway.

It's good to know that I am not the only one who finds the 'Whose Reality' unit disarming.

I find that I can write quite well but sometimes it is more 'spur of the moment' instead of learning various quotes and characters from a text response. And yeah, I should probably time them...

Thanks for the publication ideas, 'The Journal of Personality' sounds riveting and complementary to my style of writing.