English Advanced Essay Marking (Modules Only)

[jamonwindeyer]

Hello! This is my essay for module A on John Donne's poems and Margaret Edson's play 'W;t'. I feel as though maybe my argument isn't very strong and I would like you to remove any irrelevant information. The more feedback, the better I say!

Hey Fabulous, welcome to the forums!!  Definitely the more feedback the better, I like your style 

Normally we have a restriction of 5 posts minimum to get feedback for a module essay, but it is a little quiet right now and I love that you are wanting to work on it in the holidays, so I'll make an exception  if you want feedback on another, you'll just have to hang around the site a bit and rack up 5 posts, asking questions and saying thanks etc., it doesn't take long at all 

But yes, I've attached your essay below with some comments!

Spoiler

In what ways is your appreciation of both texts enhanced by a comparative study of passion in Donne’s poetry and W;t? In your response, make detailed reference to your prescribed contexts.

A comparative study of John Donne’s seventeenth century poetry and Margaret Edson’s Postmodern play ‘W;t’ (1995) enhances an individual’s appreciation for literary representation of passion even though the two texts were composed in differentiating contexts which highlights how societal values shape the notion of passion to suit its context and can have positive and detrimental effects on an individual. Great ideas, but this sentence is a little long, took my breath away, literally! Maybe cut it in half and explain everything a little bit more clearly in two sentences? This ultimately forces individuals to seek external sources of help in order for them to extricate themselves from the negatives of having too much passion, which could be either from human relationships or God. Your ideas in this introduction are great for a start, but I think you need to flesh them out a little bit more. An introduction needs a bit more than 2 sentences. Try listing your paragraph arguments, and also, try leading your introduction with a Thesis statement instead of your texts!

Donne’s passion for humanism is highly evident in his earlier songs and sonnets. Cool topic statement, but perhaps you could explain "passion for humanism" a bit more. The Renaissance Era, as a period of great scientific and geographical discoveries is the driving force of this form of thinking. Humanism lead to society’s questioning of the power of the Catholic Church and Bible and an increased level of individualistic thinking. This form of thinking is epitomised by Donne’s subversion of the traditional Petrarchan sonnet in The Sunne Rising as he repeatedly uses rhetorical devices and imperatives in the lines ‘Goe chide, go tell Court-Huntsmen…through windowes, and through curtains call on us?’ as he criticises the power of the mighty sun, making it ironically seem insignificant to him and his lover. Whoa! Great stuff, but again, a tiny bit too long. Maybe a full stop after "The Sunne Rising"? This indicates the high level of passion he has towards himself and his lover, making him come across as a condescending individual, similarly to that of his humanist context. Furthermore, Donne directly addresses the sun through personification as he refers to it as ‘thou’, which further indicates the passion he has for himself, and his contrastingly negative attitude towards other creations of God, merely because it is performing its daily routine. Through this, Donne accepts the Renaissance Era’s context, which had begun to increase its level of humanist values. I think this is a great paragraph, though I think your ideas could be expressed a TINY bit more clearly. Also, be sure to reference the impact this has had on the AUDIENCE, this is the key to the 'appreciation of texts' part of the question, how do audiences view the text/what do you/they learn?

Likewise, Vivian Bearing is highly passionate about humanist thinking and places her intellectual ability over relationships with other humans. From the very beginning of the play, the audience can see her passion towards knowledge and learning and this is reflective of the twentieth century, whereby the state and religion had already become completely secular. Now you are bringing the audience in, better! They were also more experimental about their beliefs but more importantly, more focused on humanism. The stage direction of Vivian speaking in her [own professorial tone] and her breaking the fourth wall as she speaks emphasises this. Be very careful with how you discuss the techniques and stage directions in your essay, everything MUST be attributed to the composer. It is their choices which create meaning, so you should be discussing the composer, not a character. It also indicates her over-confident nature, which was highly prevalent in the Postmodernist era. Bearing’s humanist approach to life is additionally demonstrated through ‘I am very tough…uncompromising…I know all about life and death’ as she ironically presumes that because she is a scholar of Donne’s difficult Holy Sonnets, she will be able to easily extricate herself from any challenge thrown at her in life, such as the ‘pernicious effects’ of cancer, indicating how her passion for gaining knowledge has disadvantaged her ‘real life’ situations. This is in contrast to her attitude towards life later in the play as Vivian says to her nurse Suzie ‘I don’t feel so sure of myself anymore’ and the transition of Bearing acting ‘like a child’. Bearing’s passion for her knowledge and individualism is epitomised in one of the flashback scene with her and E.M Ashford, as she ironically tells Bearing to ‘Use your intelligence. Don’t go back to the library’, indicating that even the most intellectual individuals have slightly less passion towards their knowledge and individualism over external sources of solace in life. Even after appealing to Bearing with ‘intelligence’, she denies the offer, emphasising her passion for knowledge and individualism, which overrode human relationships from a young age. Be sure to conclude your paragraphs like you did earlier!

As Donne’s poetic style progressed into divine poetry, his passion for humanist thinking were seen to have diminished greatly. Instead, there was an arousal of Donne’s questioning of mortality, since he was aware of his closely approaching death. The apostrophe and paradox of death dying through ‘Death, thou shalt die’ emphasises this notion and contrastingly to before, he no longer is challenging another ‘creation’ of God out of individualism, but because of his questioning of mortality. I think your wording here is a little bit off, for example, "questioning of mortality" could be changed to "as he questions his mortality." Something like that, what is here works but is a tad askew.  In Holy Sonnet IX, Donne’s frustration towards the idea of his inevitable death is emphasised through the rhetorical device and contrastingly dark imagery in ‘If lecherous goats, serpents envious cannot be damned; Alas; why should I be?’ as he directly questions God about his own mortality. Despite this, towards the end of the poem, there is a shift in tone as he truly realises the limitations of having too much passion for individualism, and the inevitability of death.Technique/Example? His later sonnets complying with the traditional fourteen line sonnet structure conveys the subservience he now has towards God. Additionally, the juxtaposition of heaven and hell in ‘My teares, make a heavenly Lethean floor’ emphasise that the exploration of mortality has now forced him to truly accept God and plead for repentance. This also exemplifies Donne’s contrastingly challenging the beliefs of his society as people has already become sceptical towards the Church forcing them to rely on the recent scientific discoveries to reconcile their questioning of mortality.  I think it is slight wording issues that are muddying your argument for me at the moment, I'm having to go back and re-read sentences to give your essay clarity. Be sure everything reads very clearly (what triggered this comment here was "contrastingly challenging the beliefs", and further, another very long sentence.

Towards the end of the play, as Vivian’s illness begins to encroach her wellbeing, she realises the lack of human interactions that she has with others and how her knowledge will never provide that for her. This leads her to begin questioning her mortality. Again, focus on composer! Vivian’s longing for human relationships is emphasised as she tries to ask Jason [with great difficulty] about her mortality in ‘what do you say when a patient is…apprehensive…frightened?’. The ellipses indicate that Vivian’s passion for knowledge and individualism is no longer evident, but is rather frightened about death, forcing her to seek external sources of help from human relationships. An audience would not see an ellipsis, focus instead on the delivery of this line on stage! However, Jason is oblivious to Vivian’s longing for human connection as he replies with ‘of who?’, symbolising Vivian before she was closely approaching her death. However, Suzie who has less passion towards individualism and knowledge is able to provide Vivian with the solace she needs. She repetitively refers to Vivian as ‘sweetheart’ and talks to her [brightly], unlike Jason who [directly goes to the I&0 sheet without looking at VIVIAN]. Vivian’s changed attitude towards humanism and her knowledge is depicted from the fact that she willingly chooses for her code to be ‘DNR’ even though technological advancements at the time could have allowed for her to fight for her life. The stage direction of her ‘reaching for the light’ indicates that through accepting her mortality, she has also accepted God. Hence she relinquishes her notions of individualism as she doesn't rely on her intellect to extricate her from the challenges of life. The ideas in this paragraph are clearer, good!! Remember to focus on techniques, don't just explain the plot!

Ultimately, despite the differentiating contexts, a comparative study of passion through both John Donne’s poems and Margaret Edson’s play enhances an individual’s appreciation for the texts as they deal with their questioning of mortality in similar manners, either from the help of other humans or God. This indicates the that even the most intellectual individuals will not be able to deal with the challenges one experiences without assistance from external sources of solace.

I think this is fabulous Fabulous! (haha)

I think you are blending in context extremely well and your ideas are definitely well thought out. You clearly have done a lot of thinking about what the texts represent and you have a lot of ideas in your essay, fantastic!!

There are a few things I think that you could improve. The first of these is the quality of your textual analysis, and for me there are two things missing there. Firstly, be sure to focus on composer choices rather than characters. For example, Vivian doesn't show us anything, it is the composers' representation of Vivian which gives us meaning. Be sure to focus on composer techniques and choices. Also, remember to include an impact on the audience!! You did this in place, but not everywhere, and is essential for showing our (and thus, your) appreciation of the text.

Secondly, I think your structure needs a little bit of work. Primarily, concluding all paragraphs properly by linking to your Thesis, as well as giving your introduction a little bit more depth. Explain what you will be discussing properly at the start to save you words a little further down the track.

Finally, the question does say "comparative study" of both texts. You haven't done too much comparison here. Your argument would be elevated by drawing links between the two texts (which you could do by discussing both in a single paragraph, for example, how BOTH plays represent humanist values). This would also trim down your word count, which you mentioned as a goal as well. Definitely something to think about, discussing the two texts together in this way is called an integrated response!

You have some awesome ideas in this essay, so many I think you are struggling to get them all down! Keep it simple, make sure everything is explained clearly, structured well and backed up with analysis, and you are on your way to a great essay. Well done! 

[Fabulous]

Thanks so much for the feedback and your time!!!!

[jamonwindeyer]

Thanks so much for the feedback and your time!!!!

Any time! 

[Paigeyy]

We're doing Module A (1984 and Metropolis) and the essay question is:
"In what ways do the perspectives provided in both Lang and Orwell's texts either challenge or preserve our faith in the future of humanity?"
I know I haven't included a conclusion but I was wondering if you could let me know how I'm going so far.

[brontem]

Hey!! back with another essay.. like I said (somewhere..) its one of the 3 possible questions. I picked this one because it's a bit hard to write on, and I'd appreciate any feedback!!

thanks so much

[jamonwindeyer]

We're doing Module A (1984 and Metropolis) and the essay question is:
"In what ways do the perspectives provided in both Lang and Orwell's texts either challenge or preserve our faith in the future of humanity?"
I know I haven't included a conclusion but I was wondering if you could let me know how I'm going so far.

Hey Paige! Happy to give you an indicator, I've attached your essay below with a few comments!!

Spoiler

"In what ways do the perspectives provided in both Lang and Orwell's texts either challenge or preserve our faith in the future of humanity?"

While humanity is associated with the collectivism of humankind, it is also attributed to the qualities or behaviours that are unique to humans such as lust, love, generosity and care. I love that you start with this definition! Before you go into texts, maybe link this idea of humanity to textual representation, like "Composers represent this idea in texts", except more sophisticated than that  Metropolis (Fritz Lang) is a tale of a dystopia in which the proletarians suffer at the hands of the socioeconomic driven society; exploring the threats of industrialisation and capitalism on a broader, collective civilisation. This is mirrored in the prose fiction novel 1984 (George Orwell) which explores the socio-political oppression of a dystopian society, but rather on a miniscule scale as it follows the narration of Winston, the main character of the novel. These texts have elements that collaborate to both challenge and preserve our faith in the future of humanity through separate aspects of the storylines. Stellar introduction! All I'd say it is missing is a list of what arguments will be used in the essay, but I'd say this is a minor concern, great!

Both 1984 and Metropolis are speculative of the future of humanity as the composers criticise the uprising of media and technologies, and industrialism respectively, and how they have the acute ability to define a society. Awesome conceptualisation! As an idea, you CAN (if you want) identify the concept first, then bring in the texts in a second sentence. In case doing both becomes too long in areas. Orwell uses Big Brother as a motif to represent the total surveillance and exposure inflicted by the government. ‘BIG BROTHER IS WATCHING YOU’ is a recurring statement that Winston uses as his anchor to remain discreet. Be careful: Don't discuss the characters and their choices. This is textual retell. Focus on COMPOSER choices (EG - Orwell's representation of Winston is grounded by_____.".The third person narration acts as a warning for the audience to be wary of the ability of a totalitarian state to control one’s actions through technologies. Cool link to audience! While it is not to such an extreme state, this exact notion has been adapted into Western societies with the prevalence of surveillance cameras and Internet monitoring by the government; as a result, leaving the reader questioning the future of humanity, as Orwell’s speculations are proving true in contemporary times. I adore this tie to contemporary context, it is brilliant. I do think your wording could be stronger though, play with it a bit! Further, be sure your conclusion is a completely separate sentence.

Lang, on the other hand, communicates his fears about the industrial revolution that threatened the nature of humanity, through his film Metropolis. This film has been dubbed “an exact seismic reflex of the flux of psychological and ideological structure of society” as a result of the choreographically rhythmic, and almost hypnotising imagery used to perpetrate his conjectures. Constantly throughout the film, the workers are seen moving in unison with one another in symmetry with the fluctuating music. Lang contrasts these wide-angle shots with close ups of the machinery following the same pattern of synchrony. The juxtaposition of both images creates the ideology of a mergence between man and machine as a result of the rise of technologies and a capitalist society. Beautiful point, try and make it more quickly/succinctly! It's all about word choice. While this theory was an imminent threat to humanity around the time the film was created, efforts have been made to preserve the safety of workers and their basic human rights in contemporary times such as the Safe Work Australia Act 2008. I would say that this is slipping too far into contemporary context; this isn't a legal essay and this feels slightly out of place. I would be saying things like, "Indeed, the issues in the text correspond to contemporary issues in the labour market." Keep the focus on the texts! The emergence of such policies have provided a sense of hope for the future of humanity due to its ability to prevail the dire possibilities of such a significant shift to societies structure. With this paragraph, I think the focus has shifted too far away from the text itself. You have only made really one point about the text itself, try and squeeze more in!

A unique component of the novel 1984 is its resolution, or rather lack of. Conceptualised statement like before? The novel ends with the destruction and implied death of Winston, which was foreshadowed with the statement “Nothing was your own except the few cubic centimetres in your skull”. What does this show us? Without explanation and audience impact this is just recount. Throughout the novel Winston clings to his ability to think and feel, which are basic human qualities, but in Part Three he undergoes both physical and psychological torture aimed at controlling and ultimately abolishing his freedom of thought, speech and behaviour. Orwell develops this ideology through a metaphor when O’Brien, a powerful member of the Inner Party, declares, “But we create human nature. Men are infinitely malleable.” Orwell concludes the text with dialogue; “He loved Big Brother.” This anticlimactic experience is used as a warning to Orwell’s audience of the ability of a totalitarian state to manipulate its population with little desire to preserve the humanity in humanity itself; ultimately acting as a cause of concern for humanity’s future existence. Cool!

Conversely, Metropolis uses a conventional resolution to conclude the film. While Lang was concerned for the dehumanisation that would occur as a result of a rise of industrialism, he showed that there is a possible resolve for the socioeconomic conflict evident in society, which is a “mediator between the head and the hands”, “the heart”. This phrase is repeated throughout the film as an intertitle to stress the importance of compassion and empathy as a compromise between the thinkers and the workers. This concept is portrayed in the final scene of the film in which Freder, a visual depiction of “the heart”, is shown encouraging the head worker and Joh Frederson to shake hands and come together. Lang uses the eye level shot, representative of equality, to incorporate a cathartic experience so that viewers of the film are left with hope for the ability of humanity to resolve conflict, as opposed to Orwell who leaves the readers with a sense of doubt. This little comparison at the end is golden, I'd love to see more of this!!

This essay is really fabulous Paige! Like seriously, there is lots of great things happening in there. I think you have really sophisticated ideas that are explained really well in most spots, your Thesis paragraph is especially incredible. You are tying audience in really well too, something which can be tricky to do, so bravo!!

Changes I'd recommend; the first would be just a more consistent quality of analysis. Remember, you need a TECHNIQUE, EXPLANATION, and an AUDIENCE IMPACT (go to Tea  ) for every point you make for maximum effect (plus obviously the quote itself). I got the quote in a lot of places, and the explanation in a lot of places, but the techniques could be stronger on the whole (more variety, stronger than just 'dialogue') and the audience impact could be mentioned more often, and a little more "embedded" in the analysis itself, rather than an addition to the paragraph. Also remember, composers do stuff, not characters. Keep the focus on the composer and the textual analysis (possibly taking word count away from your contextual explanation if you need to), and this will immediately propel your work even further skyward.

Also, watch some little things. Proper conclusions for paragraphs, etc. Try to make more comparisons between the texts too, an integrated paragraph structure could help there  finally, word choice, try to pick powerful words to make your points more succinct!!

Have a read of my thoughts and let me know what you think! Really I am just looking for things to push you further, this is a great essay as it is, but a few little changes would take it to a whole new level  hope this helps!! 

[jamonwindeyer]

Hey!! back with another essay.. like I said (somewhere..) its one of the 3 possible questions. I picked this one because it's a bit hard to write on, and I'd appreciate any feedback!!

thanks so much

I've got your essay Brontem, but my brain is yelling at me for marking essays at 1am, so I'll get on this for you tomorrow, I hope it is in time for your exam!! 

[jamonwindeyer]

Hey!! back with another essay.. like I said (somewhere..) its one of the 3 possible questions. I picked this one because it's a bit hard to write on, and I'd appreciate any feedback!!

thanks so much

Hey Brontem! Good on you for picking the hard one, makes the best practice  okay, I've attached your essay below!

Spoiler

How does a study of The Prince provide further insights in to Shakespeare’s exploration of human nature in Julius Caesar?


The political ideologies which undermine the approach to power are directly linked to where an individual decides to delve into human nature.I think your wording here could be stronger! Try nominalisation of your verbs, which for example, would change "individual decides" to "the individuals decision." It puts your writing up a notch!  Niccolo Machiavelli’s The Prince and Shakespeare’s Julius Caesar both delve into, and explore all aspects of human nature during the process of gaining power. The Prince totally subverts the upheld religious and political values of Renaissance Florence, Machiavelli advocating the exploitation of the darker side of human nature, employing heavy use of manipulation, deceit and brutality in order to gain the power which one desires. Whilst The Prince focuses heavily on the use of the dark side of human nature, Shakespeare explores both the wholesome and deceitful sides of human nature, and the implications that an individual faces in each situation. Principles which Machiavelli advocates for provide direct links to explain an individual’s actions in Julius Caesar, due to their human nature. I think your ideas in this paragraph are perfect! The wording could perhaps be a little stronger in areas.

The concept that rulers should be morally virtuous reigned heavily in the political decisions which took place in Renaissance Florence. Machiavelli crafted the prince to completely dismiss the moral values, and advocated for the exploitation of the darker side of human nature in the process of making political decisions.  I don't feel this short paragraph has a proper place in your essay, perhaps it should be blended with the one below?

Machiavelli endorses delving into the darker side of human nature, placing value on the use of pragmatism and brutality when directing political decisions. Machiavelli subverts the moral values of Renaissance Florence – the declaratory statement “exploit the man and the beast in himself to the full” is in total contrast to the inherent wholesomeness which was embedded in human nature during the renaissance. Machiavelli is totally divorced from morality and the honesty in human nature; “a leader will have to stop being good, when the occasion demands” emphasises the significance which Machiavelli placed on the brutal and abhorrent side of human nature. Technique? Machiavelli’s fox and hound analogy asserts the view that viciousness and cruelty are embedded within human nature; and that any exploitation of brutality in human nature is acceptable if “the ends justify the means”. Beautiful! Using your quote to explain your idea is superb! Machiavelli, by ignoring the values of his context, was able to explore the darker side of humanity, which assisted in making political decisions effortlessly.  Well structured paragraph with good links to context! Stronger techniques would make it better, as would some links to our modern audience interpretation.

In contrast to Machiavelli’s brutality and rejection of morality and ethics, Shakespeare endorses the Elizabethan values and beliefs, asserting the religious and political legitimacy of the Natural Order that held the monarch’s role inviolate. Shakespeare explores both sides of human nature – both the inherent goodness, and evil which can be used in the pursuit of power. Shakespeare however, advocates the use of morality in human nature to preserve a harmonic society. Again, good points, but I feel like they need to be embedded in a paragraph elsewhere or expanded on properly with techniques/explanations!

A potential leader’s ability to make strong political decisions is strongly linked to their adaptation to upheld societal values. Antony in Julius Caesar explores the darkest elements of human nature; being pragmatic, cold and ruthless when it is needed - elements of Machiavelli’s ideal leader. Shakespeare's REPRESENTATION of Antony. Antony’s ruthlessness is highlighted by his soliloquy; his theomorphic description of the crowd as “the dogs of war” highlights his ability to embody the sinister aspects of human nature, where he understands that the masses must be deceived if he wishes to gain their power. This is reminiscent of Machiavelli’s belief that the masses “consist chiefly of the vulgar… so ready to be conned”. Antony's brutality is exemplified in the execution of his nephew and 100 senators, a principle which Machiavelli held to much value; to "eliminate them or destroy them utterly’’. Antony enriches the Machiavellian perspective, continuing to use the masses malleability to sway their opinion. Antony’s funeral oratory is his ultimate abuse of the masses naivety; the repetition of “honourable men” when referencing Brutus and Cassius’ role in the murder of Caesar undermines and disproves their legitimacy. The integrity in the masses’ human nature is exploited by Antony; Antony’s tonal shifts and rhetorical questions; “was this ambition?” allow for subliminal suggestion to the masses and cons them into believing Antony’s perspective. Techniques here are much more effective than the previous paragraph, a good variety and solid explanations! Antony gains control of the crowd, the manipulation of their inherent trust emphasised in their monosyllabic cries “Burn! Fire! Kill!” supporting Machiavelli’s belief the crowd is “so gullible”. Shakespeare incorporates elements of physical theatre, such as weeping and positioning himself within the crowd to allow the crowd to mould to Antony’s personal bias. Antony enriches the Machiavellian principles of exploiting human nature as he, much like Borgia, another one of Machiavelli’s model rulers, is “so good at hiding his intentions”. Antony’s understanding of human nature and deceptive, cunning abilities make him the ultimate leader as morality can be ignored in political pursuits. This paragraph is great, but it is let down by the fact that you are analysing Antony himself, rather than the character as portrayed by Shakespeare. Everything Antony says and does in that oratory scene is dictated by Shakespeares choices. What do THESE choices show us about your topic? Besides that, techniques are good as is link to context, very strong!

A leader who respects morality, and endorses the ethical aspects of human nature will be subject to difficulties in making political progress. Shakespeare, through Brutus, endorses Elizabethan values of the divinity of the monarch, and advocates the use of acting morally. Good link to context here, perhaps be specific that Shakespeare's context is Elizabethan! Further, Shakespeare wrote these plays specifically for the monarchy, this play actually acts as a warning to Elizabeth as to the dangers of not having a clear successor, as she didn't/ Brutus is arrogantly preoccupied in preserving the decency within human nature; his insistent tone in being “sacrificers, not butchers” emphasises the value placed on ethical decision making. It is in this sense that Brutus is Machiavelli’s textbook political failure by letting Antony live, a Machiavellian leader would exploit the brutal side of human nature and “pamper people or destroy them”. Brutus’ inherently wholesome use of human nature in political decision making makes him the sound ideal of an Elizabethan ruler. Shakespeare validates the moral features of human nature; the disruption of nature due to political disturbances parallels with the interruption of the overbearing belief in the Natural Order. Brutus as an endorsement of the Elizabethan values and morality in human nature positions him as an inadequate leader; by letting Antony conduct his funeral oratory; he exemplifies the Machiavellian understanding that “if a man can’t spot a problem in the making, he can’t be a wise leader”, and that ignoring morality in human nature is essential to being a wise political leader. Morality and the wholesome side of human nature is endorsed by Shakespeare in response to the Elizabethan values; in contrast to the Machiavellian principles which advocate for the rejection of morals and the exploitation of the darker side, and the manipulation of others, human nature. Again, really good inclusion of Machiavellian perceptions, but what do WE as an audience take from this text? I also think some of your sentences here are a tad overbearingly wordy, ensure everything reads succinctly and clearly (super super minor issue).

This essay is great Brontem! It ties in the Machiavellian perspective excellently, your ideas are clever and explored in well structured paragraphs! Some strong techniques and explanations, great stuff!

There are a few comments throughout the essay you might want to have a read of, but primarily, I would say that you might not be addressing the question as effectively as possible. The question asks for how what you learn in the Prince, enhances your insight into The Tragedy of Julius Caesar. I think you should try exploring the two texts TOGETHER a bit more, make comparisons, when you discuss Caesar, link it to parts of the Prince. How do similarities enhance the importance of ideas? How do differences give us new understandings? Discussing the texts together will address the question more directly.

Beyond this, have a read of my comments! There are some areas where techniques can be stronger, I think you need to address the impact on the audience/modern perspective directly, and you do need a conclusion. On the whole though, the core of this essay is fantastic, and if you wrote it in an exam it would definitely perform very well!  I hope this feedback helps!!

[brontem]

Thankyou!! (again haha) I really appreciate (and need) this help Thankyou!!

[jamonwindeyer]

Thankyou!! (again haha) I really appreciate (and need) this help Thankyou!!

No problem at all! Happy to help 

[Paigeyy]

For some reason your response didn't show up until now but thank you so much for you help! I understand that you're trying to push me and I really appreciate that. I'm glad you see potential for this essay.
I find it difficult to identify techniques in novels, purely because they're so dense with them that I can't pinpoint which ones I should use. I'll try and work on the structure and language too (my vocabulary clearly isn't the strongest... oops).

[Son of Thatcher]

Hi guys!

I would just like to give a quick update on my Module A essay that I submitted here a few week back.

Just today, our cohort received our marks for this task which was double and then triple-marked. I am pleased to say that I got an 18/20 for my essay, crafted with the advice and feedback of elysepopplewell. I was especially pleased considering how this was apparently in the top tier of responses they marked (the highest was 19). Just a few more things that need polishing like linking/addressing the question more directly and I think I am all set!

Anyway, so I just really wanted to express my deep admiration and appreciation for the quality and helpfulness of the service you guys provide, truly it is really such a confidence booster. A special and heartfelt thanks to elysepopplewell for taking the time to personally mark my essay, you have truly been a real lifesaver! 

[jamonwindeyer]

For some reason your response didn't show up until now but thank you so much for you help! I understand that you're trying to push me and I really appreciate that. I'm glad you see potential for this essay.
I find it difficult to identify techniques in novels, purely because they're so dense with them that I can't pinpoint which ones I should use. I'll try and work on the structure and language too (my vocabulary clearly isn't the strongest... oops).

No worries, very happy to help!! In my opinion, I'd totally prefer to be a mean marker on here (and I admit I can be a little harsh at times  ) and, as you say, push you to get the highest mark you can! No point on feedback if it's just "Yeah it's pretty good," after all! 

The trick with analysing novels is to pick key scenes, important points in the plot. It is these that you should analyse with a bit more depth, since the composer is likely to do clever things with those key points in the novel. Also, remember that language style, textual form, and other more 'general' things also qualify as textual references!! 

[jamonwindeyer]

Hi guys!

I would just like to give a quick update on my Module A essay that I submitted here a few week back.

Just today, our cohort received our marks for this task which was double and then triple-marked. I am pleased to say that I got an 18/20 for my essay, crafted with the advice and feedback of elysepopplewell. I was especially pleased considering how this was apparently in the top tier of responses they marked (the highest was 19). Just a few more things that need polishing like linking/addressing the question more directly and I think I am all set!

Anyway, so I just really wanted to express my deep admiration and appreciation for the quality and helpfulness of the service you guys provide, truly it is really such a confidence booster. A special and heartfelt thanks to elysepopplewell for taking the time to personally mark my essay, you have truly been a real lifesaver! 

So happy to hear Son of Thatcher!! Absolutely stoked for you, great work! We really appreciate your kind words, it really sums up why we do the work we do, we love seeing you guys improve and succeed the way we know you can 

I know Elyse is taking a well deserved night off this evening, but I'll make sure she drops in to see this when she is back!  congratulations again! 

[elysepopplewell]

Hi guys!

I would just like to give a quick update on my Module A essay that I submitted here a few week back.

Just today, our cohort received our marks for this task which was double and then triple-marked. I am pleased to say that I got an 18/20 for my essay, crafted with the advice and feedback of elysepopplewell. I was especially pleased considering how this was apparently in the top tier of responses they marked (the highest was 19). Just a few more things that need polishing like linking/addressing the question more directly and I think I am all set!

Anyway, so I just really wanted to express my deep admiration and appreciation for the quality and helpfulness of the service you guys provide, truly it is really such a confidence booster. A special and heartfelt thanks to elysepopplewell for taking the time to personally mark my essay, you have truly been a real lifesaver! 

You're amazing! Congratulations! I'm super glad that you are happy with your response and the mark you were awarded. It makes us really happy when students tell us how you went with an essay or assessment, and especially when you write so appreciatively (I didn't know that was a word until now - no squiggly line came up so it must be ok  ). Please continue to work hard! Even though we helped, we hardly helped for 5% of what you achieved, that was all you. You researched, wrote, crafted, edited, posted, edited, studied, submitted! ALL YOU!

Keep on keeping on