English Advanced Essay Marking (Modules Only)

[jamonwindeyer]

Hey I wanted some assistance with my Hamlet essay (Module B: Critical Study of Texts) and just wanted some clarifications with my arguments, structure, introduction and topic sentences. Thanks in Advance(d English)

Hey there Skidous! I see what you did there  I attached your essay with some comments throughout!! Most of my comments would repeat in the latter paragraphs, so my comments in one place are just as an example, apply your improvements generally 

Spoiler

William Shakespeare’s Hamlet (1601) expresses the struggle and disillusionment faced but the eponymous protagonist Hamlet as he attempt to avenge the death of his father. The shift in his psychological state whilst overcoming deception of his friends and family portrays human suffering and noble avenging. The modified Senecan tragedy highlights the complex nature of revenge through exploration of corruption within Denmark, religious values and medieval concepts that ultimately lead to an honorable death. This emphasises the variety of conflicts and deceits that Hamlet faces that engages a wide range of audiences within their given contexts. This is a nice intro! However, I feel that it lacks a single direction. You mention a few things; struggle and disillusionment, human suffering, avenging, religious values, medieval concepts, conflicts and deceits. I want you to try and establish one BIG idea that will be the focus of your essay, and that all of your topic sentences fit under. Kind of like an umbrella idea! This development of Thesis should be right at the start of your intro. I do like your inclusion of audiences and context though, awesome!

The turmoil experienced by Hamlet towards the ghost revelation and the state of Denmark are expertly used to engage the audience. Try and come up with something a little more conceptual for your topic sentence. This is very plot driven, try and abstract it a little if you can! Hamlet is portrayed as a depressed man who mourns the death of his father. He contemplates suicide, wishing that he could “melt, thaw and resolve itself into a dew” due to his disillusionment with the nature of man. Technique? Be sure to never quote the text without an accompanying technique. He views Elsinore as a microcosm of the world as he depicts it as “an unweeded garden...Things rank and gross in nature possess it”. These sentences are essentially just a recount of the text. Try and focus completely on what ideas are coming through. This exemplifies the corruption of not only the state but of his family emphasising the decay of Denmark as a result the disruption of the Chain of Being with Claudius as king. Better, more conceptual, good! Hamlet further questions his inaction and the loyalty of his friends Rosencrantz and Guildenstern as he uses bestial imagery to portray them as “monstrous” and deceitful “players” that are there to deceive Hamlet. Remember that all techniques must be attributed to Shakespeare, not the character! Hamlet is kind of like the puppet, Shakespeare does all the work! Hamlet contrast the classical medieval revenger through acting as a Christian humanist and assuming the role of a moral avenger, questioning his character as “a dull muddy-metal rascal” and his favour for irresolution. His use of rhetorical questions where he asks “am I a coward?” expresses his humanist desire for truth. This is displayed as he wishes to “catch the conscience of the king” so that he may enact justice in a way to maintain his nobility as well as presenting a shift in his psyche from one of depression to one of feigned madness through antic disposition. Again, watch for textual recount. What ideas does Shakespeare seek to portray? Hamlet’s vision of the “rotten state” coupled with his struggle to ascertain the validity of the Ghost is extensively used in order to grasp the attention of many social milieus.

The contemplation and justification of Hamlet’s irresolution portrays his struggle with the concepts of morality and vengeance draws the attention of the reader. I like that you are including the audience in your topic sentence, that is very effective. Hamlet’s goal is towards discovering the truth of how his father died as to avenge him in the most noble way possible, however Hamlet as a Christian humanist begins to question the act of revenge. He does so through the analogy of life and death in the most famous soliloquy “To be or not to be” where he uses the notion of living and juxtaposes it with suicide in the place of his irresolution for killing Claudius. Thus, the audience comes to realise that/is shown that/realises that/... His primary concerns are focused upon the nobility of his actions as he questions “whether tis nobler in the mind to suffer...or to take arms against a sea of troubles”. The use of religious imagery is also used to reflect his doubts about the afterlife and what may come as a result of his cause as “perchance to dream...no traveller’s return” emphasising the religious values during the Renaissance. After Hamlet’s mousetrap play where Claudius’ actions are confirmed. This is expressed through biblical allusion as a “primal eldest curse...a brother’s murder” where Claudius expresses regret for his regicide which is atypical of a villain and more like a machiavellian. Be sure to use high modality language (sound sure of yourself at all times): "more typical of the Machiavellian than the villain. Hamlet arrives and hesitates to kill Claudius as expressed through low modality, “now I might do it pat”, depicting him as a true moral avenger. Wilson knight describes this choice to not kill Claudius means that Hamlet is “inhuman”, incapable of feeling emotion and is a “danger to the state” where in reality, he is waiting for the most opportune moment where he may fulfil his mission for his cause in a way that fully avenges his father. The conflict Hamlet undergoes with regards to the consequences of his actions at the appropriate time portrays Hamlet as an extraordinary avenger which fully immerses a variety of consciences of the audience. This paragraph does well conceptually, but again, there is a strong tendency for just retelling what happened in the text, and saying how it represents your ideas. Instead, be abstract, focus on the ideas and just use the text as your evidence.

After the death of Polonius resulting in the loss of moral high ground for Hamlet, he no longer falls to deceit and vows to kill Claudius, encapsulating the attention of the common conscience. Try not to incorporate plot details into your topic sentence (same reasons above). This is expressed as he questions his own hubris of irresolution as “thinking too precisely...one part wisdom and ever three parts coward” where he acknowledges that his irresolution is the reason which he has lost his honorable status that was highly valued in the Elizabethan era. Good contextual integration. Technique? This is further emphasised through his confident tone as he claims that “I have cause and will and strength and means to do’t” where Hamlet knows that he has validated the Ghost and the actions of the king, and all that prevented his revenge from being fulfilled is his own indecisive nature. What idea does this show? I feel like your ideas are implied but you need to be saying them explicitly! The presentation of foils in the form of Fortinbras and Laertes also allows for Hamlet to shift his psyche from one of Christian humanism in the form antic disposition to one of fatalistic absurdism. Hamlet witnesses the “divine ambition” of Fortinbras and his army, which acts as a turning point in which he further accepts that death is an inevitability and is faced with it. The use of metaphor exemplifies the ambitious action of Fortinbras’ army as they march towards death “Even for an eggshell” where Hamlet acknowledges that their reason may be fragile but they continue to strive towards it. Hamlet vows to do the same to make “my thoughts bloody”. This is further depicted as Laertes discovers the murder of his father by Hamlet and acts as a tradition revenger where he wishes to act rashly. Laertes depicts this rash and hot-blooded pursuit for justice as he uses sacrilegious imagery where if he must, he will “cut his throat i’ th’ church” portraying his will to avenge his own father by any means. The contrast between Hamlet’s deliberate questioning and his hot-blooded foils expresses that his views of revenge must be reshaped to achieve his moral high ground once more is what intrigues the minds of readers.I really like that the conclusions and introductions include that audience element, really cool. However, you aren't backing it up with your analysis! You must be integrating the audience impact throughout your paragraphs.

The noble restoration of Hamlet’s honor and balance in Denmark is a direct result of his consideration for the complex nature of revenge that enthralls the audience. Your ideas are definitely there in these sentences. Try abstracting them from the plot a bit. For example: "Composers consideration of the complex nature of revenge continues to enthral audiences across contexts. Such is achieved in Shakespeare's Hamlet as...." Hamlet’s continuous questioning and disillusionment culminates into the final shift in his psyche to allow him to enact the most noble vengeance through his acceptance of death, both of Claudius and his own. The imagery of death is presented when Hamlet “(takes the skull)” indicating that Hamlet has resolved his conflict with death and now views it in an absurdist perspective through the notion of momento mori. This notion of death is reinforced through stage directions when Laertes “(leaps into the grave)” which is a demonstration of proleptic irony due to the fact that Laertes will die when dueling Hamlet as a means to avenge his father. After killing Claudius, Laertes wishes to reconcile Hamlet and himself of their sins, establishing Hamlet’s moral vengeance being done so in a pyrrhic manner as a result of collateral casualty of Gertrude. Hamlet’s use of metatheatrical language depicts the spectators of the duel as “mutes and audience to this act” emphasising that they do not fully comprehend the nature of the event. He proceeds to place his trust in Horatio as he professes in a pleading tone that he want Horatio to “Report me and my cause aright to the unsatisfied”. The religious imagery used when Horatio sends of Hamlet depicts him to have “flights of angels sing thee to thy rest” exemplifies the honor Hamlet attained in his final hours. The patience and contemplative mind of Hamlet is the sole reason by which he was absolved of his previous sins and was able to enact justice and die a noble death, that was of importance during the Renaissance, which expertly attracts the attention of the audience.

It is evident that Hamlet is able to catch the attention of an audience through the portrayal of Hamlet as an honorable avenger. Hamlet’s questioning of his cause and his own character emphasises his noble irresolution that inevitably leads to the act of justice in killing Claudius. The validation of his honor by Horatio and Fortinbras exemplifies that the struggle and disillusionment faced by Hamlet is the means by which that this honor was restored.

Okay, some more general comments now! I'll try and focus on the areas you requested.

In terms of your arguments, it is a little hard without knowing the question, but I think you are doing quite well here! You integrate contextual relevance especially well. I think you need to work on establishing a central Thesis more clearly, your introduction touches on quite a few things, I'd like to see something more focused. You should be able to summarise the whole essays argument in one sentence (and indeed, that sentence should be your first sentence in the essay!). Further, I think your analysis throughout the response could be stronger. You are slipping into textual retell; restating what happens with the text with a technique, and then either not explaining what it demonstrates about the idea, or tacking it on as an afterthought. Ensure the focus is on how Shakespeare uses TECHNIQUE to show IDEAS to the AUDIENCE.

Your structure on the whole is spot on, though your word count is 1400. This might be a tad long to reproduce in an exam situation, so if this is the goal, you may want to cut a paragraph. Your wholistic structure and where things are placed is effective.

Your introduction, again, needs some tweaking to get a clearer focus. Further, and this is the issue with your topic sentences too, they are very text focused. What this means is that you are focusing on the text instead of the concept. I gave you an example in one of my comments, try and get the idea you will be discussing established first, and THEN go to the text. This makes your response more conceptual and raises the sophistication.

So, to summarise, worked well:
- Contextual Links
- Variety of Textual References
- Overall Structure

To work on:
- Conceptual Focus
- Techniques and Analysis

I hope this helps!! Feel free to ask me to expand on one or more of these points, it's a bit to take in, have a read through and let me know if I can elaborate or help further 

[Essej]

Hey Essej! Sure thing, I had another read and it's attached below with comments throughout!

Spoiler

The perpetual notion of individual disillusionment and its ability to facilitate internal conflict of conscience is one immortalised successfully in few texts throughout history. Your wording here is a tiny bit off-putting, I know what you are saying, but it sounds like you are saying composers have been largely unsuccessful. Instead, perhaps say that it has been successful, but none more so than ... William Shakespeare’s timeless revenge tragedy “Hamlet” (1601) effectively transcends contextual barriers through its depiction of the irresolute eponymous protagonist’s disillusionment with his surroundings and his ensuing introspective conflict. Fabulous. The playwright’s characterisation of Hamlet as a Christian humanist in a transitionary Elizabethan context grants him the capacity to inquire into perennial concerns regarding the human condition. It is through the protagonist’s numerous revealing soliloquies that Shakespeare can be seen to best dramatically portray the central concerns of the play within the microcosmic Denmark. If soliloquies is the focus of the question this works brilliantly! Even if not it sets the focus well. Overall, the universal themes of the elusive nature of truth, death and decay, deception and action as opposed to inaction collectively serve to uphold the status of Hamlet as an atypical Senecan revenge tragedy that endures through the ages. Good final sentence, but those ideas flow into each other a little, I'm not immediately certain as the reader where one idea ends and the next starts. Careful with that. Besides this, a beautiful introduction.

Shakespeare’s “Hamlet” and its central themes of death and decay, as explored by the Christian humanistic eponymous protagonist, perpetuate the notion of internal conflict between action and inaction in the search for elusive truths. The medieval concept of revenge, sparked by Old Hamlet’s “unnatural” regicide, leads the humanistic Hamlet to an intrinsic questioning of the human condition. I think this slight bit of retell is absolutely fine as an initial contextualisation. Through the microcosmic Danish setting of Elsinor Castle, Shakespeare allows Hamlet to philosophise about the corruption of Denmark and Elizabethan society as a whole through such imagery of decay as “‘tis an unweeded garden”. In using the metaphor, he implies the moral illegitimacy of Claudius, the ruler, as mirrored in Hamlet’s mythological allusions in depicting the king as a bestial “satyr” in contrast to the Sun-God “Hyperion” to describe his father. Your analysis has improved drastically just by shifting focus to the composer. Fantastic! This antithesis of heaven and earth mirrors the notion of the Elizabethan World Order and great chain of being, wherein scholarly discourse the protagonist gained as a Wittenberg student is used to deliberately undermine Claudius’ value and discredit his legitimacy as king. At this point, I am now waiting for something like: "Thus the audience comes to realise...." This is your last missing link. Hierarchical decay is further explored in the playwright’s employment of soliloquy, in which Hamlet wishes “O that this too too solid flesh would melt”.Technique here? The technique of soliloquy by itself, since it is the focus of the analysis, may not be enough.  Owing to his Christian humanist nature however, he cannot act as “The Everlasting had not fix'd his canon ‘gainst self-slaughter”, employing a religious allusion to disclose the conflict raised by doctrinal adherence in a Post-Reformation context. Further, a clear commentary on the dichotomy of action and inaction is represented through Shakespeare’s application of dysphemism in Hamlet’s second self-deprecatory soliloquy “O what a rogue and peasant slave am I”. It is here that the audience comes to realise the intrinsic struggle between life and death, the fundamental consequences of action and inaction brought about by Hamlet’s morally corrupt surroundings; as mirrored in his revelation that he is “unpregnant of [his] cause”. There we go! That was the full circle analysis you needed. Critic A.C. Bradley supports this view through explaining that “These obstacles would not suffice to prevent Hamlet from acting, if his state was normal”, once more displaying the decay of the state as the impetus for Hamlet’s inaction. Evidently, the play’s predominant themes of death and decay are effectively exercised by Shakespeare in its initial stages to represent personal struggles between action and inaction. This is a very effective paragraph, all you are missing is audience impact!

Through experiences of disillusionment and deception, Shakespeare exhibits intellectual ponderings perpetuated by a Christian humanist to convey the introspective struggle between the intrinsic aspects of life, death and their consequences. Act 3 of the play solidifies Hamlet’s resolve, wherein his purpose of using the metatheatrical mouse trap play “To catch the conscience of the king” is crystallised. Hamlet’s existential contemplation in his timeless soliloquy “To be or not to be” exemplifies the universal, timeless status of the play through a reflection upon the unknown nature of death coupled with a questioning of nobility. Through allowing Hamlet to ponder upon the continued elusive nature of truth through the metaphorical likening of death to a dream “which no one wakes up from”, Shakespeare’s emphasis on death’s unknowability is furthered by euphemistic imagery of sleep. The further meditation on “Whether tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune” displays through paradox the suffering of his conscience resulting from his disillusionment with Claudius’ murder. This is extremely effective analysis here, brilliant. Moreover, it references medieval conventions of chivalry through his overbearing concern over the nobility of his inaction.Does this have some sort of contextual impact on either us or Elizabethan audiences? The genesis of existential concerns within the play is seen through Shakespeare’s representation of deception and betrayal, as mirrored by the sycophantic Polonius’ historical allusion in explaining “I did enact Julius Caesar...Brutus killed me”. Polonius himself is utilised as an exemplar of deception within the play, instructing Reynaldo when spying upon his son Laertes to “put on him what falsities you will”. In stark contrast to this notion of a facade is Polonius’ ironic earlier honest advice to his son “To thine ownself be true”, echoing the omnipresent conflict between loyalty and deception within an Elizabethan society prevalent with underlying fears of monarchical corruption. Clearly, widespread deception within corrupt hierarchical structures can be seen as an impetus for individual disillusionment and consequently, existential contemplation.Again, extremely effective analysis of the text, your final step is to develop what the audience takes away from the text (see below).

By mirroring the play’s transitional context, Shakespeare implements absurdist elements to display individual disillusionment and its far-reaching psychological impacts. The further consequences of disillusionment with the human condition are evident wherein Hamlet convinces Gertrude not to disclose this murder, revealing misogynistic tendencies in his lecturing tone “Confess yourself to heaven, Repent what’s past, avoid what’s to come”. This inhibiting factor in Hamlet’s relationships is a commentary upon patriarchal values within an Elizabethan context, whilst simultaneously a direct representation of a perceived connection between moral corruption and female sexuality. Great! How would modern audiences (where feminism is quite prevalent) react to this analysis? In depicting a transformation in protagonist Hamlet’s psyche from Christian humanism to fatalism, the playwright mimics the tragedy’s historical context, wherein Renaissance humanist and Elizabethan perspectives collided. Hamlet’s loss in moral high ground following the death of Polonius generates this shift through a realisation of the inevitability of death. This is mirrored through the notion of memento mori, that all will die, as represented in the religious allusion “To what base uses we may return...Alexander was returneth to dust”. Further absurdist elements and their proven ability to facilitate disillusionment with death are evident in alternate depictions of the play. Kenneth Branagh’s 1996 film depicts Hamlet holding a skull, symbolising the epiphanic moment of realisation of vanitas, that all are equal in death. The macabre, absurdist elements seen through stage directions parallel this notion, as Hamlet picks up Yorick’s skull, depicting his disillusionment with death in his quest for revenge whilst ultimately foreshadowing the play’s gruesome conclusion. This notion of fate elucidated from Hamlet’s inquisitive humanist actions mirror the play’s status as a Senecan revenge tragedy in Shakespeare’s complex portrayal of fate and predestination through the certainty of death. Again, fantastic analysis (though I would say this is the weakest of your paragraphs, just by comparison.

In conclusion, Hamlet’s unique portrayal of a protagonist plagued by an introspective struggle between action and inaction, pursuant to his contextualisation as a Christian humanist, serves to immortalise the play as one that transcends contextual barriers. Through a dramatic portrayal of struggle as a consequence of disillusionment, the play’s central themes continue to preserve Shakespeare’s Senecan revenge tragedy as a distinctive text that resonates with audiences worldwide.

This essay is fantastic! Your analysis is extremely effective throughout, you've done a great job bringing Shakespeare in more effectively and this raises the sophistication of your argument quite substantially. Great techniques and example, and the 'retell' styled stuff I saw in the previous version is essentially non-existent now. Fantastic, objective and powerful analysis, fabulous!

Still, because I am mean, things to work on 

Right now, you are not connecting your explanation of the ideas to the audiences interpretation of the text and its ideas as effectively as possible. You say (very effectively), Shakespeare uses a TECHNIQUE in this QUOTE to EXPLAIN IDEA. Now, you need to show how Shakespeare uses a TECHNIQUE(QUOTE) to EXPLAIN an idea to the AUDIENCE. What does the audience take away? What do we learn about your themes? Does our context impact on our interpretation? Does an Elizabethan audience react differently to a contemporary reader, and why? You do this in places, but not consistently, and it is essential. Remember, Shakespeare portrays ideas FOR AN AUDIENCE. To really push this essay sky high, you must be not only explaining what Shakespeare is representing, but also what the audience takes away about the themes.

Beyond this, I would simply suggest ensuring that your ideas are expressed clearly. Your first paragraph's conceptual statement has quite a bit happening, with two sets of themes and a contextual link all in one go:

Shakespeare’s “Hamlet” and its central themes of death and decay, as explored by the Christian humanistic eponymous protagonist, perpetuate the notion of internal conflict between action and inaction in the search for elusive truths.

You may want to have a think about whether there is a bit too much going on in the one spot. See what I mean:

Sentence 1: Concept
Sentence 2: Contextual Link
Sentence 3+4+5: Corruption and Decay
Sentence 6: Hierarchal Decay
Sentence 7: Action/Inaction (alluded, you don't mention specifically, you may want to do this)
Sentence 8+9: Action/Inaction
Sentence 10: Decay (Critic)
Sentence 11: Conclusion

In all this analysis, you don't really touch on the elusive truths part of your paragraph. Essentially, make sure your analysis stays true to what you say you will be exploring in the start of your paragraph. Keep it focused 

All that said, this is fantastic Essej, great work!! 

Thanks for this Jamon!

I've worked on adapting these edits to suit each of the given assessment questions and am feeling much more confident in answering any given question!

Appreciate all the help ! (and just to keep you on your toes i'll probably drop a legal essay on that thread in the coming week :p )

Thanks again!

[jamonwindeyer]

Thanks for this Jamon!

I've worked on adapting these edits to suit each of the given assessment questions and am feeling much more confident in answering any given question!

Appreciate all the help ! (and just to keep you on your toes i'll probably drop a legal essay on that thread in the coming week :p )

Thanks again!

Awesome, great to hear! You are welcome, very happy to help  look forward to reading the Legal essay, nice way to mix it up 

[AdrianWut]

For Module A, can you read just to make sure my essay is flowing and it makes sense.

[jamonwindeyer]

For Module A, can you read just to make sure my essay is flowing and it makes sense.

Hey Adrian! Welcome to the forums! 

Unfortunately, since this module marking thread is extremely popular, we have a minimum 5 post limit to receive feedback. So, once your ATAR Notes post count hits five, I can definitely give you some feedback! You are only 4 posts off, so if you hang around the site a bit, ask a question, say hey, say thanks to someone for helping out, it won't take long at all! Once it hits five pop another message in this thread and I'll jump on your essay 

[anotherworld2b]

Hello
Today I received a mark of 13/25 (52%) for my English essay
I was wondering if I could get feedback on how I could've improved it because the main comments by my
English teacher was that my structure was waffly, there are too many ideas and my introduction was too convoluted.
However, she didn't elaborate further on how I could've improved this essay and I was confused by what her comments meant. I was a bit surprised and disappointed for this mark but I would really like feedback on how I could improve

For this criteria I only scored 4   
Context, purpose and techniques (1-8marks)
Analyze how reader response is shaped by purpose context and techniques or how ideas and representations are communicated by text structures and language features.

[jamonwindeyer]

Hey, It me again (sorry)
I gave my teacher my essay, and basically he said that I needed to work on my fluency and then ill be good with this essay, right now he is saying this is (roughly around the 18/20). I really want 100 for this essay to balance the bad half-yearly mark I got (75%) to move up my average!!
You have helped me so much, just need some more!!

Hey there Alalamc!! Wow, that's an awesome bit of feedback right there, you should be so super happy with that!!

Okay, what I'll do is I'll mark this a little differently. Where in my opinion the fluency/sophistication is a little off, I'll highlight it red. And I'll pop a few comments throughout as normal 

Spoiler

Intertextual relationships posited among modern literature proffers new spiritual, intellectual and socio-cultural perspectives. Such relationships underpin metaphysical poet; John Donne’s, Holy Sonnets; “This is my Plays last scene” “The Relique “A Valediction: Forbidding Mourning and Margaret Edson’s play; Wit. Movements such as the Renaissance, glorified preconceptions seen as ‘challenging acts’ in 16th Century culture. Such aspects comprise of death, agnosticism and irretrievable love. The rejuvenation of such notions not only ensured the regeneration of the classical past but also the enduring impact of such values on attitudes towards social organisations and the state. This is a great introduction. I can tell this is definitely going to be a really great essay already.

This is my plays expresses the paradox of death, challenging ones’ circumlocution of themselves, their sin and the universe. Ensure the plays name is in quotes or otherwise separated (it might already be in Italics or something, I can't tell in this window  ) Metaphorically referencing the personas’ life as a “pilgrimage”, Donne foreshadows the religious immaculacy of one’s soul after death. Try nominalising that first phrase to improve, maybe, "The metaphorical reference of:" Such metaphysical conceit, positions death triumphant over Sin, adhering to Donne’s principle objective. Moreover, the stark juxtaposition of tone and atmosphere between the euphemistic use of death, “I shall sleep a space” and the metaphorical allusion to spirituality “My ever-waking part shall see that face” intensifies the appraisal of the world after “gluttonous death”. The use of assonance implies the conception of spiritual continuity. Such impression is further glorified through stereotypical pronouns; “her” delineating positive connotative values of beauty and gentleness, reflecting renaissance values of love. It is that quote in the middle that breaks the flow of this thought. Maybe modify to "use of stereotypical pronouns such as...?"   Thus Donne objectifies the axiomatic preconceptions of death, inferred by society, commending it instead, as metaphysical accomplishment. Great paragraph! You can remove some commas from that conclusive sentence.

In relation, Edson posits’ death as a metaphysical release from degradation. One-act institutionalised play; Wit proffers Vivian’s’ death as an exemption from corporeal despondency and the proposal of self-control over her life. The semicolon in the middle there interrupts flow at a weird time. Such continuous structural form builds and maintains this momentum in the theatre. Edson’s expression of theatrics; stage lighting, sound and dialogue are used to enhance the grandeur of death. Such supernatural conceit can be regarded as symbolic of an inner spiritual rejuvenation; purposefully as well as metaphorically for life, highlighting such necrosis as a a means of metaphysical freedom from the living world. Be careful not to continually say "Such...", vary your sentence structure a tad if you can. Furthermore, Edson’s biblical allusion to Vivian’s nudity upon her transcendence expresses values of innocence, vulnerability and spiritual expurgation of the metaphysical world. Quote? Such emotion is reinforced through the repetitive usage of punctuation motif; “!”, which Vivian herself sees as an “overstatement”.  This is just exclamation marks, try to be succinct and direct with your textual references. Such scriptural conceit is fortified through Edson’s intertextual satire of Donne’s TIMPLS, Vivian implies she appreciated the poem in the abstract, however ironically now she finds her “minutes last point… a little too… pointed”. Check sentence flow. Further, ensure that when you use a link like this, the link is clear. The allusion you are talking about is two sentences ago, and I had to do a double take to catch back up. Links can be powerful in English essays, but they can also lose the meaning quickly, be careful.  In this instance Vivian ironically uses her own wit, to avoid the personal implications of Donne’s images of death, reinforcing her newly found oversight.   Thus it is understood through Edson’s reinforcement of Christian belief, that newly profound insight and dismissal of worldly values vitiates the reality of death. Good paragraph, but I'll mention that your concluding sentence and introductory sentence don't really match up. Ensure that you are consistent with your conceptual focus.


Moreover The Relique enunciates an attempt to deceive death through love, through which the extended metaphor acknowledges the immortality of love on the grounds of notoriety. What extended metaphor? Be specific here. During Donne’s time, the Jacobean era saw the first establishment of English colonies in North America and the era of the famous ‘gunpowder plot’ to blow up parliament and Westminster. Donne himself perceived it as a time where “the new philosophy calls all in doubt”. The subject matter ‘doubt’ subjugates his religious poetry as he appraises his relationship with God. The disrepute nature of “a time… where mis-devotion doth commands” is expressed through Donne’s vernacular, subjective application of gender stereotypes. Both the persona and his lover are declared “relics” of love, in the same way Roman Catholic cultures declared objects of veneration, religious relics.  Donne’s use of wit for characterisation “Thou shalt be a Mary Magdalen”, metaphorically adduces the female lover as a figure of both sin and faith. Such juxtaposition enhances the religious satire of the re-establishment of catholic views and divine directions of the modern world; “nature, injured by late law”. In addition, such conception is enhanced through the tautology of the metonymic view of women “to be more than one a bed”. The combination of satirical humour and wit expresses humour, further enhanced with the symbolic application of “relics”; Donne implies the continuity of love and humour even after death. The contemporary reader can hence appreciate the wit; wordplay and strength of love without sharing the religious beliefs, as the examination of faith and existence of doubt in his poetry are universal. Hence Donne positions love; a doctrinal notion, as transcendent over sin and death. Good stuff. The red bits are primarily issues with textual referencing, try to include it in a more direct way which doesn't interrupt the flow. Keep it simple.


In comparison, Edson proffers to delude death through scholarship, exhibiting elite intellectualism, as a devoid of human emotion. Predicating social context on the state of medical science and its repercussion on society’s cultural preconceptions of spiritual cessation, Edson posits wit and wordplay as an abstraction of death. Employing postmodernist drama, Edson’s theatrical schism of the “4th wall” and intellectual pun; “former student giving me a pelvic exam was thoroughly degrading”, conceals human disconcertion and thus suggests Edson’s wit is an attempt to “curtain” the validity of situations i.e. death. Moreover, Edson utilises a movable, cold and sterile set to effectuate Vivian’s stoic context and symbolise the lack of compassion in a stereotypically academic institution. Hence Edson like Donne, intellectually challenges the cultural preconceptions of transcendence, in which author; Anthony. D. Williams would see the gain of “knowledge through reading and wisdom through living”. This paragraph is definitely not as rich as the others (obvious in the length), was this raised as an issue by your teacher? It just seems a little unbalanced, not a direct issue for me.


In contrast Donne’s, A Valediction proffers the transcendence of human love, claiming authentic human passion can endure physical separation, as it more the just temporary passion. Donne’s highlights such “breach” as a paradox for the “expansion” of human enlightenment. However through Donne’s mathematical conceit and allusion to the “compass” he reinforces the metaphysical characteristics of love and its “stiff” characteristics in the partition of “souls” and singularity. Furthermore, Donne utilises the indirect intertextual allusion of to 16th century Renaissance values of love to conjure an image of immortality. How is this done? The extended metaphor “Thy firmness makes my circle just, and makes me end where I began”, reinforces the efficacy of true sentiment, further enhanced through the use of double entendre “circle”, highlighting the endless continuity of love. “Like gold to airy thinness beat”, such allusion to the medieval past, also is applied by Donne, as a scientific reference to the malleable qualities of love and its valuation to the persona. Hence, such values within interpersonal relationships enhance the value of transcendent love within human culture.


Thus, such intertextual perspectives of Edson and Donne, emblematise the metaphysical teachings through human experience in the modern world, depicts love as the highest ideal in human affairs. Not only does Donne’s poetry intertwine 16th century social, cultural and historical contexts but further on matured to be more introspective through his use of metaphysical wit, acknowledging Donne’s perspective of world values.Try values instead of contexts, might be a little nicer to the ear? Thus we as audience come to our understanding that inquisition into religious catechism, the afterlife as well as human infatuation, configure modern culture and philosophy through the classical past. Such lens not only allows individuals new oversight but the rediscovery of human compassion, empathy and death as highlighted in Wit.

I see why this essay got 18/20, it's fabulous!! I don't really see fluency as a huge issue, but on occasion, your textual references do seem slightly out of place. Just not quite referenced in the correct way. Work on fixing the references, get them more succinct and more direct. For example, repetitive use of punctuation motif, that's just repeated use of exclamation. Little fixes like that may improve your flow.

Further, ensure that all your ideas flow from one sentence to the other in a nice way. Each sentence should relatively on its own, and any link between the two should be EXTREMELY clear to the reader. And never link to any idea unless it was the very last thing you spoke about. Don't force the reader to search, be clear and logical with your flow. There was times in your response where I had to be like, oh, what idea are you referencing here? I indicated one example that stood out, you may find it occurs to a lesser degree elsewhere.

Besides this, your analysis is strong (though remember to always attribute techniques to the composer, not the character) and has a variety of textual references throughout. Remember to keep linking to what the audience learns from the text. I think your conceptual focus is drawn out effectively, and your introduction and conclusion are succinct and sophisticated, nicely done. This is a super high quality response, I had to be nit-picky to find stuff to mention here!! Excellent work 

[jamonwindeyer]

Hello
Today I received a mark of 13/25 (52%) for my English essay
I was wondering if I could get feedback on how I could've improved it because the main comments by my
English teacher was that my structure was waffly, there are too many ideas and my introduction was too convoluted.
However, she didn't elaborate further on how I could've improved this essay and I was confused by what her comments meant. I was a bit surprised and disappointed for this mark but I would really like feedback on how I could improve

For this criteria I only scored 4   
Context, purpose and techniques (1-8marks)
Analyze how reader response is shaped by purpose context and techniques or how ideas and representations are communicated by text structures and language features.

Hey there!! Okay then, I will try to give you something to work on and we can get you mark up to where you want it to be!!  don't let one less than ideal result get to you, my results for English started lower than I wanted too, it always goes up!!  I'll try and focus on the feedback they've given you too! So I'll rip your introduction to shreds, and I'm going to be very picky on techniques and structure (I'm going to highlight techniques in red and quotes in green). It seems like your teacher is a rough marker, so I guess I have to be too

Spoiler

Q1. Analyse how your response to one extended text you have studied (Animal Farm) has been influenced by purpose, context and the use of techniques appropriate to your chosen text type.

One of George Orwell’s most memorable quotes ‘ All animals are equal, but some animals are more equal than others’ eerily reflects the didactic moral lesson of the dangers of totalitarianism from the gradual alteration of the ideal ‘Animalism’ established in the beginning of the fable ‘Animal farm’. If your teacher is saying that this intro is convoluted, perhaps they aren't liking the quote. I think it works quite well, perhaps you should ask about this? Totalitarianism is dangerous because it robs dignity and restricts freedoms that we are entitled to. This sentence is a little bit redundant, it doesn't add anything to your argument. Orwell’s allegorical, satire fable ‘Animal farm’ is a powerful critique of the dangers and perversion of Socialism in Communist Russia under the dictatorship of Joseph Stalin. Perhaps using the word 'Socialism' is breaking the totalitarian focus a little here, try to draw a stronger link between what you have already been discussing. Orwell illustrates and shapes the reader’s response towards the dangers of the axioms of totalitarianism by prompting alertness, awareness and fear. These responses are shaped by Orwell’s utilization of purpose, language techniques and the context of the Russian Revolution to the dangerous axioms: absolute power corrupts absolutely, language can be manipulated to control and deceive the naive and ignorant and unquestioned obedience and proletariat naivety leads to oppression. This list of ideas is important to include, however, it is a little tough to follow, try adding a comma after ignorant to break it up a little bit more.

John Emerich Edward Dalberg-Acton famously stated that ‘power tends to corrupt, and absolute power corrupts absolutely.’ This is absolutely reflected in Orwell’s purpose, language techniques and the incorporation of the context of the Russian Revolution prompting alertness to the danger of tyrannical leaders holding absolute power. ‘Animal Farm’ is the embodiment of Orwell’s passion as a socialist criticising the cruelties of Communism.  Through the use of cyclic textual structure Orwell expresses the inevitable cycle of corruption of leaders influencing the audience to come to realise that power will corrupt absolutely. This is reinforced by our knowledge of the Russian revolution and the alteration of Karl Marx’s original ideal of equality. This knowledge amplifies the audience’s alertness to draw parallels and correlate additional information and meaning provided by Orwell in ‘Animal farm’ to the reality of how corruption is still prevalent in the world today. That sentence adds nothing new, it is basically saying, "the audience links the text to their real life." This is intuitively obvious, keep the focus on analysis. Orwell simultaneously correlates Napoleon's effective characterisation and actions to the historical figure Joseph Stalin to emphasise and convey his intent, effectively shaping our response to be alert to the danger of this axiom. How is Napoleon characterised to be similar to Stalin? The tyranny of the pigs is emphasised by the onomatopoeia ‘Immediately the dogs bounded forward, seized four of the pigs by the ear and dragged them squealing with terror’ creates a vivid imagery of the abuse of power silencing protest under Stalin’s rule. This is not an onomatopoeic phrase, it is just aural imagery. Hence, Orwell uses context and language techniques to alert readers that absolute power corrupts absolutely. Overall, the quality of your analysis is quite high in this paragraph. However, you really only have one quote and technique, and one structural element. This isn't enough to be highly effective, if you want the top marks, you need to have 4/5 per paragraph. That's the amount you need to squeeze in, it isn't easy, but if you cut the fluff it is definitely doable.

The use of language techniques, is undeniably reflective of how language can be manipulated to control and deceive the naive and ignorant and positions the audience to be aware of this danger. This topic sentence is a little circular, language is reflective of how language can be manipulated..." Try to simplify it just a tad. Orwell utilizes the systematic violation of the seven commandments and historical context to emphasise his purpose. Be more specific by what you mean here. Squealer’s mastery of the manipulation of language controls other animals on the farm prompting them to doubt themselves by asking rhetorical questions ‘ Are you certain that this is not something that you have dreamed, comrades? Have you any record of such a resolution?’ quells protest and silences them while clearly conveying Orwell’s intent through Squealer’s characterisation. Be careful, Squealer has not mastered anything, this should all be attributed to Orwell. Orwell personifies Squealer as propaganda to correlate to the audience how Stalin manipulated the proletariats in Russia. Slightly awkward wording here. Orwell uses further characterisation to illustrate how Napoleon’s disposition as the leader of the farm correlates to Stalin’s ascension as Lenin’s successor after chasing Trotsky out of Russia and assassinating him. Characterisation is not specific enough by itself, how has techniques been used to achieve it? Orwell also uses the repetition ‘long live’ to capture how language is used to idolise and praise Napoleon as a superior being who is like ‘the sun in the sky’. How does repetition achieve this? Does it repeatedly re-enforce some other presented idea? Be sure to match the technique to what it actually achieves. Through the use of rhetorical questions, repetition and metaphor the audience comes to realise that the manipulation of language to control others is something that we should be aware of and this is only re-enforced by our knowledge of the Russian revolution. Again, only really two textual references. What is here works well, you just need more of it, and thus need to be more efficient with your word choice!

Orwell’s use of language techniques, is irrefutably reflective of the danger of unquestioned obedience and proletariat naivety and positioning the audience to fear the consequences of this danger. This is absolutely in line with Orwell’s representational goals and intended purpose, further recited in his simplistic language style to allow the audience to comprehend his intent by using simple, uncomplicated language to communicate a clear message. Last part of that sentence was somewhat redundant, think carefully about your word choice, in this sentence stopping after 'intent' would have been sufficient. Orwell uses an emotive tone in the scene where Boxer is taken to his death “A cry of horror burst from all the animals” utilizes the emotive language of ‘horror’ and ‘burst’ and Boxer’s effective characterisation of faithful obedience to the pigs emphasising the emotive appeal of fear conveyed to the audience. Watch your wording there, you mentioned the technique twice. Napoleon is personified as the epitome of greed and symbolises how the corruption of socialism in Russia under Stalin exploited the working class of Russia Boxer personifies.How?  Another language feature is the symbolism of the windmill embodying the pigs' absolute power and manipulation of the naive animals. Can you provide a quote as evidence? Hence, the danger of unquestioned obedience and proletariat naivety is communicated to the reader by Orwell’s use of language features and historical context of the Russian Revolution.

George Orwell’s fable ‘Animal farm’ effectively communicates the dangers of Communism clearly by prompting the audience to be alert, aware and fear that absolute power corrupts absolutely, language can be manipulated to control and deceive the naive and ignorant and unquestioned obedience and proletariat naivety leads to oppression. Orwell’s fable is renowned in conveying a didactic moral lesson of the dangers of totalitarianism throughout the fable. You need to add something about language, context and purpose in this conclusion, it was a big part of your introduction and so needs to be present here, especially since it is the focus of the question.

Okay, so to elaborate on your teachers feedback:

Structure was Waffly:  I don't necessarily agree here, but your conclusion needs to be adjusted to include the big point from your intro; language, context and purpose. Otherwise, I think the structure works fairly well!

There are too many Ideas: The issue being raised here is that each paragraph is too elaborate by itself. Essentially, "absolute power corrupts absolutely" could be an essay by itself. As a result, the analysis can't properly explore the idea, and thus the essay becomes slightly convoluted. Try simplifying the concepts a tad!

My introduction was too convoluted : See my comments above, but the other thing you need is a Thesis statement, a single statement at the start of your essay (in your case, it would work better just after the quote) which summarises your entire essay in one sentence. For you, it will likely be something about totalitarianism. What is the main idea you are exploring? Try and get one of these statements into your introduction to set your entire essay up a little more effectively.

And finally, more techniques!! You don't have enough to sustain an effective analysis, and that is probably why you lost marks in that section. Try and aim for 4 per paragraph if you really want those tops marks 

[Alalamc]

Thankyou, being super thorough is really appreciated!!!!!
Yes the paragraph you mentioned is short, the reason is that during the day we are going to see a stimulus (unknown) about the play and have to incorporate it in (that's where I will do it).
Thankyou for actually being thorough and bringing everything that needs attention to my attention

[anotherworld2b]

Thank you so much for you help
Would be alright if I post an edited version of this essay later? ^o^

[jamonwindeyer]

Thankyou, being super thorough is really appreciated!!!!!
Yes the paragraph you mentioned is short, the reason is that during the day we are going to see a stimulus (unknown) about the play and have to incorporate it in (that's where I will do it).
Thankyou for actually being thorough and bringing everything that needs attention to my attention

Ahhh yep I am with you, great that sounds perfect then!!

No problem at all! Fluency is a little tough, because everyone reads it a little differently, but hopefully my bits in red will help you find some areas to improve! 

[jamonwindeyer]

Thank you so much for you help
Would be alright if I post an edited version of this essay later? ^o^

Absolutely!! I happen to be busy tonight and tomorrow morning though, so it might not be marked until Sunday night or even Monday morning that's all 

[anotherworld2b]

Hello I'm back again with another essay to write
I really want to do well in this one considering my latest score 

I've started my essay but I'm not sure if I'm heading in the correct direction or whether I am going astray.
We have to do a opinion piece. And I have no idea how to do one so all advice and feedback is appreciated 
I was also wondering if I could have feedback on how well I fulfilled the marking key I attached if it is okay
I was particularly confused about this part of the marking key
Contextual understanding
1-7
Analyse how  contextual factors can influence understanding of a text

[jamonwindeyer]

In your view, how does Shakespeare’s portrayal of the complex nature of revenge contribute to the enduring value of Hamlet?
In your response, make detailed reference to the extract from Hamlet and the play as a whole.

...

Hey qwerty! Thanks for posting your essay!

Unfortunately, since this module marking thread is extremely popular, we have a minimum 5 post limit to receive feedback. So, once your ATAR Notes post count hits five, I can definitely give you some feedback! You are only 3 posts off, so if you hang around the site a bit, ask a question, say hey, say thanks to someone for helping out, it won't take long at all! Once it hits five pop another message in this thread and I'll jump on your essay 

[jamonwindeyer]

Hello I'm back again with another essay to write
I really want to do well in this one considering my latest score 

I've started my essay but I'm not sure if I'm heading in the correct direction or whether I am going astray.
We have to do a opinion piece. And I have no idea how to do one so all advice and feedback is appreciated 
I was also wondering if I could have feedback on how well I fulfilled the marking key I attached if it is okay
I was particularly confused about this part of the marking key
Contextual understanding
1-7
Analyse how  contextual factors can influence understanding of a text

Hey there!! I've attached your essay below with some comments:

Spoiler

In an opinion piece, discuss the extent to which your understanding of the text has been influenced by your research and by an awareness of your own personal context.

The axiomatic aesthetic elegance of literature is reflected in autobiographies delving into the resplendent inspirational life experiences and lessons learned retrospectively by the author. These characteristic valuable experiences and lessons explored in autobiographies are evident in Li Cunxin’s autobiography ‘Mao’s Last Dancer’. Equipped apropos knowledge of Li Cunxin’s personal context and the historical context of Communist China, greatly influenced and incited my appreciation of the meaningful impact context accentuates to all literatury pieces. This understanding of the necessity of context elicits my feelings of guilt, embarrassment and shame in abusing the privilege of the freedom of religion as granted, the lack of appreciation and love towards family relations and laziness in striving to realise one’s dreams despite fortunate opportunities. Good introduction! Normally I'd say not to use first person, but this is an opinion piece, so I'd say it is okay. Your vocabulary is impressive, but remember this is an opinion piece, your language may not need to be of the high sophistication required for essays. You can relax a bit if you want!

The historical context of ‘Mao’s Last Dancer’ was effective in inciting guilt towards how I abuse privileges of the freedom of religion that I take for granted. Careful with wording, it isn't the context that did it, it is the text, but it is through the text inciting this guilt that you become aware of the context. Watch out for subtle stuff like this. ‘Mao’s Last Dancer’ was set in the period of Communist china and illustrated impoverished life under the dictatorship of Mao Zedong. Mao Zedong was heavenly idolised and worshipped by the proletariat population of China as the impersonation of a heavenly God. Songs were sung, respects paid and family was incomparable to brainwashed loyalty to Mao Zedong. Under his reign the Cultural Revolution reached its most chaotic period (middle of 1966). Young Red Guards Burnt and destroyed anything that had a Western flavour: books, paintings, artwork- anything. They tore down temples and shrines.  Way too much plot detail, focus on analysis and techniques! Mao wanted communism to have no competition and to be the only faith. Without the knowledge of the historical context of Communist China the true depth and impact of the dark atrocities behind ‘Mao’s Last Dancer’ would have been omitted. However, further research into the historical context of this autobiography has effectively encapsulated my feelings of guilt of towards how I abuse the privilege of the freedom of religion. You need to show how the TEXT is doing this, not the context itself. In contrast, to the period of ‘Mao’s Last Dancer’ religions are not restricted or impeded for me. The freedom of religion is a universal right, however, ‘in Mao’s Last Dancer’ this privilege I take for granted has been taken forcefully from the population of China during this time. Research of historical context has enabled me to understand the full extent and power of this extremity that Red Guards have committed, defacing all religious items that held glimpses and flavours of other faiths such as smashing sacred temples and shrines and burning literatury pieces to ashes. This vivid yet horrifying event has been etched into my mind as as the epitome of disrespect and vandalism towards religion. The axiomatic necessity of knowledge of historical context has accentuated my feelings of guilt juxtaposed by how I abuse the privilege of religion lavishly where religion was ripped forcefully away from others. While the ideas and contextual links in this paragraph are effective, there is no textual analysis. You MUST include quotes from the text and analyse them just as you would in an essay.

The axiomatic impact of author’s context and historical context has incited the strongest feeling of embarrassment towards my lack of appreciation and love towards family relations. My grandmother was born during the reign of Mao Zedong and suffered in poverty. My great grandmother was ill and was unable to care for my grandmother and her siblings. As the eldest she cared and raised her siblings on behalf of her ill mother. My grandmother displayed enormous amounts of love and responsibility for her family. (to be continued if what I have done so far is correct) Hmm, this is interesting. An opinion piece might include something like this, to be honest I am not sure!! Best consult your teacher as to their expectations, this is very out of the ordinary, and if you do it you should definitely be tying in textual references to your anecdote.

Li Cunxin’s quixotic displays of powerful and inspirational attributes of determination and self discipline in striving to realise one’s dreams has incited my awareness of my own personal context. The knowledge of Cunxin’s personal context has effectively positioned me to respect and inspire to display these inspirational attributes. From amongst millions of peasant children in China. He was granted a privilege that changed his future as a common labourer in Qingdao Northeast China.  His determination, resilience, commitment and self discipline allowed him to conquer various obstacles in his path during his time at the Beijing Dance Academy strengthening his growth as a dancer. On his shoulders rested the weight to succeed for his family living in severe poverty prompted his determination and self discipline to conquer these obstacles. This knowledge has greatly influenced me to see that Cunxin’s success as a ballet dancer was born from the blood, sweat and tears of his determination and self discipline in striving to realise his dreams. This idea is emphasised by the tortuous self discipline Cunxin subjected himself and his determination to do a master a complex ballet move. Watch wording here, a little awkward. This particular scene in ‘Mao’s Last Dancer’ effectively utilizes imagery and descriptive language to create a powerful and memorable moment ‘In Mao’s last Dancer’ as the climax of his determination towards accomplishing his dreams. Be more specific, what is memorable/powerful about it? This particular scene in ‘Mao’s last dancer’ tugged at my heart. He practised relentlessly in a rundown studio riddled with dents and splinters. However, he did not falter. He did not give up. Unlike me when I am faced with obstacles and difficulties he was determined in succeeding. Despite being faced with such obstacles he ultimately achieved prominence on the international ballet stage in his dancing career. Equipped with the knowledge of his personal context it has enabled and shaped me to feel ashamed that despite the fortunate opportunities I am given I do not display these inspirational attributes of determination and self discipline. This knowledge has greatly accentuated the impact ‘Mao’s Last Dancer’ has own me and has prompted me to inspire to be like Li Cunxin. I quite like the more personal approach you are taking with the response, it's definitely addressing the question, but you STILL NEED ANALYSIS OF QUOTES! This is always the focus of an english response.

To address the criteria, I would give you the current feedback:

Engages with The Question: -> 2/3
I think that you are definitely hitting the personal context and research part of the question, but I'm not really getting your understanding of the text to an effective level, because you aren't interpreting the text analytically. You are just retelling the plot. You must be analysing quotes with techniques and such exactly as an essay.

Verbal/Non Verbal Expression: -> N/A
I'm assuming, based on this criteria, that this will be presented orally. In which case, I'd advise you to carefully consider your vocabulary (particularly in the topic sentences and Thesis paragraph), is it suited to your audience and purpose? In any case, there is definitely lots of room for expressive delivery.

Structure: -> 1.5/3
Structure is good, paragraphs are introduced and concluded effectively! Intro is great! However, it mentions things in the intro that aren't really explored in your paragraphs, and further, you aren't using evidence from the text.

Contextual Understanding: -> 3.5
Basically, this criteria is assessing your ability to connect the context of a text to how it is represented by the composer, and how you interpret it as the audience. The main reason I would deduct marks here is, again, a lack of textual evidence.

This assignment is quite strange, not like anything I've seen before. Please ask your teacher about two things: 1 - How personal should this opinion piece be? 2 - To what extent is textual analysis (quotes/techniques) required to achieve high range marks?

I've given feedback based on how I interpret the assignment. For me, you are giving way too much plot detail and not analysing your text; there is only one sentence where you include a technique. Then again, it is a very unusual task. You are definitely best confirming with your teacher on this one.

In any case, this would definitely not suit as an essay response in an exam scenario. Far too personal and not enough analysis.

Sorry I can't be of more help!! Your contextual links are fantastic, and this goes for both historical and your personal context, absolutely stellar amounts of information there. Great work!! I would just like to see a more analytical approach, which I think would be whats required. Check with your teacher and once you clarify I can give you some more tailored feedback