What is wrong with me?

[ValiantIntellectual]

I am in year 12 and I have given up. I tied my very best to change this year. I did everything. Posted notes for motivation, changing my study area , study timetable and even started going to tutors.
Nothing has worked because I can't seem to change. During year eleven I wanted the whole year being unproductive, did not get anything done. This year was supposed to be different, this year was supposed to be the year where I actually explore my potential. But I can't seem to focus at all. It is so frustrating. How do people do it?
I have tried every alternative twice, it doesn't work! Nothing does! I can't ever get anything done. My mind gets distracted and every time I fail to change myself I end up losing motivation. Please help.,

Also, people tell me failure is just apart of success which I know, but I am making the same mistakes continuously!

[Zealous]

There is nothing wrong with you - Year 12 is a tough journey and you can be assured that you're not the only one going through it; it's great you've expressed your situation here. There's so much you can learn emotionally and mentally throughout VCE by putting in the hard work and pushing yourself like you haven't done before. Sure, getting that ATAR and those study scores for me was nice, but I think the most valuable thing I took away from VCE was the real skills that will really help me beyond VCE. Maybe change your perspective about VCE- you talk a lot about studying, timetables and tutors, but what else can you get out of VCE than that, there's so much more to it that can get you motivated?

I also think you need to take a "mental reboot". I'd recommend taking the weekend off, or at least a day to completely take the focus away from VCE and do something totally unrelated to school work and the academic environment. Have you felt throughout this year that you've wanted to watch that episode of the TV show? Felt the urge to bake something but you thought you didn't have the time? Just do it.

Once you've taken a break refocus and try a new strategy - there's bound to be something new you can do. Some people find out the study habits/methods which work well for them straight away and really quickly, but for others it takes a bit more digging to really figure out what works for them. And remember, it's better this is happening now than later in the year. It's a lot harder to pick yourself back up with one month from the exams than it is now with several months. Hang in there!

[heids]

There is nothing wrong with you.  It's totally, totally normal. 

Recently, I've been struggling with the same thing (though I'm not in year 12), where I say 'I'm going to stop wasting time, I'm going to start being productive and focus and use my time really well!"  Every month, week or day is 'going to be different', and sometimes it works... for a few hours.  And every time I fail to change it, I get more frustrated and bogged down with the fact that I'm failing to control myself and be productive.  You feel this too, right? Actually, I was complaining about this exact problem to someone else a few weeks ago; the tone, words and content of my complaint was almost identical to yours.  But I've been thankfully finding ways to get over it somewhat… a slow journey, but I'm getting there and you can too.

Hope you can take some time out to read my nearly 2000 word thesis here!  When I said I'd update it this afternoon, I didn't mean this much I always overdo things.

You've got to enjoy it and find some deeper purpose.
Firstly, do you enjoy your subjects at all?  Because if you have the self-discipline to plough ahead even while hating doing something, I take off my cap to you sir.  Obviously, you have to learn to go ahead with things even when you hate them – but if this is the case with the majority of your school stuff, rather than just those occasional, horrible sticking points, it's just not gonna work.  You can't get anywhere much without enjoying at least some of it.

Most of this comes down to your attitude and way of approaching it.  It's really up to you to figure out ways to enjoy your subjects; but you can, if you set your mind to it and stop looking at them as tasks you're forced to do, and really try to make them interesting, applicable and fun.

Then, Zealous is right – you've got to come up with something broader and more meaningful than just a 4-digit number to motivate you.  Please spend an hour just brainstorming what you actually want to get out of the year (or, what you want out of life in general, and then how this year can help you get there).  Get deep.  Sure, 'I want a good ATAR' and 'I want to get into XYZ course', but WHY?  Bragging rights?  So you feel good about yourself for achieving something?  To develop life skills/knowledge that'll make you successful in life? Why do you want that career?  Money, prestige, helping people etc.?  (And then why do you even want those?  What is success to you?)  And so on and so on.  Just ask yourself a million questions about what you really want to achieve in life, and why.

When you lose motivation, keep thinking of this moment as your chance to either achieve what you really want in life, or to give up on it.  And weigh up the pain you'll feel eventually if you fail to achieve this purpose, with the pain you feel in this current moment with doing the work.

If in the end you can't come up with anything, and decide year 12 simply doesn't matter in your life... well you might as well give up today.  Go for it, there is still demand for tradies.

Find out your issues and the things that distract you.
It sounds like you waste time, get distracted easily, and don't achieve what you want to.  So, I'd sit down and write a list of the things that you're wasting time on.  Facebook?  TV shows?  Video games? Checking the fridge ridiculous numbers of times for non-existent food?  (Yeah, we all do it).  Sitting there feeling guilty that you're not studying and trying to will yourself to pick up your books, but not succeeding?  'Studying', but actually just staring into the air?

I've found that taking a 'diary' of your time for say a week, even a day, can be really helpful in pointing out to you the major ways that you waste time and therefore what you can change.  In this, you list what you did and the timeslots you did each thing in, in detail; keep updating it immediately as you finish each activity.  It's time-consuming, but worth the time you spend on it.

Once you know what your specific issues are, the specific things you need to eliminate, you can start planning out in detail how to actually do it.  Just getting this step is more than half-way to solving your problems, they suddenly become less overwhelming and solutions are easier.

For me, one thing I found myself doing was checking AN on and off all the time while I was doing something (don't have facebook thankfully, or bang! would go my productivity).  If nothing had happened, I'd casually glance at Who's Online and click on interesting-sounding links others were looking at.  If I was doing something difficult, I'd keep flicking backwards and forwards between tabs just to put things off.  For 2-3 days I then recorded every time I opened the AN tab from my bookmarks, how long I spent on it, and what I did.  La da, I realised how stupid I was being, and while it's not an issue I've fixed yet, I'm getting better.

You can't expect to change everything at once.  One thing at a time.
You will never be able to turn on that magic switch where one day, you're hopeless, and the next day, you're a paragon of perfection.  I've often tried doing that; all it means is that every time you inevitably fail to transform your entire life, you feel a hopeless, frustrated failure.  So your problem here was, you tried to turn that switch between year 11 and 12, and have found it never works to do it in one go; you've got to keeping slowly chipping away.  But since you expected it to happen like magic, you've ending up getting into a rut of frustration.

'Habit is habit, and not to be flung out of the window by any man, but to be coaxed down-stairs one step at a time.' ~ Mark Twain

So pick out one thing at a time to change, like my decision to change how I was wasting time on atarnotes.  Sure, there are lots of other things that I waste time on – but I'll deal with them later.  Try to focus on each individual thing for quite a while (say 3 weeks), and keeping a journal of how you're going with that particular thing is really helpful: like how I recorded in detail my activity round AN for a couple of days, or like recording the foods you eat if you're trying to go on a diet.  It keeps you aware and focused.

Set goals for very small periods of time, too.  Don't just say 'I'm going to not waste my time this week', that's incredibly vague and relatively long-term.  Instead, say, 'in this HOUR I will not...[insert specific distractions, time wasters or things that are demotivating you], instead I will...[insert stuff you have to do].  If you've stated that in this particular small block of time you won't do something, it's really quite easy not to do it!  Then, in the NEXT block of time, you can restate it, and so on, until you find you've spent the whole day not doing what you don't like!  Essentially, all this means is being very aware of what you want to achieve or avoid, ALL the time, rather than just hoping that influence of your decision three days ago will still hold strong.  It won't.

But, if you've told yourself you'll do something over an hour, dedicate all your being to achieving it; when you break your promises to yourself, you only get more and more frustrated with yourself. 

Be willing to take breaks without beating yourself up about it.
Don't feel bad for taking time off – you really need it.  Take a FULL day off each week where you do absolutely nothing school-related.  Decide at the start of the day that you're letting go of school stuff and you're just going to enjoy yourself just like you would if you'd finished your final exam.  Don't spend time feeling guilty or 'I should be studying…'  Again, if you go to a social event, actively tell yourself, 'I will not feel guilty that I'm not studying, I will do my absolute best to not think once about it.'  (Hard, I know).

Break down your work into small steps, and keep a to-do list with all those little steps.
Big tasks, like 'write an essay', 'research 5 external examples for context', 'complete chapter 3 questions/notes' can be so overwhelming that you just don't get started.  If you can list a much easier bunch of tasks – e.g. brainstorm X prompt, do questions 1-6 from exercise 3B, etc. - you're more likely to be able to get round to them.  Keeping a list of to-do tasks there also stops you from dithering around wondering what to do next.

Do things consciously.
Don't just sit down aimlessly to study.  Define specifically what you're doing and what you want to achieve; and define specifically what you're NOT going to let yourself do during that time.  Ideally say it out loud or write it down.  It really helps you to use time effectively if you sit down, no nonsense, and are determined to get the best out of this session.  Like I said before, it's far more effective than planning at the start of the week what you'll do during your study sessions.

Also, as soon as you get home from school, think the same thing; it's easy to wander round the house and achieve nothing for a good hour before you sit down and start to work.  It's often the 'intermediate' time that is the most wasted.

Accountability, group people round you who'll help.
Try setting up a group (2-5 people) where you schedule certain tasks for all of you to do at certain times, check in with each other to see how you're going in general, report back and compare, get yourselves fired up, etc.  If you waste a whole afternoon, confess it to them; if you do really well, brag about it to them.  Be willing to be both harsh and understanding with each other.  But put something in to the group, don't just spend your time complaining about how hard it is – because what you want is a group of people who are enthusiastic about getting on and achieving, not just complainers who drag each other down.

If you find people that really motivate or encourage you, hang out with them more.  Similarly, motivational movies, quotes, and articles really do help – you mentioned them before, don't give up on them.  While they won't solve all your problems, they're good for getting you successfully through an hour or so.

A site that has really helped me is the articles in the  Personal Excellence blog.  I know it sounds corny and there's lots of stuff about 'inner consciousness' that makes me roll my eyes and move on, but I've learnt heaps from it, in terms of motivation and changing my life.  Especially check out the headings Life management, Goals and dreams, Habits, Productivity, Studies).  For instance, see this post.


Well… that was kinda long… but I dedicated time to it because I'm struggling the same way, and writing out advice to others is a really great way to help myself!  So thanks for giving me a reason to think myself out like this it's the product of too much free time

All the best!

[ValiantIntellectual]

There is nothing wrong with you.  It's totally, totally normal. 

Recently, I've been struggling with the same thing (though I'm not in year 12), where I say 'I'm going to stop wasting time, I'm going to start being productive and focus and use my time really well!"  Every month, week or day is 'going to be different', and sometimes it works... for a few hours.  And every time I fail to change it, I get more frustrated and bogged down with the fact that I'm failing to control myself and be productive.  You feel this too, right? Actually, I was complaining about this exact problem to someone else a few weeks ago; the tone, words and content of my complaint was almost identical to yours.  But I've been thankfully finding ways to get over it somewhat… a slow journey, but I'm getting there and you can too.

Hope you can take some time out to read my nearly 2000 word thesis here!  When I said I'd update it this afternoon, I didn't mean this much I always overdo things.

You've got to enjoy it and find some deeper purpose.
Firstly, do you enjoy your subjects at all?  Because if you have the self-discipline to plough ahead even while hating doing something, I take off my cap to you sir.  Obviously, you have to learn to go ahead with things even when you hate them – but if this is the case with the majority of your school stuff, rather than just those occasional, horrible sticking points, it's just not gonna work.  You can't get anywhere much without enjoying at least some of it.

Most of this comes down to your attitude and way of approaching it.  It's really up to you to figure out ways to enjoy your subjects; but you can, if you set your mind to it and stop looking at them as tasks you're forced to do, and really try to make them interesting, applicable and fun.

Then, Zealous is right – you've got to come up with something broader and more meaningful than just a 4-digit number to motivate you.  Please spend an hour just brainstorming what you actually want to get out of the year (or, what you want out of life in general, and then how this year can help you get there).  Get deep.  Sure, 'I want a good ATAR' and 'I want to get into XYZ course', but WHY?  Bragging rights?  So you feel good about yourself for achieving something?  To develop life skills/knowledge that'll make you successful in life? Why do you want that career?  Money, prestige, helping people etc.?  (And then why do you even want those?  What is success to you?)  And so on and so on.  Just ask yourself a million questions about what you really want to achieve in life, and why.

When you lose motivation, keep thinking of this moment as your chance to either achieve what you really want in life, or to give up on it.  And weigh up the pain you'll feel eventually if you fail to achieve this purpose, with the pain you feel in this current moment with doing the work.

If in the end you can't come up with anything, and decide year 12 simply doesn't matter in your life... well you might as well give up today.  Go for it, there is still demand for tradies.

Find out your issues and the things that distract you.
It sounds like you waste time, get distracted easily, and don't achieve what you want to.  So, I'd sit down and write a list of the things that you're wasting time on.  Facebook?  TV shows?  Video games? Checking the fridge ridiculous numbers of times for non-existent food?  (Yeah, we all do it).  Sitting there feeling guilty that you're not studying and trying to will yourself to pick up your books, but not succeeding?  'Studying', but actually just staring into the air?

I've found that taking a 'diary' of your time for say a week, even a day, can be really helpful in pointing out to you the major ways that you waste time and therefore what you can change.  In this, you list what you did and the timeslots you did each thing in, in detail; keep updating it immediately as you finish each activity.  It's time-consuming, but worth the time you spend on it.

Once you know what your specific issues are, the specific things you need to eliminate, you can start planning out in detail how to actually do it.  Just getting this step is more than half-way to solving your problems, they suddenly become less overwhelming and solutions are easier.

For me, one thing I found myself doing was checking AN on and off all the time while I was doing something (don't have facebook thankfully, or bang! would go my productivity).  If nothing had happened, I'd casually glance at Who's Online and click on interesting-sounding links others were looking at.  If I was doing something difficult, I'd keep flicking backwards and forwards between tabs just to put things off.  For 2-3 days I then recorded every time I opened the AN tab from my bookmarks, how long I spent on it, and what I did.  La da, I realised how stupid I was being, and while it's not an issue I've fixed yet, I'm getting better.

You can't expect to change everything at once.  One thing at a time.
You will never be able to turn on that magic switch where one day, you're hopeless, and the next day, you're a paragon of perfection.  I've often tried doing that; all it means is that every time you inevitably fail to transform your entire life, you feel a hopeless, frustrated failure.  So your problem here was, you tried to turn that switch between year 11 and 12, and have found it never works to do it in one go; you've got to keeping slowly chipping away.  But since you expected it to happen like magic, you've ending up getting into a rut of frustration.

So pick out one thing at a time to change, like my decision to change how I was wasting time on atarnotes.  Sure, there are lots of other things that I waste time on – but I'll deal with them later.  Try to focus on each individual thing for quite a while (say 3 weeks), and keeping a journal of how you're going with that particular thing is really helpful: like how I recorded in detail my activity round AN for a couple of days, or like recording the foods you eat if you're trying to go on a diet.  It keeps you aware and focused.

Set goals for very small periods of time, too.  Don't just say 'I'm going to not waste my time this week', that's incredibly vague and relatively long-term.  Instead, say, 'in this HOUR I will not...[insert specific distractions, time wasters or things that are demotivating you], instead I will...[insert stuff you have to do].  If you've stated that in this particular small block of time you won't do something, it's really quite easy not to do it!  Then, in the NEXT block of time, you can restate it, and so on, until you find you've spent the whole day not doing what you don't like!  Essentially, all this means is being very aware of what you want to achieve or avoid, ALL the time, rather than just hoping that influence of your decision three days ago will still hold strong.  It won't.

But, if you've told yourself you'll do something over an hour, dedicate all your being to achieving it; when you break your promises to yourself, you only get more and more frustrated with yourself. 

Be willing to take breaks without beating yourself up about it.
Don't feel bad for taking time off – you really need it.  Take a FULL day off each week where you do absolutely nothing school-related.  Decide at the start of the day that you're letting go of school stuff and you're just going to enjoy yourself just like you would if you'd finished your final exam.  Don't spend time feeling guilty or 'I should be studying…'  Again, if you go to a social event, actively tell yourself, 'I will not feel guilty that I'm not studying, I will do my absolute best to not think once about it.'  (Hard, I know).

Break down your work into small steps, and keep a to-do list with all those little steps.
Big tasks, like 'write an essay', 'research 5 external examples for context', 'complete chapter 3 questions/notes' can be so overwhelming that you just don't get started.  If you can list a much easier bunch of tasks – e.g. brainstorm X prompt, do questions 1-6 from exercise 3B, etc. - you're more likely to be able to get round to them.  Keeping a list of to-do tasks there also stops you from dithering around wondering what to do next.

Do things consciously.
Don't just sit down aimlessly to study.  Define specifically what you're doing and what you want to achieve; and define specifically what you're NOT going to let yourself do during that time.  Ideally say it out loud or write it down.  It really helps you to use time effectively if you sit down, no nonsense, and are determined to get the best out of this session.  Like I said before, it's far more effective than planning at the start of the week what you'll do during your study sessions.

Also, as soon as you get home from school, think the same thing; it's easy to wander round the house and achieve nothing for a good hour before you sit down and start to work.  It's often the 'intermediate' time that is the most wasted.

Accountability, group people round you who'll help.
Try setting up a group (2-5 people) where you schedule certain tasks for all of you to do at certain times, check in with each other to see how you're going in general, report back and compare, get yourselves fired up, etc.  If you waste a whole afternoon, confess it to them; if you do really well, brag about it to them.  Be willing to be both harsh and understanding with each other.  But put something in to the group, don't just spend your time complaining about how hard it is – because what you want is a group of people who are enthusiastic about getting on and achieving, not just complainers who drag each other down.

If you find people that really motivate or encourage you, hang out with them more.  Similarly, motivational movies, quotes, and articles really do help – you mentioned them before, don't give up on them.  While they won't solve all your problems, they're good for getting you successfully through an hour or so.

A site that has really helped me is the articles in the  Personal Excellence blog.  I know it sounds corny and there's lots of stuff about 'inner consciousness' that makes me roll my eyes and move on, but I've learnt heaps from it, in terms of motivation and changing my life.  Especially check out the headings Life management, Goals and dreams, Habits, Productivity, Studies).  For instance, see this post.


Well… that was kinda long… but I dedicated time to it because I'm struggling the same way, and writing out advice to others is a really great way to help myself!  So thanks for giving me a reason to think myself out like this it's the product of too much free time[

All the best!

Thanks so much! I feel a lot more confident now I think I can actually do this!

[ValiantIntellectual]

There is nothing wrong with you - Year 12 is a tough journey and you can be assured that you're not the only one going through it; it's great you've expressed your situation here. There's so much you can learn emotionally and mentally throughout VCE by putting in the hard work and pushing yourself like you haven't done before. Sure, getting that ATAR and those study scores for me was nice, but I think the most valuable thing I took away from VCE was the real skills that will really help me beyond VCE. Maybe change your perspective about VCE- you talk a lot about studying, timetables and tutors, but what else can you get out of VCE than that, there's so much more to it that can get you motivated?

I also think you need to take a "mental reboot". I'd recommend taking the weekend off, or at least a day to completely take the focus away from VCE and do something totally unrelated to school work and the academic environment. Have you felt throughout this year that you've wanted to watch that episode of the TV show? Felt the urge to bake something but you thought you didn't have the time? Just do it.

Once you've taken a break refocus and try a new strategy - there's bound to be something new you can do. Some people find out the study habits/methods which work well for them straight away and really quickly, but for others it takes a bit more digging to really figure out what works for them. And remember, it's better this is happening now than later in the year. It's a lot harder to pick yourself back up with one month from the exams than it is now with several months. Hang in there!

Thanks for the advice!