Free Legal Essay Marking!

[anotherworld2b]

Hi I was wondering if I can get feedback on this essay on the decline of parliament thesis.
I was quite confused while I writing it. Help would be greatly appreciated because at this point I feel like I simply rambled on with information rather answering the question. Advice on what I should do instead would be of great help 

[jamonwindeyer]

Hey guys,
It would be great if I could have my essay marked in response to the question:
Investigate a contemporary human rights issue and evaluate the effectiveness of legal and non-legal responses to the issue. 15 marks

In particular, what areas can I cull in this essay? I need to write this AND 3x 5 markers in one hour  and I know that I can't have an essay this length in the exam. Also, my first paragraph is on legal measures on an international scale. Should i have that much evidence on the abolition of slavery or is this irrelevant to human trafficking? I was thinking maybe I could replace this with a few mentions of either ICESCR, ICCPR or ICC and ICJ with mention of human trafficking for the purpose of child soldiers, since that's more contemporary. I'd also like to incorporate more media reports but at the same time I need to balance this with the word limit. Right now this sits on 1037 words, which I want to cut down to 900. Sorry for any grammatical errors or disjointed sentences, it's my first draft and I got a bit sick of essay writing towards the end  Thanks in advance!

Hey rodero! Would love to give you some feedback - See the spoiler below!

Spoiler

Investigate a contemporary human rights issue and evaluate the effectiveness of legal and non-legal responses to the issue. 15 marks


The changing values of human society have resulted in greater emphasis on the abolition of human trafficking and slavery. Undeniably, the combination of legal and nonlegal responses have been moderately effective in minimising violations to human rights, on both a domestic and international level. I think you need to create a stronger link to human rights before launching into your evaluation, just to make sure you address the question. Despite Australia’s efficiencies in upholding these fundamental rights, international measures require further enforceability and promotion, for human rights to be upheld universally. Nice Thesis! Direct, to the point - I like it! The argument is sophisticated - Domestic good, international not so much. Great work there too.

The first legal recognition of human rights occurred on an international level, and effectively provided a catalyst for reform world-wide. The rapid spread of the abolitionist movement in the 18th century is largely credited to the efforts of William Wilberforce, and his campaign against slavery. His efforts pressured global legal responses, including the Slave Trade Act 1807 (UK); Britain’s first codified law prohibiting human trafficking. This historical information, I would say that it is fairly irrelevant. It doesn't really relate to the effectiveness of responses to the issue today. However, 'investigating' the issue could involve some historical information being in the essay? Perhaps check your criteria to be sure The effectiveness of such legal responses is evident in the implementation of various legislation, such as the Slavery Abolition Act 1833 (UK) and the Thirteenth Amendment to the Constitution of the United States of America in 1865. These preceding legal responses highlight measures to prohibit human trafficking for the intention of forced labour, effectively upholding fundamental human rights. Which human rights specifically? Again, we've not quite made that last step of linking human trafficking to human rights just yet. The promotion of these rights culminate following the creation of the United Nations (UN) and the creation of the Universal Declaration of Human Rights (UDHR); Article 4 states that ‘no one shall be held in slavery or servitude’. Nice reference. However, the UDHR is classified as ‘soft law’ due to it’s lack of enforceability, thus compromising its effectiveness in preventing human trafficking. Fabulous - Would be good to pop a case study in here as an example. Similarly, the UN Convention on the Protocol to Prevent, Suppress and Punish Trafficking in Persons 2000, aimed to protect individuals from, and punish offenders for human trafficking. Despite providing the first universally agreed definition on human trafficking, the UN has been criticised as being a ‘toothless tiger’ due to its incapability to punish offenders, and its heavy reliance on compliance by sovereign states. Therefore, it is undeniable that international legal measures catalysed the abolition of human trafficking and slavery, though it’s effectiveness in the modern era is limited due to a lack of enforceability. I LOVE the argument you are presenting, it is taking centre stage and it is argued really, really well. Check your criteria to see, but I think that historical information at the start could go and be replaced with a more argument based introduction.

Moreover, the implementation of non-legal initiatives have been vastly effective in the promotion of human rights, through its ability to raise awareness and pressure government measures against human trafficking. Fabulous introduction. The effective role of NGOs is evident in the UK-American Anti Slavery Group, which has advocated for the rights of people and the abolition of human trafficking since 1839. These non-legal measures have been enhanced following the establishment of the Global Initiative to Fight Human Trafficking; A UN initiative that works alongside NGOs in their campaigns and provides assistance to victims. Excellent example. According to the National Association of Attorneys General, ‘collaborating with NGOs is essential in all facets of addressing the crime of modern-day trafficking’, which highlights the necessity of NGOs in upholding human rights on a universal scale. Nice use of quote - And it isn't doing the work for you either, just improving your already established argument, which is excellent. Furthermore, the International Labour Organisation (ILO)  supports the implementation of basic workers rights worldwide, particularly the rights of human trafficking victims. Despite international measures, their policies are not legally binding, so are limited to simply raising awareness and pressuring government bodies. Be sure to be specific in saying that these are representative of ineffectiveness - The argument needs to be obvious in every step of the paragraph. The ILO emphasises the essentiality of further progress, with their estimate of a current 21 million victims of human trafficking. That sentence a little unnecessary - Could ditch it, but I know it plays into your conclusion to the paragraph. Tough call, aha! Therefore, the role of non-legal measures have clearly contributed to the promotion and enforcement of human rights, though progress must still be done alongside government bodies for these rights to be experienced on a global scale. Fabulous paragraph, really well argued!

Likewise, human trafficking has been addressed on a domestic level, and has achieved high degrees of success as a result of legal measures. Watch syntax there - It sounds like you are saying human trafficking has been successful (sorry, nitpick ) The first codified recognition of human rights in Australia was established in the Criminal Code (Slavery and Sexual Servitude) Amendment Act 1999 (Cth), which makes human trafficking and slavery a crime and thus, punishable by the state. This legislation allowed for the first conviction of a woman for sex slavery in Australia in the case R v Wei Tang 2009. Tang’s 10 year conviction effectively set a binding precedent from the High Court, stating that prosecutors must only need to prove the offender’s intent to exercise powers attaching to ownership. Some fabulous examples above, EXCEPT that you didn't analyse any of them! There was no evaluation in those examples, it was just statement of fact - Be really careful not to fall into that trap. The effectiveness of Australia’s legal measures are supported in the 2012 Trafficking in Persons report, which classifies Australia as a Tier 1 country in best preventing human trafficking offences. Nice! I like when people use less obvious examples - It gives depth to the response. These government measures are heightened in the 2004 Commonwealth Action Plan to Eradicate Trafficking in Persons, which announced a total contribution of $58.7 million AUD in funding; This effectively united the police, the immigration department and NGOs to cooperate and respond to human trafficking domestically. Any specific measures that came from this action plan? Therefore, legal measures adopted by the Australian government have been exceedingly effective in the enforceability of human trafficking violations, and the protection of fundamental human rights. Excellent paragraph! Watch that you are always evaluating, and in terms of trimming words, you could perhaps ditch the Action Plan piece of evidence - Without any tangible outcomes from it, it isn't doing a whole lot for you.

Furthermore, Australian non-legal measures have operated effectively on a domestic level to raise awareness and contribute to the abolition of human trafficking and slavery. In particular, the role of NGOs and the media have been crucial to reward Australia with its aforementioned Tier 1 classification by the TIP. These efficiencies can be credited to media documentaries, such as ‘Trafficked’ in 2006, which achieved over 500,000 viewers and informed the audience of sexual slavery in Australia. Great piece of evidence - Excellent work on going further with it than just listing it as another example. Undeniably, the ability for media to educate the Australian population is an essential factor which promotes action by NGOs and government bodies. These non-legal measures are enhanced by the University of Technology Sydney’s Anti Slavery Project, which works alongside government agencies to advertise and eliminate modern slavery. According to the UTS Newsroom, The UTS Anti-Slavery Project has been ‘hailed number one in the world’, as an NGO that has ‘real potential to effect social change’. However, these positive measures do not completely eradicate the issue of human trafficking; The Global Survey Index estimates an approximate 3000 people experiencing slavery in Australia. Therefore, non-legal measures within Australia have evidently had an immense degree of effectiveness in abolishing human trafficking, though it  requires further progress to provide fundamental human rights to all. Not much to say for this paragraph - As equally effective as all those above

Conclusively, the combination of legal and nonlegal responses to human trafficking have upheld human rights and provided justice to a moderate extent. Although domestic measures have certainly achieved a high degree of effectiveness, the lack of enforceability on an international level limits the ability for human rights to be experienced universally. Simple conclusion, but it does the job. If you have time you could expand and restate your argument more fully, but this definitely still works.

Seriously brilliant essay rodero, definitely looking in that Band 5/Band 6 range!! You have put the argument at the centre of your response, which is exactly what you need to do for an evaluate question. A heap of excellent examples which for the most part are very well linked to that argument - There are not really many negative things I can say about this essay, it's wonderful

That said, it's my job to give you a few

First, just watch that you are answering the question properly by establishing a link to human rights. This can be done in your Thesis and then relatively ignored from that point, but it does need to be done (linking to specific articles in the UDHR/ICCPR/ICESCR would be the most impressive way to do that)

As for that abolition of slavery stuff, as I said in the comments throughout, I do think its a little irrelevant. Check with your criteria and your teacher to confirm that "investigating" the issue doesn't need a historical aspect. If it doesn't, that stuff can definitely be removed/replaced at your leisure

You could definitely integrate stuff on child soldiers if you like, but I don't view it as 'missing' per say! Like, your essay doesn't need that extra information unless you want it. Ditto with the media reports - They'd be nice but definitely not necessary

Read through my comments above for a few other niggling issues, but on the whole, this is an excellent response! Seriously great stuff rodero

[rodero]

Hey rodero! Would love to give you some feedback - See the spoiler below!

Spoiler

Investigate a contemporary human rights issue and evaluate the effectiveness of legal and non-legal responses to the issue. 15 marks


The changing values of human society have resulted in greater emphasis on the abolition of human trafficking and slavery. Undeniably, the combination of legal and nonlegal responses have been moderately effective in minimising violations to human rights, on both a domestic and international level. I think you need to create a stronger link to human rights before launching into your evaluation, just to make sure you address the question. Despite Australia’s efficiencies in upholding these fundamental rights, international measures require further enforceability and promotion, for human rights to be upheld universally. Nice Thesis! Direct, to the point - I like it! The argument is sophisticated - Domestic good, international not so much. Great work there too.

The first legal recognition of human rights occurred on an international level, and effectively provided a catalyst for reform world-wide. The rapid spread of the abolitionist movement in the 18th century is largely credited to the efforts of William Wilberforce, and his campaign against slavery. His efforts pressured global legal responses, including the Slave Trade Act 1807 (UK); Britain’s first codified law prohibiting human trafficking. This historical information, I would say that it is fairly irrelevant. It doesn't really relate to the effectiveness of responses to the issue today. However, 'investigating' the issue could involve some historical information being in the essay? Perhaps check your criteria to be sure The effectiveness of such legal responses is evident in the implementation of various legislation, such as the Slavery Abolition Act 1833 (UK) and the Thirteenth Amendment to the Constitution of the United States of America in 1865. These preceding legal responses highlight measures to prohibit human trafficking for the intention of forced labour, effectively upholding fundamental human rights. Which human rights specifically? Again, we've not quite made that last step of linking human trafficking to human rights just yet. The promotion of these rights culminate following the creation of the United Nations (UN) and the creation of the Universal Declaration of Human Rights (UDHR); Article 4 states that ‘no one shall be held in slavery or servitude’. Nice reference. However, the UDHR is classified as ‘soft law’ due to it’s lack of enforceability, thus compromising its effectiveness in preventing human trafficking. Fabulous - Would be good to pop a case study in here as an example. Similarly, the UN Convention on the Protocol to Prevent, Suppress and Punish Trafficking in Persons 2000, aimed to protect individuals from, and punish offenders for human trafficking. Despite providing the first universally agreed definition on human trafficking, the UN has been criticised as being a ‘toothless tiger’ due to its incapability to punish offenders, and its heavy reliance on compliance by sovereign states. Therefore, it is undeniable that international legal measures catalysed the abolition of human trafficking and slavery, though it’s effectiveness in the modern era is limited due to a lack of enforceability. I LOVE the argument you are presenting, it is taking centre stage and it is argued really, really well. Check your criteria to see, but I think that historical information at the start could go and be replaced with a more argument based introduction.

Moreover, the implementation of non-legal initiatives have been vastly effective in the promotion of human rights, through its ability to raise awareness and pressure government measures against human trafficking. Fabulous introduction. The effective role of NGOs is evident in the UK-American Anti Slavery Group, which has advocated for the rights of people and the abolition of human trafficking since 1839. These non-legal measures have been enhanced following the establishment of the Global Initiative to Fight Human Trafficking; A UN initiative that works alongside NGOs in their campaigns and provides assistance to victims. Excellent example. According to the National Association of Attorneys General, ‘collaborating with NGOs is essential in all facets of addressing the crime of modern-day trafficking’, which highlights the necessity of NGOs in upholding human rights on a universal scale. Nice use of quote - And it isn't doing the work for you either, just improving your already established argument, which is excellent. Furthermore, the International Labour Organisation (ILO)  supports the implementation of basic workers rights worldwide, particularly the rights of human trafficking victims. Despite international measures, their policies are not legally binding, so are limited to simply raising awareness and pressuring government bodies. Be sure to be specific in saying that these are representative of ineffectiveness - The argument needs to be obvious in every step of the paragraph. The ILO emphasises the essentiality of further progress, with their estimate of a current 21 million victims of human trafficking. That sentence a little unnecessary - Could ditch it, but I know it plays into your conclusion to the paragraph. Tough call, aha! Therefore, the role of non-legal measures have clearly contributed to the promotion and enforcement of human rights, though progress must still be done alongside government bodies for these rights to be experienced on a global scale. Fabulous paragraph, really well argued!

Likewise, human trafficking has been addressed on a domestic level, and has achieved high degrees of success as a result of legal measures. Watch syntax there - It sounds like you are saying human trafficking has been successful (sorry, nitpick ) The first codified recognition of human rights in Australia was established in the Criminal Code (Slavery and Sexual Servitude) Amendment Act 1999 (Cth), which makes human trafficking and slavery a crime and thus, punishable by the state. This legislation allowed for the first conviction of a woman for sex slavery in Australia in the case R v Wei Tang 2009. Tang’s 10 year conviction effectively set a binding precedent from the High Court, stating that prosecutors must only need to prove the offender’s intent to exercise powers attaching to ownership. Some fabulous examples above, EXCEPT that you didn't analyse any of them! There was no evaluation in those examples, it was just statement of fact - Be really careful not to fall into that trap. The effectiveness of Australia’s legal measures are supported in the 2012 Trafficking in Persons report, which classifies Australia as a Tier 1 country in best preventing human trafficking offences. Nice! I like when people use less obvious examples - It gives depth to the response. These government measures are heightened in the 2004 Commonwealth Action Plan to Eradicate Trafficking in Persons, which announced a total contribution of $58.7 million AUD in funding; This effectively united the police, the immigration department and NGOs to cooperate and respond to human trafficking domestically. Any specific measures that came from this action plan? Therefore, legal measures adopted by the Australian government have been exceedingly effective in the enforceability of human trafficking violations, and the protection of fundamental human rights. Excellent paragraph! Watch that you are always evaluating, and in terms of trimming words, you could perhaps ditch the Action Plan piece of evidence - Without any tangible outcomes from it, it isn't doing a whole lot for you.

Furthermore, Australian non-legal measures have operated effectively on a domestic level to raise awareness and contribute to the abolition of human trafficking and slavery. In particular, the role of NGOs and the media have been crucial to reward Australia with its aforementioned Tier 1 classification by the TIP. These efficiencies can be credited to media documentaries, such as ‘Trafficked’ in 2006, which achieved over 500,000 viewers and informed the audience of sexual slavery in Australia. Great piece of evidence - Excellent work on going further with it than just listing it as another example. Undeniably, the ability for media to educate the Australian population is an essential factor which promotes action by NGOs and government bodies. These non-legal measures are enhanced by the University of Technology Sydney’s Anti Slavery Project, which works alongside government agencies to advertise and eliminate modern slavery. According to the UTS Newsroom, The UTS Anti-Slavery Project has been ‘hailed number one in the world’, as an NGO that has ‘real potential to effect social change’. However, these positive measures do not completely eradicate the issue of human trafficking; The Global Survey Index estimates an approximate 3000 people experiencing slavery in Australia. Therefore, non-legal measures within Australia have evidently had an immense degree of effectiveness in abolishing human trafficking, though it  requires further progress to provide fundamental human rights to all. Not much to say for this paragraph - As equally effective as all those above

Conclusively, the combination of legal and nonlegal responses to human trafficking have upheld human rights and provided justice to a moderate extent. Although domestic measures have certainly achieved a high degree of effectiveness, the lack of enforceability on an international level limits the ability for human rights to be experienced universally. Simple conclusion, but it does the job. If you have time you could expand and restate your argument more fully, but this definitely still works.

Seriously brilliant essay rodero, definitely looking in that Band 5/Band 6 range!! You have put the argument at the centre of your response, which is exactly what you need to do for an evaluate question. A heap of excellent examples which for the most part are very well linked to that argument - There are not really many negative things I can say about this essay, it's wonderful

That said, it's my job to give you a few

First, just watch that you are answering the question properly by establishing a link to human rights. This can be done in your Thesis and then relatively ignored from that point, but it does need to be done (linking to specific articles in the UDHR/ICCPR/ICESCR would be the most impressive way to do that)

As for that abolition of slavery stuff, as I said in the comments throughout, I do think its a little irrelevant. Check with your criteria and your teacher to confirm that "investigating" the issue doesn't need a historical aspect. If it doesn't, that stuff can definitely be removed/replaced at your leisure

You could definitely integrate stuff on child soldiers if you like, but I don't view it as 'missing' per say! Like, your essay doesn't need that extra information unless you want it. Ditto with the media reports - They'd be nice but definitely not necessary

Read through my comments above for a few other niggling issues, but on the whole, this is an excellent response! Seriously great stuff rodero

Thanks Jamon I've switched the historical part of slavery with human trafficking for the purpose of child soldiers. Thanks to the feedback I noticed that my essay was just a bunch of evidence dumping with little evaluation. I've decided to have less evidence with more analysis. This way i'm not including any irrelevant measures which don't support my argument. So far this has been really good in culling my essay, so thanks again! 

[jamonwindeyer]

Thanks Jamon I've switched the historical part of slavery with human trafficking for the purpose of child soldiers. Thanks to the feedback I noticed that my essay was just a bunch of evidence dumping with little evaluation. I've decided to have less evidence with more analysis. This way i'm not including any irrelevant measures which don't support my argument. So far this has been really good in culling my essay, so thanks again! 

You are welcome! I'd say you did a nice job with evaluating on the whole, but I'm glad you've spotted some places it could be improved further sounds like a plan, best of luck with it! Feel free to come back with another draft down the road if you like

[anotherworld2b]

Feedback on what examples that could strength my response would be helpful as well because my test is on Tuesday

Hi I was wondering if I can get feedback on this essay on the decline of parliament thesis.
I was quite confused while I writing it. Help would be greatly appreciated because at this point I feel like I simply rambled on with information rather answering the question. Advice on what I should do instead would be of great help 

[jamonwindeyer]

Feedback on what examples that could strength my response would be helpful as well because my test is on Tuesday

Yep yep, it's on my to do list for tomorrow morning, but that does fall outside the realms of the HSC, so my feedback might be of limited use

[anotherworld2b]

Any feedback would be appreciated. I think the major problem in my essay is that there is no clear structure to answer the question. Advice on how to fix it will be of great help 

Yep yep, it's on my to do list for tomorrow morning, but that does fall outside the realms of the HSC, so my feedback might be of limited use

[elysepopplewell]

Feedback on what examples that could strength my response would be helpful as well because my test is on Tuesday

Goooood morning anotherworld Thanks for always sticking around the forums, even though the help is limited because we have a different syllabus! You're super dedicated and I really hope your marks reflect this in the end!

Spoiler

There are four main roles of the Commonwealth Parliament. These roles include the Legislative Function, the Representative Function, the Responsibility Function, and the debate function which acts as a Forum for Debate.The decline of Australian? Parliament is evident in how it fails fulfill its key functions All 4 key functions? Just some key functions? Be a little more specific in which functions. . It fails to provide effective scrutiny of Bills in theory because of tactics employed by the executive in practise; members of Parliament are loyal to parties rather than to their electorate; and because of the dominance of the executive, it is not effective as a forum for debate.

The Legislative function parliament should initiate, deliberate and finally pass legislation, New sentence here. however, successful scrutiny of bills have declined in the 55th Parliament. Parliament is bicameral and makes laws that can be initiated by any member of Parliament. In theory these laws are scrutinised by the ‘statutory process’ (derived from British practice) in which in depth analysis ensures ‘good legislation’ and if necessary amended by parliament. Again in theory, the legislative function of Parliament should have a committee stage which provides opportunities for expert advice and non partisan highly detailed work on the bill. However, in practice the legislative is dominated by the executive in which executive tactics are used to dominate the house of Representatives, which prevents it from fulfilling its essential functions .Executive tactics such as gag, guillotin and floodgating all share the same goal in limiting the time in which bills are scrutinised. Furthermore in practise, few Bills are really initiated in the House of Representatives, opportunities for debate are limited, and government legislation is assured passage through the House. Can you get a stat to say exactly how many? It is evident that the fulfillment of the legislative function has strayed and declined. A modern example of executive dominance is the 2015, in which the Opposition Leader Bill Shorten and Deputy Opposition Tanya Plibersek co-sponsored a private Members Bill called the marriage Amendment Bill 2015 to legislate for marriage equality.

Another role of the Commonwealth parliament is the Representative function that specifies Parliament should provide a voice for the interests and opinions of electors. In theory the House of Representatives should act in the interests of their constituents through either delegate or trustee representation. The Australian public expects Parliament to reflect the will of the people as per the intentions of the democratic process of election; for MHRs to represent the views and interests of their electorate; and that the Parliament reflects a broad cross-section of society. However, in practise the House of Representatives tend to act in the interest of their parties through partisan representation.This may be due to the fact that members of the house of Representative only serve a 3 year term in which party loyalty will play a beneficial part in their upcoming election due to the fact that electors tend to vote according to party rather than for individual candidates. In parliament, Members of the house of Representatives follow the party line. In the ALP, parliamentarians are pledged to support the party policy and vote as a bloc in parliament. The Liberal Party theoretically gives members the free vote, but they almost always vote according to party policy reflecting the influence of party solidarity. In theory the Senate should act in the interests of their state as reflected by ’Sovereign State Interest’ in which senate was created ‘to represent the interest of the six sovereign states within commonwealth Parliament’. In practice the extent of decline of parliament in the Senate seems to be of a lesser magnitude. This may be due to the length of term in which a senator serves is twice as long as a member of the House of Representatives. This implies that the pressure to be elected again is of a lesser extent which suggests that mirror representation is stronger. There are few examples of delegate/trustee representation. One of them is when Liberal Member of Parliament Sharman Stone acted in the interests of her constituents over the possible closure of SPC Ardmona, a fruit canning business, in her Victorian electorate of Murray in 2014. She criticised her own Liberal party government over its decision not to offer financial support to the company. Thus...then we need to move back to the evaluative statement, we've ended on evidence, when ending on a judgement re-enforces your argument.

The accountability and responsibility function is required to hold all decisions and actions made by executive power accountable by carrying out scrutiny of government administration.  This involves collective ministerial responsibility in which governments take collective responsibility for their decisions and should resign if the lower house passes a successful vote of no confidence. It also involves individual ministerial responsibility where Ministers are accountable to parliament for their conduct and should resign if parliament passes a censure motion against them.  In theory scrutinising government spending is a key role of the responsibility function in which money bills pass through parliament. A modern example in which a minister resigned before a censure motion was passed against them due to suspected government spending of taxpayer money is the scandal involving Health Minister Sussan Ley purchased a $800k unit on taxpayer-funded trip to the Gold Coast which ultimately resulted her resignation. In practice the government consists of the party with majority support in the lower house with its leader becoming the Prime Minister. Governments must resign if they lose the support of the house. But the majority requirement in the House of Representatives ensures that the government dominates.This is because in reality, the house will almost never lose the support of the lower house since it controls the votes of the members (party solidarity) who make up that majority. This means that the effectiveness of individual and collective ministerial responsibility are not effective in practice. Motions of no-confidence and censure motions moved by the Opposition will always be defeated ‘on party lines’ in the House of Representatives which means ‘partisan’ Members of Parliament simply vote to support their party’s position which is another reason why individual and collective responsibility are not effective in practice. Great analysis at the end here!

The forum of debate function is where Parliament is expected to discuss and debate issues of national importance. Parliamentary committees often investigate and report on general issues, which provides an opportunity for the awareness of community views to the raised. In theory the House of Representatives is a House of debate. Opportunities to debate include ministerial, grievances and second readings which are linked to the responsibility, representative and legislative functions respectively. However in practice during debate, government can use the gag, guillotine and floodgating to limit discussion and quickly pass bills. This causes the House of Representatives to suffer from the dominance of the executive in parliament. Furthermore Government can restrict opportunities when it allocates time for the sitting day. This means that time can be manipulated in a way that will result in the government always winning such as making it the longest items on the sitting day agenda. In addition grievances, urgency motions, matters of Public Importance , adjournment and other other debate opportunities are diminished when the government extends government business. Collectively the limit imposed debate during the legislative process further complies to the decline of parliament thesis.

Parliament is unsuccessful in fulfilling its roles which is supported by the ‘decline of parliament’ thesis. Parliament is expected to represent the whole of Australia by scrutinizing bills but is now dominated by major parties, Members are loyal to their party rather than their electorate, and Bills only have limited time to be debated.

Despite what you think, I think this has a very clear structure. You're approaching each arm of parliament per paragraph and I think it works really well.

I think you've hardly approached the idea of the "decline of Parliament." Instead, we've given all the reason it fails, but decline insinuates at some point the quality was higher, and it is going down. I think comparative facts would be very useful in this time. I mentioned above that a stat on the number of bills introduced would be great for your argument, but what would be even better for the "decline" thesis is to measure this against a previous time. You've certainly argued well that the Parliament does not fulfill it's job - it fails. But the "decline" idea only appears strongly in your intro and conclusion. I'd love to see it more!

What I'd love to see more of is comparative facts that make your point powerful. You argue the theory and the practice well with your words, but I'm forced to trust that you're telling the truth because there's no persuasive facts. I believe you are telling the truth! But in a HSC essay, such facts would be required for the top works, so I assume it's similar in your system too.

Overall, I think this is a really solid piece and you know the ins and outs of Parliament far better than I, you should be pleased!

[jamonwindeyer]

Overall, I think this is a really solid piece and you know the ins and outs of Parliament far better than I, you should be pleased!

Thanks for tagging in! I momentarily forgot the time zone difference and was flabbergasted you were marking at 6am

[anotherworld2b]

Thank you so much for your feedback

Goooood morning anotherworld Thanks for always sticking around the forums, even though the help is limited because we have a different syllabus! You're super dedicated and I really hope your marks reflect this in the end!

Spoiler

There are four main roles of the Commonwealth Parliament. These roles include the Legislative Function, the Representative Function, the Responsibility Function, and the debate function which acts as a Forum for Debate.The decline of Australian? Parliament is evident in how it fails fulfill its key functions All 4 key functions? Just some key functions? Be a little more specific in which functions. . It fails to provide effective scrutiny of Bills in theory because of tactics employed by the executive in practise; members of Parliament are loyal to parties rather than to their electorate; and because of the dominance of the executive, it is not effective as a forum for debate.

The Legislative function parliament should initiate, deliberate and finally pass legislation, New sentence here. however, successful scrutiny of bills have declined in the 55th Parliament. Parliament is bicameral and makes laws that can be initiated by any member of Parliament. In theory these laws are scrutinised by the ‘statutory process’ (derived from British practice) in which in depth analysis ensures ‘good legislation’ and if necessary amended by parliament. Again in theory, the legislative function of Parliament should have a committee stage which provides opportunities for expert advice and non partisan highly detailed work on the bill. However, in practice the legislative is dominated by the executive in which executive tactics are used to dominate the house of Representatives, which prevents it from fulfilling its essential functions .Executive tactics such as gag, guillotin and floodgating all share the same goal in limiting the time in which bills are scrutinised. Furthermore in practise, few Bills are really initiated in the House of Representatives, opportunities for debate are limited, and government legislation is assured passage through the House. Can you get a stat to say exactly how many? It is evident that the fulfillment of the legislative function has strayed and declined. A modern example of executive dominance is the 2015, in which the Opposition Leader Bill Shorten and Deputy Opposition Tanya Plibersek co-sponsored a private Members Bill called the marriage Amendment Bill 2015 to legislate for marriage equality.

Another role of the Commonwealth parliament is the Representative function that specifies Parliament should provide a voice for the interests and opinions of electors. In theory the House of Representatives should act in the interests of their constituents through either delegate or trustee representation. The Australian public expects Parliament to reflect the will of the people as per the intentions of the democratic process of election; for MHRs to represent the views and interests of their electorate; and that the Parliament reflects a broad cross-section of society. However, in practise the House of Representatives tend to act in the interest of their parties through partisan representation.This may be due to the fact that members of the house of Representative only serve a 3 year term in which party loyalty will play a beneficial part in their upcoming election due to the fact that electors tend to vote according to party rather than for individual candidates. In parliament, Members of the house of Representatives follow the party line. In the ALP, parliamentarians are pledged to support the party policy and vote as a bloc in parliament. The Liberal Party theoretically gives members the free vote, but they almost always vote according to party policy reflecting the influence of party solidarity. In theory the Senate should act in the interests of their state as reflected by ’Sovereign State Interest’ in which senate was created ‘to represent the interest of the six sovereign states within commonwealth Parliament’. In practice the extent of decline of parliament in the Senate seems to be of a lesser magnitude. This may be due to the length of term in which a senator serves is twice as long as a member of the House of Representatives. This implies that the pressure to be elected again is of a lesser extent which suggests that mirror representation is stronger. There are few examples of delegate/trustee representation. One of them is when Liberal Member of Parliament Sharman Stone acted in the interests of her constituents over the possible closure of SPC Ardmona, a fruit canning business, in her Victorian electorate of Murray in 2014. She criticised her own Liberal party government over its decision not to offer financial support to the company. Thus...then we need to move back to the evaluative statement, we've ended on evidence, when ending on a judgement re-enforces your argument.

The accountability and responsibility function is required to hold all decisions and actions made by executive power accountable by carrying out scrutiny of government administration.  This involves collective ministerial responsibility in which governments take collective responsibility for their decisions and should resign if the lower house passes a successful vote of no confidence. It also involves individual ministerial responsibility where Ministers are accountable to parliament for their conduct and should resign if parliament passes a censure motion against them.  In theory scrutinising government spending is a key role of the responsibility function in which money bills pass through parliament. A modern example in which a minister resigned before a censure motion was passed against them due to suspected government spending of taxpayer money is the scandal involving Health Minister Sussan Ley purchased a $800k unit on taxpayer-funded trip to the Gold Coast which ultimately resulted her resignation. In practice the government consists of the party with majority support in the lower house with its leader becoming the Prime Minister. Governments must resign if they lose the support of the house. But the majority requirement in the House of Representatives ensures that the government dominates.This is because in reality, the house will almost never lose the support of the lower house since it controls the votes of the members (party solidarity) who make up that majority. This means that the effectiveness of individual and collective ministerial responsibility are not effective in practice. Motions of no-confidence and censure motions moved by the Opposition will always be defeated ‘on party lines’ in the House of Representatives which means ‘partisan’ Members of Parliament simply vote to support their party’s position which is another reason why individual and collective responsibility are not effective in practice. Great analysis at the end here!

The forum of debate function is where Parliament is expected to discuss and debate issues of national importance. Parliamentary committees often investigate and report on general issues, which provides an opportunity for the awareness of community views to the raised. In theory the House of Representatives is a House of debate. Opportunities to debate include ministerial, grievances and second readings which are linked to the responsibility, representative and legislative functions respectively. However in practice during debate, government can use the gag, guillotine and floodgating to limit discussion and quickly pass bills. This causes the House of Representatives to suffer from the dominance of the executive in parliament. Furthermore Government can restrict opportunities when it allocates time for the sitting day. This means that time can be manipulated in a way that will result in the government always winning such as making it the longest items on the sitting day agenda. In addition grievances, urgency motions, matters of Public Importance , adjournment and other other debate opportunities are diminished when the government extends government business. Collectively the limit imposed debate during the legislative process further complies to the decline of parliament thesis.

Parliament is unsuccessful in fulfilling its roles which is supported by the ‘decline of parliament’ thesis. Parliament is expected to represent the whole of Australia by scrutinizing bills but is now dominated by major parties, Members are loyal to their party rather than their electorate, and Bills only have limited time to be debated.

Despite what you think, I think this has a very clear structure. You're approaching each arm of parliament per paragraph and I think it works really well.

I think you've hardly approached the idea of the "decline of Parliament." Instead, we've given all the reason it fails, but decline insinuates at some point the quality was higher, and it is going down. I think comparative facts would be very useful in this time. I mentioned above that a stat on the number of bills introduced would be great for your argument, but what would be even better for the "decline" thesis is to measure this against a previous time. You've certainly argued well that the Parliament does not fulfill it's job - it fails. But the "decline" idea only appears strongly in your intro and conclusion. I'd love to see it more!

What I'd love to see more of is comparative facts that make your point powerful. You argue the theory and the practice well with your words, but I'm forced to trust that you're telling the truth because there's no persuasive facts. I believe you are telling the truth! But in a HSC essay, such facts would be required for the top works, so I assume it's similar in your system too.

Overall, I think this is a really solid piece and you know the ins and outs of Parliament far better than I, you should be pleased!

[elysepopplewell]

Thanks for tagging in! I momentarily forgot the time zone difference and was flabbergasted you were marking at 6am

Not a worry! It's nice to be online after twilight

Thank you so much for your feedback

That's ok! Let me know how you go

[grace.estelle]

Hi Jamon, could you please check my essay and help me cut down. I am doing family law 

My in-class exam is on Monday and I am so nervous because my teacher keeps telling me she can't check any part of my writing  sorry its such late notice but any feedback is appreciated!

When you are marking, could you also suggest as to how I can manipulate my current examples/evidence to fit a question that focuses on the theme of 'encouraging cooperation and conflict' in regards to the contemporary issues?
Thank you!

[jamonwindeyer]

Hi Jamon, could you please check my essay and help me cut down. I am doing family law 

My in-class exam is on Monday and I am so nervous because my teacher keeps telling me she can't check any part of my writing  sorry its such late notice but any feedback is appreciated!

When you are marking, could you also suggest as to how I can manipulate my current examples/evidence to fit a question that focuses on the theme of 'encouraging cooperation and conflict' in regards to the contemporary issues?
Thank you!

I'll definitely get you some feedback on this before your exam tomorrow Grace! It might not be until this evening though unfortunately 

[mylinh-nguyen]

I have an essay question and I do not know what to discuss, the question is "to what extent does the law reflect the moral and ethical standards of society"
I was going to write about bail but I don't know what else to include. Any help would be appreciated

[grace.estelle]

I'll definitely get you some feedback on this before your exam tomorrow Grace! It might not be until this evening though unfortunately 

No worries, I can wait  thanks so much Jamon!!