This Boy's Life T.R

[Callum@1373]

I'd love some feedback on my This Boy's Life text response. The prompt was :

'Throughout the memoir Wolff's childhood self learns nothing of real value from his many errors of judgement.' Do you agree?

Spoiler

Set against the backdrop of post-war American 1950’s, Tobias Wolff in his memoir This Boy’s Life reflects upon the misjudgements he made as a child and his inability to learn lessons from them until he gained a better sense of identity. Indeed, the circumstances he faced as a child such as abusive fathers prevented him from learning from his mistakes and changing his behaviours to suit the morals at the time (punctuality, citizenship, maturity). However, by the end of the memoir readers feel the sense that Jack was never capable of correcting his behaviour and poor judgement because he does not have the courage and determination to be a better person, despite what he tries to portray himself as. Overall, Jack is a mild delinquent without independent capabilities and is unable to correct his behaviour.

Jack was partially predetermined to live a life where he would not be disciplined and encouraged to learn from his mistakes and do the right thing on the next occasion. The opening sentence of the memoir ‘our car boiled over again’ is illustrative of the journey ahead for Jack – he and his mother are constantly on the road trying to start new, then almost out of their control, having their dreams crushed. Rosemary’s ‘dreams of transformation’ do not help in disciplining Jack as her inner conflict between supporting for Jack and being free from conventions hinder Jack’s development as he is not in a consistently stable family. Hence, Rosemary is extremely defensive of Jack when he is caught writing inappropriate words on a school mirror, because her constant moving does not allow her to keep a close watch on Jack, and if she did, she would realise his poor behaviour and therefore be suspicious Jack did indeed write inappropriate words on the mirror. Whilst Rosemary’s drive to be free is likely to have stemmed from hating her life with her abusive father ‘daddy’ who punished her whilst she was ‘still in her cradle’, she is drawn to abusive men like Dwight, Roy and Arthur. Wolff’s inclusion of Dwight’s comment that each year, fish swim up to chinook and ‘drown’ and die with their flesh rotting is representative of how Wolff sees himself and his mother – moving in with Dwight and living miserably with his draconian use of authority. Having such a ludicrous bully in Jack’s life causes Jack to define himself by ‘opposition to Dwight’. Jack therefore builds his understanding of himself based on the polar opposite of the adjectives Dwight describes him as such as ‘hot shot’ and ‘performer’. Jack is neither like the person he describes himself as or the person Dwight believes he is, Dwight is not aware it is his cruelty that causes Jack to be so derisive of him, so Jack portrays himself as almost exotically different and outstanding, causing him to never question whether his behaviour is right or wrong. In this way, Jack is brought up in an environment where his judgement is hindered massively by his lifestyle and the adults in his life.

While because of this upbringing he is prone to make errors, Jack does not have the capability or determination to change the person who he is. Wolff makes reference of Skipper’s car as a metaphor for Jack’s identity. As Skipper completely re-does the car, he heavily modifies the exterior of the car, painting it with a ‘glaze of thick red ice’, however, the part left unchanged was ‘the interior’. The interior of the car represents Jack’s true identity; he attempts to be a different person on the outside, a boy of ‘dignity and consequence’, and that he would grow as a better person but almost perfectly fitting with Skipper’s 1949 Ford, his internal identity never changes. This can be explained by Jack’s habit of finding himself complacent. As Jack gets drunk and falls into a shrub after drinking with Chuck, he is in his most relaxed state, ‘happy where [he] was’. Jack was in an immense love with hearing others calling his name, and how he could hear the ‘sounds of the game’ in the distant. In this instance, we learn how Jack has little determination and likes to have zero responsibilities. Later in the memoir, when Dwight is fighting Rosemary in the apartment, we see strikingly similar behaviour from Jack. He pretends the sounds of Dwight strangling Rosemary as ‘strange noises from cats’. Jack feels complacent again, and lacks the determination or motivation to do anything about the situation. Indeed, he feels guilty when accusing Dwight as a ‘bastard’, because he knows he had ‘done nothing’. In this fashion, Jack does not learn to make quick decisions for the sake of others, and he lacks the mindset of self-improvement. Even when accepted into the prestigious school Hill after lying in his applications, he drops out, likely because he once again lacks any drive to do better. Hence, it is Jack’s inability to move anywhere in life that causes him to repeat his behaviour.

Jack’s terminal friendship with Arthur demonstrates his choice to never improve his actions and stick to poor behaviours. While Jack gets the inkling that he and Arthur were ‘meant to be friends’, he keeps his distance because of what it could ‘cost’ his reputation. However after the pair fight in the street, they become particularly close friends. They have a special connection because they understand each other very well, but particularly Arthur understands who Jack really is and not the mask he puts on. This intimacy turns into a kiss that they share which is a turning point in the memoir. Because Jack is so heavily influenced by the despicable and immature adults such as Roy and Dwight, he feels that he cannot be masculine by continuing his friendship with Arthur after this kiss so he withdraws from the friendship. In making this choice, Jack is back to sticking with friends like Chuck Bolger where he returns to his own mischievous behaviour, and never learns to correct his behaviour. His behaviour with Arthur was normal; they read stories which ironically turned out to be part of Jack’s career. Keeping the friendship with Arthur would have most likely kept Jack’s morals intact, and as he disembarks from friendship with Arthur, Arthur becomes a successful, the boy who Jack wanted to be, which goes to show that Jack was heading in the right direction but the expectation of males in his time had him return to behaviour of an ‘outlaw’. Because of this, Jack cannot learn any lessons about good behaviour because he in constantly trying to be a person who he is not, which involves associating himself with people that in order for Jack to fit in with, must return to bad behaviour.

Wolff’s memoir encapsulates his delusional childhood and inability to cease destructive behaviour and set foot on the right path. His lack of a stable family with a good male role model causes him to not understand the behaviours that would be expected of boy’s in his time. By the end of the memoir, readers feel that Jack is still the boy living in a fantasy world and not learning from his mistakes, and that this pattern of behaviour is in fact a cycle.

[Apink!]

Hi Callum,
I may not be the best person to help in in English But I will add what I thought of your essay. Hopefully someone more capable ( ) can help you further.  Overall, I think it's a solid essay. Great use of embedding quotes, and I'm impressed at the amount of quotes in each paragraph

THINGS YOU DID WELL:
GREAT use of quotes. I was thoroughly impressed by the amount of quote in each paragraph. I could never remember that many quotes!!
Your contention is solid, and I could understand what you were trying to say
Good exploration of the prompt
Varied evidence (not just on Jack!)


Just some bits you could improve overall is:
-be specific. Vague words such as "better person", "conventions", "mistakes", "misjudgement" will not help with the quality of your essay. Your writing is great, but it's these words that can bring down the overall quality of your work. Specify:
- Instead of "better person", try to think of a specific way of saying this. I know the gist of what you're trying to say, but is being a "better" person, someone who is morally righteous (no stealing, no vandalising etc) or is a "better person" who fights back the fixed view of masculinity of the 50s?
- You kept referring to "mistakes" and "misjudgements". I understand why you would do this though: you want to make your connection to the prompt extra clear. It's perfectly understandable, but be more specific. What mistakes? What misjudgements?
His mistake for committing various crimes? His misjudgement for conforming to the society's ideals and expectations?
-I only picked up on this once, but I thought I may add this (just for extra points). The "daddy" you mentioned when discussing Rosemary should be quoted as "Daddy" because it is mentioned this way in the memoir. Think about the significance of the capital letter D. Do you see the different from "daddy" and "Daddy"? I think that the latter sounds more oppressive, righteous like Big Brother or something. I don't know, just what I felt.
- I picked up slight usage of informal language like "do the right thing". Text reponse is a formal response, and you must use formal language at all times. It makes your writing sound better! (opportunity to get the points!!)
- Also, I noticed that you did not mention Wolff much. You discussed the characters (such as Rosemary and Toby) with great depth (which is great!) but you MUST mention WOLFF because he produced this memoir. What is WOLFF suggesting about the text? what is WOLFF suggesting about the characters? e.g. Wolff, through his construction of Jack as being entrapped in a continuous cycle of  crimes and lies, demonstrate Wolff's underlying condemnation for...
- Also, I noticed that some of your sentences were really long. I struggled with this as well - I was writing monstrously long sentences because I wanted to fit everything. There was so much I wanted to say! But you must understand the long sentences interfere with the clarity of what you are trying to say. Try to cut up a long sentences into two or three. A great essay should have a rhythm or a melody when you are reading it. In order to improve this, I suggest you READ ALOUD your work. I know it's annoying and you don't want to do it (I didn't want to, so I'm assuming you don't too ) BUT YOU MUST DO THIS. It will make the long, awkward sentences extra clear. If you have to read super quickly or you need to take extra breaths to finish the sentence. STOP and start CUTTING your sentences. But I have to admit, your case is must better than what my case looked like so I'm sure you can improve this real quick
 (: e.g. Hence, Rosemary is extremely defensive of Jack when he is caught writing inappropriate words on a school mirror, because her constant moving does not allow her to keep a close watch on Jack, and if she did, she would realise his poor behaviour and therefore be suspicious Jack did indeed write inappropriate words on the mirror. <-- I felt that this sentence was quite long. It's not monstrously long (mine was) but it's still long. I crossed the bits that I thought was a bit unnecessary. I think doing this clarifies what you were trying to say a lot better. If you want to add the bit I crossed out, you could start a new sentence, instead of jamming it in

I'm so sorry for nitpicking! Basically try to improve:
-Being specific
-Using formal language
- Creating short/long sentences to create an interesting melody when you read.
-Incorporating how WOLFF constructs meaning in the text.

Well done! Overall, it was a solid essay, and if you keep improving, you will have a good chance at getting the marks at the SAC.
If you need any clarification or further questions please ask me. I'm not good at English myself, but I will do my best to assist you

If you would like to me mark your essay in further detail, please ask me. I'm doing this in my Bio class and I don't have time XD

[Callum@1373]

^ Thanks Dumpling  ! I could see what you were saying was spot on, I'll be putting a lot of that feedback into my next essays for sure. Very nice of you 

[Apink!]

Oh Callum, I am D.O, not Dumpling.
But no worries - happy to help out when I can!

[Callum@1373]

Oh Callum, I am D.O, not Dumpling.

Check your thread!

[Apink!]

I checked it!
You're too nice. I was quite sad my thread got ignored lolz


 

[avince]

Hi,
I would love to have some feedback on my practice essay for This Boy's Life
The prompt was:" This Boy's life shows us the importance of family, even if the family is constantly changing."

Thanks