[English] Text Response- Othello

[Da]

Hi! Would anyone be able to look through my essay and give me a few pointers on how to improve? English is not one of my stronger subjects, so I'm pretty worried about doing well in it 
Thanks in advance!

The evil in Othello stems from the unwillingness of Venice to truly accept the Moor. Do you agree?

Shakespeare’s Othello is set in a particular insular context of the 1600’s Elizabethan era, when the predominantly Christian nobility of Venice enjoyed unrivalled economic power. As Venice was the marketplace of the world, boasting trade routes between the East and the West, the multicultural presence of Turks, Slavs, Jews and Moors was commonplace. However, Venice clearly identified itself as the centre of European civilisation and therefore Christendom. Consequently, persons of other cultures, such as the Moor, were tolerated for the economic and political benefit they afforded Venice. Nevertheless, whilst the evil of racist and cultural prejudice may have prevented the nobility from accepting Othello, the complexity of the human psyche is such that evil can and often does lurk beneath the veneer of human civilisation.

By contrasting racist Venetian attitudes towards the Moor with their respect for him as a soldier, Shakespeare demonstrates that Othello is merely valued as functional asset to Venetian military and politics, but not as an individual. He is regarded as an exceptionally skilled commander and indispensable to the army. For such talents he is respected among the Venetian nobility; so much so that Othello is confident, when Brabantio accuses him of bewitching Desdemona, that his military services ‘shall out-tongue [Brabantio’s] complaints’. Othello’s value as a military commander and his worth (?) in the army wins him respect in Venetian society.

Despite this, the deep-rooted fear of outsiders and suspicion of foreign cultures that was formerly common in Venetian society hinders the complete acceptance of Othello as an individual. Iago’s language when describing the Moor in order to manipulate his audience (?) belies the prejudiced attitudes of Venetians towards Othello and his subsequent alienation from his adopted culture. Iago’s constant use of animal imagery and the way he exploits Othello’s apparent strangeness in the eyes of Venetians is calculated to inspire fear and disgust. Brabantio is shocked into anger and revulsion when Iago informs him that ‘a black ram is tupping your white ewe’; such terms reduce Othello to a level of being less than human and intensify his apparent crudeness and foreignness. It is this rejection of Othello as an individual that prompts his insecurity and consequent sense of betrayal when he believes that Desdemona is cheating on him with an Italian man, Cassio, leading him to kill her (?).

Whilst the Venetian society’s prejudice towards Othello do influence the events that culminate in Desdemona’s and Othello’s deaths, Shakespeare uses the character of Iago to suggest that the evil portrayed in Othello is an essential part of human nature. Iago’s success in manipulating the characters around him stems from his diabolical cunning and deceptive skill. He shows a coldblooded desire for revenge and Machiavellian satisfaction in plotting Othello’s downfall, constructing a ‘monstrous’ plan to derange ‘his peace and quiet even to madness’. Thus, factors such as the malicious qualities displayed by some characters of Othello influence the tragic outcome of the play.

Shakespeare’s Othello explores the devastating effect of racial prejudice and societal exclusion through the indifference of Venetian society towards Othello as an individual, despite his fame as a powerful military commander. However, other factors such as the immorality presented by characters like Iago also develop a sense of evil that pervades the tragic events of the play.


It's too short, isn't it?  I haven't had much experience with writing this stuff.

[literally lauren]

The evil in Othello stems from the unwillingness of Venice to truly accept the Moor. Do you agree?

Shakespeare’s Othello is set in a particular insular context of the 1600’s Elizabethan Jacobean era, when the predominantly Christian nobility of Venice enjoyed unrivalled economic power. As Venice was the marketplace of the world, boasting trade routes between the East and the West, the multicultural presence of Turks, Slavs, Jews and Moors was commonplace. This is okay for a prompt like this which is directly asking you to discuss the sociocultural context, but if you get something like 'Desdemona doesn't truly love Othello. Discuss.' don't then spend the first two sentences talking about Venetian society However, Venice clearly identified itself as the centre of European civilisation and therefore Christendom. Consequently, persons of other cultures, such as the Moor, were tolerated for the economic and political benefit they afforded Venice. Nevertheless, whilst the evil of racist and cultural prejudice may have prevented the nobility from accepting Othello, the complexity of the human psyche is such that evil can and often does lurk beneath the veneer of human civilisation not entirely sure what you're arguing here. Or, more specifically, I'm not sure what the connection is between the first and second parts of this sentence. 'Whilst prejudice prevents characters from accepting Othello, humanity is so complex that evil can exist'

By contrasting racist Venetian attitudes towards the Moor with their respect for him as a soldier, Shakespeare demonstrates that Othello is merely valued as functional asset to Venetian military and politics, but not as an individual. Excellent topic sentence! Nice, clear focus, and very relevant to the prompt! He is regarded as an exceptionally skilled commander and indispensable to the army. For such talents he is respected among the Venetian nobility; so much so that Othello is confident, when Brabantio accuses him of bewitching Desdemona, that his military services ‘shall out-tongue [Brabantio’s] complaints’. Othello’s value as a military commander One quote does not an argument make You need more evidence in this paragraph if you want to draw this conclusion, so go back to the text and think about how you know this to be true and his worth (?) in the army are these question marks for points you're unsure about? wins him respect in Venetian society.

Despite this, the deep-rooted fear of outsiders and suspicion of foreign cultures that was formerly are you arguing this is something that still exists, or something that used to exist but still has traces left behind? common in Venetian society hinders the complete acceptance of Othello as an individual. Iago’s language when describing the Moor in order to manipulate his audience (?) need some evidence here - is that what the question marks are for? belies the prejudiced attitudes nice turn of phrase! of Venetians towards Othello and his subsequent alienation from his adopted culture. Iago’s constant use of animal imagery and the way he exploits Othello’s apparent strangeness in the eyes of Venetians is calculated to inspire fear and disgust. Good, but you need quotes sooner rather than later! Brabantio is shocked into anger and revulsion when Iago informs him that ‘a black ram is tupping your white ewe’; such terms reduce Othello to a level of being less than human and intensify his apparent crudeness and foreignness. Perhaps also consider the implications of Des. being the "white ewe" symbolising purity being defiled by this "black" animal. Since you bring up Des. in the next sentence, it might be worth mentioning her here by way of transition. It is this rejection of Othello as an individual that prompts his insecurity and consequent sense of betrayal when he believes that Desdemona is cheating on him with an Italian man, Cassio, leading him to kill her (?). okay, you're right, but you shouldn't really end your paragraph on a piece of evidence; especially not one that is pretty different from what you've been discussing so far. Instead, aim to conclude with a sentence like Therefore, Shakespeare suggests...' and zoom out to look at the idea you've unpacked.

Whilst the Venetian society’s prejudice towards Othello does influence the events that culminate in Desdemona’s and Othello’s deaths, Shakespeare uses the character of Iago to suggest that the evil portrayed in Othello is an essential part of human nature But why isn't Iago counted as part of that Venetian society's prejudice? Doesn't his evil stem from the fact that he doesn't accept Othello and wants him gone at all costs? I know Iago's motivations are complicated, but it's still worth trying to unpack them. Iago’s success in manipulating the characters around him stems from his diabolical cunning and deceptive skill. He shows a coldblooded desire for revenge and Machiavellian satisfaction in plotting Othello’s downfall, constructing a ‘monstrous’ plan to derange ‘his peace and quiet even to madness’. Good use of evidence here. Thus, factors such as the malicious qualities displayed by some characters of Othello just Iago? influence the tragic outcome of the play. Yes, and this is a better concluding sentence on the whole, but it seems a bit too far removed from the topic. If a prompt says 'Z causes Y,' you can't argue 'no, Z causes Y.' That's called a topic-dodge, and the assessors tend to penalise you heavily if you do this because it signals to them you don't know how to talk about the ideas they've specified (X and Y) and are instead imposing your own focus (Z) because you don't know the text well enough. In reality, it's often a totally unintentional mistake, but it still pays to be wary of it when you can.

Shakespeare’s Othello explores I'm assuming this is your conclusion, but it still sounds weird to re-introduce the text here after you've been talking about it throughout your essay the devastating effect of racial prejudice and societal exclusion through the indifference of Venetian society towards Othello as an individual, despite his fame as a powerful military commander. However, other factors such as the immorality presented by characters like Iago also develop a sense of evil that pervades the tragic events of the play. This is okay as a challenge, but your contention would be stronger if you were able to unite these ideas, rather than have Iago's response be your 'disagree' argument.

To address your concern, yes this is a bit short, and there's more to be done with this prompt, I think.

The evil in Othello stems from the unwillingness of Venice to truly accept the Moor. Do you agree?
- Why are Venetians unwilling to accept Othello?
- Why does this cause 'evil?'
- What kind of 'evil' is brought about by this lack of acceptance?
- What does it mean to truly accept Othello?
- Could all of the 'evil' in the text have been averted if only Othello was accepted?
- Is there a difference between being accepted and feeling accepted?
- Do all characters have the same reasons for not accepting Othello?
- What about the characters who do accept him?
- Does Othello want to be accepted?

See: this for more details.

Aside from that, I think there's a lot of opportunities to talk about textual evidence in more detail, so chucking in a few more quotes and analysing their significance would be a bit help here.

Hel me know if you have any questions