please give me advice for my oral presentation

[duling]

Please don't tear it apart, last time I posted a language analysis they basically told me to change everything and it was overwhelming and I didn't know where to start. But just 5 or 6 key things I could change would be absolutely great, thank you in advance.

Hey guys, so imagine right now that everybody in this classroom is the exact same and by societal norms perfect. Every girl, every guy, blue eyes, blonde hair, intelligent, athletic, tall, confident you get the gist. Now extend this to a global level. This could be the effect of ‘designer babies’ which is what I’m going to talk about.

For those of you who don’t know what designer babies are it’s when using IVF treatments certain genes can be chosen to give babies desired characteristics. At the moment we can choose to remove genes that cause certain diseases such as Cystic Fibrosis and Down Syndrome and in the near future we could choose specific genes to change a babies eye colour.

The first startlingly wrong thing about designer babies to me is the fact that if the government started allowing this process everybody’s uniqueness would be taken from them. Look at Stu and Alex over here neither of their parents choose what they would become and that’s a good thing because they both have unique talents and bring their own flair to this world. It is how unique we are in this world that makes us, us.

The process of creating designer babies is still relatively new and the science behind it is still relatively mysterious. The truth is the long term affects of designer babies on the human gene pool could be catastrophic. For example say everybody in the world decides they want their child to have blue eyes. They all go to the IVF clinic, change the child’s genes and then 9 months later they have their kid with blue eyes. Now a couple of generations later every human has blue eyes. Now it is entirely possible that the gene for brown eyes could also have a trait which causes people to be more reistsant to the suns UV rays. A whole occurs in the ozone layer, nobody has the gene to protect them from the sun because they all have blue eyes and then billions of humans are struck down by skin cancer. This is an entire possibility.

Also on the flip side it is entirely possible that located on the gene for blue eyes is also a gene increasing risk of mental illness, therefore creating a broken society. Is this really what anybody wants?

Another superficial purpose for having a designer baby is for choosing the gender. Basically now we can choose the gender of our babies using IVF. The thing is if this became readily available to the whole world huge gender imbalances would topple us. The future of humans depends on the relatively 50-50 ratio of boys to girls born. If genders could be selected due to specific wants around the world the number of men to women could change rapidly breaking down societies.

Basically I’ve talked about all that stuff now, maybe you had already considered that stuff or deemed it obvious. Now a lot of you are probably thinking, what’s wrong with stopping diseases like Cystic Fibrosis, like down syndrome. (pause) A lot of people suffering from these diseases would personally tell you that these diseases have in fact enriched their lives, that they wouldn’t have lived a life so wonderful and amazing and done the things they did if they were born normal.

Here’s the sad thing though, at the moment we cant just remove a disease from an embryo. The way IVF disease selection works is a large number of embryos are made, the one without the disease is choosen and the rest are murdered. That’s a large number of possible lives, a large number of wonderful people in this world right now who would not have been born if designer babies were allowed.

As much as people don’t tend to think it disabled people and people with diseases are often active and helpful members of society. Here’s a little clip from an episode of insight discussing designer babies. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s3TJLqAGObk
24:27-25:09

As you can see from that designer babies would remove that from our society they would remove these people who contribute so much. If we tried to eradicate any genetic disease we could lose so much. For example if we had, had the technology to stamp out autism in the early 1800’s Einstein wouldn’t have been born and would not have done anything. Because most people believe now that Einstein was moderately autistic.

[HopefulLawStudent]

Please don't tear it apart, last time I posted a language analysis they basically told me to change everything and it was overwhelming and I didn't know where to start. But just 5 or 6 key things I could change would be absolutely great, thank you in advance.

I'm sorry if it seemed as though we were tearing your LA apart. Seriously, I doubt that it was anyone's intention to overwhelm you and we just really wanted to be helpful. I feel bad that I may have contributed to you being overwhelmed; I suck at giving feedback in that I can be really really really savage without meaning to so if what I'm about to say sounds harsh or makes you feel overwhelmed, i really really really don't mean it that way, m'kay?

As you can see from that designer babies would remove that from our society they would remove these people who contribute so much. If we tried to eradicate any genetic disease we could lose so much. For example if we had, had the technology to stamp out autism in the early 1800’s Einstein wouldn’t have been born and would not have done anything. Because most people believe now that Einstein was moderately autistic.

Is that it? It feels as though there should be more; some nice ending to close everything up and tie together any loose strings. Ending on the Einstein example makes it feel as though there should be something after this.

Does that make sense?

[duling]

Yep no worries mate, didn't mean to call anybody specifically out, just didn't know where to start with fixing my language analysis last time to be honest. Yeah that makes sense.
Maybe if I finished with
'Basically I feel that choosing to allow designer babies in Australia and the world could eventually lead to catastrophic and dangerous events'
I don't feel thats strong enough but am honestly not sure how to make that finish stronger

[FallingStar]

I am only really giving you a few tips here. I hope this helps.

Please don't tear it apart, last time I posted a language analysis they basically told me to change everything and it was overwhelming and I didn't know where to start. But just 5 or 6 key things I could change would be absolutely great, thank you in advance.

Hey guys, so imagine right now that everybody in this classroom is the exact same and by societal norms perfect. Every girl, every guy, blue eyes, blonde hair, intelligent, athletic, tall, confident you get the gist. Now extend this to a global level. This could be the effect of ‘designer babies’ which is what I’m going to talk about.

For those of you who don’t know what designer babies are it’s when using IVF treatments certain genes can be chosen to give babies desired characteristics. At the moment we can choose to remove genes that cause certain diseases such as Cystic Fibrosis and Down Syndrome and in the near future we could choose specific genes to change a babies eye colour.

The first startlingly wrong thing about designer babies to me is the fact that if the government started allowing this process everybody’s uniqueness would be taken from them. Look at Stu and Alex over here neither of their parents choose what they would become and that’s a good thing because they both have unique talents and bring their own flair to this world. It is how unique we are in this world that makes us, us.

The process of creating designer babies is still relatively new and the science behind it is still relatively mysterious. The truth is the long term affects of designer babies on the human gene pool could be catastrophic. For example say everybody in the world decides they want their child to have blue eyes. They all go to the IVF clinic, change the child’s genes and then 9 months later they have their kid with blue eyes. Now a couple of generations later every human has blue eyes. Now it is entirely possible that the gene for brown eyes could also have a trait which causes people to be more reistsant to the suns UV rays. A whole occurs in the ozone layer, nobody has the gene to protect them from the sun because they all have blue eyes and then billions of humans are struck down by skin cancer. This is an entire possibility.

Also on the flip side it is entirely possible that located on the gene for blue eyes is also a gene increasing risk of mental illness, therefore creating a broken society. Is this really what anybody wants?

 ["One the flip side" usually implies that you are going to suggest a positive if you had something negative beforehand]

Another superficial purpose for having a designer baby is for choosing the gender. Basically now we can choose the gender of our babies using IVF. The thing is if this became readily available to the whole world huge gender imbalances would topple us. The future of humans depends on the relatively 50-50 ratio of boys to girls born. If genders could be selected due to specific wants around the world the number of men to women could change rapidly breaking down societies. Can I suggest you take a look at the gender ratios issues in China. What has happened is that parents often terminate or kill female foetuses as boys are their preference. Just use this one as an example for potentially could happen if people allowed to choose the gender of their babies

Basically I’ve talked about all that stuff now, maybe you had already considered that stuff or deemed it obvious. Now a lot of you are probably thinking, what’s wrong with stopping diseases like Cystic Fibrosis, like down syndrome. (pause) A lot of people suffering from these diseases would personally tell you that these diseases have in fact enriched their lives, that they wouldn’t have lived a life so wonderful and amazing and done the things they did if they were born normal. Get an anecdote here. This would be more helpful in getting your point across than just mere generalisation

Here’s the sad thing though, at the moment we cant just remove a disease from an embryo. The way IVF disease selection works is a large number of embryos are made, the one without the disease is choosen and the rest are murdered. That’s a large number of possible lives, a large number of wonderful people in this world right now who would not have been born if designer babies were allowed.

As much as people don’t tend to think it disabled people and people with diseases are often active and helpful members of society. Here’s a little clip from an episode of insight discussing designer babies. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s3TJLqAGObk
24:27-25:09

As you can see from that designer babies would remove that from our society they would remove these people who contribute so much. If we tried to eradicate any genetic disease we could lose so much. For example if we had, had the technology to stamp out autism in the early 1800’s Einstein wouldn’t have been born and would not have done anything. Because most people believe now that Einstein was moderately autistic.

Perhaps you could watch GATTACA. You could mention it in your speech (if you can presume that most of you class/assessors have watched it). Why would I recommend you watching this? Well, this film is all about the designer babies and how people are discriminated against due to birth defects. You could then use this film to warn your target audience of what the world could potentially become.