[ENG] Encountering Conflict Context SAC {please mark it out of 10 :)}

[Elizawei]

So this is my first context SAC, I typed it up word for word (I left out the written explanation)
It's 1223 words, written in about 1hr and 10 minutes.
It's not particularly great, but can anyone give this a mark out of 10 and some feedback on what to work on? (All i've gotten from my teacher was some confused expressions)
We don't get numerical results either and and I'm curious as to see how much more work I need to do for English
Being a predominantly maths/science student, I find English as the subject that it's hard to improve on, as I'm not sure as of what to work on

Thanks in advance !

______________________________________________________________________________________________
PROMPT: 'Life is rarely without conflict; it is how we resolve it that matters.’


In the ever changing world in which we inhabit, new ideas are constantly being formulated, giving rise to conflict. Not only is it seen that conflict is borne of collision of different beliefs, internal conflict is also an ever-present aspect of humanity. Even those who are not directly involved in conflict may be affected by its consequences, as evident in the works of Pablo Picasso during the Spanish War. However, often it is not the conflict that matters, but rather its resolution and in particular, how individuals respond to it. Although coerced to recant his discoveries, Galileo’s response to conflict involved him composing the ‘Discorsi’, ultimately bringing about positive changes to society. However, one must also not forget that when conflict is too confronting, its detrimental consequences may compromise the individual’s ability to find a resolution, as evidenced by victims of clerical abuse.

As an ever-present aspect of human nature, conflict can affect many individuals, even those who are not directly involved. Having witnessed a woman weeping hysterically after losing her child due to the collateral damage in the Spanish War, Pablo Picasso demonstrates the inevitability of conflict through his renowned ‘Weeping Woman’. Depicting a woman wailing with highly exaggerated features and colours, Picasso suggests that although conflict may be an inevitable part of life, grief and suffering will always coexist. The strident palette of acid greens and hot purples allows no rest or forgiveness for the eye, with the woman’s unnaturally sharp contours and distorted facial features connoting an ominous feeling of damage and destruction. Here, the artist portrays the woman as a strong, iconic denouncement of the atrocities and inhumanity of modern warfare, whilst highlighting the devastating negative repercussions that conflict may bring about to society. Despite being personally uninvolved in the cause of the conflict, the woman is inevitably impacted by its adverse effects. Likewise, the inevitability of conflict and its consequences is also highlighted by Virginia. Her marriage is essentially destroyed by associating with Galileo’s confrontation with the Church, despite being uninvolved in the conflict herself. Here, Brecht demonstrates the notion that life is rarely without conflict, even for those who are not directly responsible.

On a more whimsical note, the inevitability of internal conflict is also illustrated in Ursula K. Le Guinn’s seemingly utopian nation, Omelas. Omelas is a land where its citizens lead jovial and happy lives, in the best sense of the word. However, in exchange for the happiness and prosperity of the nation, an innocent child is knowingly mistreated in the most horrific way, locked under the city in a basement and left to sit in its own excrement. Ironically, it is given that if any kindness is shown to the child, all the ‘beauty and prosperity of Omelas will wither and die’. The citizens of Omelas are presented with this perennial dilemma – to live with the guilt of knowing that an individual is being tortured at their expense, or to disrupt the harmonious balance of the utopian nation. This is a cause for intense internal conflict, and those who cannot withstand this conflict ultimately chose exile, leaving Omelas forever to escape this moral guilt. Here, Le Guinn demonstrates that conflict can occur everywhere, even in places like Omelas which ostensibly appears as a utopian land. The importance of internal conflict is also exemplified in the actions of the Little Monk. Willing to believe in Galileo’s discoveries yet reluctant to go against his religious beliefs, the Little Monk inevitably suffers from internal conflict. Torn between the ‘lure of proof’ and the Catholic Church’s doctrines, the Little Monk ultimately chooses the latter, thereby distancing himself from Galileo’s conflict with the Church. Demonstrated by both Brecht and Le Guinn, it can be seen that conflict is truly an ever-present aspect of humanity.

In many instances, it can be seen that the resolution of conflict often matter more than the conflict than itself. Even though Galileo is ultimately forced to recant, his resolution to conflict enabled him to still contribute to the scientific society through his ‘Discorsi’. As Galileo’s discoveries were considered blasphemous as they contradicted the Roman Catholic Church’s doctrine that the Earth is the centre of the universe, the ubiquitous Church is able to silence Galileo by presenting him with the possibilities of ‘physical torture’. Although Galileo knew he ought to remain true to his convictions, this knowledge is pitted against his fear. However, following his recantation, the scientist is able to respond to conflict in an appropriate manner composing the ‘Discorsi’, which encompassed many scientific discoveries that would have been fundamental to the growth and development of society. Despite being negatively affected by his confrontation with the Church, Galileo is still able to contribute to the scientific community. In a way, this is Galileo’s redemption for recanting, as Andrea instantly forgives his former teacher for his actions. Previously labelled as an ‘enemy of the human race’, Galileo is now a ‘hero amongst the ranks of science.’ Thus, Brecht demonstrates that it is often the resolution of conflict that matters, rather than the conflict itself.

However, when the consequences is too confronting, the ability to fully resolve conflict can be compromised. Victims of the Ballarat Child Sexual Abuse have recently spoken out against their perpetrators, revealing the long-term detrimental impacts their encounter with conflict have caused. One particular individual, Phillip Nagle, admits that he has no memory of his childhood, only ‘recollections of the incidents of abuse’ and ‘being scared all the time’. This not only connoted the intensity of the conflict, but also its severe consequences. Through the victims’ testimonies, it can be seen that their encounter with conflict had left them ‘scarred’, with many having made poor life decisions as a result of their traumatic experience. Due to the government’s incompetence to resolve this conflict between the victims and their perpetrators, the victims feel that they are unable to move on into the future, forever haunted by their past experiences. The suffering of these victimised individuals can only be alleviated if proper disclosure of this conflict is achieved. It is notoriously difficult to resolve conflicts like these as the victimised individuals feel that they have ‘suffered too much’ and are too ‘broken’ to ever let go of their past. Likewise, Virginia is unable to overcome the consequences of her conflict with Galileo. Sacrificing her needs of marriage to further his research, Galileo ‘calls off’ his daughter’s marriage, which results in Virginia remaining unmarried for the rest of her life. Brecht hereby demonstrates that when the negative repercussions of conflict is too confronting, individuals are often unable to achieve a resolution. Both Virginia’s fate and the victims of the clerical abuse also reveal that often individuals cannot live to their full potential if resolution to conflict is incomplete.

As evidenced in both classical literature and in reality, life is rarely without conflict, even for those who are not directly involved in its confrontations. It is also prevalent that the resolution of conflict is often of a greater significance than the conflict itself as evidenced in Galileo’s response of composing the ‘Discorsi’ despite being coerced by the Church to recant. Of course, it should also be noted that sometimes when the consequences of conflict is too damaging, individual’s abilities to resolve conflict can be compromised, leading to situations where conflict is unable to reach a resolution.

________________________________________________________________________________

[FallingStar]

What's the prompt?

[Elizawei]

What's the prompt?

Haha oops forgot to incude it :

'Life is rarely without conflict; it is how we resolve it that matters.’

[FallingStar]

PROMPT: 'Life is rarely without conflict; it is how we resolve it that matters.’


In the ever changing world in which we inhabit, new ideas are constantly being formulated, giving rise to conflict. Not only is it seen that conflict is borne of collision of different beliefs, internal conflict is also an ever-present aspect of humanity. Even those who are not directly involved in conflict may be affected by its consequences, as evident in the works of Pablo Picasso during the Spanish War. However, often it is not the conflict that matters, but rather its resolution and in particular, how individuals respond to it. Although coerced to recant his discoveries, Galileo’s response to conflict involved him composing the ‘Discorsi’, ultimately bringing about positive changes to society. (You Should put this in your body paragraphs. Do not mention your examples in your introduction) However, one must also not forget that when conflict is too confronting, its detrimental consequences may compromise the individual’s ability to find a resolution, as evidenced by victims of clerical abuse. see comment above about putting examples in intros.

As an ever-present aspect of human nature, conflict can affect many individuals, even those who are not directly involved. Having witnessed a woman weeping hysterically after losing her child due to the collateral damage in the Spanish War, Pablo Picasso demonstrates the inevitability of conflict through his renowned ‘Weeping Woman’. (good) Depicting a woman wailing with highly exaggerated features and colours, Picasso suggests that although conflict may be an inevitable part of life, grief and suffering will always coexist. The strident palette of acid greens and hot purples allows no rest or forgiveness for the eye, with the woman’s unnaturally sharp contours and distorted facial features connoting an ominous feeling of damage and destruction. Here, the artist (Use the third person pronoun. We know you are referring to Picasso) portrays the woman as a strong, iconic denouncement of the atrocities and inhumanity of modern warfare, whilst highlighting the devastating negative repercussions that conflict may bring about to society. Despite being personally uninvolved in the cause of the conflict, the woman is inevitably impacted by its adverse effects. Likewise, the inevitability of conflict and its consequences is also highlighted by Virginia. Her marriage is essentially destroyed by associating with Galileo’s confrontation with the Church, despite being uninvolved in the conflict herself. Here, Brecht demonstrates the notion that life is rarely without conflict, even for those who are not directly responsible. Expression. Use "though ________ Brecht demonstrates the notion that ________

On a more whimsical note, the inevitability of internal conflict is also illustrated in Ursula K. Le Guinn’s seemingly utopian nation, Omelas. Omelas is a land where its citizens lead jovial and happy lives, in the best sense of the word. However, in exchange for the happiness and prosperity of the nation, an innocent child is knowingly mistreated in the most horrific way, locked under the city in a basement and left to sit in its own excrement. Ironically, it is given that if any kindness is shown to the child, all the ‘beauty and prosperity of Omelas will wither and die’. The citizens of Omelas are presented with this perennial dilemma – to live with the guilt of knowing that an individual is being tortured at their expense, or to disrupt the harmonious balance of the utopian nation. This is a cause for intense internal conflict, and those who cannot withstand this conflict ultimately chose exile, leaving Omelas forever to escape this moral guilt. Here, Le Guinn demonstrates that conflict can occur everywhere, even in places like Omelas which ostensibly appears as a utopian land. You will need to refer to what I'd done above. Use the same phrase that I shown you. You could also use "By ______ Le Guinn demonstrates that conflict can occur everywhere." The importance of internal conflict is also exemplified in the actions of the Little Monk. Willing to believe in Galileo’s discoveries yet reluctant to go against his religious beliefs, the Little Monk inevitably suffers from internal conflict. Torn between the ‘lure of proof’ and the Catholic Church’s doctrines, the Little Monk ultimately chooses the latter, thereby distancing himself from Galileo’s conflict with the Church. As Demonstrated by both Brecht and Le Guinn, it can be seen that conflict is truly an ever-present aspect of humanity.

In many instances, it can be seen that the resolution of conflict often matter more than the conflict than itself. Even though Galileo is ultimately forced to recant, his resolution to conflict enabled him to still contribute to the scientific society through his ‘Discorsi’. As Galileo’s discoveries were considered blasphemous as they contradicted the Roman Catholic Church’s doctrine that the Earth is the centre of the universe, the ubiquitous Church is able to silence Galileo by presenting him with the possibilities of ‘physical torture’. Although Galileo knew he ought to remain true to his convictions, this knowledge is pitted against his fear. However, following his recantation, the scientist is able to respond to conflict in an appropriate manner composing the ‘Discorsi’, which encompassed many scientific discoveries that would have been fundamental to the growth and development of society. Despite being negatively affected by his confrontation with the Church, Galileo is still able to contribute to the scientific community. In a way, this is Galileo’s redemption for recanting, as Andrea instantly forgives his former teacher for his actions. Previously labelled as an ‘enemy of the human race’, Galileo is now a ‘hero amongst the ranks of science.’ Thus, Brecht demonstrates that it is often the resolution of conflict that matters, rather than the conflict itself. I think you will need to use another example here. This is beginning to sound like a text response. Examiners loath to see a context essay written as a text response.

However, when the consequences is too confronting, the ability to fully resolve conflict can be compromised. Victims of the Ballarat Child Sexual Abuse have recently spoken out against their perpetrators, revealing the long-term detrimental impacts their encounter with conflict have caused. One particular individual, Phillip Nagle, admits that he has no memory of his childhood, only ‘recollections of the incidents of abuse’ and ‘being scared all the time’. This not only connoted the intensity of the conflict, but also its severe consequences. Through the victims’ testimonies, it can be seen that their encounter with conflict had left them ‘scarred’, with many having made poor life decisions as a result of their traumatic experience. Due to the government’s incompetence to resolve this conflict between the victims and their perpetrators, the victims feel that they are unable to move on into the future, forever haunted by their past experiences. The suffering of these victimised individuals can only be alleviated if proper disclosure Why did you use this word? Disclosure means a uncovering or a revealing of something. Stick to the word "resolution," or use a synonym. of this conflict is achieved. It is notoriously difficult to resolve conflicts like these as the victimised individuals feel that they have ‘suffered too much’ and are too ‘broken’ to ever let go of their past. Likewise, Virginia is unable to overcome the consequences of her conflict with Galileo. Sacrificing her needs of marriage to further his research, Galileo ‘calls off’ his daughter’s marriage, which results in Virginia remaining unmarried for the rest of her life. Brecht hereby demonstrates that when the negative repercussions of conflict is too confronting, individuals are often unable to achieve a resolution. Both Virginia’s fate and the victims of the clerical abuse also reveal that often individuals cannot live to their full potential if resolution to conflict is incomplete.

As evidenced in both classical literature and in reality, life is rarely without conflict, even for those who are not directly involved in its confrontations. It is also prevalent that the resolution of conflict is often of a greater significance than the conflict itself as evidenced in Galileo’s response of composing the ‘Discorsi’ despite being coerced by the Church to recant. Of course, it should also be noted that sometimes when the consequences of conflict is too damaging, individual’s abilities to resolve conflict can be compromised, leading to situations where conflict is unable to reach a resolution.

Generally, you have good ideas. More examples, especially more varied examples would improve your work.

Watch you word usage. Either use vocabulary properly, or stick to the common boring words. If you don't know how to use a word, or you don't know the meaning of a word, don't use it. It's that simple.

Your link to the prompts can you explaination of how your example link to your topic sentences can be vague. Use the formations that I typed in this reply. For you,  as a science student, you probably can memories a few of these sentence structures and then use them in your essay.

About the mark out of 10, I will probably give you a 7, but I think it might be better to leave that to the moderators.

[Elizawei]

Thanks FallingStar!!!!!
Ah as for mentioning examples in introductions I've been taught that, so I guess it's just teacher preference
Mmm also thank you again for the advice!

[AngeRay]

PROMPT: 'Life is rarely without conflict; it is how we resolve it that matters.’


In the ever changing world in which we inhabit, new ideas are constantly being conceptualized and produced which in turn gives rise to internal and external conflict. Conflict can be borne of collision of different values or be an internal struggle, which makes an individual human. The human life is one that can never be smooth sailing, to find the eye of the storm, one must first brave the waters of discontent, embracing its foamy waves and battling for survival. Conflict occurs every day to everyone, however it is not what wall one is hindered by, but how one manoeuvres around it. Individuals who are not directly involved in a certain conflict may still be affected by its consequences, however it is how one responds to and resolves conflict which is what significant. Although the resolution of conflict is monumental, ultimately the conflict can be too confronting and can have a detrimental effect on an individual and their ability to find a resolution.

Conflict is an omnipresent feature of humanity, its cold and twisted hands touching and corrupting the life of humans around the globe. It is a spider weaving a web of disaster whose impenetrable silk draws ever tighter around the red string of life. The war for power rages on as individuals lusting for control sweep even the innocent into their tragic and calamitous struggle. This heartrending issue is exemplified by artist, Pable Picasso who demonstrates the loss of a child to the glutton of the Spanish War. Depicting a woman wailing with highly exaggerated features and colours, Picasso suggests that although conflict may be an inevitable part of life, grief and suffering will always coexist. The strident palette of acid greens and hot purples allows no rest or forgiveness for the eye, with the woman’s unnaturally sharp contours and distorted facial features connoting an ominous feeling of damage and destruction. Through his image, modern individuals are able to discern the anguish and sorrow in which innocent bystanders are forced to emote. The inescapability conflict can also be illustrated in Ursula K. Le Guinn’s utopian nation, Omelas. This is a land where its citizens lead jovial lives, where in exchange for their prosperity, an innocent child is mistreated in the most horrific way. The child kept locked under the city in a basement and left to sit in his own excrement. It is known that if any kindness is shown to the child, all the ‘beauty and prosperity of Omelas will wither and die’. The citizens are presented with this perennial dilemma – to live with the guilt of knowing that an individual is being tortured at their expense, or to disrupt their harmonious balance. This is a cause for intense internal conflict, and those who cannot withstand this conflict ultimately chose exile, leaving Omelas forever to escape this moral guilt. Here, Le Guinn demonstrates that conflict can occur everywhere, even in places which ostensibly appears as a utopian land.

The resolution of conflict is more important than the conflict itself. “Life is a journey not a destination”. Travelling back through history shows that how one responds to the presentation of obstacles is how an individual can be measured and show their worth. Through the example of Galileo whose scientific findings were considered blasphemous, it can be seen that when presented with the threat of torture, fear wins over morality. However, he was able to circumvent his punishment by recanting and composing the “Discorsi” which encompassed many scientific discoveries that are fundamental to the growth and development of society. In listening to the demands of the Church, Galileo was able to avoid his own physical torture and still redeem himself in the eyes of the scientific community, labelling him a “hero amongst the ranks of science”.

Sometimes, the ability to fully resolve conflict is compromised or restrained. Some issues are simply too confrontational and controversial to be concluded quickly and easily. This include issues such as sexual abuse within the Catholic Church where one particular individual, Phillip Nagle, admits that he has no memory of his childhood, only ‘recollections of the incidents of abuse’ and ‘being scared all the time’. Due to the government’s incompetence to resolve this conflict between the victims and their perpetrators, the victims feel that they are unable to move on into the future, forever haunted by their past experiences. The suffering of these victimised individuals can only be alleviated if proper resolution of this conflict is achieved. It is notoriously difficult to resolve conflicts like these as the victimised individuals feel that they have ‘suffered too much’ and are too ‘broken’ to ever let go of their past.
 
Life is a rollercoaster ride, sometimes one goes up, down, the wrong way and sometimes people are frozen. The clammy hands of peril grip all the lives they can, rooting themselves in the deepest way possible. There is no escape from the presence of conflict, like a ghost on the shoulder, it will always be there watching, waiting for that moment to see humanity fall. From the moment of birth, to the last minute of death, it is there. Some are more exposed then others, some who are completely innocent may be affected in the most horrific ways. But, if life is like a sail boat then “I can’t change the direction of the wind, but I can adjust my sails to always reach my destination”, where the destination is always changing. It is not the wish that one will reach their goal and never move forward that pushes humanity towards greatness but the hope which guides each and every person to achieve better, to battle against injustice and campaign for freedom. For there is always an eye at the centre of the storm and “even the darkest night will end and the sun will rise”.

Hello there! I am another English student just trying to help out. I have read the essay and I have a couple of notes for you. Keep in mind, I have your best interests at heart and I want to see you improve, please do not hate me.

Introduction:
1. The introduction was quite weak in terms of making an impact on the examiners.
2. If you choose to do a persuasive/creative hybrid then you need to have a stance, an opinion/contention that you intend to prove throughout the duration of your essay.
2. Normally this contention begins before you list your argument.
3. You are not trying to prove the prompt, but your contention on this prompt. You explored this prompt, making this essentially an expository piece.
4. If you choose to add in creative, it needs to be a little more present, maybe I just didn't notice it. I would also recommend using "I" and "us" when explaining to add to your persuasion power. It is difficult to persuade from the persona of a robot.
5. Try leaving the evidence for the body, its like giving the answer before asking the question

Body:
1. Try to take this the right way, your body paragraphs were not body paragraphs. As I understood this, your arguments were:
     - Conflict can happen to everyone
     - Conflict affects people who are not involved in it
     - It is how people respond to conflict which is important
     - If the conflict is too confronting its affects will be too detrimental and will hinder the finding of a resolution
These are not wonderful topics for your essay, they sound like explorations of the prompt rather than arguments to persuade the examiners of your contention. Try writing arguments, such as "in order to resolve conflict people must overcome their fears", how does overcoming fear matter and then an example of someone overcoming fear and in some way improving their life.
2. The paragraphs consisted of pieces of evidence only, they did not have any persuasion in them.
3. Try to use a contemporary piece of evidence for each paragraph rather than the same one in each.
4. I do not know what book you studied, but I did not see a text link, maybe it was there but I am not sure about it.
5. Remember that this is not necessarily an essay, but a "piece" so you can have a lot of freedom with structure, particularly with a hybrid. All you have to do is conform to your structure which you can choose and bend.

Conclusion:
1. A conclusion does not sum up what has already been said.
2. You are not retelling the essay but adding something further to the contention, such as a worldly overview or implications. You do not finish conversations with friend with, "Now we have finished our argument, let me tell you my main points and evidence quickly again".

Ok, I am done, I promise, only good stuff from here. Your grammar and sentence structure were great, no noticeably awful errors. Most of the time word choice was good, vocabulary was excellent. Examples were good, particularly the Picasso and Omelas ones, but you overanalysed them instead of explaining them in relation to your argument which the evidence supports. If Galileo was part of your text, I understand that it needs to be appear, but it only needs to be appear in about 1/3 of your piece. If not then it was referenced way too much.

Above, I have hopefully included an essay which I rewrote for you. Its yours with some creative additions and some extra bits and pieces. Try to pay particular attention to the explanation of the examples, they require a couple of sentences not a whole paragraph.

If I (or my English were grading this essay) were grading your essay, it would be around a 5/6 of 10, or between a 55%-65%. The emphasis I feel is placed by the examiners, is:
1. Relevance to the topic and exploration.
2. Your text links
3. Your writing ability
If you need any further help, I recommend you contact ATARnotes' Lauren, her notes or attend one of the English lectures. Best of luck to you in your studies

[Elizawei]

Hey AngeRay,
Thanks so much for all that feedback !
Hmm I did pure expository for this one, so did I need to sound more persuasive?
My text link was Galileo, and by including a little bit in each body paragraph, is that too much or too little referencing? 

But wow thank you so much for all the stuff you said They're really helpful and I really appreciate your time in typing all that up

[HopefulLawStudent]

I'm not AngeRay but:

Hmm I did pure expository for this one, so did I need to sound more persuasive?

The purpose of an expository is not to persuade, but rather, to explain, inform, describe, right? Therefore, unless you were planning on hybridising it, I'd say no, you don't need to sound more persuasive.

My text link was Galileo, and by including a little bit in each body paragraph, is that too much or too little referencing? 

The thing with context is that you're aiming for significant and substantial text usage. So the text *should* be a prominent aspect of your essay, just make sure you balance it out with external examples. Personally though? I think that you've got the right amount of LoG references, though your piece may benefit from more external examples.

[Elizawei]

I'm not AngeRay but:

The purpose of an expository is not to persuade, but rather, to explain, inform, describe, right? Therefore, unless you were planning on hybridising it, I'd say no, you don't need to sound more persuasive.

The thing with context is that you're aiming for significant and substantial text usage. So the text *should* be a prominent aspect of your essay, just make sure you balance it out with external examples. Personally though? I think that you've got the right amount of LoG references, though your piece may benefit from more external examples.

Thanks HLS!
Do you think there's anything else I need to fix for my writing?

[AngeRay]

Hi, when I clicked on the link, it told me it was a creative/persuasive hybrid. Maybe I was reading the wrong thing, who knows. If you did do a purely expository essay, then agreeing with HLS you only need to explore the topic. As an expository essay it was actually quite reasonable and I would give you a higher 6/10 rating.

The information my teacher gave me about referencing the text was, your essay should be around one third world-of-the-text and two thirds other-world-examples. Try for either one text and one-two other world examples for your evidence. But they do not have to be long examples, a couple sentences are suffice. A better option is to have one paragraph (preferably the last one or the middle one) which is only text link examples and EVERYTHING else other-world examples. I think it makes you sound like you know what you are discussing and you do not need to rely solely on the text to develop your ideas.

If you are going to use less... Contemporary examples such as Omelas or Picasso's detailed painting, they may require further explanation than say Galileo or WW2 but still not a whole paragraph. I try to think of it as not analysing the evidence, but explaining how it relates and supports whatever you are trying to say about the prompt.

That being said, the purpose of an expository is to explore the prompt, which you did very well. However there is room for you to go beyond the level of depth and explore it further. Maybe a paragraph about someone not resolving a conflict at all, instead they choose to ignore it and explain the negative side effects of ignoring conflict. Maybe an existential bit about the meaning of life based on the works of a philosopher. Who knows? The prompts are designed to be vague and ambiguous, but remember that were this the prompt, like a quarter of the state would choose those three points to discuss. Try something that will make you stand out.

P.S. Stick to Picasso, hardly anyone will use it.

[HopefulLawStudent]

Soooo I'm hesitant to comment on this too much considering the fact that I've actually never written a pure expository. I've played around with a hybrid tho and expository's aren't all that different in terms of format and structure from text response from what I understand of expository (which isn't all that much considering the fact that I've only written a pure expository one time over the course of the last 3 years) so hopefully I haven't screwed up too catastrophically...

In the ever changing world in which we inhabit, new ideas are constantly being formulated, giving rise to conflict. Not only is it seen that conflict is borne of collision of different beliefs, internal conflict is also an ever-present aspect of humanity. Even those who are not directly involved in conflict may be affected by its consequences, as evident in the works of Pablo Picasso during the Spanish War. However, often it is not the conflict that matters, but rather its resolution and in particular, how individuals respond to it. Although coerced to recant his discoveries, Galileo’s response to conflict involved him composing the ‘Discorsi’, ultimately bringing about positive changes to society. However, one must also not forget that when conflict is too confronting, its detrimental consequences may compromise the individual’s ability to find a resolution, as evidenced by victims of clerical abuse.

As an ever-present aspect of human nature, conflict can affect many individuals, even those who are not directly involved. Having witnessed a woman weeping hysterically after losing her child due to the collateral damage in the Spanish War, Pablo Picasso demonstrates the inevitability of conflict through his renowned ‘Weeping Woman’. Depicting a woman wailing with highly exaggerated features and colours, Picasso suggests that although conflict may be an inevitable part of life, grief and suffering will always coexist. The strident palette of acid greens and hot purples allows no rest or forgiveness for the eye, with the woman’s unnaturally sharp contours and distorted facial features connoting an ominous feeling of damage and destruction. Here, the artist portrays the woman as a strong, iconic denouncement of the atrocities and inhumanity of modern warfare, whilst highlighting the devastating negative repercussions that conflict may bring about to society. Despite being personally uninvolved in the cause of the conflict, the woman is inevitably impacted by its adverse effects. Likewise, the inevitability of conflict and its consequences is also highlighted by Virginia. Her marriage is essentially destroyed by associating with Galileo’s confrontation with the Church, despite being uninvolved in the conflict herself. Here, Brecht demonstrates the notion that life is rarely without conflict, even for those who are not directly responsible.

On a more whimsical check word usage. whimsical: playfully quaint or fanciful, especially in an appealing and amusing way; acting or behaving in a capricious manner.note, the inevitability of internal conflict is also illustrated in Ursula K. Le Guinn’s seemingly utopian nation, Omelas. Omelas is a land where its citizens lead jovial and happy lives, in the best sense of the word huh?. However, in exchange for the happiness and prosperity of the nation, an innocent child is knowingly mistreated in the most horrific way, locked under the city in a basement and left to sit in its own excrement. Ironically, it is given that if any kindness is shown to the child, all the ‘beauty and prosperity of Omelas will wither and die’. The citizens of Omelas are presented with this perennial dilemma – to live with the guilt of knowing that an individual is being tortured at their expense, or to disrupt the harmonious balance of the utopian nation. This is a cause for intense internal conflict, and those who cannot withstand this conflict ultimately chose exile, leaving Omelas forever to escape this moral guilt. Here, Le Guinn demonstrates that conflict can occur everywhere, even in places like Omelas which ostensibly appears as a utopian land. The importance of internal conflict What do you mean by this? is also exemplified in the actions of the Little Monk. Willing to believe in Galileo’s discoveries yet reluctant to go against his religious beliefs, the Little Monk inevitably suffers from internal conflict. Torn between the ‘lure of proof’ and the Catholic Church’s doctrines, the Little Monk ultimately chooses the latter, thereby distancing himself from Galileo’s conflict with the Church. Demonstrated by both Brecht and Le Guinn, it can be seen that conflict is truly an ever-present aspect of humanity. good.

In many instances, it can be seen that the resolution of conflict often matters more than the conflict than itself. Even though Galileo is ultimately forced to recant, his resolution to conflict enabled him to still contribute to the scientific society through his ‘Discorsi’. As Galileo’s discoveries were considered blasphemous as they contradicted the Roman Catholic Church’s doctrine that the Earth is the centre of the universe, the ubiquitous Church is able to silence Galileo by presenting him with the possibilities of ‘physical torture’. Although Galileo knew he ought to remain true to his convictions, this knowledge is pitted against Consider a different word. his fear. However, following his recantation, the scientist is able to respond to conflict in an appropriate manner composing the ‘Discorsi’, which encompassed many scientific discoveries that would have been fundamental to the growth and development of society. Despite being negatively affected by his confrontation with the Church, Galileo is still able to contribute to the scientific community. In a way, this is Galileo’s redemption for recanting, as Andrea instantly forgives his former teacher for his actions. Previously labelled as an ‘enemy of the human race’, Galileo is now a ‘hero amongst the ranks of science.’ love your use of quotes Thus, Brecht demonstrates that it is often the resolution of conflict that matters, rather than the conflict itself.Okay. This is bugging me. Should you be referring to Galileo/the events of the novel in past tense? Or is the present tense an expository thing?

However, when the consequences is too confronting, the ability to fully resolve conflict can be compromised. Victims of the Ballarat Child Sexual Abuse have recently spoken out against their perpetrators, revealing the long-term detrimental impacts their encounter with conflict have caused. One particular individual, Phillip Nagle, admits that he has no memory of his childhood, only ‘recollections of the incidents of abuse’ and ‘being scared all the time’. This not only connoted word check. connoted: (of a word) imply or suggest (an idea or feeling) in addition to the literal or primary meaning. the intensity of the conflict, but also its severe consequences. Through the victims’ testimonies, it can be seen that their encounter with conflict had left them ‘scarred’, with many having made poor life decisions as a result of their traumatic experience. Due to the government’s incompetence to resolve this conflict between the victims and their perpetrators, the victims feel that they are unable to move on into the future, forever haunted by their past experiences. The suffering of these victimised individuals can only be alleviated if proper disclosure of this conflict is achieved. It is notoriously difficult to resolve conflicts like these as the victimised individuals feel that they have ‘suffered too much’ and are too ‘broken’ to ever let go of their past. Likewise, Virginia is unable to overcome the consequences of her conflict with Galileo. Sacrificing her needs of marriage to further his research, Galileo ‘calls off’ his daughter’s marriage, which results in Virginia remaining unmarried for the rest of her life. I sorta feel like you need to tease out this idea more. Because otherwise your next sentence is a bit like "huh?". What are the negative repercussions of conflict for Virginia and how are they "too confronting"? Brecht hereby demonstrates that when the negative repercussions of conflict is are too confronting, individuals are often unable to achieve a resolution. Both Virginia’s fate and the victims of the clerical abuse also reveal that often individuals cannot live to their full potential if resolution to conflict is incomplete. So this is probably a "me" thing and not something you should be awfully concerned with but essentially you're drawing a comparison between clerical abuse and Virginia's perpetual spinsterhood, right? My concern is that in doing so, you could be seen as unintentionally diminishing the significance of this abuse and the devastating consequences it had on the victims and this could in turn make your assessor grumpy, esp if abuse is a particularly touchy subject for them. Just be careful about how you use this example is basically what I'm trying to say.

As evidenced in both classical literature and in reality, life is rarely without conflict, even for those who are not directly involved in its confrontations Reword.. It is also prevalent Word check. Prevalent: widespread in a particular area or at a particular time. that the resolution of conflict is often of a greater significance than the conflict itself as evidenced in Galileo’s response of composing the ‘Discorsi’ despite being coerced by the Church to recant. Of course, it should also be noted that sometimes when the consequences of conflict is too damaging, individual’s abilities to resolve conflict can be compromised, leading to situations where conflict is unable to reach a resolution.

[Elizawei]

Try for either one text and one-two other world examples for your evidence. But they do not have to be long examples, a couple sentences are suffice. A better option is to have one paragraph (preferably the last one or the middle one) which is only text link examples and EVERYTHING else other-world examples.

Thanks again AngeRay! Just a quick question for clarification, I based my third Body paragraph completely on my text, which was LoG, was it too obscure and appearing like a real world example? Hmmm and say for other extra external examples, how many should I aim for?

so hopefully I haven't screwed up too catastrophically...

No it's great feedback Thank you so much, and yeah oops, might change that bit about Virginia, I never thought about it like that before Thanks for the heads up

[AngeRay]

Hi, you did do well for the last paragraph, but I don't think your examples need to be quite so obvious. For the last paragraph, you begin with a general statement then go straight into an in depth analysis of the Ballarat Victims. Try an explanation of your argument, a brief description of your example and then explanation of how it relates. The Virginia one was ok, but could have been better linked.

"Similar to the victims of Ballarat, Virginia is also..." There normally needs to be a bit more of link between examples if you choose to do two in one paragraph.

Now to your actual question. Your third paragraph, which I would count as the second, is entirely about Galileo, but you don't need aa much explanation of him. One thing you can assume is that the examiner has read the text, so you don't need to explain how Galileos work was blasphemous or how he created the book thing. Phrases such as "this can be proved by Galileo producing the 'Discorsi' despite being forced to recant after blasphemous research. Here, his values were in contradiction with the church's threat of physical fear, forcing him to choose. He chose to save himself and outsmart the church by producing the book and thus redeeming his honour."

I think I just did the whole of your example in three sentences, short and snappy examples are useful. They can make a bigger impact and be used properly within time constraints, because you only have an hour to write in.

[Elizawei]

Hi, you did do well for the last paragraph, but I don't think your examples need to be quite so obvious. For the last paragraph, you begin with a general statement then go straight into an in depth analysis of the Ballarat Victims. Try an explanation of your argument, a brief description of your example and then explanation of how it relates. The Virginia one was ok, but could have been better linked.

"Similar to the victims of Ballarat, Virginia is also..." There normally needs to be a bit more of link between examples if you choose to do two in one paragraph.

Now to your actual question. Your third paragraph, which I would count as the second, is entirely about Galileo, but you don't need aa much explanation of him. One thing you can assume is that the examiner has read the text, so you don't need to explain how Galileos work was blasphemous or how he created the book thing. Phrases such as "this can be proved by Galileo producing the 'Discorsi' despite being forced to recant after blasphemous research. Here, his values were in contradiction with the church's threat of physical fear, forcing him to choose. He chose to save himself and outsmart the church by producing the book and thus redeeming his honour."

I think I just did the whole of your example in three sentences, short and snappy examples are useful. They can make a bigger impact and be used properly within time constraints, because you only have an hour to write in.

Thank you so much for the specific feedback and your time! <3

[AngeRay]

No, no. All good, I want to see you do well, no one likes to not have help. Keep asking questions, someone is bound to answer.