Thanks for the feedback! Really appreciate it.
Just wondering what you mean by being specific with the audience and how would I go about doing it?
Also could you give me an example of focussing on the argument instead of the technique?
Again, thank you so much for the feedback!
So when I say be specific with your audience, I mean to say who (ie. parents, politicians, teachers, students etc...) gets affected by Lee's argument.
example based on your piece:
- [argument phrase]... thereby enticing
politicians to concur that....
See how instead of saying audience, I used politicians? This alone might bring your mark by 1.
As for focusing on the argument, you need to look at Lee's argument, instead of talking about his techniques (inclusive language, rhetorical question etc...).
By argument, I mean what is Lee trying to convey? What message does he wants his audience to retain? (Note: don't talk about the effectiveness of his arguments, you are not trying to do that. Assessors only want to see how his argument effects a certain sector of his audience)
example:
You said: Furthermore, Lee appeals to the safety and wellbeing of humans, by suggesting that biodiversity loss ‘undermines… food security…. Nutrition,’ and even the health of the ‘rural poor,’.
To make this into an argument phrase, you need to write something like: In order to reinforce/ support his argument, Lee demeans United Nations for disregarding biodiversity loss that "undermines... food security... nutrition" to imply that the politicians are encouraging such "thoughtless human actions".
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