can someone mark my practise writing section? - german beginners

[bun00]

Hello 
not sure if many german beginners look round here but just wondering if anyone would be willing to mark my writing section in a past paper i did?
i would normally send it to my teacher but something's going with her cos she hasnt replied to email for over a week and i relly need this stuff marked cos i'm sure i always screw up word order, conjugation, genders, dative case and all that other crap
tkuu!!
chz
____
QUESTION: Du willst Prasident/Prasidentin im Schuldeutschklub werden. Du erklarst den Mitgliedern warum sie dich wahlen sollen. Schreib den Text fur die Rede.
You want to be president of your school's German club. Explain to the members why they should vote for you. Write the script for your talk. (10 marks)
ANSWER:
Abend alles!!
Ich will Präsidenten im Schuldeutschklub werden. Ich spreche Deutsch sehr gute und finde es sehr interresant. Ins gesamt ich lieb Deutschland! Wählen für mich und bedank mich! Ich bin sehr aufregend! Du solltest sein auch. Ich bin ein lustig und glücklich Führerin. Wählen für mich, ob du Party würd. Also, hast du Problem mit Deutsch sprechen? Dann wählen für mich. Ich werde helfen sie und du wurde Deutsch vor weihnachten sprechen! Also wir werden ein Deutsch Weihnachtsessen haben! Melde dich wieder! Schnell! Meine Klub werde Jügend und Mädchen haben. So, wählen für mich und bedank mich.
Vielen dank!

[marcorabbitolol]

ich bin kjdfbsdkjbfjksdbfnsf schnapchenjargen?

[bun00]

ich bin kjdfbsdkjbfjksdbfnsf schnapchenjargen?

haha! thankyou for taking your time to try mark it "marcorabbitolol" wotever that is supposed to mean?!?!
chz and ATB with your study!

[Willba99]

Hey

Firstly, I'm only a year 12 and I'm not a native speaker so don't take my words as gospel truth

1. If you're doing a speech and addressing a group of people, you should address them in the plural form. In this case, as you're addressing classmates, you should use the informal form (ihr).
2. Make sure you attach adjective endings (-en, -e, es, etc.). They're tricky to remember but once you start using them they come naturally
3. The verb should always be second in the sentence i.e. "Also werden wir," not "also wir werden"
4. I'm not sure how to command, but i'm pretty sure it should be "wahlt ihr fur much" not "wahlen fur mich". You'll have to look that up sorry
5. After you write a piece, read it to yourself in English. Are you repeating yourself? Do your arguments make sense? I have the same problem, as its hard to autocorrect when writing in another language

Overall, this wasn't too bad. A few grammatical errors but you had the right idea

[bun00]

Hey

Firstly, I'm only a year 12 and I'm not a native speaker so don't take my words as gospel truth

1. If you're doing a speech and addressing a group of people, you should address them in the plural form. In this case, as you're addressing classmates, you should use the informal form (ihr).
2. Make sure you attach adjective endings (-en, -e, es, etc.). They're tricky to remember but once you start using them they come naturally
3. The verb should always be second in the sentence i.e. "Also werden wir," not "also wir werden"
4. I'm not sure how to command, but i'm pretty sure it should be "wahlt ihr fur much" not "wahlen fur mich". You'll have to look that up sorry
5. After you write a piece, read it to yourself in English. Are you repeating yourself? Do your arguments make sense? I have the same problem, as its hard to autocorrect when writing in another language

Overall, this wasn't too bad. A few grammatical errors but you had the right idea

woowww!! thankyou sooo much i will admit u taught me a fair few things my teacher never did thanks so much for your time!!
chz and ATB

[Willba99]

woowww!! thankyou sooo much i will admit u taught me a fair few things my teacher never did thanks so much for your time!!
chz and ATB

Any time

[bun00]

Any time

haha really? 
i'll pop some more on cos my teacher still isnt replying! would be v grateful if u could mark them ure feedback is awesome!!
tkuu!

QUESTION: You are going on an exchange trip to Germany. Write a postcard to your future host family describing your home town/city and its attractions. (4 marks)
ANSWER:
Hallo Gastgeber
Ich wohne im Sydney. Es ist sehr schön, ob es heiß ist. Sydney hat viele schön Strände und heiß Wasser. Ich lieb der Strand. Ebenfalls, wir haben großen Geschäfte aber die sind sehr teuer. Wir haben einen großen Hafen mit blauem Wasser. Sehr schön!
Bis spater
Lieb,
Tiffany

QUESTION: You belong to a sporting club that needs new members. Write a note for your school noticeboard encouraging people to join your club. (6 marks)
ANSWER:
Wilkommen! Wilkommen!
Wir brauchen Sportler und Sportlerin. Liebst du Basketball? Liebst du Fußball? Liebst du Tischtennis? Dann trete jetzt. Wir haben ein Anbildung Program, wenn du nich weißt wie man spielt. Wir spielen im Wettkampf auch für Basketball. Es ist toll! Wir brauchen dich! Der Klub trainieren jeden Montag und wir spielen am Freitag Nachmittag. Du musst Sportkleidung haben.
Danke im Voraus!
Melde dich wieder,
0433 987 21009

QUESTION: You have lost an item in a shopping centre. Write an email to the shopping centre manager describing the item, and giving details of how it could be returned to you. (6 marks)
ANSWER:
Guten Abend,
Ich habe meinem Hund verloren Er heißt Spot und er beantwort zu "Spot!". Spot hat weiß Haar und ist sehr klein. Er ist freundlich und er werde mit du spielen. Ich vergaß Spot im Supermarket. Achtung! Spot wird dich beißen, wenn er hungrig ist.
Hast du meinem Hund gefunden?
Dann, das ist die Nummer, die du anrufen musst. 043976722017. Danke im Voraus.
Von,
Tiffany Schmidt

QUESTION: Du hast einen super Tag mit deinen Freunden verbracht. Schreib darüber in dein Tagebuch.
You have had a great day out with your friends. Write about it in your diary. (10 marks)
ANSWER:
Liebe Tagebuch!
Ich habe einen super Tag mit meinen Freunden verbracht. Wir schwammen am Strand. Das Wetter war sonnig und der Wasser war sehr erfrischend. Meine Freund heißt Tommy hat gebracht ein Boot, dass am dem Welle reiten. Sehr spaß! Unser Mittagessen war sehr schmackhafte. Wir hatten ein Frikadelle and wir tranken Cola. Cola ist meine Lieblingsgetränk. Lecker! Wir ließ leider den Strand verlassen, weil as anfing zu regnen. Macht nichts! Wir gingen zum Geschäfte und Eis gekauft! Meine Mutti hat Autoskooter mit uns gefahren. Es war urkomisch! Sie ist sehr lustig Also, mein Hund kam mit mir in meinem Autoskooter, er hatte Angst. Dann war es zu spät, so gingen wir nach Hause.
Lieb Mich.

[strawberries]

okay I haven't done German for a while but I've tried to do some mild corrections, if anyone wants to let me know if they're wrong feel free to

Omaaa
Vielen dDank für deinen Geschenk. Ich liebe das neue Auto. Du bist sehr lieb! Ich woll jeden Samstags du in meinem neue Auto besuch.Ich möchte dich jeden Samstag in meinem neuen Auto besuchen. Also, liebe ich die Farbe Grün ist meine Lieblingsfarbe.Ich liebe die Farbe auch, weil grün meine Lieblingsfarbe ist. Meine Freunde sind sehr eifersüchtig, dass ich eine neue Auto hat!
Schreib mir bald. Ich liebe dich!

also idk if writing "Omaaa " at the top is a formal way or if you should write something like: "Hallo Oma" or "Liebe Oma"

[bun00]

okay I haven't done German for a while but I've tried to do some mild corrections, if anyone wants to let me know if they're wrong feel free to
also idk if writing "Omaaa " at the top is a formal way or if you should write something like: "Hallo Oma" or "Liebe Oma"

hey thanksss strawberries!! yeh i wasnt sure abt the omaaa thing either but yeh i def won't be that informal in the exam tks!

QUESTION: You are going on an exchange trip to Germany. Write a postcard to your future host family describing your home town/city and its attractions. (4 marks)
ANSWER:
Hallo Gastgeber
Ich wohne im Sydney. Es ist sehr schön, ob es heiß ist. Sydney hat viele schön Strände und heiß Wasser. Ich lieb der Strand. Ebenfalls, wir haben großen Geschäfte aber die sind sehr teuer. Wir haben einen großen Hafen mit blauem Wasser. Sehr schön!
Bis spater
Lieb,
Tiffany

QUESTION: You belong to a sporting club that needs new members. Write a note for your school noticeboard encouraging people to join your club. (6 marks)
ANSWER:
Wilkommen! Wilkommen!
Wir brauchen Sportler und Sportlerin. Liebst du Basketball? Liebst du Fußball? Liebst du Tischtennis? Dann trete jetzt. Wir haben ein Anbildung Program, wenn du nich weißt wie man spielt. Wir spielen im Wettkampf auch für Basketball. Es ist toll! Wir brauchen dich! Der Klub trainieren jeden Montag und wir spielen am Freitag Nachmittag. Du musst Sportkleidung haben.
Danke im Voraus!
Melde dich wieder,
0433 987 21009

[strawberries]

once again if I made any errors feel free to correct me

Hallo Gastgeber
Ich wohne imkomme aus Sydney. Es istdas sehr schön, ob wenn es heiß ist.
Sydney hat viele schön Strände und heiß Wasser. Ich lieb der Strand. Die viele schöne Strände von Sydney, die ich liebe, haben heißes Wasser. (I just think this might be a little more creative structure?) Ebenfalls, wir habenhaben wir großen Geschäfte, aber die sind sehr teuer. (or you could say 'obwohl sie sehr teuer sind' I think) Wir haben einen großen Hafen mit blauem Wasser. Sehr schön!, der wunderschön ist.
Bis spater
Lieb,
Tiffany

Also, I think it might be better to sign off with "Deine Tiffany"?

[bun00]

once again if I made any errors feel free to correct me Also, I think it might be better to sign off with "Deine Tiffany"?

thankss nope can't see any errors but i literally never knew you could just put so many commas in a sentence and work around them but looks good! also...where i used "ebenfalls"...is there any advantages or disadvantages to using that over against "auch"... like is one better than the other or?
tks so much!!

[strawberries]

thankss nope can't see any errors but i literally never knew you could just put so many commas in a sentence and work around them but looks good! also...where i used "ebenfalls"...is there any advantages or disadvantages to using that over against "auch"... like is one better than the other or?
tks so much!!

I didn't do HSC (did VCE instead), but I think they may prefer complex grammar so you can get bonus marks? (not too sure)
I prefer using auch but it's up to you

use formal language in this instance as you are addressing someone you don't know, so use Sie instead of du

QUESTION: You have lost an item in a shopping centre. Write an email to the shopping centre manager describing the item, and giving details of how it could be returned to you. (6 marks)
ANSWER:
Guten Abend,
Ich habe meinem Hund im Supermarkt verloren Er heißt Spot und er beantwort zu "Spot!". Spot, der hat weiße Haare hat und ist sehr klein ist. Er, ist freundlich und er werde mit duwürde mit Leuten spielen. Ich vergaß Spot im Supermarket. Achtung!Seien Sie auch vorsichtig, weil Spot wird dich beißen, wenn er hungrig istHunger hat. (I think it might be better to say "er hat Hunger" vs "er ist hungrig", idk though, we always got taught to use that)
Hast duHaben sie meinemn Hund gefunden? (or you could say Haben Sie meinen Hund gesehen? ps. I'm pretty sure in this case it's accusative - also, I believe you can move this sentence to the start)
Dann, das ist die Nummer, die du anrufen musst. 043976722017.Wenn Sie ihn finden, rufen Sie bitte mich an 043976722017. (actually I'm not sure if that's gramatically correct soz) Danke im Voraus.
Von,Freundliche Grüße might be better
Tiffany Schmidt

[Willba99]

Hey! I know other people have already corrected bits and pieces of what you've written but I thought I'd have a crack too - its a great way of procrastinating when I haven't started either of my bound references yet...

You use lots of informal language such as "lieb" instead of "lieb" and "die" instead of "sie". While this shows a strong background in speaking, its not something the assessors would like seeing on a written exam, and hence you should try to be as formal as possible with your grammar and sentence constructions unless specifically told not to i.e. "write the dialogue of a conversation between two good friends

The rest of the feedback is attached

[bun00]

Hey! I know other people have already corrected bits and pieces of what you've written but I thought I'd have a crack too - its a great way of procrastinating when I haven't started either of my bound references yet...

You use lots of informal language such as "lieb" instead of "lieb" and "die" instead of "sie". While this shows a strong background in speaking, its not something the assessors would like seeing on a written exam, and hence you should try to be as formal as possible with your grammar and sentence constructions unless specifically told not to i.e. "write the dialogue of a conversation between two good friends

The rest of the feedback is attached

thankyou soooo much for marking all of that!! MA
just quickly, i noticed you (willba99) put a 'des' into one of the answers instead of 'der'....scuze my ignorance but what is 'des'?! i've never heard my teacher use it and am keen to keep learning at this late stage cos i'm beginning to wonder if there's a few more things than just that that i've never learnt
thanks again!!



oh also...i noticed you switched around the word order here: "Mein Freund, der Tommy heißt"....(yes it is a boy btw )...would it also be ok to just say "Mein Freund Tommy..." and then carry on with the sentence? thankyouu!

[strawberries]

thankyou soooo much for marking all of that!! MA
just quickly, i noticed you (willba99) put a 'des' into one of the answers instead of 'der'....scuze my ignorance but what is 'des'?! i've never heard my teacher use it and am keen to keep learning at this late stage cos i'm beginning to wonder if there's a few more things than just that that i've never learnt
thanks again!!



oh also...i noticed you switched around the word order here: "Mein Freund, der Tommy heißt"....(yes it is a boy btw )...would it also be ok to just say "Mein Freund Tommy..." and then carry on with the sentence? thankyouu!

I'm not wilba, but "des" is often used for the masculine and neuter in genitive case that shows possession (so far I assume you'd be familiar with how to use nominative/accusative/dative)
e.g. the father's dog becomes der Hund des Vaters (add an 's' to the end of nouns followed by des) - basically means the dog of the father

and feminine and plural take "der"
e.g. the mother's dog = der Hund der Mutter

~if i'm wrong, again, anyone can feel free to correct me

not too sure if genitive is required for you but I think it would show that you do understand how to use it so it doesn't hurt