English Advanced: AOS Creative Writing

[Basilia]

Hello, creative writing is definitely my weakest area and I would greatly appreciate harsh and truthful criticism on my attempts to produce this story. Thank you

[jamonwindeyer]

Hi! I've had a read and a few pointers for you:

- I'd like a little more character description in the intro to develop some audience connection, also ensure your dialogue is realistic! Read it aloud - Would you talk like that or does it sound a little rigid? It should also be on its own line

- I think the idea in itself is actually really clever, though if I'm playing devils advocate it seems strange the character would forget the name of the person involved in such a traumatic event. I'd just have them walk in as an additional member without prior knowledge!

- I'm not getting much sense of consequence or growth in this story - I've got an orientation, and I've got a complication, I'm not getting much of a climax. I'm waiting for something to change about the character, some revelation or a climax/resolution to the conflict, but right now I've pretty much just got, "Well this bad thing happened and I guess things are shit." Not even saying there needs to be a happy ending, but there should be something more to this story in my view.

- Mechanically you've got solid control of your writing, easy to follow, nice use of imagery and emotive language - Try getting more creative with sentence length! Right now most of yours are quite long, complex sentences. Throwing in a short emphatic statement works wonders for tension, impact and suspense. Especially amongst a lot of longer sentences


I think you've got the workings of something great here, a little more polish to add a bit of drama, and the story just needs a little something to really tie it back to the Area of Study (if that is your intent) and to really maintain audience interest