[Literature] Close Analysis - Please Mark

[HighSchoolerRS]

Hi guys! I have a SAC coming up soon in 1/2 and was hoping to get some feedback on these paragraphs (we do not need to write a complete close analysis essay for the SAC).
The paragraphs have been written for Scission, a short story collection, by Tim Winton. Please note that the paragraphs have been written for different passages.

In his short story collection Scission, Winton lambastes the mundane existence that humans trap themselves within. In the short story, ‘Thomas Awkner Floats’, a sense of sympathy is ignited within the notion that Thomas Awkner is constantly apprehensive of his identity – “repulsed” by his own image and “afraid” of his own height. This innate lack of confidence is accentuated by Winton to expose how Thomas is constantly trapped in a cycle of timidness in which he is not able to trust anyone, not even himself, due to his lack of exposure to the realities of the world and society. Winton then proceeds to present the gallery as being a liminal space in which the protagonist is able to move closer towards self-acceptance as he is not constrained by the expectations placed upon him by society or his own reluctant nature. Within the nebulous description that Thomas provides of himself, claiming that he was “not entirely” disgraceful and perhaps even “vaguely” elegant, it is evident that he is breaking past his inherent belief that he is worthless, ingrained into him through his mundane and oppressive lifestyle. Embodied within this self-realisation is also the presence of turmoil present within himself as he contemplates whether he should continue his prosaic lifestyle, characterised by ignorance, or initiate a process of self-discovery. Similarly, in ‘Neighbours’ the male protagonist’s transition into freedom is symbolised by his “weep[ing]”. Winton exemplifies how his prejudices have been a measure to guard himself from emotional expression. Therefore, within the revolutionary experience of watching his child come into the world, the man is finally able to obtain a true realisation of the diversity and tangible nature of the world around him which allows him liberation in the form of emotional expression. It is therefore evidenced that individuals are only able to enter a realm of truth and realise their true individuality once they able to abandon their predetermined beliefs and conventional routine. Winton promulgates the notion that unorthodox experiences can allow individuals to escape their mundane existence.

Winton divulges the tenuous nature of relationships that are devoid of love and intimacy. In the short story ‘Wake’, Winton presents the milk that the protagonist receives every morning as being a symbol for his unwavering hope that his wife will return. Therefore, within the proclamation that the “milk has curdled”, it is evident that despite the internal effort, it is inevitable that a relationship rot under the natural pressures of life. Winton exemplifies the salience of building a relationship of strong foundations of trust, love and connection because otherwise it will not be equipped to survive a lifetime and ultimately cause pain to those that it once encompassed wholeheartedly. Similarly, in ‘Wilderness’, Winton foregrounds the superficial acquiescence within the couple through revealing that they were both “secretly annoyed” that they were “distort[ing] their itinerary” in order to reveal the complete and utter lack of comfort and communication within the pair.  This is deliberately utilised by Winton to contrast the relationship to what one would perceive a healthy relationship to be characterised by – connection and understanding – therefore revealing how the lack of effort to establish a sense of intimacy can allow both members of a marriage to feel as if their wishes and desires are slowly being suffocated as well as their ironically planned out relationship. This is further evident when the “itinerary” is elucidated as being a symbol for their entire marriage: a clinical and planned out journey. Although the couple enter the wilderness, a place characterised by freedom and the unknown, they choose to conduct themselves in a clinical manner, demonstrating how their desire to introduce passion into their relationship is superficial and a merely hollow attempt to uphold the social obligation that is their marriage. Winton lambastes this notion, questioning whether happiness can truly be achieved in a relationship if the members within it do not wish to ignite love and trust within themselves for the other. Therefore, Winton exposes how a lack of dedication and effort exacerbates the fragility of relationships.

Thank you!

[clarke54321]

Hi guys! I have a SAC coming up soon in 1/2 and was hoping to get some feedback on these paragraphs (we do not need to write a complete close analysis essay for the SAC).
The paragraphs have been written for Scission, a short story collection, by Tim Winton. Please note that the paragraphs have been written for different passages.

In his short story collection Scission, Winton lambastes the mundane existence that humans trap themselves within <--an excellent, concise reference to overarching concerns. To strengthen your opening even further, try and start your piece in the text. That is, you should aim to work from the passage's language at all times with a close passage analysis. I'd highly recommend that you take a look at VCAA examiner reports for some direction with this.  . In the short story, ‘Thomas Awkner Floats’, a sense of sympathy is ignited within the notion that awkward expressionThomas Awkner is constantly apprehensive of his identity – “repulsed” by his own image and “afraid” of his own height. This innateyou need to prove this further with evidence. How do we know it is innate- not just developed over time? lack of confidence is accentuated by Winton to expose how Thomas is constantly trapped in a cycle of timidness in which he is not able to trusthere is another concept that is quite new. You need to establish points like this with the language. Don't lose sight of the task (which is to closely analyse). anyone, not even himself, due to his lack of exposure to the realities of the world and society. Winton then proceeds to present the gallery as being a liminal space in which the protagonist is able to move closer towards self-acceptance as he is not constrained by the expectations placed upon him by society or his own reluctant nature <---use evidence to foreground the liminality. Within the nebulous description that Thomas provides of himself, claiming that he was “not entirely” disgraceful and perhaps even “vaguely” elegant, it is evident that he is breaking past his inherent belief that he is worthless lovely, ingrained into himawkward expression through his mundane and oppressive lifestyle. Embodied withinhow do you get to this conclusion? You need to be more intimate with the language. this self-realisation is also the presence of turmoil present within himself as he contemplates whether he should continue his prosaic lifestyle, characterised by ignorance, or initiate a process of self-discovery. SimilarlyAlthough the integration is seamless (in terms of written expression), you need to be more specific with what this similarity is. Readers need you to join the dots for them- you need to make their experience an effortless one., in ‘Neighbours’ the male protagonist’s transition into freedom is symbolised by his “weep[ing]”. Winton exemplifies how his prejudices have been a measure to guard himself from emotional expression. Therefore, within the revolutionary experience of watching his child come into the world, the man is finally able to obtain a true realisation of the diversity and tangible nature of the world around him which allows him liberation in the form of emotional expression Your V+V statements are excellent- very sensitive and sophisticated. However, to advance your writing even further, you must be providing quotes more frequently (and consequently carrying out more close analysis). At this point, the essay could be mistaken for a text response.. It is therefore evidenced that individuals are only able to enter a realm of truth and realise their true individuality once they able to abandon their predetermined beliefs and conventional routine. Winton promulgates the notion that unorthodox experiences can allow individuals to escape their mundane existence.

Winton divulgesI'm not sure that this is the right verb. Divulge means to disclose secret/private information. Perhaps illuminates/foregrounds/highlights the tenuous nature of relationships that are devoid of love and intimacy. In the short story ‘Wake’, Winton presents the milk that the protagonist receives every morning as being a symbol for his unwavering hopebut howdo you reach such a conclusion? You need to unveil all the hidden implications behind the milk, to justify this symbol interpretation. that his wife will return. Therefore, within the proclamation that the “milk has curdled”, it is evident that despite the internal effort, it is inevitable that a relationship rot under the natural pressures of life very nice if you can work on your analysis.. Winton exemplifies the saliencenot the right noun here. Salience refers to something being prominent. Just keep it to the significance/importance/necessity of building a relationship of strong foundations of trust, love and connection because otherwise it will not be equipped to survive a lifetime and ultimately cause pain to those that it once encompassed wholeheartedly. Similarly,again, you need to tease out the similarity to a further degree. in ‘Wilderness’, Winton foregrounds the superficial acquiescence within the couple through revealing that they were both “secretly annoyed” that they were “distort[ing] their itinerary” in order to reveal the complete and utter lack of comfort and communication within the pair.  This is deliberately utilised by Winton to contrast the relationship to what one would perceive a healthy relationship to be characterised by – connection and understanding you need to illustrate how Winton gets to this point. If you don't, it will come across as subjective (your own personal opinion of what constitutes a healthy relationship) – therefore revealing how the lack of effort to establish a sense of intimacy can allow both members of a marriage to feel as if their wishes and desires are slowly being suffocated as well as their ironically planned out relationship. This is further evident when the “itinerary” is elucidated as being a symbol for their entire marriage: a clinical and planned out journey good, you've pulled out denotations of the word "itinerary" here. However, still try and construct a more solid link between an itinerary and marriage.. Although the couple enter the wilderness, a place characterised by freedom and the unknown how did you get to this conclusion?What are the associated connotations of the wilderness? What suggests this in the short story?, they choose to conduct themselves in a clinical manner <---evidence, demonstrating how their desire to introduce passion into their relationship is superficial and a merely hollow attempt to uphold the social obligation that is their marriage. Winton lambastes this notion, questioning whether happiness can truly be achieved in a relationship if the members within it do not wish to ignite love and trust within themselves for the other. Therefore, Winton exposes how a lack of dedication and effort exacerbates the fragility of relationships.

Thank you!

Well done with the CPA Your writing itself is generally very strong, as is your ability to form sophisticated V+V statements. For 1/2 standard of Literature, I was impressed by your original insight. To improve further, I strongly encourage you to carry out more close analysis, by including more quotes for evidence. You don't want your essay to mimic a text response. All the best!

[HighSchoolerRS]

Well done with the CPA Your writing itself is generally very strong, as is your ability to form sophisticated V+V statements. For 1/2 standard of Literature, I was impressed by your original insight. To improve further, I strongly encourage you to carry out more close analysis, by including more quotes for evidence. You don't want your essay to mimic a text response. All the best!

Thank you so much! Your feedback is extremely precise and I definitely think that I will be able to incorporate it into my writing.