Sample paper - example A answered by me pls check:)

[Kombmail]

(a) The writer utilizes the literary device of metaphor in order to describe the setting of a 'countrytown'. Metaphor together with adjectives created depth to the scene described by Moriarty, to create a further imaginative auditory experience for the audience. This allows listeners to truly 'listen to the country'. For eg. , 'there is a quiet talking, singing / pitch - dark explodes again a little later to the headlights of a semitrailer roaring...'. The quote uses 'semitrailer roaring', as a descriptive metaphor. Roaring is associated with rumbling and trembling sounds to the audience thus, the audience is illusioned to hear a semitrailer past them. Therefore, the writer uses metaphor to highlight the descriptive sounds of humans and transport in the countryside.

(b) ( okay this story is kind dark..)

The semi - trailer does not stop. It continues to rush onto the track swivelling, swishing side - to - side. The headlights grew warm as it came towards a drunk camper. 'Cluck! fizzzz...', the bottle of beer went as the camper opened more. The drink was spurged everywhere on the track. Brown - black liquid is held in his hand of his. Brown - black liquid gleamed gold as the sun kept moving towards him. His eyes blinded. All he could feel was God's call as the sun blazed its heat more thrustly and furiously towards the camper. Snap! one of the tracks had curved in. Velocity and speed. Both increased at the time. 'Stay there!' heard the camper in his dillusioned mind. So he stood there until time reached her arms towards him. Golden liquid in a glass splurged high into the atmosphere. Glass shone its brightest with brown - red stains all over it. All that was left at the scene was a mere corpse into a fetus position. Guts blown off. Muscle all exposed showing its concentrated hue. If only he knew. If only he knew they told him to 'Get out!'. If only he listened to the sounds of the people of the country without the love for beer. He sits above. In the clouds watching over other campers like him ascend to the heavens.

[meerae]

(a) The writer utilizes the literary device of metaphor in order to describe the setting of a 'countrytown'. Metaphor together with adjectives created depth to the scene described by Moriarty, to create a further imaginative auditory experience for the audience. This allows listeners to truly 'listen to the country'. For eg. , 'there is a quiet talking, singing / pitch - dark explodes again a little later to the headlights of a semitrailer roaring...'. The quote uses 'semitrailer roaring', as a descriptive metaphor. Roaring is associated with rumbling and trembling sounds to the audience thus, the audience is illusioned to hear a semitrailer past them. Therefore, the writer uses metaphor to highlight the descriptive sounds of humans and transport in the countryside.

(b) ( okay this story is kind dark..)

The semi - trailer does not stop. It continues to rush onto the track swivelling, swishing side - to - side. The headlights grew warm as it came towards a drunk camper. 'Cluck! fizzzz...', the bottle of beer went as the camper opened more. The drink was spurged everywhere on the track. Brown - black liquid is held in his hand of his. Brown - black liquid gleamed gold as the sun kept moving towards him. His eyes blinded. All he could feel was God's call as the sun blazed its heat more thrustly and furiously towards the camper. Snap! one of the tracks had curved in. Velocity and speed. Both increased at the time. 'Stay there!' heard the camper in his dillusioned mind. So he stood there until time reached her arms towards him. Golden liquid in a glass splurged high into the atmosphere. Glass shone its brightest with brown - red stains all over it. All that was left at the scene was a mere corpse into a fetus position. Guts blown off. Muscle all exposed showing its concentrated hue. If only he knew. If only he knew they told him to 'Get out!'. If only he listened to the sounds of the people of the country without the love for beer. He sits above. In the clouds watching over other campers like him ascend to the heavens.

Hi Kombmail!
Had a quick read through, and they're good answers. I'm guessing these are English short answer questions and so I do not want to provide any in depth feedback as I have no idea what questions you're answering and how many marks these questions are. Would you mind just replying with this information so I can read through it again knowing what they are?

Thanks!
meerae

[Kombmail]

Hi Kombmail!
Had a quick read through, and they're good answers. I'm guessing these are English short answer questions and so I do not want to provide any in depth feedback as I have no idea what questions you're answering and how many marks these questions are. Would you mind just replying with this information so I can read through it again knowing what they are?

Thanks!
meerae

i have attached the questions below on the post:)

[meerae]

i have attached the questions below on the post:)

Ooh okay got it!

I read through part a again, it was nicely written. However, I felt that the phrasing of some sentences needed to be changed as they felt awkward - this can easily be fixed by reading it out loud in order to make sure everything flows. You introduce the technique by saying 'the literary device' - this is unnecessary and you could use the word count to add to your analysis. Also, I feel using a metaphor is more on the simpler side of techniques for year 12 and unless analysed quite well, it should be paired with another technique.

Hope this helped!
meerae

[Kombmail]

Ooh okay got it!

I read through part a again, it was nicely written. However, I felt that the phrasing of some sentences needed to be changed as they felt awkward - this can easily be fixed by reading it out loud in order to make sure everything flows. You introduce the technique by saying 'the literary device' - this is unnecessary and you could use the word count to add to your analysis. Also, I feel using a metaphor is more on the simpler side of techniques for year 12 and unless analysed quite well, it should be paired with another technique.

Hope this helped!
meerae

@meerae thankyou for looking at my response however since it is for standard.... is it fine? p.s what technique would you recommend and what do you mean by 'awkward'?

thanks,
Komal:)

[charlottemchenry]

For part a I agree with meerae that it could be cut down - as in English you have such limited time. The very first sentence where you explain that the metaphor describes the country side feels unnecessary and doesn't provide anything to the marker. Instead you could lead straight into the second sentence as this is relevant to the question and allows you to get straight to the point.

Additionally it may be good to explain what sort of mood the writer is creating. As it is a five marker I would probably include 2 quotes, the words "at least one" indicating it's fine to do more.

So essentially using 2 quotes and 2 techniques explain how a metaphor is used to create a particular mood rather than just saying that a metaphor describes something and creates a mood. Markers are looking for detail.

I can't speak for the new syllabus but on the old one paper 1 was marked on a common scale for advanced and standard and as this is a common module I would assume the same as such being in standard doesn't allow the quality of writing to dwindle. Even if not marked on common scale best not to use being in standard as an excuse to write to a lower standard.

In terms of part b a good start but I would assume a 15 marker would need more. As it is a 40 minute suggested time I would be spending 2 minutes per mark i.e. 10 minutes on part a and 30 min on part b. From your opening line the story begins by telling not showing so perhaps use the additional word count to better show your point. The story is a great start but I would space it out more including paragraphs to make it less bulky for the marker and probably try make it between 1.5-2 pages minimum. This is obviously dependent on your writing size and speed.

I'm sorry if I have come across as too critical, best of luck and hope this helps. This is only the beginning of the year and it's a really great start, just keep practicing throughout the year.

[meerae]

@meerae thankyou for looking at my response however since it is for standard.... is it fine? p.s what technique would you recommend and what do you mean by 'awkward'?

thanks,
Komal:)

Hi Komal!

I do believe that for paper 1 standard/advanced is marked on the same scale as there is no way the markers would know if a student is adv/std. Personally, I feel the standard required for both English levels are very similar, the only thing that really differs is the texts studied. A band 6 std student is usually required to write at the level of a adv student.

In regard to techniques, I would look at imagery, tone, mood and that kind of stuff to pair with the metaphor. When I say phrasing is awkward, I mean that it doesn't sound natural, like the sentence is too wordy or could be said in another way that would sound better. Does that make sense?

Hope this helped!
meerae

[Kombmail]

Hi Komal!

I do believe that for paper 1 standard/advanced is marked on the same scale as there is no way the markers would know if a student is adv/std. Personally, I feel the standard required for both English levels are very similar, the only thing that really differs is the texts studied. A band 6 std student is usually required to write at the level of a adv student.

In regard to techniques, I would look at imagery, tone, mood and that kind of stuff to pair with the metaphor. When I say phrasing is awkward, I mean that it doesn't sound natural, like the sentence is too wordy or could be said in another way that would sound better. Does that make sense?

Hope this helped!
meerae

it did help!
thanks!:) btw i might soon post a new answer to this:)