NEAP 2009 Language Analysis

[kendraaaaa]

I only included the introduction and first paragraph, because I know most of us are very busy right now and won't have time to go through the whole thing. Any feedback would be very appreciated, good luck to everyone sitting the English exam  


Damage to our environment  through littering has been a concern amongst many environmentalists. Writer Jack Wells in an article published in a leisure activities magazine sets out to defend the “bush” from a “few irresponsible people” in a critical tone. Mr. Wells, described as a “serious walker” seems to have a vested interest in regards to the issue, which inevitably swings his article into a bias. Those on the receiving end, given that they too have a sense of environmentalism will readily accept Mr. Wells’ contention.

The photo-manipulated image supports Wells’ argument, through both an attack and irony. A sign is shown with the words “Take all rubbish home when you leave!”, this message is juxtaposed with an assortment of trash underneath. This ironic visual exemplifies the utter disregard for the rules of the National Park, and a lack of respect for the environment. This visual is supported by words in a speech bubble above one of the bushwalkers, wherein it is said – “Some idiots obviously can’t read...”. This further induces readers into criticising the actions of those responsible for the trash left. This image may evoke fervent support from environmentally conscious readers, it conversely may leave another reader unmoved if they are numb to environmentalism. In large bold font, the headline reads “Enjoy the Mountains”. Whilst on the surface the readers comprehend a simple instructive message, the headline boasts connotations. On its own it would be an innocent instruction, however with the accompanying image the headline portrays an attack towards those damaging the wilderness. The headlines implies that bushwalkers’ business in the wilderness should only be to “enjoy” the landscape, and absolutely refrain from littering their surroundings. This may act on a readers’ sense of environmentalism, and consequently harbour a defensive stance towards the Australian “bush”. Hence, readers are likened to Wells’ contention.

[teacher28]

I like your confident, oh-so-subtly wry tone (e.g. 'those on the receiving end'. Yes, I know it borders on the colloquial, but it is shows your insightful perception  of the writer)... you have a voice, a huge plus in English. Your expression is clear. You understand the importance of showing how and why it is designed to persuade its target demographic. Your skills show you can perform well in this section.

Considerations...

'wherein it said': a bit old-fashioned even for me; and I'm 59. 

Omit all unnecessary words: 'A sign is shown with the words' -- your examiner can see that. Try something like this "...a sign saying ..."

'This image may evoke fervent support from environmentally conscious readers, it conversely may leave another reader unmoved if they are numb to environmentalism.'

Good call-- I agree... but don't analyse the effectiveness (or lack of it) in the body. Remember you are analysing how writers use language to persuade, not how well they do it.

If you want to comment on the effectiveness of the chosen devices given the intention and the proposed audience leave it till the end.

I have to admit that I have tried to be open minded but your addressing the visual text in the first paragraph created a jarring note for me. I kept looking for the analysis of the word text! You can comment alongside relevant points in each body paragraph (show how it underlines a technique for example) or leave it till the final body paragraph for increased cohesion.

Well done!

[kendraaaaa]

Thank you for your words of advice It's nice to hear the things you said, especially two days before the exam! :|

'wherein it said': a bit old-fashioned even for me; and I'm 59.

Oh but it's such a lovely phrase! Haha.

Again, thank you.