Hey,
I've written a rough, practice essay for the Common Module part of English Advanced; the prescribed text (more specifically, the one in the essay) was Gulliver by Kenneth Slessor.
Would I be able to have some feedback on this response? Essay writing isn't my forte, and my teacher barely gives any feedback on practice responses. Please don't judge my writing 
Thanks so much guys! 
Hey, jazzywazzy21!
Welcome to the forums!
I'd like to start off by saying this is definitely a safe place where constructive criticism is made, after all, everyone here just wants you to do your best! So, definitely don't be afraid of anyone judging your writing, we are all here to help!
Whilst reading, I noted a couple things down whilst reading;
- The first thing I noted was that your essay was 1200 words, this is a little long to write in the given time during the HSC, so I would work on shortening it by removing anything unnecessary, fixing phrasing, and making sure your sentences are more active rather than passive. This can all be fixed by reading your essay out loud and changing it as you read.
- You used statements like 'we' and such, this is not a personal essay, you would refer to 'we' as 'the audience' or something along that line
- I feel that, if you are aiming for a band 6, some techniques, like emotive language, felt more on the simpler side of things. Of course, if analysed well, it doesn't make a difference. I felt that your analysis was done quite well and made up for this, in the first paragraph.
- However, I felt down the line that there were too many quotes and I got a little confused on what was being analysed and it made the essay seem a little 'messy'.
Hope this helped!
meerae
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Topic: English Advanced: Common Module Essay (Read 863 times)