English advanced - discursive essay

[kelly.ly___]

Hi so I wrote a discursive essay, but I have no idea if I'm doing it correctly. Any feedback would be great. Thank you!

Just like a butterfly:

Do you ever look at a butterfly and just admire it from a distance? Its wings as delicate as petals of a wilting flower and the angelic like aura that surrounds it as it flutters through the air. A creature of many predators but somehow it manages to thrive and flourish with such grace and elegance.

We see the beauty of this butterfly, but when do we ever question its origin? The beginnings of this butterfly. As a little egg resting on the leaf of some plant. Its gradual development through time allowed it =to hatch and become a caterpillar, growing steadily to form a cocoon and when the time comes, it emerges with wings on its back, soaring through the skies. Refined. Flawless.

Just like this butterfly, Earth is a place that is filled with beauty and charm. A place where we all lived harmoniously, flourishing through time as we all blossom with coming seasons. Earth is our origin. Earth was a place that was filled with an abundant of resources. Wood, coal, water and unlimited fresh air, gently caressing our cheeks.

Earth was beautiful, but as society developed, so did our landscapes. From caves and shacks built from planks of wood, to cityscapes filled with marble interior, glassware surrounding the mansions that we call home, looking out to the luminescent lights that fill the city. We too like the butterfly went from a little egg, slowly growing to a caterpillar and as time ran on, we emerged and prospered, developing into a creature of beauty.

Along the timeline, we went through times of change and transition. During the 18th century, the Industrial Revolution began, increasing the number of manufactured processes, boosting the economy and living standards.

With the Industrial revolution, we as a society evolved, increasing the efficiency of formulating products that help improve the operations of our world. The introducing of manufactured processes allowed for accessible electricity on the streets that we walk down and from door to door. It has allowed us to gain access to man made materials within such little time. It has enhanced our man made world and satisfied our materialistic temptations.

Although it did bring forward multiple advancement to society, it also increased the amount of greenhouse gas emissions from the usage of fossil fuels to power these manufactured processes. Through the introduction of manufactured processes, society has continued to develop them, adding to the continual emission of greenhouse gases into the atmosphere. Into the air that we breathe. Into the fresh air that we once had.

 As I mentioned, although the butterfly is beautiful and flawless to the human eye, its downfall comes with the fragility of its wings. A butterfly’s wings again are as delicate as the petals of a wilting flower. Little amounts of force applied onto it can cause damage, ultimately leading to the butterfly’s possible demise.

Similarly, Earth can be lead to its fatal downfall if greenhouse gases continue to pollute the atmosphere. The emission of greenhouse gases not only pollutes the air but presents the idea of climate change.

Climate change creates disastrous situations that may occur in the near future if there is a continuation of greenhouse gas emissions. Climate change is the change in the state of the surrounding environment, recently seen in the rise of temperatures, effecting other aspects of the environment.

The Earth is suffocating in the toxins emitted from the burning of fossil fuels, impacting the state of our land. A rise in the temperatures have caused icebergs to melt at a much higher rate, thus resulting in the rise of sea levels. This increases the rate of erosion on the coasts of our land, washing away the land that we pridefully call our home.
Thinking about the state of the environment, I questioned “at this rate, how much time do we have left?”. When I was seven years old I never thought that I would be contemplating this very question ten years later. Although the development and implementation of manufactured processes have influenced and shaped our society into a more efficient place, its concerning to see our home, in such a crippled state.

Like the butterfly, there is a chance for it to overcome the detriments of its broken wing, allowing it to flourish once again. Like Earth, although we have caused great damage to it, the reduction in greenhouse emissions can allow Earth to one day flourish like it once did. The efficiency of our land can be filled by the use of sustainable production, enabling Earth to prosper alongside our materialistic needs.

[distorm]

Hey!

I think you've started on the right with discursive writing. You've established a very conversational and personal tone throughout your essay and the whole metaphor of a butterfly for the issues of sustainability and the impact of humans on Earth- that's clever. But overall, the essay sounds like an informative/persuasive piece on climate change/sustainability.

What differentiates discursive essays from informative/persuasive is that they present different perspectives to a topic/issue.
Now these 'different perspectives' can start simple. For example:
the pros and cons of artificial intelligence

or they can be even more complex....for example
if a little girl said she stumbled across a forest while hiding in a wardrobe. She's either lying, she's psychologically insane, or she's telling the truth
 
I think, to round off and complete this piece, you need to introduce another perspective. (Maybe you can talk about the benefits of exploiting the Earth? How we're able to satisfy ourselves and achieve utility...controversial i know).

Hope this helps, good luck!!