2019 and 2020.

[JR_StudyEd]

I'm not just an AN user. I'm an AN user who was disappointed with their VCE results. And still hasn't got over it.

Year 12 was such a struggle for me. I still don't know why. I tried my absolute best in spite of the fact that I could not draw much enjoyment out of my studies, and fell well short of my expectations. When I looked at my ATAR for the first time, I tried to implement the usual comforting advice of 'the ATAR doesn't define you'. University will be a fresh start, I thought. Just graduating Year 12 was a great achievement on its own. I failed to receive an offer from my top two preferences, but in hindsight that didn't really matter too much.

In late February, I began my university studies. 3 weeks after the semester commenced, little did I know, I would be stepping off my university campus for the last time. It became clear that I had to continue my studies from home, or else face a wasted year. The following week, classes were suspended to allow the university time to adapt. The next four weeks were a joyless struggle. Every time I felt like procrastinating during remote learning, I would recall my Year 12 struggles. Would I ever enjoy studying? When was the last time I was productive? Hey, remember your Year 12 results? Yes, I know they don't define me, but why don't they define me?

So in May, I put myself out of my misery. I withdrew from my next unit, and I've been doing that ever since. Just waiting for on-campus classes to resume. But wait. What if I continue to struggle once we get back to somewhat normal? And what if I want to change my course because I'm struggling so much? How will I succeed if the memories of my Year 12 experience continue to dominate my thoughts? What can I do to put myself in a better position to succeed, despite these unprecedented circumstances? I've had to adapt to university, remote learning, and the continual extension of the lockdown period, all in the one year. All this has happened since I received my ATAR. It's just been tough. I can't blame myself for responding in this way.

[Owlbird83]

Hey JR

It must have felt disappointing to not feel your ability reflected in your scores. I keep wanting to write variations of 'the atar doesn't define you', which probably isn't helpful. But your worth as a person doesn't have to be limited by a number from the past. I know it's so much easier to say than believe though. But from an outside perspective, your atar contributes 0% to how I and I think anyone else views you as a person.

Yes, I know they don't define me, but why don't they define me?

The atar measures a small facet of us in one point in our lives. It's affected by so many factors and doesn't have to reflect intelligence. I don't want to sound shallow, but can choose what defines you. You are worth more than a small measurement of one part of your life at one point in time.

[Poet]

I'm not just an AN user. I'm an AN user who was disappointed with their VCE results. And still hasn't got over it.
/snip/

Hey there,
I'm a bit late to the thread but thought I'd chip in.

I felt the same as you do. VCE was one of the worst times of my life. I struggled with people's expectations of me, and in turn, my expectations of myself. My result seemed pathetic and well below standards I'd set for myself. In my case, I completely shut out education for the next year after leaving school, and found a workplace instead. I was afraid that going back to study would see me fail again. That I wouldn't enjoy it. That my past experiences would be echoed if I ever chose a career path requiring more study.
To me, you're brave for finding year 12 so hard but continuing on anyway. I'm proud of you for being so resilient despite your doubts, and your fears.

But everyone's journey is different. Our minds and bodies are unique. Nobody should feel shame or disappointment in the notion that they may have to take an alternative pathway. Particularly with online learning - many of us find it too difficult. Deferring till you can get back to on-campus study is a wise and introspective decision. Your fears are the by-product of past experiences. Your ATAR may not define you, but just saying that doesn't change how you feel. Being conscious of your emotions and their causes is already a fantastic step towards improvement.

Remind yourself that you will reach your goals, no matter how slowly you travel or how winding the path.

Reach out for help if you need it. Give yourself the time and space needed to heal.

We're going through this together, and no-one is ever truly alone.

[JR_StudyEd]

Particularly with online learning - many of us find it too difficult. Deferring till you can get back to on-campus study is a wise and introspective decision.

This year hasn't gone how I expected. But neither did last year.

I was always against taking a gap year because I was worried that I would end up wasting 2020. Now I'm thinking I should have gone with a gap year in the first place, even taking into consideration the pandemic. At least I wouldn't have to worry about studying at home. At least I would have less pressure to be productive. I suppose the summer holidays didn't provide enough respite from Year 12.

I didn't expect to get into the course I'm currently in. It was my only choice. Remote learning wasn't what I signed up for. No matter how much the uni says the experience will be "equivalent", in practice, it's not really the case for me. The few weeks I had at uni were pretty lonely. Most people kept to themselves. My home is not a study area, as much as I wanted it to be. It just felt unnatural to be working so close to where I slept. I couldn't handle it anymore. I knew the consequences of my decision to delay my studies. Everything had to be paused. Instead of moving forward at a steady pace, I stopped completely. I know I made a very risky decision, one that could have a massive impact on my future. I could end up wasting most of the year. Was I the only one to make such a decision?

I don't know how you all deal with this remote learning business. I can't imagine going back. One day, I think I can survive remote learning, the next, I want to focus on trying to somehow find work. I didn't expect such a steep learning curve. Perhaps it's better to have no expectations at all, so that I won't ever be disappointed. I'll take it one day at a time.