Prompt: It can be hard to establish your identity when you feel different from those around you.
‘I didn’t want to be a coon, a darkie, a nigger. I just wanted to fit in’. Sunil Badami illustrates the profound impact a sense of difference can have on our identity and belonging. Such experiences on a young child can have tumultuous rippling effect on the rest of their lives where they can struggle to confidently say this is who I am and where I belong, because they are constantly reminded of their differences . Those who feel like ‘outsiders’ and ‘exiles’ can often have feelings of loneliness, isolation and rejection that make it difficult to defiantly establish their identify. Consequently, through fear of prejudice we are sometimes forced to conform and compromise. It is evident in society that for those who feel different from their surroundings trying to establish a sense of self can be a painful process and an isolating experience.
Family expectations are prevalent in certain cultures and have the capacity to make one feel different from those around them. In my culture hard working children are seen as successful and successful children bring honour to the family. Academic success is also seen as a guarantee to a prosperous future. My parents have subconsciously made it clear that only high achieving results will do and such pressure can have negative consequences on ones sense of identity and belonging. For many people they cant not comprehend what such demands and burden can feel like but for me, it is like 1000 eyes watching over your every step, where you are constantly left lurking over your shoulder. These expectations have forced me to strive harder but in the process I have neglected my closest friends to the point where I know feel different to them, unable to establish a successful identity. This is because for some immersed in the easy going culture in Australia such demands are not burdened on them. Diana Nguyen expresses this movingly in her short story ‘5 ways to disappoint your Vietnamese mother. It was quite clear that her mother’s aspirations for her did not match her own ambitions. ‘For the past 5 years I have been working as an actor in Melbourne and not once has she come and seen me perform. I don’t invite her anymore. Furthermore Lily Chan tells of’ dreading 4 o clock every day when she started work after school in her family restaurant’. Adopting such a diligent work ethic and such strong parental demands sometime sees children stereotyped as different from their peers.
Racism is a reoccurring theme in Australian society where those who are ‘different’ are treated as outsiders and left on the margins of society. This form of discrimination can have a powerful negative impact on a person trying to secure an individual personality because they are constantly reminded of their differences in appearance, culture, tradition and behaviour. The recent international media has labelled and criticized Australia as a ‘racist’ country after a series of Indian race related bashings. This raises questions whether as a society, we target those who are different because consequently, such behaviour makes it difficult for them to find a place to belong and establish an identity in which they are confident in. The school yard is a microcosm for the wider society where difference means persecution. Mia Francis lists some of the name calling her son endured in a small country town where a ‘dark skinned Asian’ was a rarity. Taunts that call attention to difference make it tough to create a solid identity because of emotions such as desolation and segregation. Furthermore for second generation migrant children navigating between two cultures and languages can be hard to fit in and belong.’ If I couldn’t express my self then who was my self’ 14 year old Simon Tong wonders relating the identity crisis he experience when his Hong Kong English made no sense to his class mates. He felt a loss of dignity a diminishing of his vey self. His story suggests that without the means of expressing yourself you remain in the shadows of your adopted country, unable to belong. This illustrates that a judgemental society can make it hard for someone from a different culture to feel accepted.
Feelings of isolation and rejection can force us to compromise our morals and values and conform to the expectations of society. From feeling different from those around us we often change our attitude and behaviour to ‘blend in’ such is the immense yearning to belong. As a young child, I was often embarrassed by my cultural traditions that I always felt the need to keep it concealed because I felt different from my peers. In hindsight I see how by rejecting my culture I was not being true to my self and consequently struggled o establish my identity. My story is similar to the one of Sunil Badami who embarrassed by his Indian name, he sets about obliterating his Indian heritage by adopting an Anglo Saxon identity, ‘Neil’. For some time he ‘could feel their classmates approval at the effort I was making to fit in’. He later discovers the cultural heritage imbedded in his Indian name and realising the false esteem from being ‘Neil’, he becomes Sunil again. Here we see how people feel the need to compromise and conform in order to establish their identity because of the hostile and un-accepting culture they experience as ‘outsiders’.
Ultimately it can be hard to establish your identity when you feel different from those around you. The environment that we live in and the culture around us can give us the confidence and assurance that we require to feel this is who I am and where I belong. Contrastingly, communities that discriminate against cultural minorities, solidifying a sense of identity can be a difficult process. Family expectations of parents also have the power to make us feel different because of the burden they place on their children to work hard and have a successful education. Often those who find is difficult to establish themselves in a society where they don’t belong, conform and compromise their principles to feel accepted. ‘I thought my parents were annoying too and I was embarrassed that my house always smelt of curry’.
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