assistance with a lit essay.

[sillysmile]

I know this isn't very much and it's probably not very good, but it's actually the start of my first attempt at a practice lit essay..
how does this measure so far?
I would very much like some constructive criticism.



with hamlet's imagery "fruitful river in the eye' and line 'these but the trappings and suits of woe', shakespeare emphasizes the extreme despair of hamlet, whilst also allowing the audience to have empathy for hamlet's situation. Shakespeare puts forth distrust as a major motif in Hamlet the play which is evidenced by hamlet's questioning of ophelia 'are you honest' and this adds to the difficulty of hamlet's decisions, as he has virtually only horatio as his confidante. Shakespeare contrasts hamlet's inaction to obtain his revenge with the soldiers of Norway who "go to their graves like beds'  for an imaginary 'fantasy' and percieved 'fame'

shakespeare evokes the pathos of the audience for hamlet, and highlights claudius's questionable morality through the juxtaposition of hamlet's 'solemn' appearance and tone with the hyperboles of claudius, when he states that Hamlet's grief is disrespectful to 'heaven' the 'dead' and even 'nature'.

[EvangelionZeta]

with hamlet's imagery "fruitful river in the eye' and line 'these but the trappings and suits of woe', shakespeare emphasizes the extreme despair of hamlet, whilst also allowing the audience to have empathy for hamlet's situation. Shakespeare puts forth distrust as a major motif don't EVER use this word in a Lit essay - it makes it sound like you're writing an English-style theme essay (which this whole sentence is sort of similar to).  Lit is about analysis and interpretation from passages, not writing on themes in Hamlet the play which is evidenced by hamlet's questioning of ophelia 'are you honest' and this adds to the difficulty of hamlet's decisions, as he has virtually only horatio as his confidante. Shakespeare contrasts hamlet's inaction to obtain his revenge with the soldiers of Norway who "go to their graves like beds'  for an imaginary 'fantasy' and percieved 'fame' on the right track, but you need to start building towards an interpretation of the overall text by the end of paragraph one, even if it's just one sentence alluding towards it

shakespeare evokes the pathos of the audience for hamlet, and highlights claudius's questionable morality through the juxtaposition of hamlet's 'solemn' appearance and tone with the hyperboles don't quote me on this, but I think the plural of hyperbole is just hyperbole, not hyperboles of claudius, when he states that Hamlet's grief is disrespectful to 'heaven' the 'dead' and even 'nature'. as I said before in the other thread, you can make this more sophisticated by outlining the natural/metaphysical imagery Claudius is utilising, rather than just saying he is speaking with "hyperbole" - it takes your analysis one step up

The bits of passage analysis are alright, but I need to see more on interpretation.  Good start though.

[masonnnn]

"with hamlet's imagery "fruitful river in the eye' and line 'these but the trappings and suits of woe', shakespeare emphasizes the extreme despair of hamlet,"

maybe try incorporate the quotation more fluently into the sentence ie.

Hamlet's imagery of the "fruitful river in the eye' leading to 'these but the trappings and suits of woe' allow shakespeare to emphasize the extreme despair of hamlet...

like, don't specify what it is, then quote it, so much as work it into the sentence as if it were your own.
not a huge difference but it makes it appear more fluent and exam markers like that.

[Nike-chan]

with hamlet's imagery "fruitful river in the eye' and line 'these but the trappings and suits of woe', shakespeare emphasizes the extreme despair of hamlet, whilst also allowing the audience to have empathy for hamlet's situation. Shakespeare puts forth distrust as a major motif don't EVER use this word in a Lit essay - it makes it sound like you're writing an English-style theme essay (which this whole sentence is sort of similar to).  Lit is about analysis and interpretation from passages, not writing on themes in Hamlet the play which is evidenced by hamlet's questioning of ophelia 'are you honest' and this adds to the difficulty of hamlet's decisions, as he has virtually only horatio as his confidante. Shakespeare contrasts hamlet's inaction to obtain his revenge with the soldiers of Norway who "go to their graves like beds'  for an imaginary 'fantasy' and percieved 'fame' on the right track, but you need to start building towards an interpretation of the overall text by the end of paragraph one, even if it's just one sentence alluding towards it

shakespeare evokes the pathos of the audience for hamlet, and highlights claudius's questionable morality through the juxtaposition of hamlet's 'solemn' appearance and tone with the hyperboles don't quote me on this, but I think the plural of hyperbole is just hyperbole, not hyperboles of claudius, when he states that Hamlet's grief is disrespectful to 'heaven' the 'dead' and even 'nature'. as I said before in the other thread, you can make this more sophisticated by outlining the natural/metaphysical imagery Claudius is utilising, rather than just saying he is speaking with "hyperbole" - it takes your analysis one step up

The bits of passage analysis are alright, but I need to see more on interpretation.  Good start though.

Would you mind posting one or two of your own essays? You're a very strong English/Literature student, and since they are a virtually non-existent species at my school, I'd really like a chance to see what a top-ranking response looks like. =) That way I can put my own writing into perspective, instead of feeling comfortable that I'm 'doing well' whilst making myself a sitting duck for the over 40's to shoot down at their leisure. xD

[EvangelionZeta]

http://vcenotes.com/forum/index.php/topic,29824.msg305347.html#msg305347

Teacher gave this one 17+ (he refuses to give higher figures until we get closer to the exam).  It was one of my earlier ones, so I'd guess probably around 18 level.