[English] "Don’t blame me, blame Julia Gillard" language analysis

[funkyducky]

Texts: On the Waterfront (film); Year of Wonders
Context: Encountering Conflict [The Crucible; Secret River]
SS Aim: 45+?

[funkyducky]

Week 3 Language Analysis NOTE: Incomplete essay. I was planning on finishing it this afternoon, then got held up, and only just got home and it's too late for me to think straight, so I'll finish it off tomorrow morning. This is the first Language Analysis I've ever written (didn't do 1/2 English), so I'm kind of just making it up...any help would be greatly appreciated


In “Don't Blame Me, Blame Julia Gillard”, an opinion piece published in the Herald Sun on 17th December 2010, Andrew Bolt confronts the Australian Government's policies concerning asylum seekers, an issue which has become increasingly relevant after the recent drowning of almost 30 refugees off the coast of Christmas Island. Mr. Bolt focuses the article on the laws put in place by the Labour Government over the past few months, and indicates that Prime Minister Julia Gillard is responsible for these deaths.
   In a strong opening intended to capture the reader's attention, Bolt states that “we are told” that the Gillard government has not been in power long enough to be blamed for the sinkings, then responds to this statement with a flurry of rhetorical questions; “but why? And if not now, when?”. The implication is that action must be taken now to prevent more pointless deaths, which is accentuated by a calculated appeal to the reader's conscience, “Before the next boat sinks, or after?”, leaving no doubt that Bolt intends to point the finger at Gillard and her “reckless” Government.
   The opinion piece is accompanied by a photograph of a ramshackle boat being thrown about by surging waves, precariously close to being smashed open against the cliffs. The occupants of the boat are visibly crammed into the small space like sardines. The image is coupled with a quotation taken from Bolt's opinion piece; “It's never been the right time to point out the Government was encouraging boat people to risk their lives at sea by rewarding those who made it here with the sugar of Labor's softer treatment.”, an elegant summary of Bolt's contention. The image and quotation together serve to highlight Bolt's opinion of Labour's “weak” laws, and to emphasize the link between the relaxation of the Australian Government's asylum seeker policies and the increase in the number of refugees drowning on attempted voyages to Australia, a voyage which is becoming more enticing to refugees as the government shifts towards a more lenient and welcoming set of policies. 
   Throughout the piece, repetition is used to link a series of succint paragraphs, reflecting a style often used in oration. Here, Bolt uses these techniques for the same reasons that an orator does; to present an argument to the audience and convince them that he is correct.

[EvangelionZeta]

Attached.

EDIT: The mark DOES take into account that it's incomplete; it's based on where it looks like it's heading.

[EvangelionZeta]

To elaborate on what I meant:

Contextualising - Do this in one sentence at the very start of the essay.

Colloquial language/evaluation - Both of these are bad.  You are writing a formal, structured analysis of how a piece uses language to persuade the reader - they don't want you to "review" the piece or write it for a bunch of MX readers.

Effect/Positioning of reader - Take everything you've said (eg. "This highlights blah blah blah") and add something like "thus encouraging the reader to feel xyz".  Read some of the sample language analyses in the English Work Directory Thread to see what I mean.

[funkyducky]

Thanks EZ! I'm too used to writing Text Analyses for Literature...I've got to break some habits. What exactly are the criteria for a language analysis?

[EvangelionZeta]

What the assessor sees:
Expected Qualities for the Mark Range – Section C
The extent to which the response:
9–10 • Shows a perceptive and sophisticated understanding of a range of ways in which the written and visual language positions readers in the context presented.
• Develops a cogent, controlled and well-substantiated analysis using precise and effective language and expression.

What the student sees: (printed on the VCE examination)
Section C – Analysis of language use
• understanding of the ideas and points of view presented
• analysis of ways in which language and visual features are used to present a point of view and to persuade readers
• controlled and effective use of language appropriate to the task

It's kind of dodgy, because the assessors and students get different criterion...

[funkyducky]

Clearly I have a lot to learn about writing language analyses. Tomorrow, I think I'll start anew on this essay, I didn't realise that it's supposed to focus more on how the language used affects the reader, I'm too used to the type of analysis done in VCE Literature. I'll take a closer look at the criteria and work from there.

[pi]

My points:
- Less colloquial language, it needs to be much more formal
- There need to be way more 'effect on the audience' stuff in there
- You still need to identify a target audience (its a free extra mark just for doing so!)
- I felt there a bit too much summarising of techniques, but the links you established (eg in the second paragraph) were a good start
- This statement:

“It's never been the right time to point out the Government was encouraging boat people to risk their lives at sea by rewarding those who made it here with the sugar of Labor's softer treatment.”, an elegant summary of Bolt's contention.

...was out of place, and although it was a good pick-up, probably could have been used more effectively towards the start of your piece (ie intro)
- Try not to evaluate the article, it is an analysis remember

Having not done 1+2, it was a reasonable effort (so far). My mark, although a bit harsh seeing as though it was your first, is 4-5/10. If completed in a similar fashion, I could see this mark going up to around 6-7/10.

I would recommend reading some of the other responses in the child-board before rewriting your piece, just so can see how to approach the task.

[CharlieW]

Too many value judgements like EZ said (assesors hate this to bits), i think 6/10 would be generous, even if u finished the essay, coz they get most of ur mark from the first two or three paras.

You lack a model intro, which makes it seem week. If you have a structure to intro, you can use the same thing over and over again, its not even hard.
I do something like:
-Open up the first sentence with context.
-Then go straight into tone and contention, so the author contends in a bla bla bla tone that bla bla bla is bla bla bla bla.

That's basically all you need in the intro, you can add some other stuff like target audience at the end and stuff. I might be missing out on some stuff, coz i haven't dont language analysis in ages.

they get most of the meaty marks from ur analysis, but its important to have an intro that says something.

And like EZ said, more how the audience feels, also try to slip in a nice target audiences every now and then (not all the time), rather than calling htem audience all the time. But thats not terribly important. Most important is the how audience feels stuff, and authorial intention.

A minor thing, you said something about a "flurry of rhetorical questions", make sure their all rhetorical, some aren't some are. And if it's a flurry of questions, then you can use repetition as a technique, which aims to hammer a point in, leaving the audience with no room to argue, or watevs. oh and don't use flurry, it reminds me of lots of doves.

A biggish thing, you didn't really analyse the image at all. Get out ur using language to persuade book, and look up image techniques, e.g. framing, colour, background, foreground, angles, symbolism etc. and wat the impact of the visual elements are, and why the author used it. All you did was describe the picture and combined it with a quote....You can use the quote later after uve analysed the image, so like this quote reinforces the message of the image blargh blargh lol

Anyway, you got some time to improve, and i think the best way to learn is to just read sample essays and get a feel of wat it takes to do well....try asking fuzzy, if ur friends with her