I will underline key sections of your essay and discuss the underlined sections in red. Rewording will be in green.
In the article - you should try and include a statement about the context of the issue ‘Don't blame me, blame Julia Gillard’, which was published in the Herald Sun on the 17th of December 2010, Andrew Bolt contends that the Labor Government’s immigration policy is responsible for the tragic deaths of refugees coming to Australia by boat. Bolt uses an accusatory tone as part of his method of blaming the Gillard Government for its errors and is particularly cynical when mentioning Julia Gillard explicitly. - excellent! Short, brief and to-the-point.
Bolt implements several stylistic techniques in order to catch the reader’s attention and begin to persuade them to agree with his point of view. From the very beginning of the piece, Bolt uses rhetorical questions in a repeated fashion - good to see you're being specific here . In response to the statement that ‘it’s too early to blame the Gillard Government for these Christmas Island deaths’, he asks, ‘...why? And if not now, when? Before the next boat sinks, or after?’ - I can see what you're trying to do here. Don't try to weave long quotes into your analysis; it never works. Just break it up and interweave your quotes that way . This serves to align the reader with his point of view and signposts the direction that he will take in the article - this is slightly generic and general IMO; be specific about the intended effect . From these rhetorical questions, the audience can clearly see that Bolt disagrees with the first statement in the article - this statement is strange; how can Bolt disagree with what he wrote? , leading them to feel as though they should adopt this point of view too.
Bolt also makes consistent use of repetition throughout the article, particularly in relation to the phrases ‘they lie’, ‘it’s never been the right time’ and ‘too soon’ - be more specific with these examples; who is Bolt referring to when he repeats these questions? . The structure of the article opinion piece is also quite repetitious - excellent idea with the grouping of different aspects of the piece, under the same technique; well done! , as he constantly alternates between giving evidence and examples and giving his own opinion. The use of this technique - I usually try to avoid this word in any language analysis continually reinforces the point that Bolt is trying to make throughout this opinion piece and ensures that the reader remains aware of what he is trying to argue. - build up on the intended effect; this last statement is generic.
Bolt’s use of emotive language is strong and he uses words such as ‘killed’ and ‘dead’ as dysphemistic alternatives - excellent use of metalanguage here to phases such as ‘the victims’ or ‘those who have passed away’. This provokes feelings of shock and dismay within the reader and experiencing these feelings leads the audience to wonder who can be held accountable for what has happened. - this is EXACTLY the kind of intended effect you should be incorporating throughout the piece! The emotive language that Bolt uses puts the Gillard Government in a negative light, allowing the reader to quickly jump to the conclusion that they are responsible and feelings of shock and dismay seem to become associated with the mention of the Government. - once again, fantastic intended effect Bolt also uses emotive language - use a different sentence starter; an alternative to the traditional T.E.E approach - swap the order around here to create a strong visual image in the reader’s mind by describing ‘[the] latest boat [which] smashed into the rocks of Christmas Island’. - try to avoid paraphrasing if you can; here, you could have just quoted "latest boat" and "smashed into the rocks of C.Island" Use of the word ‘smashed’ - excellent how you pull the quote apart! is particularly affective effective in this instance and works well to complement the dramatic photograph of a shipwrecked boat that accompanies the article - unnecessary . This photograph helps bring to life the issue at hand and is one of many pieces of evidence that Bolt presents in the article.
Throughout this opinion piece, statistical and anecdotal evidence, as well as the previously mentioned photograph, give Bolt’s arguments strength. He gives the number of deaths that have resulted from many incidents that have occurred, stating that ‘28 or more people... [and] up to 170 others’ have died recently, along with ‘five Afgans [who] died in blowing up their boat’ in April last year and ‘19 Afgans’ whose boat sunk in November last year. The use of these statistics shows that Bolt has a solid understanding of what he is discussing and also indicates to the audience that he acknowledges that the issue is broader than just one isolated event. These and other statistics emphasise to the readers, the extent of the issue and make Bolt’s opinion seem more reliable. - give more effect here; the last sentence here is far too general
Bolt uses quotes from political figures and refugees in an attempt to bring in outside knowledge and give his contention credibility. He demonstrates the idea that asylum seekers are being tempted to travel to Australia (due to the way the Government has ‘recklessly weakened’ the immigration laws) by quoting an Afghan who spoke to The Age last year and said, “The [Australian] Government has changed now. It’s good for refugees there”. Through this quote, the reader can see the real life impact that the new laws have on opinions of refugees, and this impact is exactly as described by Bolt. Further on in the piece, Bolt makes reference to Nationals leader Warren Truss who reiterates statistics previously quoted by Bolt himself. Once again, this demonstrates that Bolt’s argument is factual and serves as a source of expert opinion. When quoting Prime Minister Julia Gillard, Bolt’s tone shifts to a more cynical one. Directly after quoting her statement that ‘These conversations are best had when they are fully informed by the facts’, Bolt makes several sarcastic remarks to ensure that the reader continues to view Gillard negatively. From here on, attention seems to be focused less on the Labor Government and more on Gillard specifically as Bolt directs the blame towards her. - the only thing I can say about this paragraph is: try and shorten your quotes. I know it's tempting to just chuck a whole slab of evidence into the analysis, but trust me, you're better off taking one or two words that really give impact, than one statement that is rather dull
As Bolt’s aim is to convince readers of the ‘criminally reckless’ nature of the Labor Government and how they are responsible for the deaths of refugees, he attempts to appeal to them in various ways. Most of the article consists of attacks on the Labor Government which are supported by the evidence mentioned previously. By including these in his piece, Bolt has made an attempt to appeal - this is repetitive (see above bolded section) to the audience’s sense of reason and the idea that it would be irrational to disagree with him since there is such a great amount of evidence supporting his claims. Bolt also describes the many fatal incidents involving the boat people, making mention of the ‘men, women and – God rest them – children’ who died. These techniques appeal to the audience’s sympathy, sense of justice and social responsibility as they feel sympathetic towards the refugees and experience the need to do something to help them. The audience is left wanting justice (which, as implied by Bolt, could be achieved through a change in Government) and they feel socially responsible to support Bolt’s arguments for fear of being seen as partly responsible for the deaths of refugees or as being in favour of Gillard’s laws which have been presented as morally wrong. - really good intended effect here!
Overall, Bolt’s article on this contentious issue presents the audience with a fairly one-sided view on the Gillard Government’s immigration laws. However, he maintains a consistently strong opinion throughout the entire piece which leaves the audience with a clear idea of his intention, making them more likely to develop an opinion that is strongly in favour of his own. To complement this, Bolt has used a range of techniques including rhetorical questions, repetition, emotive language, statistical and anecdotal evidence and appeals to the audience in his piece, creating a very solid argument that will most likely stay in the reader’s mind. - you don't have to list the techniques; I guess it's up to personal choice. Solid conclusion.
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A breath of fresh air. Magnificent essay, well-written, and I can see that you've really thought about the intended effect. There are some instances in your analysis where the intended effect is generic, but in other parts, the intended effect is fantastic; so try and keep this standard of writing consistent throughout the whole analysis. Only some minor expression issues which you'll be able to solve if you proofread your work. Other than that, a really good analysis!
Final score: 8.5/10.