MHS and Selective School Test

[simplyme]

I had a question about the mhs and selective school writing test and i posted it in the general discussion forum and told me to post my essay on but taiga advised me to put it in here so they can evaluate it for me

Here is two of the essays that I did ( I have about a billion that I wrote from full body scanners to animal rights)

this one is about why we should have carbon tax:


Carbon emission from burning fuel has caused the earth to change its climate and contributed greatly to the greenhouse effect. By initiating the carbon tax scheme, it will reduce emissions greatly. In this essay, I will argue how putting tax on carbon will be beneficial.

For starters, by putting a price on carbon emission, citizens will be more aware of how much they are emitting because of the price factor. The same applies to big company that burns masses of coal a day. Because emitting carbon will be expensive, the producers will see that greener energy are cheaper to operate and therefor reducing the emission of carbon.

By putting tax on carbon, the government and resources managers can reduce income tax taken from people. This counteracts with the carbon tax putting higher prices on electricity and thus balances the fees. It might even bring more income to a worker.

Last of all, the tax can be put in place quickly. It would take little time to set up the structure and, as a result, will help slow down the process of carbon emission faster whereas planting a tree would take many years.

In conclusion, creating a carbon tax will greatly benefit the earth. It will slow down the emission of carbon and reduce the rate of global warming, making the world we live in a much better place.

That was an average one. This one is about GM food (this one is probably one of the longer and better ones because i know a lot about genetically modified food)


There has been a lot of controversy about GM foods and crops. Some people believe that it will be beneficial for humans and should be encouraged but I believe that GM food should not be put into production. In this essay I will point out the aspects that prove my argument.

First of all, there is a lot unknown about genetically modified plants. We do not know what harmful effects it can do to the body. GM plants can produce substances that can cause allergic reactions. For example, a lady in America ate tacos made from GM corn; after she finished, she went into a state of shock and had to be taken to hospital, narrowly avoiding death.

Also, GM crops are designed to be resistant to harsh weather and produce natural insecticide so more survives over time. These crops, if crossbred with other plants similar to it, can cause monumental damage. The crop that has crossbred would grow and prevail over other plants in that area, making it the dominant crop. This would destroy the genetic heritage in the area and thus cause species to disappear.

Lastly, there has been a misunderstanding that GM food can feed third world countries. This is totally wrong; the underproduction of food is not the issue. Those countries were once self-sustaining until other countries loaned mass amount of money to them. Because the country can’t pay back to debt, they have to grow food and import it out of the country to try and pay the debt back, making the country lose its food dependency.

In conclusion, GM food is not the way to go. People do not have enough detail of what it can do to our bodies and it can destroy native plants once crossbred.

In the first one there's around 200 words and in the second one there's 300 words.
Thanks a heap for helping :smitten:

[brightsky]

I think you're set.

[taiga]

I won't be able to go through until tomorrow, or maybe later tonight. But for others willing to help, please remember this is a year eight and this essay is meant to be written in fifteen minutes.

I'll edit my feedback into this post soonish

[simplyme]

I won't be able to go through until tomorrow, or maybe later tonight. But for others willing to help, please remember this is a year eight and this essay is meant to be written in fifteen minutes.

I'll edit my feedback into this post soonish

yeah taiga, i did it within 15 minutes time frame

[taiga]

Yeah I was just specifying it for anyone else that is going to mark it, because they might think we're doing a standard 1 hour year 12 essay.

[Water]

I also think your set, I for one, wouldn't be able to write this in 15 mins, if I was in year 8, not even now. LoL.

[simplyme]

oh ok taiga

[burbs]

IIRC, that is much better than mine were, and I got superiors for it, so you should have no problem. I can probably dig up some good ones of mine if needed but you really seem to be on track. I've helped a few people I know get into MHS and McROb, and what you seem have on top of other students is:
a) You can actually write in the time frame. Most people can't. Try and get writing and planning to about 12 minutes, with 3 to check over though. You have plenty of time for that.
b) You have a very clear structure and contention. This is good.
c) Your vocabulary seems to be much better than the average kid your age.

The only criticism I have is your signposting in the intro uses 'in this essay...' however for the exam its probably OK, and if you were told to do it that way stick with it.

Make sure you are decent at maths and the creative writing component. However I didn't even finish one of the math exams so its not the end of the world. Timing is the big thing.

[simplyme]

IIRC, that is much better than mine were, and I got superiors for it, so you should have no problem. I can probably dig up some good ones of mine if needed but you really seem to be on track. I've helped a few people I know get into MHS and McROb, and what you seem have on top of other students is:
a) You can actually write in the time frame. Most people can't. Try and get writing and planning to about 12 minutes, with 3 to check over though. You have plenty of time for that.
b) You have a very clear structure and contention. This is good.
c) Your vocabulary seems to be much better than the average kid your age.

The only criticism I have is your signposting in the intro uses 'in this essay...' however for the exam its probably OK, and if you were told to do it that way stick with it.

Make sure you are decent at maths and the creative writing component. However I didn't even finish one of the math exams so its not the end of the world. Timing is the big thing.

thanks burb, your essays would really be appreciated

[burbs]

Yeah I gave them to others, but they've done the exam so I'll ask for one or two back. Most were rubbish.

[Charmz]

Some people believe that it will be beneficial for humans and should be encouraged but I believe that GM food should not be put into production. In this essay I will point out the aspects that prove my argument.

This is actually written well. However, I just want to point out that you have used 'I' and stated your opinion. You probably already know, but I'll point it out anyway, make sure you never state your opinion by using 'I'.
Good Luck.

[pi]

I think you are going fine, you have nice structure going and the points you have raised were very relevant. I am especially impressed by the GM one!

Just a few small things, to impress markers (more than you have done already!), don't use personal pronouns (I, we, etc.). It just helps with flow and because the essay is by YOU, there is not need to use them.


Good start to your prep!