Arranged Marriages vs Love Marriages

[thushan]

Which is better say you?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Arranged_marriage - if you want some background.

Mind you, we are not talking the types of marriages where the parents decide and the child has no say in the matter - that is not an arranged marriage, but a FORCED marriage.

[HighLatency]

Wait so a arranged marriage is just a love marriage plus the fact that your parents have a say?

In that case, love marriages all the way.

[thushan]

Not so much. If you meet a girl, you date her, you fall in love with her, and you marry her with your parents' approval - your parents have a say, but that's a love marriage.

An arranged marriage is where your parents choose a suitor, you are introduced, and you get to know each other under your parents' supervision and sometimes without. Your parents do the various background checks on the person, and if the test is passed and you're getting along well and you like the person, you marry. Love comes afterwards - according to proponents of arranged marriage.

[McFleurry]

An arranged marriage is where your parents choose a suitor, you are introduced, and you get to know each other under your parents' supervision and sometimes without. Your parents do the various background checks on the person, and if the test is passed and you're getting along well and you like the person, you marry. Love comes afterwards - according to proponents of arranged marriage.

So what if you don't like the suitor and he/she's the perfect husband/wife in your parents' opinion?
(sorry, bit off topic)

[thushan]

Ideally, you don't marry the suitor then. If your parents care about your well-being, they can't force you into a marriage where one of you doesn't like the other.

[saba.ay]

In theory, I'm in love with the idea of a love marriage. If it doesn't work out for whatever reason and I can't find someone(LOL), I'd get my parents to arrange.
But in reality, it's most likely going to be an arranged marriage. Though there's nothing wrong with arranged marriages as long as I have somewhat of a say.

[HighLatency]

Not so much. If you meet a girl, you date her, you fall in love with her, and you marry her with your parents' approval - your parents have a say, but that's a love marriage.

An arranged marriage is where your parents choose a suitor, you are introduced, and you get to know each other under your parents' supervision and sometimes without. Your parents do the various background checks on the person, and if the test is passed and you're getting along well and you like the person, you marry. Love comes afterwards - according to proponents of arranged marriage.

[thushan]

Haha! We can have both. Question is, are they both good ideas, or is one a better idea than the other, etc.

[nisha]

I have a very strong opinion on this. Love Marriage all the way. If you don't find someone to love, love yourself and stay as you are (and buy a few dogs because cats are overrated)

[RTandon]

IMO they are both equal, one is not better than the other
My parents had an arranged marriage and love came afterwards for them. And they are super happy and so in love. It's cuuute. I only hope I can have that someday! Whether it be through arranged or love marriage, I couldn't care less.

[MonsieurHulot]

Is there a point to an arranged marriage besides the "connections" that your parents gain?

[pi]

If divorce wasn't such a shame to the family in Indian, Lankan, etc families I wonder how many arranged marriages would last. Hmmmm.

[thushan]

I have a very strong opinion on this. Love Marriage all the way. If you don't find someone to love, love yourself and stay as you are (and buy a few dogs because cats are overrated)

They do say love comes after the marriage in that case. Shall I entertain the idea that love is more likely to develop within an arranged marriage (to develop!) than within two people meeting and dating (meeting and dating, NOT marrying!) because the background checks have been performed by parents who have more life experience? Perhaps that counteracts the lack of passionate love at the start of the marriage.

If divorce wasn't such a shame to the family in Indian, Lankan, etc families I wonder how many would last. Hmmmm.

Fair point. Which is why I really don't think its a good idea to look at divorce rates. Happiness within marriage should be somehow measured.

[b^3]

I have a very strong opinion on this. Love Marriage all the way. If you don't find someone to love, love yourself and stay as you are (and buy a few dogs because cats are overrated)

*Imagines nisha as the crazy cat lady from the Simpsons* (You do have a fair point though)

But srsly, this may be due to my background (this thread is probably not aimed at me but still, I want to have my say) but I'd be going with love marriage, the fact of my parents finding me a girl I think would actually put me off the girl in the first place (i.e. the 'arranged marriage' would never actually work). If I'm going to find someone, its going to be on my terms, not my parents. I'm the one thats going to be doing the finding, not my parents, not anyone else.

[thushan]

Part of the reason I brought this up is because I started to have something going with someone, parents didn't approve (for reasons that are private) and they asked me to terminate. It really hurt the both of us and I don't want to put anyone else in that position ever again. It was my fault, because I started to go through with it without asking my parents' permission beforehand.

Hence the idea why I'm tossing up the idea of arranged marriages, because I realised my parents want me to go through that pathway.